Sinning and Sinning and Sinning and ......

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Ok, so i’ve been in the church officially for about a month and a half now. I’ve been doing a weekly confession since about the middle of January, and i’m going crazy. The weekly confession wasn’t out of devotion, it was out of necessity.

I truly feel like my mentality has changed from my old self. I have been transformed, and I have not given up my journey. I keep my faith dear to my heart, it is very important to me. My spirit rejoices at mass, but there is an old part of me that just doesn’t want to die. This part of me, it loves sin. It wants me to sin, it secretly craves it. I feel like i have two identities, one that is in control most of the time, and the other that gains the upper hand for just a few moments, but long enough to do serious damage.

I cannot stop sinning.I have given up trying to stop of my own will, I am too weak to stop. I gave myself to Jesus, i offer him all the aspects of my being. I still sin. Sin, confession, sin, confession, sin, confession, like clockwork, for 18 weeks solid. I don’t want to sin, except for the 15 seconds that it happens.

I know i am not supposed to get down on myself after mortal sin, i don’t. But, it is getting hard not to. Very slowly I have begun to feel dry, and alone. I feel like a hipocryte when i pray. I feel like I am being tested, to see how much i can take, to be broken down and give up. During my conversion process i was filled with grace and fervour. Now, spiritual works are difficult for me to do.

I don’t plan to give up, or leave the church, or throw the towel in. But i cannot help but feel like a worthless piece of dirt, rotting away. I am alive in Christ, but then, how can i be alive in christ when i sin so often? I despise my sins but there is a part of me that rejoices in my iniquity.

Can anyone relate to what i’m saying? Offer words of support? I’m wasting away over here
 
I know exactley what you are saying. I can’t really offer advice other than to pray as much as you can. BUT, Satan will tempt you during prayer. There is a wonderful book by Brother Lawrence called “The Practice of the Prescence of God.” If we pray as constantly as we can, then we will not sin because we will be with God. I know how you feel, and I feel that feeling every day. Take Courage, Pray, and try not to fall into temptation. Oh, and keep going to confession.
 
Thank you my friend,

i am glad to know i am not alone in this. Knowing that there is at least one other person going through the same stuff is comforting.

ps that’s a pretty awesome sig quote you got there
 
May God’s peace. love , mercy and healing be with you and to all!

Welcome to the only Church founded by Christ!

We have to realize that the Church is comprised of sinners. Somebody once said that a saint is a sinner that perseveres. So, when you fall just turn to Our Good Lord and get back up, persevere, never give up and never look back. Even Our Good Lord Jesus fell 3 times but each time He got back up. This is to show us that we have to do the same thing when we fall.

It is good that you always have recourse to the Sacrament of Confession. You also have to avoid near occasion of sins. Keep yourself busy so the evil one will have a hard time tempting you to commit that same sin. Do daily Scripture and spiritual reading (lives of the saints etc.), praying the rosary and or chaplet of Divine Mercy. Go to holy mass and receive Our Good Lord Jesus in holy communion as often as you can so you will have God’s grace and strength to overcome evil, sin and temptation.

Do not let the evil one drive you to despair. Otherwise you have already lost the battle you have just started.

Do not lose heart. Remember, God’s Mercy is far greater than all our sins combined. All our sins combined is only a drop in God’s Infinite ocean of Mercy. So, turn to Him every time and ask for forgiveness for having offended Him Who is All Good and deserving of all our love. Then firmly resolve with the help of God’s grace to sin no more and live that life of love for God and neighbor.

God bless!

Praying for you and for all!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!
 
In all honesty, I think your life reflects all Christians. In fact there is a monastery (I think I heard about it from Father Corapi) where when someone asks them what do they do in the monastery every day, the monks answer, “We fall, and we get up, we fall, and we get up…”

Keep doing what you are doing. And recognize what others have said about the devil whispering to you that this is futile…
 
revelations said:
Ok, so i’ve been in the church officially for about a month and a half now. I’ve been doing a weekly confession since about the middle of January, and i’m going crazy. The weekly confession wasn’t out of devotion, it was out of necessity.
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Mine, too - I went to Confession weekly and sometimes even more often than that for the first year and a half that I was in the Church, because of a really bad habit that I had acquired in my youth.

It took about six months to start to notice any difference, but here I am seven years later, and although the bad habit surfaces during times of stress, I’m going to Confession about once every two months now, and having to think of stuff to Confess because I haven’t got anything serious on my conscience, most of the time.

The only advice I can think of to give you is, don’t focus on your bad habit. Yes, obviously, go to Confession when necessary, but don’t obsess about it in between times. Instead, focus on all the new things you are learning and all the new experiences you are having. Enjoy this time as a new convert in the Church. 🙂
 
Hello revelations,

Have you expressed your anxiety over this to your confessor? Are you sure this is a mortal sin you are repeating?

Remember Jesus’ words in the gospel today at Mass - ‘Peace be with you’. God is gazing at you right now and loving you. He loves you even in the moment you are sinning, and He always desires you to turn to Him with your struggles.

It is not God at work when you feel like a ‘worthless piece of dirt, rotting away’, it is the devil. He delights in your misery - don’t give him that pleasure. You do not belong to him, you are God’s child - I encourage you to fight!

In a way you must do what you said - break down and give up. Give UP to God. Right in the moment when your sinful ‘identity’ takes over, you must do something drastic - cry out to God for His help! Prepare a prayer beforehand, a simple sentence that you can say right when you need Him most. Repeat it over and over again if you have to. Get up and leave the situation that is tempting you!

What you said about your good ‘identity’ is also very telling - you said this identity is ‘in control most of the time’ - that identity you also must give UP. Let GOD be in control - it will take a lot of pressure off, and bring you the peace He wants to give you!

Mary, please pray for us, that we may resist temptation and turn to God when we are weak. Teach us to trust Him with our whole hearts. Amen.
 
jmcrae said:
Mine, too - I went to Confession weekly and sometimes even more often than that for the first year and a half that I was in the Church, because of a really bad habit that I had acquired in my youth.

It took about six months to start to notice any difference, but here I am seven years later, and although the bad habit surfaces during times of stress, I’m going to Confession about once every two months now, and having to think of stuff to Confess because I haven’t got anything serious on my conscience, most of the time.

The only advice I can think of to give you is, don’t focus on your bad habit. Yes, obviously, go to Confession when necessary, but don’t obsess about it in between times. Instead, focus on all the new things you are learning and all the new experiences you are having. Enjoy this time as a new convert in the Church. 🙂
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I had the same sort of experience. Don’t worry! It’s not from Him. Pray for His Mercy which is greater even then His Justice, do what seems like the best you can do with as many of the Sacramental Graces as you can, and praise and thank Him for loving a sinner (as we all are).
 
I’m in the same boat as you. Just joined the church this year. Fell quickly back into old sins.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been to confession in over five weeks because I know I’ll just do it again.

lost
 
Forgive me for repeating myself in this forum, but its so appropriate to this thread, I must do so.

A wise priest told me once in my confession of a sin that I continually struggled with;
“Until the reason to not commit this sin becomes stronger than the desire, you will continue to do it.”

I had to reflect on this and he is right.

Also the issue becomes the transformation of the heart, over the practice of religion.

There will be debate on this I’m sure, but full knowledge and consent, which is required for a sin to be mortal, means that you must not only have intellectual knowledge, but the heart knowledge as well. If you don’t understand what sin is, how can you have full knowledge?

What you must do, is to turn to God in the context of love. “God can not be grasped except through love,” and until you have this love, which can only come through contemplative prayer, you will not have the transformation of heart, that will lead you to the understand fully why sin is so offensive to God. From there, the reason to avoid sin, will become stronger than the desire.

Without contemplative prayer, I believe you will be only practicing religion, and will not become a Christian that God desires. Only transforming grace can accomplish this in you, and only prayer in the depth of your being, can open you to it.

God Bless
Jim
 
d_floyd77 said:
I’m in the same boat as you. Just joined the church this year. Fell quickly back into old sins.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been to confession in over five weeks because I know I’ll just do it again.

lost
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Get a Spiritual Director. 🙂
 
revelations,

Join the club…we all have our struggles. When I think of sin and my Catholic Christianity as you have expressed it, I always return to the following passage of scripture.

Gal 5:16-25
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are plain: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

We must crucify the flesh with its passions and desires. Clearly, this isn’t something we do over night. This is a life long struggle, and we are in a battle. You are running well…do not get discouraged.

You might want to read 1 John chapter 1. It helps to put confession into perspective.

We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Sanctification is a life long process. We struggle against the flesh and the human weakness incurred by the fall of Adam. Your struggle is the struggle faced by all Christians from Pentecost until now. Put your trust in God, and love God above all things. In time, God will crush Satan under our feet.[Romans 16:20]
 
d_floyd77 said:
Would you have any advice on how to go about doing that?

Thanks,

James
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Most convents and monasteries offer Spiritual Direction; so do many priests. You can ask your priest at the time of your next Confession what the best way is, in your area, for getting a Spiritual Director. (You could even ask him if he would be your Spiritual Director, if you like him.)
 
Hi,

I completely understand and feel the same way. After confession I feel so pure and close to God and although I have every intention of sinning no more, I always do. I too feel like dirt and a hypocrite. There is a good little book about confession that asks why we keep going to confession if we know we will eventually sin again. The answer: Why do you always wash your clothing knowing they will eventually get dirty and need washing again?

My priest in confession always reminds me of something: We need to truly hate our sin and vow not to do it again, BUT if (when) we do, the important thing is that we always TRY. The only time we lose is if WE give up. God will always accept us as long as we, from the ground, raise our hand for help up.

I commend your frequent Confession! Many Catholics abandoned this very important Sacrament!
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Forgive me for repeating myself in this forum, but its so appropriate to this thread, I must do so.

A wise priest told me once in my confession of a sin that I continually struggled with;
“Until the reason to not commit this sin becomes stronger than the desire, you will continue to do it.”

I had to reflect on this and he is right.

Also the issue becomes the transformation of the heart, over the practice of religion.

There will be debate on this I’m sure, but full knowledge and consent, which is required for a sin to be mortal, means that you must not only have intellectual knowledge, but the heart knowledge as well. If you don’t understand what sin is, how can you have full knowledge?

What you must do, is to turn to God in the context of love. “God can not be grasped except through love,” and until you have this love, which can only come through contemplative prayer, you will not have the transformation of heart, that will lead you to the understand fully why sin is so offensive to God. From there, the reason to avoid sin, will become stronger than the desire.

Without contemplative prayer, I believe you will be only practicing religion, and will not become a Christian that God desires. Only transforming grace can accomplish this in you, and only prayer in the depth of your being, can open you to it.

God Bless
Jim
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I very strongly agree with your post, Jim and the OP - trying to change all yourself is a form of pelagianism - a heresy condemned by the Church. Expecting ourselves to be always morally perfect can turn into a form of Jansenism - another heresy condemned by the Church. We need to relax, love God striving to be as like Him as we can and realizing that on earth we won’t succeed totally. We need to use our knowledge of ourselves as constant sinners as a way of truly developing humility. Pray, pray, and pray more…humility and conversion of heart along with gratitude to Him for all His blessings,even when we don’t understand them, are foundational!
 
DJHohl said:
Hi,

I completely understand and feel the same way. After confession I feel so pure and close to God and although I have every intention of sinning no more, I always do. I too feel like dirt and a hypocrite. There is a good little book about confession that asks why we keep going to confession if we know we will eventually sin again. The answer: Why do you always wash your clothing knowing they will eventually get dirty and need washing again?

My priest in confession always reminds me of something: We need to truly hate our sin and vow not to do it again, BUT if (when) we do, the important thing is that we always TRY. The only time we lose is if WE give up. God will always accept us as long as we, from the ground, raise our hand for help up.

I commend your frequent Confession! Many Catholics abandoned this very important Sacrament!
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👍
 
Hello everyone,

thank you for the encouraging replies. You have all comforted my thoughts beyond what i ever imagined. As always, this wonderful forum provides guidance and reflection for all the stages of my spiritual journey.

Bless you all,

-revelatiosn
 
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