Sister Divorced Living out of Wedlock

[ProdigalSon85]

My sister got divorced several months ago.

Long story short, her ex is an alcoholic and the relationship was toxic.
About six months before it ended, they had a male coworker move in with them.
He ended up taking their bedroom and they slept in twin beds in the loft.

Several months go by and my sister’s husband tells her it’s time to ask the coworker to leave.
Leads to fighting, but the coworker leaves.
This doesn’t save the marriage and they split.

DAYS after the papers are signed, the coworker moves back in.
I’ve been praying for the words to talk to my sister about this.

First and foremost, I care about her and don’t want to see her get hurt.
Second, although her ex struggled with booze, he was part of the family for ten years.
The ink isn’t even dry on the divorce and it FEELS LIKE she’s shacking up.

“If your brother sins, rebuke him.”

After praying on this for some time, I finally spoke to her in a compassionate, calm way.
She didn’t take it well and felt that I was judging her lifestyle despite me saying many times that I was not casting judgment.

 

[heidi_storage]

Well, you were judging her lifestyle, weren’t you? I’m not saying you’re wrong–I think it is courageous to tell someone if you think they’re in sin–but I’m also not surprised your sister didn’t take your avowals of nonjudgmentalism seriously.

 

[pianistclare]

The word “judging” is one ofthe most incorrectly used words around.

People accuse people of judging when they hear something they clearly don’t want to hear.
We make judgments (which are merely decisions) or form opinions all the time.

The difference is…when a person does this, do they also CONDEMN the person? Only God can do that. True a priest, or a Spiritual Director can give one a pretty good idea of how a poor decision is likely going to go, but simply telling her the truth, or pointing out the obvious is not judging. Delivery is everything.

If you speak to her again, make sure she understand that you only want what is best for her, and that perhaps she’s moving too quickly. I’ll wager she won’t listen because she still isn’t over her marriage and likely wants to move forward to something or some new and less hurtful.

All you can do is pray that proceeds cautiously. If you believe she is sinning, and she doesn’t think in terms of sin, she will not be moved. She will simply tell you to butt out.
This is where prayer is the best way to go.

 

[tawny]

Just keep praying for her & ask her to pray for you.

 

[AdamP88]

You are judging her lifestyle. But rightly so. You are correct to say that we should rebuke our brothers and sisters in certain circumstances. To be honest, if this were my sister I’d simply say “I love you sis, but what you are doing is wrong and sinful. I will be praying that you see that.”

All you can do then is pray for her.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

My sister got divorced several months ago.

Long story short, her ex is an alcoholic and the relationship was toxic.
About six months before it ended, they had a male coworker move in with them.
He ended up taking their bedroom and they slept in twin beds in the loft.

Several months go by and my sister’s husband tells her it’s time to ask the coworker to leave.
Leads to fighting, but the coworker leaves.
This doesn’t save the marriage and they split.

DAYS after the papers are signed, the coworker moves back in.
I’ve been praying for the words to talk to my sister about this.

First and foremost, I care about her and don’t want to see her get hurt.
Second, although her ex struggled with booze, he was part of the family for ten years.
The ink isn’t even dry on the divorce and it FEELS LIKE she’s shacking up.

“If your brother sins, rebuke him.”

After praying on this for some time, I finally spoke to her in a compassionate, calm way.
She didn’t take it well and felt that I was judging her lifestyle despite me saying many times that I was not casting judgment.

If people understood the problem they are living in, they would address it. No one sets out to do wrongs. And if they knew how to get themselves out of it, they’d clear it up in no time.

If you point out a problem to a person and they get frustrated, know that you just put your finger in the sore festering wound, and this is nothing to be proud of but that you indeed found the spot where the infection is. Treat accordingly. Infections take a while to properly heal and sometimes move further into the body- so treat the whole body, nourish it… what do we nourish sick (souls) with?.. Love and care and not just ‘spot cleaning’. Just start there, sometimes the smallest support is enough support for the body to gain some insight and heal itself. Be a friend and act from concern. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but pray from afar in secret as addressed in Holy Scripture.

 

[AdamP88]

If people understood the problem they are living in, they would address it. No one sets out to do wrongs. And if they knew how to get themselves out of it, they’d clear it up in no time.

If you point out a problem to a person and they get frustrated, know that you just put your finger in the sore festering wound, and this is nothing to be proud of but that you indeed found the spot where the infection is. Treat accordingly. Infections take a while to properly heal and sometimes move further into the body- so treat the whole body, nourish it… what do we nourish sick (souls) with?.. Love and care and not just ‘spot cleaning’. Just start there, sometimes the smallest support is enough support for the body to gain some insight and heal itself. Be a friend and act from concern. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but pray from afar in secret as addressed in Holy Scripture.

It depends somewhat if she is,or even was at some point, a committed catholic.

 

[Monica4316]

It’s not wrong to say that a bad action is a bad action. “Judging” would be judging a person’s heart. Simply saying that something is a bad action, is not judging, it’s just calling a spade a spade. Though in the world it’s at times referred to as judging, because people think morality is relative today (incorrectly)