Sinning in cycles

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winny

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Hello,

I need some help/ advice. I am Catholic and I love God. I feel so empty when I sin and separate myself from him. I am never happier than when I’m with him and not sinning. However, I still commit a mortal sin at least once a month. It’s usually the same sins too… drinking to excess, masturbation, missing Sunday mass, receiving the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin… the thing is… when I commit a mortal sin, I don’t go to confession right away. Then something just makes me feel that 'well you already have a mortal sin on your soul… so it doesn’t matter that you commit another one because no matter what you can’t receive the Eucharist and you’ll need to go to confession. For example, ill drink too much on a friday night, then I won’t ‘feel like’ going to Sunday mass and then ill keep going with the mortal sins not caring. Until I hit rock bottom, where I realize how empty and awful life can be without God and then repent and go to confession. I feel SO strong after being absolved and I truly make a decision to not let that fall happen again. And the situation is repeated and I do EXACTLY the same things within a month or 2.

I have come a LONG way from what I used to be though. I never even believed there was a God until 2010 when I had a powerful conversion where I found out He is real and really loves me. Not an excuse but just to give you more of an idea of me…

I usually go to confession to this one priest at another church (not my parish, although I do go there for mass occasionally. This priest has been excellent and has just the right words to say to re energize me and gives good advice. However, I went to confession today to him and he totally called me out. He said he didn’t know what to do with me since I won’t break my patterns and the same thing always happens, where I sin and sin and sin until I feel guilty and come to confession. I left church and said a quick penance and cried in my car after…

See, I don’t blame him because it’s totally what I do. He’s right and I have been thinking that I don’t deserve to be forgiven which is why I always put off going to confession after that 1st mortal sin. He was harsh but he had a right to be… must get tiring hearing the same thing from the same person so many times… I tend to go to confession when I’m at my lowest and so I’ve got a lot on my soul…

What I can’t seem to figure out is how do I get out of this cycle?? I can say I won’t sin but I know i will slip because history has proved it… no matter how determined and close to God I am… I always sin somehow… I always break my promise…

praying everyday is huge I know but I just don’t remember to set a day and time which is awful I know… i do talk to God all throughout the day but no set time for prayer… I can’t seem to stick to a schedule…

Any suggestions?? I’m bummed that the priest didn’t even know what to say to me and I’m feeling pretty hopeless right now even though I was still absolved… I don’t know how to just break free of this cycle and I’m so nervous for that time where I decide to sin again. … so lost 😦 any responses would be appreciated. .

Thanks for reading and God bless you all.
 
I cannot offer a great deal of advice except that which helped me.

I developed a “visual prayer”…After all, if we can “visualize” toward sin - why not “visualize” away from it…
So I prayed, “Father, take me to the foot of the cross”, and then began thinking, visualizing myself there. Gazing on the scene of the one who died for my sins.
Hot, dry, dusty day.
The foot of the cross buried in the ground.
The wood of the cross stained black from blood and sweat.
The feet of our Lord.
Filthy and stained and dripping blood and sweat.
I did this - I put Him there - Not alone - but I helped.
Every time I sin, it is increases His pain.
If I refrain, it eases His pain.
Feel the heat of that day, the dryness of the air.
How thirsty He is…
…and so on…

How could I possibly sin while standing at the foot of the cross.

As a corollary to the idea of our sin putting Him on the cross, Think of him carrying the cross. Consider how the cross is the accumulation of our sins and how Jesus had to carry this cross. Each time we sin, the cross gets heavier…Each time we resist sin, the cross gets lighter.

Hope this helps a little.

Peace
James
 
Perhaps the priest “did” know what to say to you - he jarred you, much as Jesus jarred people who were somehow not thinking right.

Would you like to be joyful?
St James wrote: Consider it Joy (rejoice / be happy) when you are tested.
And how are you tested? He wrote: We are tested with the Luring that happens within us, the thoughts we have of how to fulfill our desires. Our desires are GOOD. But they are there for two reasons: First, to be a controlled testing ground for us so that we can grow in perseverance in rejecting the luring to fulfill the desires ourselves. Second, our desires are part of us because they are the place, the time, to remember that all good comes down from our Father from above. Adam and Eve did not remember God saying you may eat of all these other trees (fulfilling desire), but instead they listened to the luring of the thoughts “the fruit of this other tree seemed desirable to make one wise”.

So, when you find yourself desiring, it is time to stop, and say, “Father, I desire (the actual thing you desire, not the solution you imagined to satisfy the desire) - I am awaiting the good you will send to me”. Then rejoice at this momentary success that he gives you.

I said, “The actual thing you desire, not the solution you imagined to satisfy your desire” - some people pray to win the lottery, but that is a solution they imagined for a desire. What was the actual desire? Probably a desire to live without anxiety. or even prior to that. The idea of the lottery came about in the luring and enticing we all get in our imaginations when we desire something. St. James is calling us, you and me, to stop look and listen - stop imagining how to fix your desire when you realize you are doing it, look at what you really desire, and then pray for that to your Father, from whom all good comes, and listen for him.

All the “sins” happen when you carry out the imaginations for fulfilling the actual desires, because your desires were not put in you for you to fulfill yourself, but for you to turn to your Provider and to rejoice in His provisions.

John Martin
 
winny,

You said that you’ve come a long way. That’s great! Our conversion is a lifelong process. Day by day we learn to follow after our Lord. To learn discipline and obedience to Him.
I know those cycles you speak of, and how frustrating that is. Never give up. Keep running back to Jesus.
God loves you RIGHT NOW and he’s with you RIGHT NOW.
You said you feel you don’t “deserve” to be forgiven. None of us do deserve to be forgiven, but His Mercy is boundless, and His Love is boundless. Keep at it.
Remember when Peter said to Jesus in Luke 5; “Go away from me Lord. I am a sinful man!”. Yeah, don’t we know how Peter felt? Jesus told Peter though; “Do not be afraid”.

Stay with him, winny. Remember that ‘The accuser of our brethren has been cast out!’, so do not listen to that voice of the Evil One who tries to bring us down, always whispering that Jesus would reject us. That he’s angry with us. That’s a lie! Go to Jesus, and do like John when he reclined with Christ at dinner and lay your head on Christ’s chest and be quiet and listen to the heartbeat of the God who loves you and gave himself for YOU.

Maybe take some time and read carefully again the Gospel according to John, putting yourself in the place of “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, as John says. Just absorb it from start to finish where it’s you standing with Jesus at his cross. Stay with him, winny.

God bless you!
 
winny said:
Hello,

I need some help/ advice. I am Catholic and I love God. I feel so empty when I sin and separate myself from him. I am never happier than when I’m with him and not sinning. However, I still commit a mortal sin at least once a month. It’s usually the same sins too… drinking to excess, masturbation, missing Sunday mass, receiving the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin… the thing is… when I commit a mortal sin, I don’t go to confession right away. Then something just makes me feel that 'well you already have a mortal sin on your soul… so it doesn’t matter that you commit another one because no matter what you can’t receive the Eucharist and you’ll need to go to confession. For example, ill drink too much on a friday night, then I won’t ‘feel like’ going to Sunday mass and then ill keep going with the mortal sins not caring. Until I hit rock bottom, where I realize how empty and awful life can be without God and then repent and go to confession. I feel SO strong after being absolved and I truly make a decision to not let that fall happen again. And the situation is repeated and I do EXACTLY the same things within a month or 2.

I have come a LONG way from what I used to be though. I never even believed there was a God until 2010 when I had a powerful conversion where I found out He is real and really loves me. Not an excuse but just to give you more of an idea of me…

I usually go to confession to this one priest at another church (not my parish, although I do go there for mass occasionally. This priest has been excellent and has just the right words to say to re energize me and gives good advice. However, I went to confession today to him and he totally called me out. He said he didn’t know what to do with me since I won’t break my patterns and the same thing always happens, where I sin and sin and sin until I feel guilty and come to confession. I left church and said a quick penance and cried in my car after…

See, I don’t blame him because it’s totally what I do. He’s right and I have been thinking that I don’t deserve to be forgiven which is why I always put off going to confession after that 1st mortal sin. He was harsh but he had a right to be… must get tiring hearing the same thing from the same person so many times… I tend to go to confession when I’m at my lowest and so I’ve got a lot on my soul…

What I can’t seem to figure out is how do I get out of this cycle?? I can say I won’t sin but I know i will slip because history has proved it… no matter how determined and close to God I am… I always sin somehow… I always break my promise…

praying everyday is huge I know but I just don’t remember to set a day and time which is awful I know… i do talk to God all throughout the day but no set time for prayer… I can’t seem to stick to a schedule…

Any suggestions?? I’m bummed that the priest didn’t even know what to say to me and I’m feeling pretty hopeless right now even though I was still absolved… I don’t know how to just break free of this cycle and I’m so nervous for that time where I decide to sin again. … so lost 😦 any responses would be appreciated. .

Thanks for reading and God bless you all.
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  1. Pray the rosary
  2. Go to Daily Mass
  3. Find out if and when some of these sins (like masturbation) are in fact always mortal in your case by asking a priest or your confessor.
  4. Going to Sunday Mass is an obligation. I think you need to reflect on why this is not happening. There are good reasons for missing Mass like illness.
  5. You need to keep going to Confession, but it’s probably time for you to see a priest outside of Confession for some spiritual direction.
 
Winni, you need to go to confession at least every week, and not for advice from the priest, and neither for him to console you or support you. What you need are the graces that you receive from confession to strengthen your determination and resolve.

What can the priest say in the confessional to you that you can’t find in a good spiritual book. Go to confession in faith, that it is Jesus who is touching you thru the priest. Be faithful to confession every week so you receive the powerful hand of Jesus on you.

And you also need daily prayer. Not only little thoughts thru the day, but a time when you dedicate your full attention to Jesus, giving your complete self to him. Daily prayer is a necessity and not a luxury. If you want to stay faithful, you must do it. There is no other way.

Another way to develope spiritual muscle is self denial. Give up an hour of you TV time in the evening in order to pray or read something spiritual. This is just a suggestion, and you must give some thought to just what you are able to do and how to fit this into your life. But do something to show God your sincerity and desire to love him.

One prayer to remember thru the day is, “Mary must pure, make me like you.” Very powerful if thoughtfully said over and over and over.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
JRKH,

Thank you soo much for your personal take on this. That is a beautiful way of looking at the situation and I have found myself thinking of this a lot since I first read it yesterday night. I hope that image stays with me every time I am tempted to sin. I think it’ll really help me. Thanks again for that 🙂

John Martin,

That’s a really great comparison to Jesus jarring people who weren’t thinking right. Never thought of that.

As for praying to God to give me the desires of His heart rather than my own (where His desires are really my true desires)… it’s funny you said that because I HAVE begun to ask God for what HE wants for me and not what I think I want. See, God has been sooooooo good to me and generally gives me every big thing I ask Him for… but eventually, like anything of this world, the initial elation at the answered prayer is replaced with a yearning for more. I’ve noticed this over the last few years and am slowly realizing that maybe I should start praying for what HE wants for me (whatever that is)… thing is, I’m scared… I’m scared that what He wants is not something I will want… like joining religious life… so I’ve been asking but I’ve never truly asked Him… so maybe this is the time to just let go and really see what He wants for my life. If it’s Him, I can’t really go wrong can I, no matter what I think I know and want… thanks for your response, I have a lot of praying to do.

Nigel7,

Thank you for that uplifting reply! It’s so easy to forget when I’m feeling so low. It’s hard for me to understand His love and mercy when I just feel like I’m taking advantage of it with this cycle of sinning… it’s like I knew what’s going to happen every time I went to confession… I knew that eventually, some way or other I would sin again and it just feels like I’m taking advantage of God’s mercy… which may be why I just pile the sins on because I feel soooo unworthy to go back to Him. But eventually I become so miserable and full of pain and sadness and lack love and compassion from severing my relationship with God that I realize I literally can’t go on with my life without God. And thus how I keep going to confession and going back to God. I will definitely read John again. Thank you for suggesting that.

SuperLuigi,

Thank you for your reply. I will look into seeing a priest for spiritual direction. I just need to find one I feel I can trust and talk to… I can’t go to daily mass because of my work and volunteer schedule but maybe I can start praying the rossry daily… great suggestions.

As for Sunday mass obligation… I had a strong conversion in 2010 but before that I never saw value in Sunday mass and went only because it was an obligation and for a few years I stopped all together. After my conversion I went to mass but deep down didn’t think it was thaat important. I prayed that God would help me see why I needed to go and around 6 months ago I really started to take Sunday mass seriously . I’d go even if I couldn’t receive communion. … I just sometimes slip back into my old ways of thinking and miss mass… so maybe I should listen to the Cd that changed my view of the mass before… thank you for that.

fred conty,

That’s a good idea to go to confession every week to make it part of my routine… maybe it’ll prevent me from spiralling as usual. I will make an effort to cut something out of my daily routine to make room for prayer time with God. Thank you.

Thank ALL of you for your caring responses. This is a journey but I’m in it for the long haul. Pray for me, please. I need all the help I can get. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
 
winny said:
JRKH,

Thank you soo much for your personal take on this. That is a beautiful way of looking at the situation and I have found myself thinking of this a lot since I first read it yesterday night. I hope that image stays with me every time I am tempted to sin. I think it’ll really help me. Thanks again for that 🙂
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Glad it is of help.

Just remember that one short prayer…“Lord take to the foot of the cross.” and this should help you to call to mind the vision and the sensations that are all part of the prayer.

Peace
James
 
winny, have you considered seeking psychological counseling?
 
janeway529 said:
winny, have you considered seeking psychological counseling?
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I have. But I am reluctant to talk about my faith with a psychologist because I’ve heard a lot of them don’t empathize with religious people. I had a friend tell me that they were told the reason for their guilt and self loathing was their beliefs about confession and sin… I just feel like the secular world wouldn’t understand. … but I am generalizing and maybe I should give it a shot… do you think that’s something that might help me?

Thanks for your suggestion! I’m going to try to find someone to see soon.
 
winny said:
I have. But I am reluctant to talk about my faith with a psychologist because I’ve heard a lot of them don’t empathize with religious people. I had a friend tell me that they were told the reason for their guilt and self loathing was their beliefs about confession and sin… I just feel like the secular world wouldn’t understand. … but I am generalizing and maybe I should give it a shot… do you think that’s something that might help me?

Thanks for your suggestion! I’m going to try to find someone to see soon.
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There ARE people of faith who are also psychologists. Not sure how you would go about finding one…but I know that they do exist. You might try googling “Christian psychologists” and your city or area and see what comes up.

Just a thought.

Peace
James
 
Hi winny,

I am so sorry for your struggles.

Prayers said for you.

Don’t get discouraged, or give up in any way.

If I were you, I would go for spiritual direction, like SuperLuigi already mentioned.

When I was feeling troubled, I would go to Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. Sometimes I would just sit there quietly for that Holy Hour.

If I couldn’t get to a Holy Hour, I would just go to Mass early and sit quietly in the church and pray before Mass started.
 
You need to make a firm purpose of amendment to not commit your mortal sins again…ever. You must plan beforehand how you will avoid committing them. If Friday drinking causes you to get drunk and miss Mass on Sunday, then you need to stop going out drinking on Friday night.
 
winny said:
What I can’t seem to figure out is how do I get out of this cycle?? I can say I won’t sin but I know i will slip because history has proved it… no matter how determined and close to God I am… I always sin somehow… I always break my promise…
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The simple but difficult answer is virtue.
Virtue is **the practice of **whatever virtue it is you need. Purity requires practice until it becomes habituated. Practice requires time and patience-and the help of other people. Most people enslaved to lust have no patience for the long haul, we want a magic bullet to make us feel better, and we want it now. This was the first step to conversion for me, to accept that my habitual sins would not disappear without my free will and making good tough choices.

Purity is a lot of hard work. But you have no reason to feel hopeless. In Christ anything is possible, you must believe that. But that possibility does lead through the cross, there is no avoiding it.
Be patient. Keep working at it. Keep going to confession. Talk to people. Talk to us, talk to others in your area who have the same struggle. Believe me, there are multitudes of others around you with the same struggle, all suffering silently. The silence and shame are part of the trap that enslaves you.

Edit: Let me just add that this is why “step” programs have been used for centuries to acquire virtue (St Bernard of Clairvaux has a great book that is the foundation of 12 step). Small steps are doable, otherwise it can be intimidating when one looks at the hard work required I talked about above. But in humble small steps you can have conversion. Many people do it successfully.
 
winny said:
Nigel7,

Thank you for that uplifting reply! It’s so easy to forget when I’m feeling so low. It’s hard for me to understand His love and mercy when I just feel like I’m taking advantage of it with this cycle of sinning… it’s like I knew what’s going to happen every time I went to confession… I knew that eventually, some way or other I would sin again and it just feels like I’m taking advantage of God’s mercy… which may be why I just pile the sins on because I feel soooo unworthy to go back to Him. But eventually I become so miserable and full of pain and sadness and lack love and compassion from severing my relationship with God that I realize I literally can’t go on with my life without God. And thus how I keep going to confession and going back to God. I will definitely read John again. Thank you for suggesting that.
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You’re welcome winny!

I promise that I have kept you in my prayers this week. 🙂

I know very well those struggles you describe. Focus on winning a battle today instead of worrying about losing the war. Keep at it. Pray daily for perseverance in these matters.

Hey winny, I had a priest tell me once that it’s better to stumble down the right path instead of running down the wrong path.
Keep on that right path, one single step at a time, not looking too far ahead (it’s too dark up there to see), praying to Jesus every morning before your feet hit the floor that he illuminate each single step forward by the light of His face. That’s all you need.

Glad to hear that you’re going to read John, putting yourself in the place of “the disciple whom Jesus loved”.

Also, take some quiet time with Psalm 51, with a contrite heart. It’s a prayer of David that he prayed after he fell down real hard. Something many of us sure can relate to.
Here > biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+51&version=NASB

God bless you!

Your brother in Christ,

Nigel
 
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