Sister fight

[revertgirl]

I have a sister who is going through some very difficult mental health issues. The primary features of her mental illness are wild mood swings and a lot of rage. She has admitted to the family about her mental health struggles and is on medication. Despite the family’s efforts to include her in family outings and stay connected, she continuously accuses everyone of leaving her out and treating her badly. She can be very mean, confrontational and gets angrier and angrier no matter how much we try include her or connect with her. She is very demanding and we can never seem to please her. I am at the point where I can no longer cope with the situation. I love her and her children very much but I’m tired of walking on eggshells and being constantly accused of something I haven’t done. There are several fights and misunderstandings every few days and it is very hard on me emotionally.

I feel the need to protect myself and my family from the toxicity but I don’t want to hurt her or cause her to spiral further than she already has. Sometimes I don’t even know weather it’s mental health related or if she’s just a really mean and angry person. My instincts tells me to separate myself completely from the situation and get as far away as possible. Any pearls of wisdom?

 

[Anony_Mous]

All anger and tensions come from fear. Your sister is very scared. If only she could be honest with herself and share her fears.
A counsellor / therapist could help her discover her fears and face them.
Remember she is scared and try and deal with her as you would with a scared person (calm, patient, tolerant, reassuring. Yet be firm, fair, and not scared yourself (no anger in return).
Pray for her daily.
Pray to Jesus, the Healer, to guide you through each encounter with your sister.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

I have a sister who is going through some very difficult mental health issues. The primary features of her mental illness are wild mood swings and a lot of rage. She has admitted to the family about her mental health struggles and is on medication. Despite the family’s efforts to include her in family outings and stay connected, she continuously accuses everyone of leaving her out and treating her badly. She can be very mean, confrontational and gets angrier and angrier no matter how much we try include her or connect with her. She is very demanding and we can never seem to please her. I am at the point where I can no longer cope with the situation. I love her and her children very much but I’m tired of walking on eggshells and being constantly accused of something I haven’t done. There are several fights and misunderstandings every few days and it is very hard on me emotionally.

I feel the need to protect myself and my family from the toxicity but I don’t want to hurt her or cause her to spiral further than she already has. Sometimes I don’t even know weather it’s mental health related or if she’s just a really mean and angry person. My instincts tells me to separate myself completely from the situation and get as far away as possible. Any pearls of wisdom?

You are under no obligation to subject yourself to abuse on a regular basis, regardless of that other person’s diagnosis. You have every right to protect yourself and your family from a damaging relationship. It’s perfectly OK to back away to a safe distance. pray for your sister’s recovery and take care of yourself and your family. dealing with mental illness is sometimes better left to the professionals. God bless you.

 

[1ke]

Contact your state or county mental health services/health and human services department and speak to a social worker. Ask for services/referrals for family members of the mentally ill. You need a support network who understands the family dynamic involving a mentally ill person.

 

[on_the_hill]

Are there certain situations when she is worse? Maybe there are triggers in her “environment” that set her off on a path of anger/rage.

I have been thinking about a situation like yours a whole lot lately because my own life has someone in it who is like your sister.

 

[Rose71]

There’s a really great charity in the UK called ‘Re-think Mental Health’. I am sure there must be something similar in the US. I was really struggling with a member of my family and I was able to ring the helpline and talk to someone on the other end of the phone who wasn’t at all judgmental. In fact, she said my call was very smiliar to hundreds the charity receives every week.

I was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with a person who can be all sweetness and light one minute and then angry, resentful, bitter and convinced everyone is against her the next. I’ve been subjected to some really awful insults and observations - which are later justified (apparently) by saying, “oh, I can’t help it: it’s my condition.”

The lady I spoke to at the charity recommended a book called “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and also advised me to remove myself from any contact with this family member as much as I could. She also advised me to work on keeping any conversations we had together really light and superficial, so I don’t give her the opportunity to drag me into her dramas, or say anything which in a more rational moment, she might bitterly regret but feel so ashamed by her behaviour, she ‘writes herself off’ and reinforces her own feelings of worthlessness.

It was such a huge relief for me to know I wasn’t the only person facing this sort of problem and it also helped me to understand my relative’s illness and accept that however personal her insults and accusations felt, she must be feeling a hundred times worse.

I’ve distanced myself as much as I can, but I always treat her with courtesy and kindness, even when her behaviour is off the wall. I also say a prayer to St. Dymphna every night. I just made it up myself - but it brings me comfort:

Dear St. Dymphna, please pray for X. Please send her the peace, faith, health and happiness to be a first rate wife and mother.

Short - but I feel that saying it helps keep me focussed on the outcome that I really want, rather than weighing up all the nasty things she’s said and done and dwelling on whether she realises how much hurt she’s caused.