Single Catholics, Ignored. an Account

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My daughter is single and protestant and she feels left out in most protestant churches. In the Catholic Church they view being single as a vocation which is unheard of in protestant churches. The bottom line is…we need to focus on Christ not ourselves when we go to Mass/church and not ourselves as well as those around us (our neighbors) We go to worship God- Father, Son and Holy Spirit…that should be our main focus as well as love of others. We all need reminded of this…I know I do:)
Blessing,
mlz
 
I think the article is on to something, but something else needs to be pointed out. Even in the OP’s article, most of the discussion is on single parents. What about the single and childless?

I’m 33, single and childless. There is, from what I’ve read, a unprecedentedly large number of people like me in my generation. Focusing on ‘families,’ whether headed by one or two parents, makes it seem like we don’t really matter unless we come as bunches.
 
mlz said:
My daughter is single and protestant and she feels left out in most protestant churches. In the Catholic Church they view being single as a vocation which is unheard of in protestant churches. The bottom line is…we need to focus on Christ not ourselves when we go to Mass/church and not ourselves as well as those around us (our neighbors) We go to worship God- Father, Son and Holy Spirit…that should be our main focus as well as love of others. We all need reminded of this…I know I do:)
Blessing,
mlz
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But why shouldn’t the Church, our brothers and sisters in Christ, ALSO focus on the needs of it’s members? Are the two things–worshiping God and meeting the temporal, spiritual, and social needs of our fellow Catholics–mutually exclusive?

How many more souls would be brought to salvation? Hearing God’s Word because they came for the support they received but stayed because the Holy Spirit moved them?

Our Protestant brethren understand how powerful social ministries can be in bringing people in the door; it’s the first step in spreading the Word.

I have several relatives who were raised in the Church but left because they found that their Protestant denominations (mostly Fundamentalist ones) lived the corporal works of mercy better.
 
Well, I haven’t read the whole thing, but the thought that comes to mind is that lay people normally run the stuff that is for their particular demographic.

So, the reason that there is a mommy group is not that Pastor Bob or the DRE runs a mommy group, it’s that the mommies run a mommy group.

So, for there to be a ministry to a particular demographic, at least one capable representative of that demographic would need to step forward and organize a group. We’ve discussed this before, and one possible reason it’s hard to sustain a singles group is that leadership and membership is continually “graduating.”
 
mdgspencer said:
This is at www.aleteia.org/en/religion/article/single-and-catholic-5864386572845056
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I admit that I just skimmed this article, but as a single person, myself, I´d have to say, “Amen” to that!

Well, speaking as a single person, it´s so hard watching what seems to be everyone paired off and feeling at times like a 5th wheel.

People at church often just stay in their families, and are okay with that, but for single people, it can be a little rough, not finding the support we long for, even at church.

There are holidays across the year…Mother´s Day, Father´s Day.

There are many times, in different Catholic churches, even in different countries, I haven´t felt there is a place for me, as a single person. I go, often don´t feel I can connect even if I try.

It can feel like single people can easily feel excluded at Church.
 
CharlieDoe said:
I think the article is on to something, but something else needs to be pointed out. Even in the OP’s article, most of the discussion is on single parents. What about the single and childless?

I’m 33, single and childless. There is, from what I’ve read, a unprecedentedly large number of people like me in my generation. Focusing on ‘families,’ whether headed by one or two parents, makes it seem like we don’t really matter unless we come as bunches.
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True.
 
mlz said:
My daughter is single and protestant and she feels left out in most protestant churches. ** In the Catholic Church they view being single as a vocation which is unheard of in protestant churches. **The bottom line is…we need to focus on Christ not ourselves when we go to Mass/church and not ourselves as well as those around us (our neighbors) We go to worship God- Father, Son and Holy Spirit…that should be our main focus as well as love of others. We all need reminded of this…I know I do:)
Blessing,
mlz
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I never realized that about some protestant churches. Interesting.
 
There are 18 - 35 groups in the church, but no good if you’re 36. By then you need to fit into a family group. If a singles group was created in the catholic church, is there any reason it would cause trouble? I suppose for singles over 35. ?
 
tabycat said:
It isn’t just some (maybe most) Catholics; it is Christians across the board; and it isn’t just singles that get ignored, it is also anyone that is ‘different’ (ie. the disabled) :eek: also are ignored. 🤷
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Yeah, it´s rough for the disabled. I live in Mexico, and there are many churches I can´t even get into in my wheelchair. Some aren´t ramped. I live in a historical city, and also city policies don´t help matters, make it extremely difficult for people to put in ramps, requiring a bunch of additional regulations and redtape.

I´ve taken one church I´d like to attend, asked if the ramp could have a non-slip surface, and seemingly nothing got done. A local disabilities advocacy group has been trying to get a decent ramp into the church for years, but the priest would never cooperate.

Last Sunday, the priest was saying something about how we should be nice to disabled people, and I remember thinking, “A decent ramp would be nice!”
 
As a single Catholic, I go to Church to worship God.
This Thanksgiving, I will be going to a Protestant’s home …
they’ve welcomed me into their home for Thanksgiving dinner
for three years in a row now.
I would love to have some good Catholic friends.
Meanwhile, I thank God for the Protestants.
 
ClearWater said:
Yeah, it´s rough for the disabled. I live in Mexico, and there are many churches I can´t even get into in my wheelchair. Some aren´t ramped. I live in a historical city, and also city policies don´t help matters, make it extremely difficult for people to put in ramps, requiring a bunch of additional regulations and redtape.

I´ve taken one church I´d like to attend, asked if the ramp could have a non-slip surface, and seemingly nothing got done. A local disabilities advocacy group has been trying to get a decent ramp into the church for years, but the priest would never cooperate.

Last Sunday, the priest was saying something about how we should be nice to disabled people, and I remember thinking, “A decent ramp would be nice!”
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My parish has a ramp, however it’s obscenely steep! Helpfully though, the pastor is planning on installing a powered lift, so I am looking forward to that as I am disabled right now!

I hope you get a good ramp at your parish!
 
As a single Catholic, I’ve noticed that most everything is, indeed-geared towards families.

A bone every once and a while would be nice, I think that priests just don’t realize it, I doubt it is some kind of nefarious Gunpowder plot-esque conspiracy.

I’ve also noticed that at least where I am, basically the only people that go to Mass are families, there aren’t too many single people… which is obviously not the case at my school though…

My college priest does a good job of speaking to single people though, however the Campus Ministry does a ton of programs for couples about marriage and “couple-hood” and relationship stuff, and not quite as much specifically geared towards independent persons.

🤷
 
I think that part of what makes a singles ministry so hard to implement (and thus why one so rarely is) is that singles are looking for different things. I once went to a single retreat and the focus was on what makes a good relationship. I (as part of the never-married crowd) benefited a lot from this, but not everybody did. In a segment where we reflect on our experiences as a small group, many of the divorcees said that they felt left out and that they had wanted to hear more about healing after broken relationships and how God stilled loved them even after their divorces. My roommate for that weekend was a widow and all she had wanted was to know how to come to terms with and be comfortable with being single. I’m sure that there were one or two people at the retreat who felt that they were never really called to marriage and would have preferred information about how to live out their single vocation. There were even some people who had meeting other singles as one of their goals for the retreat.

That’s a lot of viewpoints to pack into a single ministry (pun intended). There would either be one ministry with such a variety of goals that people don’t actually know what they’re getting and everyone ends up disappointed, or there would be half a dozen ministries that were so specific that they wouldn’t attract that large of an audience individually (as well as not mixing very much at all) and so small that they would stagnate pretty quickly.
 
Gia_B said:
I think that part of what makes a singles ministry so hard to implement (and thus why one so rarely is) is that singles are looking for different things. I once went to a single retreat and the focus was on what makes a good relationship. I (as part of the never-married crowd) benefited a lot from this, but not everybody did. In a segment where we reflect on our experiences as a small group, many of the divorcees said that they felt left out and that they had wanted to hear more about healing after broken relationships and how God stilled loved them even after their divorces. My roommate for that weekend was a widow and all she had wanted was to know how to come to terms with and be comfortable with being single. I’m sure that there were one or two people at the retreat who felt that they were never really called to marriage and would have preferred information about how to live out their single vocation. There were even some people who had meeting other singles as one of their goals for the retreat.

That’s a lot of viewpoints to pack into a single ministry (pun intended). There would either be one ministry with such a variety of goals that people don’t actually know what they’re getting and everyone ends up disappointed, or there would be half a dozen ministries that were so specific that they wouldn’t attract that large of an audience individually (as well as not mixing very much at all) and so small that they would stagnate pretty quickly.
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Yes–except maybe at a truly huge parish.

It might need to be more of a diocesan group.

I don’t think there really is so much for families at a lot of parishes–it may just look that way on paper.

I’m not as into organizing stuff as I used to be, but when I wanted a mother’s Bible study, I started and hosted one. When we moved into a different parish, I was one of the two faithful members of a mother’s prayer group/play group. Within the next year or so, I may organize another mothers’ playgroup at one of my current parishes, not so much for my toddler’s sake, but so that I can make some mom friends.

If you are interested in attending a group of whatever kind, talk to your pastor about the need for one, but be aware that the usual answer to that kind of question is, “Hey! Could you lead it!” (There have been some good threads on the subject and I understand that some pastors are afraid of accidentally creating a dating group for couples ineligible to marry in the church, but that concern can be gotten over.)

(My husband had this very thing happen to him in a different context. He had me tell the organizers of a kids’ enrichment camp that there wasn’t enough science in the program. The answer that came back was, of course, “Could your husband teach a science class? We have a hard time finding science people.” A few years later, he ran three different courses for them. I think that’s how these things often work.)
 
I have to say I really agree that it is condescending for people in a relationship to think single people should be out and about instead of ‘whining.’

Oh but when they finally make the decision, when they arm themselves to the teeth and really do take action, they all go: :eek: It’s a tad hypocritical really. The same people who tell you take action and just ‘be yourself’ end up being the same people who beg you to stop and are suddenly not comfortable with you finally showing that same self.

I am so blessed to have only a few people in my life who don’t go back on their advice like that. As far as being single goes, my decision to change it and take control has been met well by family and friends.

Sadly, the Church counts itself in neither of them. 🤷 I practically snort whenever I read about the recent Synod, often thinking, “This Church has a marriage problem? It can’t even fix the dating problem.”
 
the_phoenix said:
As a single Catholic, I go to Church to worship God.
This Thanksgiving, I will be going to a Protestant’s home …
they’ve welcomed me into their home for Thanksgiving dinner
for three years in a row now.
I would love to have some good Catholic friends.
Meanwhile, I thank God for the Protestants.
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Oh. I agree with this completely. Now that my Catholic friends are married; the only time that they speak to me is when they want a last minute babysitter or when they want to set up their cousins who are unemployed and live in their mothers’ basements. Yes, that is exaggerated but it certainly feels like it is true.

And I do feel uncomfortable at Mass and it is sometimes hard for me to go. I feel so isolated among people who have families.
 
Here, here - It’s very difficult to focus on the Eucharist when everyone is staring at you and giving you terrible looks. IT’S OH-SO-MUCH WORSE FOR SINGLE MEN. And, can we please retire the silly straw man that singles want a “country club matchmaker” experience at church when nothing could be further than the truth? Yes, I have approached the priest about doing a singles ministry - when they (‘they’ being women) see that it’s a guy expressing wanting to set up a singles ministry, red flags go up and nothing gets accomplished.

Meetup is a better place to meet Catholic singles than at church. I never thought that would be a true statement. 😦
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
As far as being single goes, my decision to change it and take control has been met well by family and friends.
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You can only control your own choices and attitudes. You can’t control the choices of another person. If a majority of parishoners at church think I’m a creepy old dude and give me dirty looks when I’m trying to pray and focus on the Eucharist, it makes me less inclined to go to church. And, yes, considering the loneliness and anxiety and isolation it helps create in my life (turning what should be a pleasant experience into a painfully awkward experience), it is a good enough to jeopardize my salvation. When will more Catholic parishes realize this?
 
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