I only call it “evil” because I think it’s superficial, fake and just dumb! I know it’s not evil
But is it necessary?! If someone flirts with me, I think it’s fake because he obviously does that with everyone else - it means nothing and is so ridiculous (to me). But is this just a game that you must play if you want to be a part of the dating world? If I just refuse to give the girlish smile and bat the eyelashes, does that mean I can forget about being asked out?
Largely - yes. Completely - no. You will not be asked out by men who are looking for quick progress or by shy or insecure ones. Chances are that some good guys will think you aren’t interested. However, nothing is worth compromising your integrity. If giving a flirtatious asnwert to a compliment, for instance, would feel like a lie, then it’s not worth it.
As for “everyone else”, it’s not the same all across the board. Some men will always tell a lady she looks good when she does, some only if they are attracted, some only if they have feelings. This doesn’t prejudge whether they’re good men or not.
I congratulate you on not putting up vain shows - faking it and batting your lashes whenever someone utters a half-decent complement, as you describe it, would indeed be a bit cheap. I’d just suggest that you make sure that when you want a man to know you’re interested or your like him or respect him, that he gets the message.
When it comes to replying to compliments, it may be a good idea to try and return it somehow - after all, trying to find a genuine good thing to say about someone is a charitable exercise. Don’t have to fake it - come up with a real one.
At worst you can just say ,“thank you,” “thank you, that is most kind of you,” something like that. “Thank you, you don’t look/sing/speak Spanish/play volleyball bad either,” - if you believe it.
And don’t have to put up with anything you find offensive or demeaning.
Finally, let me reassure you that there are some men who appreciate the woman who doesn’t appreciate poor sexually charged jokes and similar low quality come-ons. And the one who doesn’t bat her lashes for everybody.
But do make sure if you care, the guy gets the message. If you have a certain feeling and you don’t see it as wrong, then it shouldn’t normally be wrong to communicate it. If you employ a licit way of communicating a licit feeling (feelings are morally neutral, but I mean a feeling one’s free to harbour), it’s all right and there’s nothing wrong in it. Also, if you prefer to be descriptive rather than illustrative - e.g. saying, “that’s impressive,” “wow, I liked that,” “you’re very kind,” “I find your company comforting,” “you look good tonight,” rather than letting it show through some act, then that’s fine as well.
In short, be yourself.
Your nickname gives you a suggestion too, I trust.
