Singlehood and Selfishness- what if you're trapped?

[iwillrisenow]

This message goes out to all my fellow singles who suffer from isolation and temptations to selfishness, if only due to a lack of presence of others in one’s life. The situation may be difficult for some to imagine, but I am certain that I am not the only one who faces several or all of these challenges:

• Relocation for work or other events later in life (after age 25) leading to a period of isolation, sometimes long-term;
• Few or no friends due to a variety of factors (e.g.- relocation, introverted personality, frequent moves, age and marital status, conversion, etc.);
• Estrangement from family members for a variety of reasons (including history of abuse and/or disownment);
• No babies/young children around (I’ve sometimes read that singles are called to be helpers and second or spiritual parents to others’ children, but what if you honestly don’t know anyone with kids?);
• Unemployment or underemployment limits ability to participate in charitable giving (too poor to be the material provider in any significant way, too “rich” to be “the poor”);
• Lack of skills and abilities that are typically given to build up the Church (what do you do if you can’t and are not specifically called in prayer to sing, cook, knit, teach, etc.?);
• Hesitant about ministering in certain situations due to safety issues (e.g.- a woman who is almost always walking alone may not think it wise to respond to panhandlers on the streets of a moderate to high crime city; I myself have experienced abuse and aggression while attempting to do this);
• Inability to join any long-term ministries due to frequent moves, distance from parish, cliquish communities, lack of transportation, and/or scheduling constraints due to work;
• Any other condition (life situation, mental or emotional state, major trauma, social class, cultural minority status, etc.) that might impede ones’ ability to associate with others.

My question is, how can one live a selfless life for others in the face of such prohibitions? Are singles facing these situations called to focus on growing closer to God and living for Him, even if this doesn’t lead to service in the traditional sense? Also, if a single person is aware of a possible call to another vocation (religious or married life), can he/she truly expect to *give fully *prior to finding his or her vocation (in other words, might a lack of opportunities to give be a sort of prompting to seek out either vocation, whether or not it comes to pass)? For instance, for those who are committed to living out the vocational single life, ample opportunities to serve and engage seem to flow freely even outside of a ‘traditional’ vocation.

The only thing that I ask is that we refrain from disbelief in this conversation. I am aware that for many people (especially those who have grown up Catholic, come from large families and/or have never faced a major catastrophe in the family that greatly reduced the circle of friends and associates), the idea that someone can have “no people” will seem outlandish and bizarre and like there “must be something wrong” with those in question. I know from firsthand experience, however, that wanting to give of oneself but not being able to find a way to do so can be an extremely painful and disheartening experience. The call to follow Jesus in the Church is not a rosy and sunny path surrounded by friends and supportive people for many of us and we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about the challenges due to voices of judgement or assumptions that there must be something wrong with us or our relationship with God if we’re not having a merry time.

 

[MacQ]

This message goes out to all my fellow singles who suffer from isolation and temptations to selfishness, if only due to a lack of presence of others in one’s life. The situation may be difficult for some to imagine, but I am certain that I am not the only one who faces several or all of these challenges:

• Relocation for work or other events later in life (after age 25) leading to a period of isolation, sometimes long-term;
• Few or no friends due to a variety of factors (e.g.- relocation, introverted personality, frequent moves, age and marital status, conversion, etc.);
• Estrangement from family members for a variety of reasons (including history of abuse and/or disownment);
• No babies/young children around (I’ve sometimes read that singles are called to be helpers and second or spiritual parents to others’ children, but what if you honestly don’t know anyone with kids?);
• Unemployment or underemployment limits ability to participate in charitable giving (too poor to be the material provider in any significant way, too “rich” to be “the poor”);
• Lack of skills and abilities that are typically given to build up the Church (what do you do if you can’t and are not specifically called in prayer to sing, cook, knit, teach, etc.?);
• Hesitant about ministering in certain situations due to safety issues (e.g.- a woman who is almost always walking alone may not think it wise to respond to panhandlers on the streets of a moderate to high crime city; I myself have experienced abuse and aggression while attempting to do this);
• Inability to join any long-term ministries due to frequent moves, distance from parish, cliquish communities, lack of transportation, and/or scheduling constraints due to work;
• Any other condition (life situation, mental or emotional state, major trauma, social class, cultural minority status, etc.) that might impede ones’ ability to associate with others.

My question is, how can one live a selfless life for others in the face of such prohibitions? Are singles facing these situations called to focus on growing closer to God and living for Him, even if this doesn’t lead to service in the traditional sense? Also, if a single person is aware of a possible call to another vocation (religious or married life), can he/she truly expect to *give fully *prior to finding his or her vocation (in other words, might a lack of opportunities to give be a sort of prompting to seek out either vocation, whether or not it comes to pass)? For instance, for those who are committed to living out the vocational single life, ample opportunities to serve and engage seem to flow freely even outside of a ‘traditional’ vocation.

The only thing that I ask is that we refrain from disbelief in this conversation. I am aware that for many people (especially those who have grown up Catholic, come from large families and/or have never faced a major catastrophe in the family that greatly reduced the circle of friends and associates), the idea that someone can have “no people” will seem outlandish and bizarre and like there “must be something wrong” with those in question. I know from firsthand experience, however, that wanting to give of oneself but not being able to find a way to do so can be an extremely painful and disheartening experience. The call to follow Jesus in the Church is not a rosy and sunny path surrounded by friends and supportive people for many of us and we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about the challenges due to voices of judgement or assumptions that there must be something wrong with us or our relationship with God if we’re not having a merry time.

Not having a “merry time” isn’t confined to single people.
Nor are challenges.

I suggest you start getting out among other people. Volunteer work is a great way to form friendships, especially if one is shy or not gregarious. It doesn’t take a vocation or skill to help build a habitat house (errand runners are always needed), or to work at the food bank, or to serve and clean up at church dinners, or to be a helper in the CCE classes.
The people who front up to do these things sometimes have job changes and have to move. I can’t fathom how social class or being a cultural minority would keep someone from volunteering in such things…

 

[bsf]

This is all presented in the spirit of charity.

…**The only thing that I ask is that we refrain from disbelief in this conversation…. **

Unacceptable.

Granted, I fail miserably and often, but I am called to love my neighbor as myself. I am not called to enable others’ weaknesses or injuries if they request I do so. I am truly sorry for the confusion and pain you are experiencing. I have a pretty darn good understanding of “isolation and temptations to selfishness”. I have no doubt you experience a cross that is unique, as it is probably for all of us at a great enough level of analysis, but I reject the mindset you project. Your focus is entirely on perceived stumbling blocks. It is entirely negative. You have skills, talents, and abilities that can be used to do God’s will.

My question is, how can one live a selfless life for others in the face of such prohibitions?

Adjust your mindset to see and acknowledge more opportunities to serve. Ask for God’s help in this. Accept the help of those through whom God can perform this work.

I will pray for you.

 

[Robyn_p]

This message goes out to all my fellow singles who suffer from isolation and temptations to selfishness, if only due to a lack of presence of others in one’s life. The situation may be difficult for some to imagine, but I am certain that I am not the only one who faces several or all of these challenges:

• Relocation for work or other events later in life (after age 25) leading to a period of isolation, sometimes long-term;
• Few or no friends due to a variety of factors (e.g.- relocation, introverted personality, frequent moves, age and marital status, conversion, etc.);
• Estrangement from family members for a variety of reasons (including history of abuse and/or disownment);
• No babies/young children around (I’ve sometimes read that singles are called to be helpers and second or spiritual parents to others’ children, but what if you honestly don’t know anyone with kids?);
• Unemployment or underemployment limits ability to participate in charitable giving (too poor to be the material provider in any significant way, too “rich” to be “the poor”);
• Lack of skills and abilities that are typically given to build up the Church (what do you do if you can’t and are not specifically called in prayer to sing, cook, knit, teach, etc.?);
• Hesitant about ministering in certain situations due to safety issues (e.g.- a woman who is almost always walking alone may not think it wise to respond to panhandlers on the streets of a moderate to high crime city; I myself have experienced abuse and aggression while attempting to do this);
• Inability to join any long-term ministries due to frequent moves, distance from parish, cliquish communities, lack of transportation, and/or scheduling constraints due to work;
• Any other condition (life situation, mental or emotional state, major trauma, social class, cultural minority status, etc.) that might impede ones’ ability to associate with others.

My question is, how can one live a selfless life for others in the face of such prohibitions? Are singles facing these situations called to focus on growing closer to God and living for Him, even if this doesn’t lead to service in the traditional sense? Also, if a single person is aware of a possible call to another vocation (religious or married life), can he/she truly expect to *give fully *prior to finding his or her vocation (in other words, might a lack of opportunities to give be a sort of prompting to seek out either vocation, whether or not it comes to pass)? For instance, for those who are committed to living out the vocational single life, ample opportunities to serve and engage seem to flow freely even outside of a ‘traditional’ vocation.

The only thing that I ask is that we refrain from disbelief in this conversation. I am aware that for many people (especially those who have grown up Catholic, come from large families and/or have never faced a major catastrophe in the family that greatly reduced the circle of friends and associates), the idea that someone can have “no people” will seem outlandish and bizarre and like there “must be something wrong” with those in question. I know from firsthand experience, however, that wanting to give of oneself but not being able to find a way to do so can be an extremely painful and disheartening experience. The call to follow Jesus in the Church is not a rosy and sunny path surrounded by friends and supportive people for many of us and we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about the challenges due to voices of judgement or assumptions that there must be something wrong with us or our relationship with God if we’re not having a merry time.

I know what you mean. I’m in a similar situation. I want to give more, but…I’m just not able.

One thing that has helped me is something I read in St. Faustina’s diary. Unfortunately I don’t have the book on me, so I can’t quote the passage exactly, but one of the things I remember Jesus saying to her is there are three kinds of mercy. There’s the actual work of mercy itself. (feeding the hungry, clothing the naked etc…) Then there’s the word of mercy. Just speaking kindly to someone or giving them a smile, showing them you’re not indifferent to them or their problems. Even if you can’t do anything directly to relieve them.

Then finally I remember it saying that if you can’t do either of these, there’s the prayer of mercy. Offer up prayers, works, joys, sufferings for someone. Everyone can do that, and Jesus said it’s just as valuable and pleasing to him.

I wish I had the exact quote with me, I’m going off memory here, but that has really helped me when I’m forced to be separated from people. Because even if I’m physically not able to help or show love, I’m still a part of the body of Christ, and I can still do a little and give my heart away, even if it’s just through prayer or a friendly smile on the street. (Which was incredibly hard for me to get in the habit of, since I’m an introvert)

Anyways, that’s how I’ve learned to make the most out of my current cross. I’m still working on it, and I get discouraged a lot. But knowing that I can still be loving even without physically helping people has really lifted a burden off me. I know I’m not useless anymore.

 

[iwillrisenow]

Ok…the only reason I’m focused on the negative is because I am trying to cover the variety of reasons that one might be struggling with this particular issue. For various people at various points in their lives, it’s more complicated than "just get out and do it!!!" Let’s take, for instance, volunteering to build a habitat house. I looked into the projects in my area and right away, I can see that two things might be an issue for some folks 1) they require a minimal monetary donation of $50 and 2) transportation to/from the site.

I’m assuming that people have been praying on this subject…but not finding any answers. I’m trying to start a conversation about how we often hear about how we’re called to do this and that…but there are certain underlying assumptions about access and ability when it comes to these things. Upon further reflection, I realize that this may not be the time or place for such a discussion.

 

[roundcheese]

This message goes out to all my fellow singles who suffer from isolation and temptations to selfishness, if only due to a lack of presence of others in one’s life. The situation may be difficult for some to imagine, but I am certain that I am not the only one who faces several or all of these challenges:

• Relocation for work or other events later in life (after age 25) leading to a period of isolation, sometimes long-term;
• Few or no friends due to a variety of factors (e.g.- relocation, introverted personality, frequent moves, age and marital status, conversion, etc.);
• Estrangement from family members for a variety of reasons (including history of abuse and/or disownment);
• No babies/young children around (I’ve sometimes read that singles are called to be helpers and second or spiritual parents to others’ children, but what if you honestly don’t know anyone with kids?);
• Unemployment or underemployment limits ability to participate in charitable giving (too poor to be the material provider in any significant way, too “rich” to be “the poor”);
• Lack of skills and abilities that are typically given to build up the Church (what do you do if you can’t and are not specifically called in prayer to sing, cook, knit, teach, etc.?);
• Hesitant about ministering in certain situations due to safety issues (e.g.- a woman who is almost always walking alone may not think it wise to respond to panhandlers on the streets of a moderate to high crime city; I myself have experienced abuse and aggression while attempting to do this);
• Inability to join any long-term ministries due to frequent moves, distance from parish, cliquish communities, lack of transportation, and/or scheduling constraints due to work;
• Any other condition (life situation, mental or emotional state, major trauma, social class, cultural minority status, etc.) that might impede ones’ ability to associate with others.

My question is, how can one live a selfless life for others in the face of such prohibitions? Are singles facing these situations called to focus on growing closer to God and living for Him, even if this doesn’t lead to service in the traditional sense? Also, if a single person is aware of a possible call to another vocation (religious or married life), can he/she truly expect to *give fully *prior to finding his or her vocation (in other words, might a lack of opportunities to give be a sort of prompting to seek out either vocation, whether or not it comes to pass)? For instance, for those who are committed to living out the vocational single life, ample opportunities to serve and engage seem to flow freely even outside of a ‘traditional’ vocation.

…

I am currently in similar shoes as you described. I was relocated with my company (that consistently moves people every 2-3 years) to a remote area, a small town, though with a vibrant Catholic community, did not have any young adult ministry. I am 27 years old. I too have an introverted personality (though I am not shy) and would rather spend my days holed up in my bed reading a book or doing a crossword. My work requires me to be on call 24/7, and to be called out at any moment, so one could say I live the workaholic lifestyle. The only thing I would do Church community-wise was join the Adoration group, and I thought for awhile that intercessory prayer was the only thing I could do for the Church since I didn’t feel called to teach or play music or do a certain ministry nor did I have time to do so.

I didn’t do any thing Church related (except Adoration and Mass) until the beginning of this year. My parish decided to start a Young Adult ministry and I decided to try it out. Honestly, the first 3-4 sessions were fledgling, but within a few months, it grew to a great college student ministry. Though I am in a working state, I was allowed to help lead groups and teach at times. I do not attend every event ( I go about 2 times a month), but I can only go there whenever my time is free. This opened up to someone suggesting I join choir at Sunday Masses, and later on, someone else wanted to try a YA ministry at their parish. Eventually I ended up with ministries that I didn’t know I was going to do or called to do until I tried some of them out. Even if I didn’t feel like it’s going to last (wherever I will be relocated to next), that little bit of time is still contribution. These minor moments of community ended up being my family away from my family.

As for vocation, I have been pursuing a contemplative religious life vocation for over 6 years, but I am working to pay off my loans. I can say with certainty that you can absolutely still try to live your vocation outside of an order. I am currently visiting two monastic orders (far away from my current town) and still deciding on one or the other. However, with 24/7 adoration and 3 times to get to Mass everyday, I have an opportunity to see God/go to Mass for a couple of hours a day (when I’m free). As such, God has been good, as He’s allowed relocations to towns that have perpetual adoration. It’s the one sane thing from my hectic lifestyle.

My life is not perfect, nor the way I want it to be, but one can always make the best of what they have. Everyone is called to be a saint now, regardless of where they are in life.

My simple advice is just to try things out, and keep trying. If going to Church is hard enough, then make your home life like church. Make a prayer schedule and stick to it. Read books (a lot of spiritual books are free online). Pray Liturgy of the Hours. Do Lectio Divina in a quiet corner with the Bible. Focus on your spiritual life and sooner or later you’ll find yourself unable to contain it and want others to find God too.

 

[bsf]

Upon further reflection, I realize that this may not be the time or place for such a discussion.

Do not simply shut down. Please try to remain open to what I presented. I know my presentation can often be too direct.

 

[Reclaim]

A couple of suggestions –

Have you tried asking your priest or the parish secretary if there is anything you can do? Sometimes it might be as simple as answering the phone once in awhile so the secretary can have a real lunch hour.

Does the church need any lawn work done? If you could volunteer to cut the grass or rake it might save them money that could be spent on other things.

Can you wash/iron? The Ladies’ Altar Society (if there is one) may need help washing and ironing altar linens, albs, cassocks/surplices.

Volunteer to organize a fund raiser, such as a rummage sale.

And while this is not directly related to Church per se, I always urge anyone who has any special love for animals as God’s creation to volunteer at local shelters/rescue organizations. It is a great way to meet people. They ALWAYS need help – whether it is fostering animals, doing background checks on applications, walking dogs, cleaning cages/kennels, or simply doing laundry for them.

 

[ready]

Focus on doing spiritual works of mercy. And give a little financially, if you haven’t got much to give – everyone (except maybe the utter destitute) can give a little financially to others who are in need. God bless you.

 

[bsf]

Iwillrisenow,

After taking a few hours to reflect, I feel I should have considered your original post and any response by me more carefully. Obviously, you posted because you needed something, and I think my posts are probably unhelpful, if not hurtful. I apologize.

I hope you check this thread again and get what you need out of it. Please do not allow my previous posts to discourage you from talking here. I leave this thread with well wishes for you. I hope you have a fruitful discussion.

 

[adele78]

Hi there, I’m a fellow single person and I can certainly understand your frustrations. I have personally encountered many of the obstacles that you list.

For example, I went on a week long retreat this summer. I was discerning that I needed to work on my family relationships more. However, I don’t live nearby. Even when I am around, I am not necessarily looked upon to help with raising the kids etc. My family has a very stand-offish dynamic. Unless the very entrenched family dynamics are undone, being a spiritual parent is not an option for me.

I also live in a small town. People say that its so easy to go out and volunteer but it’s really not that simple. There really aren’t that many opportunities nearby. There’s donating and stuff but giving your time with a group of other people isn’t an option. There’s always CCD at my parish, but I’m not really called in my heart to do that. I work in the schools so the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is teach.

Also, I work in the schools and while people may say it’s such a noble vocation, I truly do not feel like my talents and abilities are truly being used. Also, I don’t feel like I really do any good except pick up a paycheck. It’s very unrewarding. That being said, a job change would be costly and grueling. Not that I would mind but, I have to be sure of what it is I actually want to change to.

I am able to donate. So that’s good.

Sometimes even ministries can be cliquish. I used to do counseling but some of the other counsellors elbowed me out. Maybe I wasn’t a good counselor? I don’t know. But oftentimes politics does get in the way.

I guess I would think of the gospel story about the widow’s mite. Give what you have and the Lord will be pleased.

I pray a lot for other people. I do liturgy of the hours. Believe it or not, there are actually online ministries. Doing eucharistic adoration online comes to mind. I actually don’t have adoration available to me here, so I take an hour out of the week to do online adoration.

I would also begin to question the assumption that in order to be unselfish than you must be surrounded by people all the time. I truly believe that it is about the individual’s call to holiness. Some people find holiness in family living, some in solitude. I actually find myself more generous with others when I have ample downtime. For other people too much downtime makes them depressed.

There’s an online questionnaire that lists about 5 different types of spiritualities: ascetic, devotional, intellectual, service and one other I can’t remember. It is important to remember that in our society we always stress acts of service but have a tendency to undermine the other types. The important thing is to find the path that makes you generous and appeals to you. While we’re all called to practice each type to a certain degree, there will be one type that if it is missing from your life you will feel depleted. For me, I found out that I am devotional and I need to do practices like the liturgy of the hours in order to feel connected with my faith. I would recommend you check into what type of spirituality you have.

As for the vocation question, it seems that no matter what your life circumstances, you can always learn something and grow in some way. Over the years, I’ve learned how dependent I am on others to define my value. Having alone time helps me focus on who I am in God.

 

[BarbTh]

The situation for those in religious life can be very different, in that they are bound to obey their Rule and superior; hence things can be quite clear most all the time if not all the time.

In single life sometimes time given to oneself for relaxation and needed by our human psychology can be a confusing matter. For example “Am I giving too much time to myself and am selfish? Must /should I do more than I am doing?” How can I know?"… and this is where spiritual direction can be invaluable as the latter can be questions that drives one round the bend. Much can depend on one’s personality, one’s psychology. Some need more alone time than others. Some, indeed, can find alone time quite difficult.

It is a very big mistake too to compare oneself with others. For example, there are those in my parish who live committed lives in The Church at a pace I just could not maintain. I do not berate myself over this, but rather give thanks for their energy and time given to The Church and commitments outside of their home.
I think that we need to remember that all we think, say and do either brings glory to God or it does not. Even our relaxation and alone time can bring glory to God if offered to God, which we do - it is included in our Morning Offering as a Joy or as a suffering a difficulty one’s journey can present. And a very big difficulty sometimes for those in the single celibate state as their choice and vocation, i.e. Am I doing enough? What one might suffer through an inability to do what one would like to do can be a value in one’s journey if offered to God as a suffering. It can be a real frustration and source of confusion i.e. suffering. We can see this in the life of St Therese of Lisieux who had an ardent desire to be a priest and a missionary, neither of course she was able to do do. This must have caused a degree of suffering.
I work voluntary with St Vincent de Paul in the parish and work voluntary two days weekly for a charity in the general community helping out people in need. I donate on four levels - to the parish and priests in the Sunday Mass collections and small amount to two charities via monthly direct debt. Compared to the commitments of some in time and effort, finances, I know this is almost a nothing - but I do not compare myself with others any more and at 69yrs I would hope that I have indeed learnt a few things along the way.

Spiritual direction. I have a priest religious as SD. It is all a matter of knowing oneself and one’s needs and abilities with some confidence and a sound spiritual director can facilitate one to do this, if one is unable to do it oneself.

 

[fred_conty]

I wish I had Mother Teresa’s exact quote for you but here is the jest of it. The greatest thing you can do for others is to pray for them.

Just think if you were able to save one person from terrible suffering for all eternity. That in itself would be a huge gift to offer to Jesus. And nothing pleases Jesus more than the love you offer to him for those who need him the most. Prayer is action.

We just can’t even begin to understand the love Jesus bears in his heart for us. It is overwhelming. He is your greatest lover and friend. Take consolation in him and talk to him frequently thruout the day. Offer your life for those who need him so much to win for them the grace of salvation. Do this and your life will be fruitfull.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[MacQ]

Ok…the only reason I’m focused on the negative is because I am trying to cover the variety of reasons that one might be struggling with this particular issue. For various people at various points in their lives, it’s more complicated than "just get out and do it!!!" Let’s take, for instance, volunteering to build a habitat house. I looked into the projects in my area and right away, I can see that two things might be an issue for some folks 1) they require a minimal monetary donation of $50 and 2) transportation to/from the site.

I’m assuming that people have been praying on this subject…but not finding any answers. I’m trying to start a conversation about how we often hear about how we’re called to do this and that…but there are certain underlying assumptions about access and ability when it comes to these things. Upon further reflection, I realize that this may not be the time or place for such a discussion.

It might help to focus on what aside from being single is the problem.
Married people have time constraints, work issues, and pretty much everything you named.

 

[whatsmyname]

I’m single, too, and I have no close people in my life. My family lives in another state. I work an erratic schedule that changes every month, and sometimes I am on call all the time never knowing when I’ll be working so it is hard to make commitments. I move to a new state every couple years. I am extremely shy and introverted. I have absolutely no idea how to make close friends although I have a lot of acquaintances.

I volunteer to feed the homeless at my church. They have way too many volunteers, but I decided just to keep showing up anyways so I can feel like I’m trying to be useful and because it is good for me to be forced to talk to people. I’ve found that though they have way too many volunteers, they’re short on people who will be truly helpful. Nobody likes doing dishes or taking out the trash so I’m highly valued because I don’t mind doing those things.

My church built a habitat home and I was interested but didn’t go because of transportation issues. That’s the sort of thing where it would have been nice to have a spouse or friends to go with.

I think if you are single and have a lot of free time, it is important to make some sort of schedule for yourself with housework, bill paying, shopping, praying, etc. With nobody else to be accountable to, it’s too easy to slip into lax habits. And I think it is important to force yourself to volunteer or go to a Bible study or prayer group or something like that just to make sure you don’t get too isolated, to take the focus off yourself and put it on other things. Feed the needy at your church or a food bank, be a greeter at church, read the scriptures at Mass, run errands for the elderly/homebound, etc. There are opportunities, but you may have to look hard for them. And, at many churches, the same group of people does all the work never letting in new people. You kind of have to force yourself in and become part of that group.

 

[adele78]

It might help to focus on what aside from being single is the problem.
Married people have time constraints, work issues, and pretty much everything you named.

I think the OP mentioned lack of access, which may mean transportation issues. Not everyone can afford a car.

Also, the OP mentioned ability which may indicate internal talents and abilities or opportunities available in one’s area.

It’s true that married people encounter many of these limitations. However, 1) Married people always have at least one other person to support them when the going gets tough. Example, my brother-in-law has been out of work for months now. but it’s okay because my sister supports him. However, I would not ever dream of being out of work for that long if I had any other option. There are single people without living parents, siblings or extended family that would be out on the streets in the case of unemployment. Maybe there are married people in that case too, but it’s much less likely to become reality with two people that are potential breadwinners.

1. Married people are always considered to be living in community while a single person has to leave the house and volunteer in order to be considered a productive and unselfish member of the church. This is not to downplay the trials encountered by married people at all. But I do think that the OP is asking an important question. What can single people do, in the face of significant limitations, to be a part of the Catholic community?

 

[MacQ]

I think the OP mentioned lack of access, which may mean transportation issues. Not everyone can afford a car.

Also, the OP mentioned ability which may indicate internal talents and abilities or opportunities available in one’s area.

It’s true that married people encounter many of these limitations. However, 1) Married people always have at least one other person to support them when the going gets tough. Example, my brother-in-law has been out of work for months now. but it’s okay because my sister supports him. However, I would not ever dream of being out of work for that long if I had any other option. There are single people without living parents, siblings or extended family that would be out on the streets in the case of unemployment. Maybe there are married people in that case too, but it’s much less likely to become reality with two people that are potential breadwinners.

1. Married people are always considered to be living in community while a single person has to leave the house and volunteer in order to be considered a productive and unselfish member of the church. This is not to downplay the trials encountered by married people at all. But I do think that the OP is asking an important question. What can single people do, in the face of significant limitations, to be a part of the Catholic community?

Always greener on the other side of the fence I guess.
Unemployment isn’t any easier when there is more than one mouth to feed.
People don’t acquire new skills or abilities when they get married.
And they too have to leave the house to volunteer.

Sorry, I think too much focus on the singlehood, and not enough on other reasons that one might explore and examine.

 

[adele78]

Always greener on the other side of the fence I guess.
Unemployment isn’t any easier when there is more than one mouth to feed.
People don’t acquire new skills or abilities when they get married.
And they too have to leave the house to volunteer.

Sorry, I think too much focus on the singlehood, and not enough on other reasons that one might explore and examine.

Are you kidding me? My brother-in-law isn’t working. Not only does he have my sister working and supporting him, they are living in my condo and not paying rent. So you know what? I do think it’s easier to be married. Two breadwinners, one house. I would never have that much support if I was out of work.

This thread is focused on single hood because the title of the thread is “single hood and selfishness.” If you don’t want to read about the single life, don’t read threads about singles.

 

[henpecked]

you can always give money to vetted charitable organizations - from the comfort of your chair. That at least helps further God’s work. I can identify somewhat - I was single until age 32. Up to that point I was a pretty poor example of a Catholic single person.

 

[MacQ]

Are you kidding me? My brother-in-law isn’t working. Not only does he have my sister working and supporting him, they are living in my condo and not paying rent. So you know what? I do think it’s easier to be married. Two breadwinners, one house. I would never have that much support if I was out of work.

This thread is focused on single hood because the title of the thread is “single hood and selfishness.” If you don’t want to read about the single life, don’t read threads about singles.

Yes, that’s the title of the thread. I simply said that being single is not the problem.
It’s called questioning the basic assumption.
I hope things work out for you and your siblings.