Sins within the marital act

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DoxieMama

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I am a new Catholic, confirmed last year, and am still trying to figure out what is acceptable during the marital act. I saw a thread about this recently, and am confused. I ran across this article catholicplanet.com/CCSE/marriage-sins.htm where the author claims that any act that is not natural intercourse is a mortal sin.
I talked to my priest about this and he said everything is acceptable (except anal), as long as it ends with the husband completing the act in the wife the natural way.(Sorry, trying not to be graphic). I also suffer from scrupulosity, and I recently read a wonderful book called Understanding Scrupulosity, in which the author states when in doubt, trust your confessor.
My problem is, the author of the article I just mentioned said that some priests fall into the idea that certain acts of foreplay are okay, and that it’s a heresy, etc.
So, I’m caught wondering who’s right.🤷 But, of course, I trust my priest and think I should listen to him.
Any advice?

DoxieMama
 
Trust your priest.

The site you visited is run by a layman who calls himself a theologian - he is self-appointed. He is merely writing his opinions, many of which do not reflect actual Church teaching. I find some of his opinions wrong, and others absurd - his writing on eschatology is truly mindboggling.

His work is not submitted to Church officials for review or approval, and thus you will not find any nihil obstat and imprimatur, which works that are approved by Church officials receive. So don’t waste your time reading his writings - you cannot know that any particular thing he says is true.

Again, listen to your priest. And if you want to read more about love and sex in Catholic marriage, there are books written about this which do have a nihil obstat and imprimatur, so you should have a look for those.
 
Basically, any marital act needs to involve a mutual self-giving; it is a matter of giving oneself to their spouse. Acts done where one is satisfying their lust by use of their spouse falls under the heading fornication. It is less about the act than the unitive facet about the act. And as your priest already mentioned, the act must end in the procreative facet. Both unitive and procreative need to be preserved.
 
Maybe replies to questions like this could be put in a sticky. It seems references to a particular person’s website and his articles about the marital embrace lead to similar questions over and over again.
 
Still learning about this but I know some Papal Encyclicals said that not everything is allowed in marriage (for example sodomy for sure) and Dietrich von Hildebrand, a great Catholic philosopher/theologian was against such things. I think we can also ask - what is most perfect? what reflects the dignity of marriage the best way? I’ve always felt more comfortable with giving it the greatest dignity as Dietrich von Hildebrand described. It also protects against lust more.
 
I would **not **recommend that website (Catholic Planet).

Nor am I aware of* any* Catholic person of note or organization of note that would recommend it either.

*Note too *there is a *lack of the needed imprimatur *for the published works (at least two of them require such).

Not a source for your questions.

See your confessor with your questions.
 
Also

I will re -post a past post of mine

A person struggles with scruples - what ought they do?

A person with scrupulosity --ought to have a* “regular confessor” who can direct them --and even give them some general principles* to follow -to apply (principles for them due to their particular scruples -they are usually not for those with a normal conscience).

Thus with their direction they can “dismiss scruples” (in the older language despise them) - “act against them”.

Scruples are to be dismissed ~ not argued with.

To borrow and image from a Carthusian from centuries ago: Scruples *are like a barking dog or a hissing goose -one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? * No one keeps walking.

Such ‘obedience’ to a regular confessor who knows of ones scruples (except in what is manifest sin - such as if he told them it was ok to murder someone or something certain like that) is key. Such is the age old practice.

Also counseling - could be helpful depending on the case -but one would want to look for a counselor who can assist one in following the Churches Teachings - not go contrary to them (I have heard CA staff mention catholictherapists.com/)

Here was a recent post from Jimmy Akin of CA that I saw in the Register and saved for those who struggle with such.

ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/6-tools-for-the-scrupulous
 
truetofaith said:
…but what he said is sometimes very difficult to accomplish!
Click to expand...
As one ages this difficulty is part of married life. The act still needs to be ordered to the proper ends even if it they are not in fact accomplished for various reasons. We do our best to cooperate with God’s design.
I let God handle the results.
 
clem456 said:
As one ages this difficulty is part of married life. The act still needs to be ordered to the proper ends even if it they are not in fact accomplished for various reasons. We do our best to cooperate with God’s design.
I let God handle the results.
Click to expand...
I know many Catholics who go to Communion every week but haven’t been to Confession in years because of this kind of embarrassment.
 
I think that the PROCREATIVE aspect of the sex act
or sexual acts is too often over-emphasized!!!
The sexual acts of a married couple are UNITIVE,
because husband and wife are ONE FLESH.
What one does in the bedroom is Okay in my books,
as long as it honors God and does no indignity to
your nor your partner.
 
GLam8833 said:
I think that the PROCREATIVE aspect of the sex act
or sexual acts is too often over-emphasized!!!
The sexual acts of a married couple are UNITIVE,
because husband and wife are ONE FLESH.
What one does in the bedroom is Okay in my books,
as long as it honors God and does no indignity to
your nor your partner.
Click to expand...
I think you have hit the nail on the head! Although some posters here might wish for there to be a very specific Catholic Sex Cathechism, most loving couples instinctively know what their partner is comfortable with and do not push the envelope.
 
I have long thought that one of the sins against the marital act was referring to it as the “marriage debt” – as though this most intimate of acts was some sort of commercial transaction. And yes, I’m aware that numerous Church documents use this term. Doesn’t make it right.
 
Tarpeian_Rock said:
I have long thought that one of the sins against the marital act was referring to it as the “marriage debt” – as though this most intimate of acts was some sort of commercial transaction. And yes, I’m aware that numerous Church documents use this term. Doesn’t make it right.
Click to expand...
Seems this is an archaic expression as the Catechism doesn’t use it.
Theology of the Body doesn’t use it either, and in my opinion anyway, TOB is the fullest and most eloquent expression of sexual morality available.

Marriage is reciprocal
It is a covenant not a contract.
 
clem456 said:
Seems this is an archaic expression as the Catechism doesn’t use it.
Theology of the Body doesn’t use it either, and in my opinion anyway, TOB is the fullest and most eloquent expression of sexual morality available.

Marriage is reciprocal
It is a covenant not a contract.
Click to expand...
Marriage is a contract and a covenant. There are certain rights and responsibilities that go with it. The Church has always taught that each spouse has a right to sex; it is a debt that is owed to each other (noting there are various circumstances that excuse it).

The previous canon was more clear on this point, but the current canon still explains it, somewhat obliquely:
Can. 1135 Each spouse has an equal duty and right to those things which belong to the partnership of conjugal life.
Click to expand...
This is interpreted to include sex.

“Debt” is a term that many people find odd, but is can be thought of as a possitive thing. Like our obligation to go to mass on Sunday. It is a responsibility for our own good.
 
In the marriage, between spouses, in the context of the marital act, there are:

some sexed and sexual laws;
some sexed and sexual rules;
some sexed and sexual obligations;
some sexed and sexual duties;
some sexed and sexual rights;
some sexed and sexual functions;
some sexed and sexual roles.
some sexed and sexual effects;
some sexed and sexual ends;
some sexed and sexual fruits;
some sexed and sexual goods;
some sexed and sexual joys;
some sexed and sexual pleasures;
some sexed and sexual orgasms;
some sexed and sexual afterglows;
some sexed and sexual donations;
some sexed and sexual receptions;
some sexed and sexual presents;
some sexed and sexual gifts;
some sexed and sexual offerings;
some sexed and sexual contributions;
some sexed and sexual efforts;
some sexed and sexual sacrifices;
some sexed and sexual liberties;
some sexed and sexual responsibilities;
some sensual and erotic privileges;
some sexed and sexual privileges;
some sensual and erotic preludes;
some sexed and sexual preludes;
some sensual and erotic preliminaries (foreplay);
some sexed and sexual preliminaries (foreplay);
some sensual and erotic post-liminaries;
some sexed and sexual post-liminaries;
some sexed and sexual postludes;
some sensual and erotic postludes;
some sexed and sexual advantages;
some sexed and sexual inconvenients;
some sexed and sexual risks;
some sexed and sexual pains;
a sexed and sexual yoke: a bilateral, mutual, reciprocal, equal, equitable, objective, phenomenological, personalist and fair yoke / submission, between the spouses, concerning the conjugal act;
some sexed and sexual debts;
a sexed and sexual life;
a sexed and sexual trust;

In the marriage, between spouses, there are:

the existence of the sexual donation of the body to the other and of the sexual reception of the body by the other, what implies that the body of wife is the body of the husband and that the body of husband is the body of the wife;

the existence of* the right to the body, of the right on the body and of the right of the body on the body of the other,* with the sexual rights, with the sexual obligations, with the sexual duties, the sexual roles, the sexual functions, for each member of the couple;
*
The doctrinal refusal of the existence* of the right to the body, of the right on the body and of the right of the body with all the corollaries, the consequences and the implications, before the marriage, can be a cause of nullity of catholic marriage. And the doctrinal refusal of practicing the right to the body, the right on the body and the right of the body with all the corollaries, the consequences and the implications, during the marriage, can be a cause of non-respect of the conjugal morality (wrong acts, wrong thoughts, wrong doctrines, wrong behaviors to give or to receive).
 
DoxieMama said:
I am a new Catholic, confirmed last year, and am still trying to figure out what is acceptable during the marital act. I saw a thread about this recently, and am confused. I ran across this article catholicplanet.com/CCSE/marriage-sins.htm where the author claims that any act that is not natural intercourse is a mortal sin.
I talked to my priest about this and he said everything is acceptable (except anal), as long as it ends with the husband completing the act in the wife the natural way.(Sorry, trying not to be graphic). I also suffer from scrupulosity, and I recently read a wonderful book called Understanding Scrupulosity, in which the author states when in doubt, trust your confessor.
My problem is, the author of the article I just mentioned said that some priests fall into the idea that certain acts of foreplay are okay, and that it’s a heresy, etc.
So, I’m caught wondering who’s right.🤷 But, of course, I trust my priest and think I should listen to him.
Any advice?

DoxieMama
Click to expand...
If you need, I can send to you some private messages with the list of sexed and sexual rights/ obligations / duties that are existing in the context of the marital act. It is, only, my humble view, in the details and without taboo.

Good reading and very good luck!!!

Sexual concessions to married couples and homosexuality

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=864991
 
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