Sinful relations?

[kidsx10]

Struggling with an act in our marriage recently was sinful. I will try to keep this as clean as I can. I am pregnant with number 10 so feel we are definitely open to life. We had vaginal intercourse, as he was trying to wait for me, he had stopped, was trying to help me(which doesn’t happen very often). When I was climaxing he did also, but at that moment was not where he should have been for conception to take place. Of course, it couldn’t have because I am already pregnant. Was it a sin? Occasionally he likes me to “please” him in other ways, Is it alright to do this if I am pregnant as well? Thanks.

 

[Usige]

Vaginal intercourse during pregnancy is not a sin. On the other hand any sexual act that does not end in vaginal intercourse is sinful regardless if one is pregnant or not.

The key is not if you could get pregnant in a given instance, but rather if the act could lead to conception in the appropriate circumstances. As a rule anything that leads to intentionally spilling his seed outside of his wife’s vagina would be sinful.

 

[JRKH]

If the intent was to act in accordance with proper use of your bodies then an accidental discharge is not sinful…These things just happen sometimes. Don’t worry about it.
But - if you want clarification - just see your confessor about it.

Don’t let yourself get hung up on such details. Love God and Love each other to the very best of your ability (as it seems you do) and God will be well pleased with you.

Peace
James

 

[RPRPsych]

If the intent was to act in accordance with proper use of your bodies then an accidental discharge is not sinful…These things just happen sometimes. Don’t worry about it.
But - if you want clarification - just see your confessor about it.

Don’t let yourself get hung up on such details. Love God and Love each other to the very best of your ability (as it seems you do) and God will be well pleased with you.

Peace
James

I agree.

 

[on_the_hill]

Vaginal intercourse during pregnancy is not a sin. On the other hand any sexual act that does not end in vaginal intercourse is sinful regardless if one is pregnant or not.

The key is not if you could get pregnant in a given instance, but rather if the act could lead to conception in the appropriate circumstances. As a rule anything that leads to intentionally spilling his seed outside of his wife’s vagina would be sinful.

In OP’s case, it seems the result was **not **intentional. They intended, it didn’t happen.

 

[kidsx10]

Thanks all for your replies. I am not sure it was intentional on either one of our parts. Certainly there have been acts before that would have been . I was struggling with this last night, knowing I needed to go to confession about it. So, I asked him again, as I have before, and he believes that since we are married, and its obvious by our family size we are open to life, that those occasional acts are not sinful. I just keep praying for his eyes to be opened to this some day. Thanks Again.

 

[on_the_hill]

Thanks all for your replies. I am not sure it was intentional on either one of our parts.

Then don’t worry about it. If you have to spend this much effort deciding on whether or not something may or may not have been a sin that you didn’t intend to be a sin…

 

[LongingSoul]

Struggling with an act in our marriage recently was sinful. I will try to keep this as clean as I can. I am pregnant with number 10 so feel we are definitely open to life. We had vaginal intercourse, as he was trying to wait for me, he had stopped, was trying to help me(which doesn’t happen very often). When I was climaxing he did also, but at that moment was not where he should have been for conception to take place. Of course, it couldn’t have because I am already pregnant. Was it a sin? Occasionally he likes me to “please” him in other ways, Is it alright to do this if I am pregnant as well? Thanks.

Going forward, it is important to develop ways of him helping you ‘catch up’ that make it natural, fluent and desirous for your hubby to meet you there in proper intercourse at the end. Some forms of foreplay which simulate natural intercourse mean that its much more attractive to complete the act unnaturally than to pull up and return to natural intercourse. If a mishap is happening on a regular basis, it’s a sign that you could be using it as a loophole. The unity of your marriage will be affected by it in the long run.

 

[kidsx10]

Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me, except once a week on the cheek at the sign of peace in Mass. Says he doesn’t like it. That bothers me because he didn’t use to mind. No affection anymore either. I think sometimes well maybe it’s me not showing affection any more either, even something as simple as holding hands which we used to do all the time, so I"ll try giving him a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and he dodges that, or try to hold his hand during a movie, even at home, he doesn’t want to. It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.

 

[mommamaree]

Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me, except once a week on the cheek at the sign of peace in Mass. Says he doesn’t like it. That bothers me because he didn’t use to mind. No affection anymore either. I think sometimes well maybe it’s me not showing affection any more either, even something as simple as holding hands which we used to do all the time, so I"ll try giving him a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and he dodges that, or try to hold his hand during a movie, even at home, he doesn’t want to. It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.

Whoa, that is a real problem. You are right to be concerned. Have you talked to him about how this makes you feel?

 

[Xantippe]

kidsx10 said:

“Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me, except once a week on the cheek at the sign of peace in Mass. Says he doesn’t like it. That bothers me because he didn’t use to mind. No affection anymore either. I think sometimes well maybe it’s me not showing affection any more either, even something as simple as holding hands which we used to do all the time, so I"ll try giving him a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and he dodges that, or try to hold his hand during a movie, even at home, he doesn’t want to. It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.”

Some of the decrease in physical affection and kissing is normal (as a coffee drinker, married to a non-coffee and a raw onion-eater, I can be somewhat self-conscious about my breath). I think you need to be more explicit about what your needs are and see if you can get an earlier start in the evening so as to have time for the stuff you’d like to do. He might actually enjoy you being more assertive and take charge.

Reading a book or a couple articles on female sexual response might be helpful for your husband.

 

[Bookcat]

Th So, I asked him again, as I have before, and he believes that since we are married, and its obvious by our family size we are open to life, that those occasional acts are not sinful.

Yes those acts (where husband climaxes not in the actual marital act) are gravely sinful (I am meaning intentional acts). It tis not up to us to make up a morality aside from the Teachings of the Church. It is important to correct such errors in thinking.

And a good reading for all: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=11306730#post11306730

 

[Bookcat]

Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me… It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.

Yes pray and perhaps talk with him…certainly something needs some re-working.

 

[NFPWife]

Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me, except once a week on the cheek at the sign of peace in Mass. Says he doesn’t like it. That bothers me because he didn’t use to mind. No affection anymore either. I think sometimes well maybe it’s me not showing affection any more either, even something as simple as holding hands which we used to do all the time, so I"ll try giving him a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and he dodges that, or try to hold his hand during a movie, even at home, he doesn’t want to. It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.

This is the problem, not the unintentional event. It’s what’s leading to the need to “catch you up.” Is there anyway to motivate your husband to increase physical attention and affection? If he’s willing to catch you up, would he be willing to move those things earlier in your marital embrace?

For this event to be sinful is that it has to be serious matter, you must know it’s serious matter, and then FREELY choose to commit the sin. In this instance, you didn’t freely choose anything. Please be at peace and don’t even confess the unintentional event.

 

[Galbin]

Foreplay? What’s that? Ha! I remember those days. Now his idea of foreplay is playing footsie, that’s my cue. And he no longer likes to make out so to speak, never kisses me, except once a week on the cheek at the sign of peace in Mass. Says he doesn’t like it. That bothers me because he didn’t use to mind. No affection anymore either. I think sometimes well maybe it’s me not showing affection any more either, even something as simple as holding hands which we used to do all the time, so I"ll try giving him a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and he dodges that, or try to hold his hand during a movie, even at home, he doesn’t want to. It’s frustrating, I just keep praying for a change or re-vert.

These are all serious red flags. Dodging a welcome home kiss, yet wanting to do sexual things you are not comfortable with? It all sounds pretty suspect to me. Has he ever attempted to explain why he is reluctant to be affectionate with you? Many married couples will no longer kiss for hours of course, but that is different from never hugging or kissing at all.