Single Ladies, would you consider marrying a man called to the Diaconate?

[zaramarie81]

This seemed to come out of the blue. Why shouldn’t he be discerning this just like any other vocation? Are you just saying that it’s harder to be accepted into the diaconate than say, the seminary? If so, than maybe it would be wise to consider what would “look good” in terms of being involved in the parish. I know several people with religious vocations, and yes, because it isn’t easy to find the right order and then to get accepted, much of their life right now is ordered to that. I believe my vocation is to be a member of a certain profession, and most of my life is ordered to that right now. A lot of it, btw, involves looking good on applications.
I almost forgot to answer the question…answer: no this is not a deal-breaker.

Yeah I am not sure why the OP is getting so much flack for discerning this vocation vs. another. Strange! I am a woman who feels called to married life but am still single. So much of my life is ordered towards discerning God’s will for me in that regard. Just like any other vocation you have to discern and prepare ahead of time (or at least it’s ideal). Our deacon (ahem, haha) actually encouraged us young adults to discern a “general call” to a vocation (such as marriage, religious etc) before the specific call (if we weren’t already living out a vocation!). There are so many ways to hear God’s call and do God’s will. I am not sure why the OP is getting so much flak for thoughtfully considering what his future may hold!

 

[1ke]

Well, I am not a woman. But, since a single Deacon can not enter into marriage, I would have problems dating someone discerning a call to the Deaconate. If he decided he really was called to the deaconate, and acted on that call, he would not be free to marry.

Too confusing.

He may “really” be called to the diaconate. But, the permanent diaconate is not open to men under 35. So, discerning marriage AND the diaconate is not unreasonable.

 

[zaramarie81]

He may “really” be called to the diaconate. But, the permanent diaconate is not open to men under 35. So, discerning marriage AND the diaconate is not unreasonable.

My thoughts exactly. One post-er said you had to be married 10 years to be considered for the diaconate. I doubt that God just hits you over the head after 10 years of marriage. It is not unreasonable to anticipate the diaconate before marriage or before those 10 years and to plan ahead.

Btw, to the OP… not sure if I said this, but as a single lady, I think it would be great to date a man open to the diaconate as long as he is open to being flexible in regards to what life may throw at us down the road and the needs of the family, some of which may not be anticipated right now. But that’s with anything in life… marriage is a leap of faith and a willingness to be flexible! Hope it works out for you!

 

[daughterofeve]

Well, I am not a woman. But, since a single Deacon can not enter into marriage, I would have problems dating someone discerning a call to the Deaconate. If he decided he really was called to the deaconate, and acted on that call, he would not be free to marry.

Too confusing.

Thank you Paulin for making this clear, finally.

From the OP:

I like the Eastern Church’s stance on this, where being the wife of a Priest or Deacon is seen as a vocation in its’ own right (it’s also the way many protestants see their clergy wives, and there are some saints in the early Church who were priests’ wives). Surely a woman who married a man knowing he was aiming for the Diaconate would be better prepared to support him in the sacrifices that office calls for. Are there any women who really feel that their call is to be by the side of their husband in the Diaconate?

Point is that for someone concerning a call to be a Deacon your knowledge of other religions stand on this issue seem to be better than that of the Roman rite. Maybe you should research the requirements.

And surely you are not suggesting that the Church’s teaching on this issue is “questionable”?

Your statement suggests that their teaching is more acceptable. I hope this explains my earlier post.

Also, I believe that I did answer the question.

With God’s graces…

 

[1ke]

Point is that for someone concerning a call to be a Deacon your knowledge of other religions stand on this issue seem to be better than that of the Roman rite. Maybe you should research the requirements.

The Eastern Catholic Churches are NOT “other religions.” They are Catholics.

 

[daughterofeve]

The Eastern Catholic Churches are NOT “other religions.” They are Catholics.

If they are under the Roman Pontiff, the rites have to be approved through Rome. If it is approved through Rome the OP would have to belong to that rite…

 

[Sierrah]

Sorry. No.

 

[collin_nunis]

Hi, I’m a 23-year old Australian (from Perth, looking to relocate to Melbourne) Melkite Catholic also discerning a vocation to the priesthood, with the diaconate being a part of the process. I am also looking for single women who are open to the prospects of being married to a Catholic priest.

At first glance, the thought of it (to the woman) may sound scary but she would gradually grow into it. I guess it would be because she has a role to play in her husband’s priesthood. After all, just as the priest is the spiritual father, the wife is the “mother” of the parish and should be a visible face in the parish, amongst the ladies.

I can only say that within my Eparchy (diocese), our men are usually ordained 5 years after marriage. A man wanting to be a priest must get written permission from his wife. If he is asked by the bishop, the bishop would usually liaise and seek the wife’s permission as again, the couple will be an integral part of the parish.

Anyway, the Eastern Rites are not “approved” by Rome - these Rites are independent of Rome, and they are only in communion with Rome.

 

[zaramarie81]

Hi, I’m a 23-year old Australian (from Perth, looking to relocate to Melbourne) Melkite Catholic also discerning a vocation to the priesthood, with the diaconate being a part of the process. I am also looking for single women who are open to the prospects of being married to a Catholic priest.

At first glance, the thought of it (to the woman) may sound scary but she would gradually grow into it. I guess it would be because she has a role to play in her husband’s priesthood. After all, just as the priest is the spiritual father, the wife is the “mother” of the parish and should be a visible face in the parish, amongst the ladies.

I can only say that within my Eparchy (diocese), our men are usually ordained 5 years after marriage. A man wanting to be a priest must get written permission from his wife. If he is asked by the bishop, the bishop would usually liaise and seek the wife’s permission as again, the couple will be an integral part of the parish.

Anyway, the Eastern Rites are not “approved” by Rome - these Rites are independent of Rome, and they are only in communion with Rome.

Interesting, thanks for sharing that perspective! I would think the wife of a priest might have some additional responsibilities that the wife of a deacon may not have. Is my assumption wrong? Btw, I have had a couple friends discerning priesthood in an Eastern Rite who also felt called to marriage. I haven’t kept up with them over the years, but it sounded interesting.

 

[collin_nunis]

I can’t really say for certain if a priest’s wife does more than a deacon’s wife but I guess it depends on the wife concerned as well. My Melkite deacon’s wife is Latin, so he serves at both Masses, Latin and Melkite. She doesn’t stay around much after Divine Liturgy, as she’s got a 6-year old son to worry about, what more grandchildren.

As for my assistant priest, he is also biritual; serving Masses at other places (and fortnightly at the Melkite parish). He apparently has a lot more to do with the Latins than us, so we rarely see him. Even when we do, his wife is always hurrying him up to pack up and go. She never spends time at the parish whenever they come.