Single Life as a Vocation

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I am 40 years old and a single mother. Very long story short. I have recently come back into good graces with Christ and the Church, after many years of being a nonpracticing Catholic.

My journey back has been in deep reflection of my future and what I feel I am being called to do. While I had always thought that I would remarry one day, in the last year I have felt that my calling is to actually remain single and dedicate my life to Christ.

My question is this, are there any groups (recognized by the Church) for individuals, in my situation, that support or give guidance to those choosing to serve Christ through single life? Obviously, I cannot become a priest or a nun (since I am a woman and I am also a mother) so those are not options. I am also, not 20 years old anymore. I feel like I fall in the middle -not a youth and not a senior citizen, either. I do desire to live a celibate life, to continue raising my children, and to submit myself to the will of Christ. I feel like I am being called to do this as a single person rather than what I had always believed was my destiny_to be married. I understand that I can simply make the commitment to do this but I feel as though having the support of others would be beneficial on this new part of my life journey. Any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated.

In Christ

Brenda
 
I’m also single and don’t envision myself ever marrying. I don’t know of groups specifically to support this type of lifestyle, but there are two things that I find helpful. One is a spiritual director. Meeting regularly with him is definitely beneficial to my spiritual life. The second is that I’m a Benedictine Oblate. While that’s not aimed at any particular lifestyle, I find it an important part of my life. Most religious orders have an affiliated group so depending on your spirituality there should be something appropriate. Beyond that I’m involved in my parish and gain a lot from the people I work with.
 
What is a Benedicine Obolate?

I too am divorced and too old for a nun. It would be nice to have a place to go for those like us that wouldn’t turn into a dating group. One church in our diocese has a huge singles group, but they are mostly 18-35 and looking for a mate.
 
Oblates are people who live in the world according to the spirit and Rule of St. Benedict. There’s some good information at osb.org/obl/index.html

Oblates are affiliated with a particular monastery, so you can find out more at a monastery that’s near you. Even if the monastery is not terribly close by, there may be a local group that meets regularly.

Other orders also have affiliates, so if your spirituality is more Franciscan or Carmelite or whatever, you can check with a local monastery, convent, etc.
 
SuscipeMeDomine, thank you for your help. 🙂

Have a wonderful day!
Brenda
 
Renewed - you are not alone!
There are quite a few of us ‘Treasures of the Church’ who are discerning a life devoted to Christ as single, celibate and ‘in the world’.
Many of the orders have what is known as ‘third order’ groups - for people who wish to follow the rule of that order while living in the world as a lay person.
At my parish we have lay Carmelites, Benedictines and Dominicans!
 
Renewed said:
My journey back has been in deep reflection of my future and what I feel I am being called to do. While I had always thought that I would remarry one day, in the last year I have felt that my calling is to actually remain single and dedicate my life to Christ.
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Hi Brenda,
Have you become involved in service within your parish or community? Perhaps you can discern with your pastor or a spiritual advisor about what your gifts are and how they can best be used. Or “test the waters” with small acts of service.

We don’t need a title (“Sister” or “oblate” or whatever) to do this, although once you discern how you’d like to serve, and begin doing so, perhaps joining a group would help you in your prayer and commitment.
 
Thank you, all, for your responses. At the present I am involved in a couple of the ministries at my Church. I am, also, doing some reading and have just received “The Conscious Celibacy Workbook: Truth or Consequence”, written by Rev. William J. Jarema. He is a priest from Colorado who visited our Church recently. More info can be found at the MercyCenter.com. If for no other reason, I would suggest you check out this site because the Center sounds wonderful and may be a place that you or someone you know may want to visit one day.
Anyways, back to my response…smile. I am involved in some volunteering, prayer and much reflection. I am sure that the answers will become more clear as time goes on. I am remaining patient on my journey…smile.
I do have a question about “spiritual advisors”. I realize talking with a priest is an option (and I have done that). When I think of a spiritual advisor I think of someone who is able to commit, on a regular basis (ex: once a month), to speak with me and advise me. Is that too much to ask of a priest to commit to or should I seek out a lay person? Maybe, my vision of the role of an advisor is not correct. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

Thank you, again
Brenda
 
Renewed said:
I do have a question about “spiritual advisors”. I realize talking with a priest is an option (and I have done that). When I think of a spiritual advisor I think of someone who is able to commit, on a regular basis (ex: once a month), to speak with me and advise me. Is that too much to ask of a priest to commit to or should I seek out a lay person? Maybe, my vision of the role of an advisor is not correct. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.
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I think “spiritual director” is the more commonly used term. And yes, it is someone who can meet with you regularly to talk about your spiritual life and help you listen to the Holy Spirit.

Spiritual directors can be priests, religious, or lay people. I think the best way to find one is to ask around. Your parish priest may be too busy to take this on – or he may have time, you never know. But even if he can’t be your director, he may be able to suggest someone else. If there’s a convent or monastery or the like, you may want to ask there. Again, there may be someone there or they may be able to suggest where else you can look. A retired priest or religious may have a lot of time available along with a lot of wisdom and holiness to pass along.

There’s a group called Spiritual Directors International. Their web site has a search function so you can see if there is anyone nearby. I’m hesitant to simply take a name off the Internet, so if I went this route I would definitely want to have a conversation with the individual and get a good sense of their background and ideas.
 
Celibacy is a higher calling. However, that should normally be lived out as a vocation in the religious life or in priesthood, which I realize you cannot be apart of. The single life is not a vocation, however, it is usually a temporary state of life. However, due to some circumstances (such as impediments or mental issues) sometimes a person cannot enter the priesthood, get married, or enter religious life. In a case like that, a person would be required to live a single life. So that is what is required of the person, not a vocation. But you could have a vocation in a type of religious life such as a Third Order, which, in most cases, anyone may enter. But the single life is not a vocation, and when someone does not have an impediment to priesthood, marriage, or community life it is not recommended. May God bless your returning to the Church.
 
catholicozvocations.org.au/thinking/choose_life.html

catholicuniversebulletin.org/LENNON/lennon0824.html

stbrigidofkildare.org/singlelife.htm

I have included a couple examples, I have found, that say that “single life” actually is a vocation. If anyone finds that these sites are not in good standing with what our Catholic Faith teaches us please let me know. I have seen other sites, also.
Whether it is called a vocation or not, single life can be something very fulfiling and filled with many opportunities to serve God. I am not sure why it wouldn’t be recommended. I would like to hear more about that philosophy if anyone has information or thoughts on the subject.
 
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