Sister-in-law moving in with boyfriend, should I talk to her?

[more_philip]

My wife’s sister is planning on moving in with her boyfriend of a few months. It is not the first time she has lived with a boyfriend. Also they are thinking of moving to a new city soon (if he gets a job) and getting a house together.

She is agnostic/relativist and very obstinate. Her upbringing didn’t involve church and I don’t see anyone in her family or his family (from what I can tell) really trying to persuade them to take different actions.

I wanted to see if anyone had any advice on how to approach the situation or try to persuade them to not live together. They know I’m Catholic and would know I do not believe it is right to live together before marriage. I don’t usually have much contact with her, but should I reach out and try to say something? And if so how should I go about the subject?

I don’t want to approve of their actions, but also don’t want to harden their hearts toward the faith.

 

[Xantippe]

I would suggest referring her to the forums at Dear Wendy. She could post a question (Is it too early to move in?) and the commenters give their advice.

dearwendy.com/forum/get-advice-give-advice/

It’s a secular site, but the general consensus there is that it is unwise to move in together without having very definite plan for your future. A lot of people there think that one shouldn’t move in without being engaged, if marriage is one’s goal.

If she’s not interested in posting there, probably the simplest thing is to send her this column:

dearwendy.com/15-things-couples-should-do-before-moving-in-together/

I bet my laptop that she hasn’t done half the things on the list.

 

[Lorelei12]

When you say that you don’t see anyone in her family trying to talk her out of it, does that include your wife as well? Because if anyone is going to talk to her, I think it should be your wife talking to her sister, rather than you. You said you don’t really have a lot of contact with her, so I don’t think it’s your place to say anything.

That doesn’t mean you have to approve- you don’t need to visit them in their home, for instance, or get them a housewarming gift or anything. But I can’t really see how saying anything would do anything but irritate her.

 

[1ke]

I find it odd that a family member would not seek to evangelize their family members holistically, and yet want to pick one issue that they think is wrong/bad and try to make some argument against it with no foundation at all.

Share the GOSPEL.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I find it odd that a family member would not seek to evangelize their family members holistically, and yet want to pick one issue that they think is wrong/bad and try to make some argument against it with no foundation at all.

Share the GOSPEL.

Yeah, I don’t see any real persuasive argument that the sister in law will listen to if she is not religious. Sometimes you can make the case for not moving in on a logical and practical basis but I doubt the SIL is either one of those.

But ultimately the wife should handle this anyway if it should be handled at all.

 

[coptsoldier]

Pray, invite Her to Church, Share the Gospel. As you have stated she is not a believer, and as such should be left alone. Show christian faith and gospel through your actions. If you try to talk her out of it you may drive her further away. She needs to decide to come home. Speak to your priest also, as he is the one who gives you absolution.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My-oh-my, that’s reallly jumping to conclusions to doubt the SIL is either logical or practical.
In fact, some reasons she might be wanting to move in her boyfriend might be the most logical and practical reasons of all–to share costs, for more safety, to cut down on traveling, to save on rent, etc.
We don’t know any of these details.
She may not be in alignment with another person’s religion, but for many, many people in this world those are very logical, practical, and hard realities and reasons to have a roommate of either gender.

.

Not much of a jump at all.

1. She has been dating for only a few months.
2. She has done this before, looks like it didn’t work out:shrug:
3. They are thinking of moving to a new city in which he does not have a job yet.

Not much logic or practicality at all.

In fact, even if you take the logic of religion out of it there is not really practicality or logic in living together at all. Odds are it will end badly.

I wonder what logical case you are thinking of that would come into play here?