Sin to miss mass in this situation?

[ellam25]

So I got up to get ready for mass when I get a call from my husbands aunt asking to watch their kids at 9. I said sure but I am going to church at 11. They said oh we will not be back by then but we need you to watch them. I have a six month old and she has 4 kids, a 1 year old, five year old, 7 year old and a 9 year old. It would be a nightmare trying to take them all especially not being their parent and my husband is sick, too. I am thinking I’m going to have to stay home but I missed mass last weekend because my daughter was constipated and extememely fussy. Any thoughts?

 

[pensmama87]

You’re not obligated to watch these extra kids. You are obligated to attend Mass.

It’s hard, especially when someone is pushy on us (which it sounds like this woman is, because you already tried to say no), but you are not obligated to watch her kids. Even if she’s family, even if you’ve done it before no problems. You do not have to continue to say yes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not possible.”

 

[ellam25]

You’re not obligated to watch these extra kids. You are obligated to attend Mass.

It’s hard, especially when someone is pushy on us (which it sounds like this woman is, because you already tried to say no), but you are not obligated to watch her kids. Even if she’s family, even if you’ve done it before no problems. You do not have to continue to say yes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not possible.”

Good point. They will probably come over anyway even if I say no…that’s how this family is I guess I can leave some of them with my husband a d take some with me. Maybe I’ll be more blessed with patience if I do this? Lol

 

[pensmama87]

Good point. They will probably come over anyway even if I say no…that’s how this family is I guess I can leave some of them with my husband a d take some with me. Maybe I’ll be more blessed with patience if I do this? Lol

Even if they show up, after you’ve told them no, I’d say, “No, I’m sorry, I meant it, but it’s just not possible.”

If you show yourself willing to be a doormat, that’s how they’ll treat you.

(And if they’re so offended by your insistence that you not be a doormat, then they’ll probably get out of your hair…and would that be such a bad thing, really?)

 

[ellam25]

Even if they show up, after you’ve told them no, I’d say, “No, I’m sorry, I meant it, but it’s just not possible.”

If you show yourself willing to be a doormat, that’s how they’ll treat you.

(And if they’re so offended by your insistence that you not be a doormat, then they’ll probably get out of your hair…and would that be such a bad thing, really?)

Too true I have a terrible time saying no!! I have gotten myself into some pickles by being too nice but good news I told her it’d be extremely hard for us to watch the kids and she was able to get my husbands other aunt to watch her kids (usually that aunt is at church too but it sounds like her son is is not feeling well) so that worked out. Still good to know for future references

 

[Jon_S_1]

You’re not obligated to watch these extra kids. You are obligated to attend Mass.

It’s hard, especially when someone is pushy on us (which it sounds like this woman is, because you already tried to say no), but you are not obligated to watch her kids. Even if she’s family, even if you’ve done it before no problems. You do not have to continue to say yes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not possible.”

Good point, but I think it also depends on why the person needs their kids watched. If someone is in crisis I believe our call to charity trumps our obligation to mass.

For example: this lady calls, “can you watch the kids their father just died and I don’t know what to do.”

Or as your heading out to mass, your neighbors house is on fire and you offer or they ask you “to watch the kids” while they deal with it.

There are probably a host of similar examples many of which may not fully rise to these extremes but are valid hindrances to our obligation none the less.

 

[pensmama87]

Good point, but I think it also depends on why the person needs their kids watched. If someone is in crisis I believe our call to charity trumps our obligation to mass.

For example: this lady calls, “can you watch the kids their father just died and I don’t know what to do.”

Or as your heading out to mass, your neighbors house is on fire and you offer or they ask you “to watch the kids” while they deal with it.

There are probably a host of similar examples many of which may not fully rise to these extremes but are valid hindrances to our obligation none the less.

No arguments here.

 

[Neofight]

You’re not obligated to watch these extra kids. You are obligated to attend Mass.

It’s hard, especially when someone is pushy on us (which it sounds like this woman is, because you already tried to say no), but you are not obligated to watch her kids. Even if she’s family, even if you’ve done it before no problems. You do not have to continue to say yes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not possible.”

NOOOOOOOO!

This advice is seriously anti-Gospel! Helping another is a great virtue that you will be blessed for. You did not miss Mass with full consent to intentionally do so.

Peace and all good!

 

[pensmama87]

NOOOOOOOO!

This advice is seriously anti-Gospel! Helping another is a great virtue that you will be blessed for. You did not miss Mass with full consent to intentionally do so.

Peace and all good!

If it was an emergency, then yes. But it wasn’t, and the relative was being pushy, and the OP has a history of difficulty saying “no.”

It turns out that an alternative arrangement was found and the OP was able to go to Mass.

 

[LightBound]

NOOOOOOOO!

This advice is seriously anti-Gospel! Helping another is a great virtue that you will be blessed for. You did not miss Mass with full consent to intentionally do so.

Peace and all good!

The OP didn’t give the reason why the aunt asked at the last minute to watch the children and this very well could be the Jehovah Witness aunt she has issues with. Is it anti-Gospel to miss Mass so the aunt could go to a Watchtower meeting or go knock on people’s doors? Until we hear that the aunt called because of a dire emergency and not a breakfast date at the local Kingdom Hall, I find nothing anti-Gospel about it.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have no problem saying no. In fact sometimes it gives me pleasure. I help out anyone when I can within reason. I try to not feel like I am obligated to be at beck and call for people who can be a little pushy.

 

[Viki63]

I try to not feel like I am obligated to be at beck and call for people who can be a little pushy.

Good point.
The question I would ask is, why do you need me to watch the kids?
If they are going shopping or out to lunch, they could just as easily go after you attend mass. Or even if they are going to visit a sick relative in the hospital, they could reschedule their plans.
Why didn’t they call you the night before to make their request? Then you could have maybe gone to a different mass.
Being ready at any moment to drop everything at their convenience is unfair to your family. And as others have said, your first obligation is to attend mass, unless someone is sick or there is an emergency,

.

 

[EasterJoy]

If it was an emergency, then yes. But it wasn’t, and the relative was being pushy, and the OP has a history of difficulty saying “no.”

It turns out that an alternative arrangement was found and the OP was able to go to Mass.

This. If there are children who need to be supervised on an emergency basis, that is a legitimate reason to miss Mass, even if they are not your children. The obligation to attend Mass should not be neglected in order to avoid standing up to someone who’ll get abusive or socially aggressive if you don’t comply with plans they want to make for you, instead.