Sinking in my own depression have no hope

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realtiger

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I fell in love with a girl in high school. But I was so obsessive towards her that even the principal and school therapist had to intervene. I sent her a message that said I’m still in love with you on myspace and then I lied and said “a friend hijacked my myspace account. I apologized to her and she blocked me. I went to confession and I didn’t get healed. What’s worse is she is now more successful than me. I wish I were dead. This isn’t the first time I have ever done this. I have pushed a countless number of women away. I would take my life away but I feel I’m already in hell right here. I helped this girl when she said she wanted to stop caring about what others think about her and spent three days giving her advice (perhaps if I had not done this I would have never liked her in the first place.) I don’t have a reason to be here. I try to count my blessings but the pain is not going away even after 5 years. I would move on but I don’t have many friends and girls aren’t attracted to me. I feel I’m called to the priesthood so I can’t expect good things to happen in my life. I wish I could go back in time so I wouldn’t have done this mistake. I’m sinking in my own depression and I feel it’s almost too late for me to be saved.
 
Please get professional help right away. We are not allowed to give medical or psychological advice on these forums.

Please get help from a local counselor, a local crisis hotline, or your own pastor. There is help available and it can get better. You must reach out for help in your local community.
 
Are you seeing a therapist? If not, you should do so, immediately. If you are, then what sort of progress are you making in therapy? If none or little, consider switching therapists. Please also talk to your priest or spiritual director.

Your obssession is not healthy. Your purpose in life, and your joy, should never be tied to one particular person, and being unable to let go of the past will hinder your emotional, mental, and spiritual growth.

Please don’t try to date until you’ve gotten yourself into a better place. Best wishes to you; I hope you find healing and peace. The Lord offers them both to you, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment.
 
I am so proud of you for reaching out. Now, take the next step…call or go online to Catholic Therapists and start some very intensive work. You are too valuable to God and to the Body of Christ to NOT start this work.

My prayers are with you. Get going.
 
It’s part of LIFE, finding out that the world is a hard place
to live in… What you have going for you is EXPERIENCE,
negative but it will prove invaluable to you later on in life.
Look at what LEGACY you want to leave those you CARE
ABOUT. God doesn’t make losers, He sends trials our way
FOR OUR GOOD… to conform us to the image of His dear
Son(Rom 8:28-29)!

Hail holy queen, Mother of Mercy,
Our life our sweetness and our hope,
to you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve,
to you do we lift up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this Valley of Tears. Turn, then, Most gracious Advocate,
your eyes of mercy towards us and after this our exile,
show to us the blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus,
O clement, O living, O kind Virgin Mary!
(Pray for us O holy Mother of God,
that we may be made worthy of the promises of
Christ!).
Amen.
 
Realtiger, You are too young to be feeling this way. Our world is all messed up, so even though you meant well it back fired. When I was a young man I used to do what you did. I’d help girls with their problems and I’d fall in love with many as I did. But they never fell in love with me, putting me into deep depressions. Now I’m a pretty old man and I can assure you that helping a woman with her emotional problems will almost never make her fall in love with you. I think that only happens in movies, or books, and maybe TV shows. But not in reality.

I think you need to get in therapy too. But be careful who you go to.
 
You have gotten a lot of good advice here. Seek help to not look back, and be not afraid.
 
Not to be flippant, but I didn’t know anyone still used MySpace.

Anyway, I did a bunch of stupid things with women too. One tip from personal experience - take things slow, slow, slow with women. You move way too fast. And when you move too fast, you put your heart out there and it just gets stomped on repeatedly. So take it slow and it will get better
 
Thank you for your prayers. I really appreciate them. I guess I have learned my lesson. Although my future with women isn’t that great. I liked this girl as a friend at first and then I became attracted to her. I went to confession for this and the priest told me that as a penance I should tell her my feelings for her. I hesitated but I told her because I had to do a project and couldn’t concentrate and remember the priest telling this wouldn’t help me concentrate. I still regret telling her. It’s a shame because if I become a preacher I would like to have said “I went to confession many times and never regretted it once” but if I were to say this to people I would be lying because there is this regret with the penance about the girl. Recently, she reassured me we were friends but I still feel awkward talking to her. It’s such a shame it would have been nice to have a female friend but I don’t want the past to repeat itself and fear I might creep her out so I pretty much just cut her off.

I sent a friend request to a girl who I thought was my friend because we talked a lot but I think she ignored it. I texted “hey” once and no response. But at least I know better and I stopped talking to her and just forgot about her.

I met a girl at church but I only want to see her as a sister/friend. Like another poster said, I shouldn’t date for now. But also I feel it’s better to see women as sisters at this point. The bible tells us to do this.

I’m focusing on my career and I think this is good. When some doors are closed for me, this is chance for other doors to open for me and walk right to them and enter the room. I may be horrible with women and I may have bad social skills since I don’t have many people who want to hang out with me but at least I have a career. Luckily under God’s divine providence, I am an intern doing what I like to do. My career is like my gf. 🙂 I am studying to be a city planner and I love to go to cities during my spare time. Why obsess about something I don’t have if I could go to these cities for fun? Then maybe I could eat at a great restaurant, maybe ethnic. I love ethnic foods. Luckily I have the resources to eat and travel. Some people might say this is lame and I should find a girlfriend but this is what makes me happy.
 
Good to hear you are feeling better! I hope you continue to improve in confidence and happiness.

To be frank though; as men we have to get used to rejection, it is simply a fact of our existence. Especially in the realm of catholic dating because generally men make the first move. Sometimes in the past if I was rejected I took it badly, but often times it is actually not our heart that is hurt but our pride. The devil can deceive us into thinking we have suffered a heart-break when really we are just upset and frustrated at what we see as our own inadequacies, or a sense of being oppressed at having been denied our desires.

It is times like this when we have to remember that if it is not God’s will that we date this particular person, then there is no harm done. Yes that girl freely rejected you, but it was still a part of God’s plan, His saying ‘no’ to that specific desire of yours, and probably for a good reason. Remember that when it seems like He has denied you something, it is usually because He has something far greater in store.

It is likely that you will face more rejection, but look at it this way; if it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t meant to be. Clearly you and this girl are two different people, and a relationship would not have worked. Save your hopes for heaven in the mean time, and don’t invest them in people not well known to you; at such an age we are all fragile.
 
It doesn’t get better. I found out she owns a shoe company now, is assistant manager in another company, and is much more successful than me. I feel so worthless and she won’t even hear my apologies she blocked me. I have to live with this guilt. She is like the person who I guess was hurt by me and won meanwhile I’m the loser who lost. It is like she is the good person who won while I’m the “bad guy” who lost. I am probably going to have to be stuck being a preacher or a priest. That is why I really have to be successful in life. But still I may not be reach up to her. I wish God could just take me to heaven now.

On a side note, I met a girl. Well we have known each other for about two years. We had lunch together and she is very loving, intelligent, and caring. When I told her I was suicidal she texted me at around 4 am in the morning praying for me. But I can’t focus on her because I remember in a retreat somebody saying that if I put someone or something over God I might lose that person or thing, something around those lines. Plus I try to see her as a sister.
 
Realtiger, have you gotten an counseling as previous posters have suggested? I really think that would help you.
 
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