Sinful Posting Of Nudity

[T432]

I would honestly be a little indifferent with her at the moment. She does not need to forgive you, you didn’t do it against her.

I think she is going to make you feel worse. We ALL make mistakes. You can’t take back what you’ve said to her but just remember that you deserve to not be treated lesser because of a past decision you confess and regret.

 

[LookingForTheLight]

I agree. I’ve said everything I think I could say. I know so many people that do things that are so much worse like actually cheating on their significant others. I understand why she is hurt but I thought I maybe deserved a little more grace than I’ve been given. I just recently overcame a substance abuse because I used it to wallow in pity. I am trying to grow and heal from my past.

 

[T432]

@LookingForTheLight if that’s the case focus on YOU. Well done for beating the substance abuse.

 

[Irishmom2]

she immediately vocalized her disdain for instant gratification and lacking self respect and seeing me for not being the type of man that would allow his lust to lead him through life

Whoa, whoa, whoa… she sure is reading a lot into a stupid thing you did.

And that is what I meant earlier about her own insecurity.

To me, that comment says she is afraid you are so interested in attention for yourself and are lustful, so you would probably cheat on her.

But of course, she made it all about you instead.

 

[Irishmom2]

And maybe you will do that best by meeting new people and not hanging around with people that know the old you.

And will be watching for you to fail.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Look, OP, you having nudie pictures of yourself up on the web was sinful regardless of whether you were still using the website where you posted them. They were possibly leading somebody else into sin, even if you totally forgot about them and moved on in life. So it’s good you took them down and are done with all that and going to confess. That’s the most important thing: your immortal soul.

As for your significant other: If the nudie pictures were a deal breaker for her, then that’s just how it is. We all have deal breakers. It may be that having known you for 10 years, she just got an unpleasant surprise/ shock because she didn’t think you would do that. She also may have been taken aback by you treating this as a joke. Whatever. You don’t need her forgiveness, but you do have to accept that maybe this is a dealbreaker for her because of her past or because she feels she had a wrong impression of you or whatever. All you can do is tell her you took all the stuff down, you’re sorry it hurt her, you’re not behaving like that any more, you’re going to confess and do your best to get back to a Godly life, and you wish she’d come back and you’re leaving the door open to that. After that, the ball is in her court. If she can’t accept that you made a past mistake, then she’s not the person for you.

 

[fredystairs]

Even though you have taken down the pictures and closed the account, is there any chance that some one could have moved a copy of the pictures some place else? Is there any identifying information on them (I.e. your real name, contact information etc?).

The answers to these questions may guide you in any disclosure that you might to make to anyone you might have a relationship with. Rather you explain it to them beforehand rather than they get blindsided by it.

Pax

 

[Jen7]

Makes you wonder about her own insecurity.

Oh I think nude photos of a husband online would make any woman feel insecure. Esp if the account was still sitting there & the pics hadn’t been deleted.

For the OP, I think you need to go to Confession, delete the account, tell her you plan to NEVER do it again, and realize rebuilding trust takes TIME. I’d think of some concrete ways you can prove your devotion & fidelity to her. But I expect she’ll feel a little slow to trust for awhile…

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Oh I think nude photos of a husband online would make any woman feel insecure.

For me it would depend on whether I thought of my partner as the kind of guy who might be putting up a nudie photo of himself on the Internet for whatever reason.

I’ve known guys who might have done such a thing, either as a joke or because they were at some point seriously looking for hookups or to show off their “manhood” or their “body beautiful”. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they revealed that their nude pics from the past were on the Internet somewhere. I’ve known other guys who gave me the impression they were quite modest and conservative “Straight arrows” and I would be totally shocked if they revealed to me there was a website of Playgirl-type photos of their anatomy. Especially if I’d known them for 10 years and then they popped off with this in a casual conversation, as opposed to I knew them for a year and they broached it as “There’s something I have to discuss with you” serious topic.

Obviously the OP’s girlfriend, who knew him for years, had an impression of him in her mind that got knocked for a loop by this revelation of his. I’m not really sure how you could know a person for 10 years and not have at least some flags going up that they might have done something like this in the past, but I guess anything could happen.

 

[MNathaniel]

when I brought it up, they felt that I was coming off as bragging

She questioned why it took her disapproval to lead me to realize it was bad and that I should being ashamed of it.

I took it as joking with her that I had this stupid account.

I know so many people that do things that are so much worse

I thought I maybe deserved a little more grace than I’ve been given.

I may be totally off base here (I can’t speak for this girl), but reading between the lines, it sounds to me like the biggest problem might have been in the mode of revelation, not the mere fact of revelation.

It sounds like there may have been a ‘tone’ issue we can’t hear or see clearly from behind our computer screens.

That is, and OP this may have happened accidentally, I know I myself often mess up with tone…

but it sounds like the tone in the room wasn’t: “There’s something serious I want to tell you, about something that’s part of my past and I’m embarrassed about and I deleted this back in ___, but I think you have a right to know this…”

And it sounds like the tone in the room was instead,

1. Jokey and light-hearted about a thing you still hadn’t deleted;
2. Unashamed-seeming and not acknowledging it was bad, until the girl reacted badly;
3. In fact, even apparently seeming like “bragging”. And we’re talking about naked photos posted online here. So… something about your tone/words conveyed that far from being ashamed, you were actually still proud of something to do with people viewing your naked body online?
4. I really hope you didn’t, but you’re telling us here that other people do things that are “so much worse” and that you thought you “deserved a little more grace” than she gave you. Is it at all possible that you communicated this to her, in either words or defensive tone?

Essentially, obviously I could be way off base, no one here can speak for the lady in question. But it sounds to me like where the train really went off the rails was in the delivery of the information, not the information itself. That is, it sounds like her problem may not be primarily with how you used to act, but how you acted in the present day when speaking with her.

Again, who knows though. Maybe she would have had a deal breaker based on this past action no matter what. But my spidey sense is tingling and I wonder if the above considerations might be relevant to consider in any future conversations with either this girl or someone else.

 

[ColoradoCatholic]

maybe you should tell them that

 

[rosejmj]

Oh, well regardless of male or female, it can be hard for someone to accept that about someone they date.

 

[rosejmj]

It’s great that you’ve been working on changing. That’s a huge plus.

 

[TheLittleLady]

We keep practicing until we get it perfected.

 

[emt_steve88]

Brother,

God loves you more than you could possibly ever understand and desires to heal you of what you have done to yourself. Do not resist His chastisements for sin when they come, because they are always given out of love to heal you. I’ll share with you my personal story and perhaps it will give you some measure of hope for healing.

I am a 32 year old male, Catholic from childhood, and married for 12 years to the only person I ever even dated, with two beautiful daughters, ages 10 and 8. Sine I was approximately 12, I have struggled with compulsory porn use. I confessed it to my wife, and would repeatedly fail but most of the time was able to conceal it for many years. I more or less gave up on being able to stop due to many years of failure.

I left the Church and started going to a baptist church, because I lost connection to my own faith that I never really understood. Part of the motivation to leave was because you did not need to confess ones sins there, and I thought maybe I would be more at peace with my porn problem. I was obviously wrong about this improving things.

My porn use became worse and worse. Eventually it wasn’t enough to simply look. I wanted to chat with people. This also involved exchange of pictures. Eventually I went so far as to get an account on an adult website and foolishly gave my number to someone I thought was interested in me. It turned out to be a scammer and hacker.

They captured my image during a video chat, and somehow was able to hack my contacts and threatened to expose me if I didn’t wire money and promised to get me fired from my career. I was terrified and gave in to the demands, which amounted to $2k. As you might expect, they still sent the photos to my wife and my in-laws numbers.

My wife had strong grounds for divorce, but she agreed to remain married to me if I got clean, and got a therapist to help me recover. Family life was extremely uncomfortable for months. I returned to the Church that very next morning and gave the most heartfelt confession of my life. I got the help of a Catholic therapist and with the help of Our Lady (strongly recommend the brown scapular and rosary novenas), I turned my marriage and life around. Frankly, my marriage and fatherhood are better than they were before all this happened. And I’m back in the Church!

I believe with my whole heart, God permitted me to continue doing what I wanted so that it’s horrible consequences would help me back to Him. Take down the pictures, but don’t despair. I promise you, it is totally possible to live without it and find peace. Trust Him to help you fix it, pray every day. The Liturgy of the Hours is a great way to bring your mind back to God throughout the day. I’ll pray for you. Hope this helps.

 

[AlNg]

They were upset when they found out and had told me that they were shocked that I could stoop to such a low level and aren’t sure they can continue moving into the direction of a relationship. They’re right

I agree. They are right.

 

[Minks]

Brother,

God loves you more than you could possibly ever understand and desires to heal you of what you have done to yourself. Do not resist His chastisements for sin when they come, because they are always given out of love to heal you. I’ll share with you my personal story and perhaps it will give you some measure of hope for healing.

I am a 32 year old male, Catholic from childhood, and married for 12 years to the only person I ever even dated, with two beautiful daughters, ages 10 and 8. Sine I was approximately 12, I have struggled with compulsory porn use. I confessed it to my wife, and would repeatedly fail but most of the time was able to conceal it for many years. I more or less gave up on being able to stop due to many years of failure.

I left the Church and started going to a baptist church, because I lost connection to my own faith that I never really understood. Part of the motivation to leave was because you did not need to confess ones sins there, and I thought maybe I would be more at peace with my porn problem. I was obviously wrong about this improving things.

[Snipped for space]

I believe with my whole heart, God permitted me to continue doing what I wanted so that it’s horrible consequences would help me back to Him. Take down the pictures, but don’t despair. I promise you, it is totally possible to live without it and find peace. Trust Him to help you fix it, pray every day. The Liturgy of the Hours is a great way to bring your mind back to God throughout the day. I’ll pray for you. Hope this helps.

I’m so very, very sorry that you and your family had to deal with this, but your last paragraph sings of triumph in praise of God, through God. In that respect, it is a commanding story of the presence of God in our daily lives. I wish you and your family continued peace and pray that you’re able to keep this positive momentum, and that your lives will be a joy for you and a guiding light for those with whom you associate. May the peace of Our Lord always be with you.

OP, many here have given you good advice, and @emt_steve88 has shown you that by confronting his enemy (facets of himself), he was able to remove the evil that had overtaken him and emerge from his battle stronger than at any previous time in his life, both, personally, and in his marriage.

It is you, and only you, who can put to rest the demons within you that led to your flamboyant degradation. Like steve, seek your answers in Jesus Christ, through your priest, who will guide you in seeking whatever help that you may need.

I understand your dwelling upon a possible lost future with the disillusioned young lady, but you must first make yourself whole in the sight of God. Get right with Him. Fix yourself so that your endeavors are to serve Him and everything will eventually fall into place—maybe not the way that you’re hoping, but you’ll be happy when you know in your heart of hearts that you’re pleasing Him. Try spending time with the the Sacred Heart of Jesus in Adoration as often as possible. Bask in His Love until it permeates your being. Best wishes on your journey forward.

 

[ColoradoCatholic]

It is his right to tell whomever he wishes. If he doesn’t want that to come up, that is his choice. Its between him and God and not for others to judge if he doesn’t want to bring it up. I don’t know what else to tell you.

 

[ColoradoCatholic]

Wouldn’t telling that information damage the relationship? Pretty sure nothing can interfere with your free will.

Edit:

I don’t know if your married or not, but I’m pretty sure you haven’t told your spouse every single detail of your life either.

Also 1098 to me seems that your trying to get married using malicious means, not withholding something you have given up. It says nothing about having to reveal your past sins to your spouse…that’s a knowledge only his confessor has.

 

[ColoradoCatholic]

OP might not want to ever bring it up again. Its like I said, that part of his life, if he so chooses, is over. He may choose to never talk about it again, God knows, pretty sure that’s enough.