Sin or Depression. What to confess?

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I think the things I am confused about are choices made when i am not in a good state of mind that are not for God first. I have a crisis of Faith as far as my response to Him. I still serve, I still know He is with me, but my heart is numb.

So what part of that is me and what part is depression? The main examination of conscience includes where we put God, is He first and all in your life? Well no, I am bogged down with doubt, and darkness, like a paddleboat that flipped on me and now I am in the water underneath.

I have no energy to pull up on the board (yet) and when I do, will I trust that I have to keep myself there or will God sustain me? Did I let go of His hand or am I just underwater still holding on to his hand?

The first sins to look at are what we do with God, how do I treat Him? I thought things would be ok, but there has been such a walk in the dark on my own, with one person to understand and the rest to presume I have done something wrong.

Before the current trial, I just had faith that if I did the right thing and do it for God, then He would take care of me. So now I have this depression from the situation, and underneath that, I have been depressed my whole life, but that dysthymia hasn’t wiped out my faith.

I am hoping that with medicine I will gain my faith back but this time, I worry that because there was no support in the church or it’s people for maybe there is some real damage there. I don’t trust myself.

Well I could go on…but some of you will understand what I am saying. Do I confess my lack of faith? Even if it isn’t a sin due to illness would confession open up to healing graces?

EnglishRose…we believe that God uses the priest as in persona Christe during reconciliation. It is like God’s grace goes through him and he is Jesus with skin on for that moment. We need that, to hear Jesus himself say…your sins are forgiven you.

Its good to know some others here who are in a similar predicament.
 
mamaslo
Read my post - I have said that 🙂 - forgiven,
I just write my sins in good faith and let the priest guide me whether they are sins or not. I leave that to him - though has a certain comfort when I’m being told they are not really sins. Though I don’t understand it so just leave them in his ‘care’. Let the priest do the theology as such and we to be guided by them.
 
Mamaslo -

I understand what you are going through, having been there myself. I’m currently slogging through that Slough of Despair right now.

What we have to remember is that faith is a gift from God, not a feeling. No matter how we we feel, God knows our hearts & minds. And, no matter how unrealistic it may sound at the moment, God really does love us.

And yes, the decisions we make while in the Slough of Despair are going to come back & bite us. Years ago I dropped out of college because of it. Never did go back & get my degree. Now I’m old enough I don’t care, but if I could have a do-over, I’d finish school.

When I’m depressed I say things that I’m later sorry for. But it is hard to admit to people that I’m a screwed up mess of a person & don’t know how, even at my age, to control the words that come out of my mouth. But they probably have figured it out by now. :o
 
and they love the beautiful wreck you are…to use the phrase from Shawn Mullins.
 
Bonnie, I actually think that too about God knows me, but we are sinners.

I did a search for an examination of conscience for depressed people and you would not believe what came up, it was terrible. People saying that depression happens as a result of unconfessed sin in our lives. That psychology/psychiatry is bogus.

I didn’t find an examination for people like us. My point is what is my true choice? It has to be grave and I have to know it and act upon it anyway. If my heart is numb and not focused on God because I am depressed, what is my responsibility to focus it on Him? Or is it His job to captivate me or sustain me even if I don’t see it, and that it is not my fault…?

Some have said…throw it out there for the priest and see what he says is sin and what isn’t, but I have a responsibility to know what I have done before hand right? Everything, every thought, every reason I did things was for Him and now that tenacity is like a tire that has run over a nail.

I told my therapist that I want tools to help with the dark parts that overwhelm me. Luckily she has some, but reconciliation is next week, or this saturday if I so choose. I actually made a connection with a priest the last time I went (last September) and he had a similar upbringing and said he spent his inheritance when his dad passed on therapy to get himself straightened out. I wanted to hear more and to tell him more but he got moved to a parish who needed a priest.

Maybe i should just confess that my heart is away from God and I don’t know if I can turn it toward him fully, and that my mind involuntarily goes to other things briefly until I shake it off, but there is that split second of temptation that I used to catch sooner.

I have also gained about 15 pounds, that is a symptom of depression, but it is also a symptom of eating too much and needing some kind of decompression at night and on and on.
 
I too struggle with major depression and bipolar illness. When I started my current practice of regular confession, I simply pointed out to my priest that I do have these conditions and that sometimes I might make statements in the confessional that can only be understood in light of my illness. I also provided my pastor with a book called “A Catholic Approach- The Healing Power of Confession” which provided him some insight into my condition and why I was availing myself of this sacrament to begin with.

While part of my diagnosis is overwhelming guilt over sins that I have committed in the past, I have found the sacrament to be of special significance in the fight against depression and bipolar illness. I can take all my hurts, all my dark thinking into the confessional and present it to the Lord. Without fail, I leave a changed person and feel strengthened for my battle with Satan.

Another important weapon in my arsenal is frequent reception of the Eucharist in the daily Mass. This has proven invaluable to me in maintaining my spiritual and mental health. I would encourage you to try attending daily Mass at your parish whenever possible and see if you do not receive benefit from this as well.

Good luck and God bless.
 
Kykid -

Thank you! Your experience helpful. I’m asking a lazy question - where did you find that book?
 
mamaslo said:
I have struggled with depression my whole life. This past couple of years it has gotten major and it really makes it confusing to do an examination of conscience. It is a brain chemistry thing, that situations can knock into major depression, and that is where I am now.

last year, I confessed anger and was told to love myself. That is quite a penance when you are depressed and filled with doubts about your worth.

I went again last year…confessed more anger…and since then I have just gotten confused as to what is me and what is just brain chemistry…so I am going to a doctor and a therapist, but I am unsure what to confess, sin wise. If any here knows depression then you know that often we are ready for this race to be done, so the dark hole inside can be finally filled and I can shed this humanity…but alas, I am still here, he didn’t see fit to take me home, probably means I am supposed to be doing something.

There are times when I just don’t see the goal. Like He doesn’t guide me. He is always here, that has never left me, but how do I make a good confession if it is a physical problem?This year I have been trudging along and my cheese is sliding off my crackers.

Any ideas?
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The deadly sin that might be assigned to depression is sloth which is opposed to the virtue of diligence. Sloth really is different than depression, and depression can be the result of so many factors, genetic, traumatic experiences, medications, etc. A serious sin shows an intentional lack of charity which cannot categorically be assigned to depression. I seriously doubt that you are causing your own depression intentionally?
 
When I sit in Adoration, I would ask God to show me where the sin is in my heart. with an honest and open spirit. Willing to listen to what He has to say. Oh I know we can deceive ourselves. So well can we do that. I called it at one time allowing Jesus to shine the light of His truth into the deepest darkest corners of my heart. And there is no place better to do that than when you are sitting with Him in teh Blessed Sacrament. We have to be willing participants.

A really good therapist helps a lot because they are your sounding board. when you do find one that you can be open with and feel free to talk they can hear things you can not. We can not see the forrest through the trees. So I hope and pray that you rnew relationship with your therapist helps.
 
The majority of church goers in the parishes I lived, don’t go for confession but openly confess their strong reluctance to go for confession. For those who find it difficult to confess, I think this approach will work: if you don’t want to tell your sins to a priest then try this way:

Most of us are experts at confessing the sins of others and prompt to notice the speck in our neighbor’s eye; so let us begin by calling to mind all those who sinned against us and hurt us. Then make a genuine effort to forgive all those offenders. If we can’t tell our sins to the priest, let us at least tell him that we are forgiving all our offenders.
 
Vico said:
The deadly sin that might be assigned to depression is sloth which is opposed to the virtue of diligence. Sloth really is different than depression, and depression can be the result of so many factors, genetic, traumatic experiences, medications, etc. A serious sin shows an intentional lack of charity which cannot categorically be assigned to depression. I seriously doubt that you are causing your own depression intentionally?
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No, not intentionally. But because I am related to Adam and Eve and need Jesus as the sacrificed lamb, then I am by definition a sinner. I think Easter Joy has an interesting idea about an examination of conscience for depressed folk…I wish she would come back and list more ideas…
 
mamaslo said:
No, not intentionally. But because I am related to Adam and Eve and need Jesus as the sacrificed lamb, then I am by definition a sinner. I think Easter Joy has an interesting idea about an examination of conscience for depressed folk…I wish she would come back and list more ideas…
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Well, yes, we are all sinners in that respect. Yet, I imagine that you also think, along with me, that God gives us the strength through grace to not sin whereby we can intentionally not sin, or not cooperate with God and intentionally sin.
 
But when your mind isn’t quite right, sometimes you don’t know if the distance and numbness is because of the actual turning from God or just depression making you numb or distracted.

I do not know that sloth is truly what is going on when you are depressed and have no energy to focus or do what you would do (or not do what you wouldnt).

I know I sound vague. There was a time when I knew for sure I would not intentionally sin. but now I don’t have an examination of conscience I trust. So maybe I have intentionally sinned, I am not confident in a lot of things right now.
 
mamaslo said:
But when your mind isn’t quite right, sometimes you don’t know if the distance and numbness is because of the actual turning from God or just depression making you numb or distracted.

I do not know that sloth is truly what is going on when you are depressed and have no energy to focus or do what you would do (or not do what you wouldnt).

I know I sound vague. There was a time when I knew for sure I would not intentionally sin. but now I don’t have an examination of conscience I trust. So maybe I have intentionally sinned, I am not confident in a lot of things right now.
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i agree with your statement about sloth mamaslo. depression zaps you of so much energy. there are so many stages of depression. i was so badly depressed 3 years ago after having to move to a different city, that i was numb, scared, fatigued 24 hours a day and could not even begin to socialize with people. you want to be happy and engaged and you just feel like you don’t even know yourself anymore. it is frustrating because you have your life to take care of, but don’t have the energy to figure out how to do it.
i am sure that i was sinning in many ways, but i was just trying to survive the only way i could and get through each day one minute, one hour at a time. God sees what you are going tthrough. i have decided that i am going to the reconciliation service at our church and make an attempt to confess my sins. just announce to the priest that you are struggling with depression. i know we feel a lot of shame when we are depressed and anger. the priest will understand and will feel compassion.
 
mamaslo said:
But when your mind isn’t quite right, sometimes you don’t know if the distance and numbness is because of the actual turning from God or just depression making you numb or distracted.

I do not know that sloth is truly what is going on when you are depressed and have no energy to focus or do what you would do (or not do what you wouldnt).

I know I sound vague. There was a time when I knew for sure I would not intentionally sin. but now I don’t have an examination of conscience I trust. So maybe I have intentionally sinned, I am not confident in a lot of things right now.
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I suspect that it is not necessary to put a label on it, rather it is important to know what the Church teaches is objectively wrong.

By “examination of conscience that you trust,” do you mean you do not have a written list that you go through that you are confident in?

Some objectively sinful thoughts and actions are like reflexes that proceed without forethought. Those are handled through avoiding certain situations known to produce them, whenever possible. Other sources of sin may be memories, so one has to resist them, as much as possible, and not dwell on them. It could be that a person has impaired ability in resisting and that is important in deciding upon guilt. A priest should be able to help with this.
 
Bonnie said:
Kykid -

Thank you! Your experience helpful. I’m asking a lazy question - where did you find that book?
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Thank you Bonnie for your comments. It has been some time since I purchased the book that you are interested in, but as I recall, I simply picked it up in the catholic section of the local Books-a-Million. Another book that might be helpful to you is “Lord Have Mercy- The Healing Power of Confession” by Scott Hahn. I have found the book to be very helpful for my situation as well.
 
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