Sister having kids with same sex partner

[James3AE]

Hi everyone, we got some pretty wild news yesterday ( though we already suspected it), my sister who is currently estranged from my parents is pregnant with twins, via anonymous donor. She’s currently living with her “wife” and two step kids. This is a real blow to our family, and we’ve struggled to deal with the whole situation for the last 5 years or so since the whole thing presented itself.

Frankly, I’m not sure how to deal with it. The kids a byproduct of sin, are innocent, they deserve to know their relatives, but we are reluctant to expose our daughter to my sisters lifestyle (she’s a baby still, but when she is older it will be a challenge) obviously if the new cousins weren’t in the picture, it would be easier to explain away. My parents will want nothing to do with these children, which breaks our hearts…

If anyone has any experience with this, I’d sure appreciate the advice. I anticipate what ever last linkages remain in our family to be severed by this, the prospect of which I find completely depressing. My siblings either completely accept it or are ignoring the whole situation because they aren’t in close proximity to it. My wife and I have tried to take what we believe to be a more Catholic approach, though in general I think we’ve failed at it. In my efforts to not be an enabler, I have not yet even met the woman she lives with. I have no desire to do so, but I will have to at some point I guess.

My mothers relationship with my aunt has been damaged by this, as well as friendships of both my parents, some of their friends don’t approve of the way they have dealt with the situation, and predictably it has put great strain on things…

I’ve been trying to get my parents to hook up with an ecourage chapter here, but not much success.

 

[DD_8630]

If your sibling, her partner, and their kids are happy and healthy, what more is there to worry over? You don’t have to be happy with your sister’s sexual orientation, but, personally, I think it’s a silly thing to become estranged over, especially with new children on the way. Though you may consider the relationship to be a sin, that shouldn’t stop you being a loving and supporting uncle/aunt to their children.

If your sister were heterosexual, and was having a child out of marriage, they’d be just as sinful, right? Would you shun them then? Or would you simply accept it as her choice?

I hope you reconcile your differences with your sibling. The world, and your nieces and nephews, need love, not an ugly, bitter family feud.

Peace.

 

[HouseArrest]

If your sibling, her partner, and their kids are happy and healthy, what more is there to worry over? You don’t have to be happy with your sister’s sexual orientation, but, personally, I think it’s a silly thing to become estranged over, especially with new children on the way. Though you may consider the relationship to be a sin, that shouldn’t stop you being a loving and supporting uncle/aunt to their children.

If your sister were heterosexual, and was having a child out of marriage, they’d be just as sinful, right? Would you shun them then? Or would you simply accept it as her choice?

I hope you reconcile your differences with your sibling. The world, and your nieces and nephews, need love, not an ugly, bitter family feud.

Peace.

I am guessing the family is concerned about her soul.

It sounds like you’re doing the right thing - remaining as supportive of your sister as possible and trying to help your parents deal with the situation.

As far as explaining to your children, I would just spell it out when they are old enough to understand.

Hopefully it won’t ruin relationships between you, your parents, and other siblings.

 

[dorrbell]

If your sibling, her partner, and their kids are happy and healthy, what more is there to worry over? You don’t have to be happy with your sister’s sexual orientation, but, personally, I think it’s a silly thing to become estranged over, especially with new children on the way. Though you may consider the relationship to be a sin, that shouldn’t stop you being a loving and supporting uncle/aunt to their children.

If your sister were heterosexual, and was having a child out of marriage, they’d be just as sinful, right? Would you shun them then? Or would you simply accept it as her choice?

I hope you reconcile your differences with your sibling. The world, and your nieces and nephews, need love, not an ugly, bitter family feud.

Peace.

So true!

 

[Nec5]

If your sister were heterosexual, and was having a child out of marriage, they’d be just as sinful, right?

Wrong. Sinful, but not as sinful. It didn’t work out two well for a particular city that didn’t think this was all that big a deal.
http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/3408/800pxjohnmartinsodomand.jpg
And the poster didn’t create the family feud. He did nothing wrong. The sister is at fault, and the christian thing to do is forgive her if and when she ever repents, regardless of the damage she causes. But until she turns away from her immoral lifestyle, it is not the christian’s duty to embrace that family without pointing out the evil at work there.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hi everyone, we got some pretty wild news yesterday ( though we already suspected it), my sister who is currently estranged from my parents is pregnant with twins, via anonymous donor. She’s currently living with her “wife” and two step kids. This is a real blow to our family, and we’ve struggled to deal with the whole situation for the last 5 years or so since the whole thing presented itself.

Frankly, I’m not sure how to deal with it. The kids a byproduct of sin, are innocent, they deserve to know their relatives, but we are reluctant to expose our daughter to my sisters lifestyle (she’s a baby still, but when she is older it will be a challenge) obviously if the new cousins weren’t in the picture, it would be easier to explain away. My parents will want nothing to do with these children, which breaks our hearts…

If anyone has any experience with this, I’d sure appreciate the advice. I anticipate what ever last linkages remain in our family to be severed by this, the prospect of which I find completely depressing. My siblings either completely accept it or are ignoring the whole situation because they aren’t in close proximity to it. My wife and I have tried to take what we believe to be a more Catholic approach, though in general I think we’ve failed at it. In my efforts to not be an enabler, I have not yet even met the woman she lives with. I have no desire to do so, but I will have to at some point I guess.

My mothers relationship with my aunt has been damaged by this, as well as friendships of both my parents, some of their friends don’t approve of the way they have dealt with the situation, and predictably it has put great strain on things…

I’ve been trying to get my parents to hook up with an ecourage chapter here, but not much success.

I have nothing to offer you, except prayer. What a mess. There are no good options, as you know. The children don’t deserve what they are getting. And neither do the rest of you.

 

[DD_8630]

Wrong. Sinful, but not as sinful. It didn’t work out two well for a particular city that didn’t think this was all that big a deal.

Sodom and the other cities were destroyed for being sinful, and one such sin is vaguely referred to as a ‘sexual’ sin, but it’s never stated that homosexuality is the sole reason for it’s destruction. Even the incident with the mob happened after God had ordained the cities’ destruction. But, I don’t think this is the place to debate such things.

I am interested in how you evaluated the relative sinfulness of two women in love raising a child and an unmarried man and woman doing the same - how is one more sinful than the other?

And the poster didn’t create the family feud. He did nothing wrong. The sister is at fault, and the christian thing to do is forgive her if and when she ever repents, regardless of the damage she causes. But until she turns away from her immoral lifestyle, it is not the christian’s duty to embrace that family without pointing out the evil at work there.

The Bible is pretty clear that forgiveness should be free and unconditional, not an ultimatum. Take Collosians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. It seems the Christian thing to do is forgive whatever anyone has done to cause this feud, and love all parties irrespective of however sinful one judges them to be - this includes both women who I daresay just want to start a family. Everyone sins, everyone falls short.

 

[1ke]

The Bible is pretty clear that forgiveness should be free and unconditional, not an ultimatum. Take Collosians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. It seems the Christian thing to do is forgive whatever anyone has done to cause this feud, and love all parties irrespective of however sinful one judges them to be - this includes both women who I daresay just want to start a family. Everyone sins, everyone falls short.

The Bible also says when a brother (i.e. man or woman) sins, you correct them privately. If they do not listen, you take it to the Church. If they still do not listen, “treat them as tax collectors”

Yes we are to forgive. But, there must also be repentance.

The OP is concerned about her own children. Her primary responsibility is the children.

 

[jesuspsr]

All I have to offer is my prayers. May the Holy Spirit guide you and your family.

God bless

jesus g

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Sodom and the other cities were destroyed for being sinful, and one such sin is vaguely referred to as a ‘sexual’ sin, but it’s never stated that homosexuality is the sole reason for it’s destruction. Even the incident with the mob happened after God had ordained the cities’ destruction. But, I don’t think this is the place to debate such things.

**I am interested in how you evaluated the relative sinfulness of two women in love raising a child and an unmarried man and woman doing the same - how is one more sinful than the other?
**

The Bible is pretty clear that forgiveness should be free and unconditional, not an ultimatum. Take Collosians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. It seems the Christian thing to do is forgive whatever anyone has done to cause this feud, and love all parties irrespective of however sinful one judges them to be - this includes both women who I daresay just want to start a family. Everyone sins, everyone falls short.

One also involves homosexual acts, as well as artificial insemination, both of which are grave sins in our Church. The heterosexual couple is sinful because they are not married, but they are not gravely disordered nor are they using artificial insemination.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Put your children first. Other relationships must not take priority. The twins are definitely not at fault and should not be punished by the mother’s choices, but again, **your children **are your priority here.

 

[cmscms]

In my efforts to not be an enabler, I have not yet even met the woman she lives with. I have no desire to do so, but I will have to at some point I guess.
.

Good for you for refusing to meet your sister’s girlfriend. Words without action are useless and I believe you are sending the right message. I am not sure why you would have to meet the other women but if it happens, the first thing I would say is ‘I trust my sister has told you my opinion’

Your kids are your first priority. And trust me, they will ask questions before they are ready for the answer. Kids at the age of 4 will say ‘How come my counsins have 2 mommys and no daddy.’ And that is WAY too young to be told the truth

May God helo you

CM

 

[Corki]

Put your children first. Other relationships must not take priority. The twins are definitely not at fault and should not be punished by the mother’s choices, but again, **your children **are your priority here.

This.

And the poster didn’t create the family feud. He did nothing wrong. The sister is at fault, and the christian thing to do is forgive her if and when she ever repents, regardless of the damage she causes. But until she turns away from her immoral lifestyle, it is not the christian’s duty to embrace that family without pointing out the evil at work there.

Exactly.

James,

Support your parents. This must be breaking their hearts. If and when your sister decides to repent or to at least try to repair the rift SHE caused in the family, be there ready to forgive her. Until then, she has made some choices knowing there would be consequences.

 

[defenderoftruth]

Wrong. Sinful, but not as sinful. It didn’t work out two well for a particular city that didn’t think this was all that big a deal.
http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/3408/800pxjohnmartinsodomand.jpg
And the poster didn’t create the family feud. He did nothing wrong. The sister is at fault, and the christian thing to do is forgive her if and when she ever repents, regardless of the damage she causes. But until she turns away from her immoral lifestyle, it is not the christian’s duty to embrace that family without pointing out the evil at work there.

Nec5 I always agree with your posts and this time is no different.

To the OP: love your sister and pray for her but don’t get involved in her “relationship” or the kids lives either because you will be drawn into birthday parties, get togethers etc. then your kid(s) will get drawn into a relationship with these kids who are brainwashed into thinking they live in a “normal” household and where you will have to “act” like you do or truly accept their lifestyle. They are teaching those children that they already have that homosexuality is ok and now they are dragging two more kids into it. SHAME ON THEM! Do NOT get involved in it with your kids. Tell your sister that you love her and will always love her but you cannot/will not condone her behavior in anyway and congratulating her on her pregnancy or taking part of festivities afterward is a vocal/visible acceptance of her spitting in church teaching. Don’t do it.

 

[fm1982]

I with the posters who encourage reconciliation, rather than a useless feud.

Yes it is close to home, but do you think you will be able to shelter your children from the realities of this world forever? They will learn about homosexual relationships, families with 2 moms and no dads, families with only a mom or a dad, 2 dads, etc. Is the message you want to send to them that certain people are undeserving of love and should be excluded?

Someone mentioned “treat them like the tax collectors”. From my recollection of the Gospels, Jesus ate with the tax collectors while others shunned them…how exactly are we supposed to “treat them like tax collectors”? Shun or welcome with love.

You don’t have to accept their actions, but they are human beings who only have to answer to God, not to you or any other person on this board.

I hope that you are able to make peace with your family. Having extended my hand many times to my family only to have it slapped away (even though I am following the “correct” way of doing things) is painful.

My grandmother, who has since gone to be with the Lord, shunned a great-grandchild born out of wedlock for a year or so, until the death of my grandfather. At that point she realized that she was simply shunning an innocent child and she repented and welcomed this child as an equal to all her other great-grandchildren (who are my children). She would say things like, “isn’t this child and child from God like all the others?” She was more Catholic than the Pope, her house had more religious icons than most Churches, so to hear that coming from someone who has been around for a while impacted me greatly.

Open your heart, welcome your family in. There is too much hate in this world already for families to be torn apart because some don’t agree with their choices. Shunning them will not lead to change.

How will you sister explain to her children why her uncle shuns her? What are the odds those children, under those circumstances, will ever turn to the Church? You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, the Church will catch more people with love than with hate.

 

[Nec5]

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, the Church will catch more people with love than with hate.

Yeah, that non-judgmental approach has been tried for the last 50 years. The result? Europe abandoned Christianity as a whole and the US is just about at that point.

No. What will “catch more people” is the truth. This is why Islam grows: they don’t compromise their teachings. People gravitate towards strength and consistency.

 

[DD_8630]

Yeah, that non-judgmental approach has been tried for the last 50 years. The result? Europe abandoned Christianity as a whole and the US is just about at that point.

Europe hasn’t abandoned Christianity as a whole. It’s become more secular, on average, but so long as there exists a single Christian, it’s hyperbolic and is leading to insinuate that the entirety of Europe has shrugged off Christianity - where, I ask, does the Pope live?

I’m also amused you suggest the US is “just about” at the point where is abandons Christianity in one fell swoop - trust me when I say the US populace is nowhere near such a stage. To illustrate: could an open atheist become President?

No. What will “catch more people” is the truth. This is why Islam grows: they don’t compromise their teachings. People gravitate towards strength and consistency.

It grows because Muslims are having children, not because there is a significant number of converts. Every religion grows, it’s just a question of which is attracting the most converts and why.

And, as a scientist, I applaud those who embrace a variety of views and judge their beliefs on a wide variety of possibilities - the person who is a Catholic because that’s all he knows is less admirable than the person who has been brought up Catholic, investigated Islam and Buddhism and the like, and then, on his own convictions, remains Catholic. Wouldn’t you agree?

To bring this post back to the OP, I still think it’s best to encourage your kids to be loving and compassionate (rather than prejudicial and self-righteous) by being the example they follow: why shun your sister when you can embrace her? Why be bitter and spiteful ti her partner when you can show her love? You may consider her a dirty great sinner, but what is achieved by shielding your kids from her? Do you really not think they’ll encounter other gay people in the world, in school or in work?

Your kids certainly come first, so you should put their happiness above your own religious beliefs, and let them meet their aunt and cousins - at the end of the day, what’s the worst that could happen?

 

[dconklin]

Good for you for refusing to meet your sister’s girlfriend. Words without action are useless and I believe you are sending the right message. I am not sure why you would have to meet the other women but if it happens, the first thing I would say is ‘I trust my sister has told you my opinion’

Wow! How very Christian of you to give this loving and caring advise.

What type of people was it that Jesus chose as apostles and chose to eat with? Can you hear Jesus sending you the right message? Probably not.

Gotta love the holier than thou Catholics out there.

 

[Shannon46]

Hi everyone, we got some pretty wild news yesterday ( though we already suspected it), my sister who is currently estranged from my parents is pregnant with twins, via anonymous donor. She’s currently living with her “wife” and two step kids. This is a real blow to our family, and we’ve struggled to deal with the whole situation for the last 5 years or so since the whole thing presented itself.

Frankly, I’m not sure how to deal with it. The kids a byproduct of sin, are innocent, they deserve to know their relatives, but we are reluctant to expose our daughter to my sisters lifestyle (she’s a baby still, but when she is older it will be a challenge) obviously if the new cousins weren’t in the picture, it would be easier to explain away. My parents will want nothing to do with these children, which breaks our hearts…

If anyone has any experience with this, I’d sure appreciate the advice. I anticipate what ever last linkages remain in our family to be severed by this, the prospect of which I find completely depressing. My siblings either completely accept it or are ignoring the whole situation because they aren’t in close proximity to it. My wife and I have tried to take what we believe to be a more Catholic approach, though in general I think we’ve failed at it. In my efforts to not be an enabler, I have not yet even met the woman she lives with. I have no desire to do so, but I will have to at some point I guess.

My mothers relationship with my aunt has been damaged by this, as well as friendships of both my parents, some of their friends don’t approve of the way they have dealt with the situation, and predictably it has put great strain on things…

I’ve been trying to get my parents to hook up with an ecourage chapter here, but not much success.

This an Interesting topic, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

 

[DD_8630]

Wow! How very Christian of you to give this loving and caring advise.

What type of people was it that Jesus chose as apostles and chose to eat with? Can you hear Jesus sending you the right message? Probably not.

Gotta love the holier than thou Catholics out there.

“Do, say, and believe what I tell you, and I’ll give you the unconditional love Christ preached. Disobey, and I’ll teach my kids to hate and shun you and your family”.

These are the people to whom Jesus will say, “I never knew you: depart, ye that work iniquity”.