Sister on Birth Control

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Hope_Philomena

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For awhile now, my sixteen year old sister has been on birth control. She says it is just to make her period lighter, but I’m worried that this isn’t the full reason.

For over a year she has had a boyfriend, and they have both stated that they love each other. My dad allows her to spend the night at his house all the time, and my mom does not live with us so she has no say in this. My sister is hardly ever home these days because she can’t stand being separated from him. She hasn’t even learned how to drive because she wants her boyfriend to keep driving her everywhere.

She started taking birth control after they said they were in love with each other, so you can’t blame me for being a bit suspicious. Her period has always been the way it is, ever since she was twelve or thirteen.

Sorry for the long backstory but I felt it would help explain why I think she’s partially lying about her reasons for using it.

Maybe she hasn’t, you know, done anything with him yet but the birth control is a caution just in case she wants to soon? Is it okay for her to be using birth control if she doesn’t use it as contraception?

I don’t believe in contraception myself, but I can’t exactly tell her this. My family hasn’t the slightest idea that I want to be Catholic. Even if she did know, it’s not like she would care.

:confused: Overall I just don’t know what to do in a situation like this. Maybe I should just keep my thoughts to myself? Please help 😦
 
Unfortunately, you’re not her parent so you really aren’t in a position of authority over your sister. Based on what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like you really get along, either (I get that; I’m a convert and have three younger siblings that are very “worldly,” though I love them very much.) That might be something you could work on: let your sister know that you are willing to be there for her as a confidant, if she wishes. There are lots of non-religious reasons that people are giving up on contraception (those actually helped lead me to the faith), you might mention those if the topic ever comes up in conversation. 1flesh.org has a lot of good information.

Beyond that, I would just pray really hard. Not necessarily that she do what you want her to do, but that she seek a growth in wisdom and in love and becomes assured of God’s love for her. Based on what you’ve said here, the boyfriend may very well be in her life the way he is because she feels insecure in her familial relationships.

And welcome home! 🙂
 
Depending on your relationship, you might be able to start a conversation with her about her health, since she says the birth control is for her periods. While you aren’t her parent and cannot tell her what she can and cannot do, a sister is usually well within her rights to have a chat with another sister about periods, cramps, etc. This might be a better way to breach the topic. Plus, as her sister, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to bring up some of the side effects of birth control. Several very mainstream magazines are talking about the risks of blood clots in healthy women right now. This could help open up communication about her taking birth control in general without you coming across as preaching.
 
Hope_Philomena said:
For awhile now, my sixteen year old sister has been on birth control. She says it is just to make her period lighter, but I’m worried that this isn’t the full reason.

For over a year she has had a boyfriend, and they have both stated that they love each other. My dad allows her to spend the night at his house all the time, and my mom does not live with us so she has no say in this. My sister is hardly ever home these days because she can’t stand being separated from him. She hasn’t even learned how to drive because she wants her boyfriend to keep driving her everywhere.

She started taking birth control after they said they were in love with each other, so you can’t blame me for being a bit suspicious. Her period has always been the way it is, ever since she was twelve or thirteen.

Sorry for the long backstory but I felt it would help explain why I think she’s partially lying about her reasons for using it.

Maybe she hasn’t, you know, done anything with him yet but the birth control is a caution just in case she wants to soon? Is it okay for her to be using birth control if she doesn’t use it as contraception?

I don’t believe in contraception myself, but I can’t exactly tell her this. My family hasn’t the slightest idea that I want to be Catholic. Even if she did know, it’s not like she would care.

:confused: Overall I just don’t know what to do in a situation like this. Maybe I should just keep my thoughts to myself? Please help 😦
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To my knowledge, using birth control solely for health matters like regulating your period, in and of itself is not a sin. Only when one uses it for contraception does it become a sin.

Now, in the case of your sister…since she is sixteen and your father has given her the go ahead to spend the night at her boyfriend’s home, I do not really see what you could do to prevent it. Have you ever addressed your concerns with her? Maybe you could sit her down and tell her that what she is doing is worrisome to you. Other than that, as hard as it may be, I would just lay low and pray for her.

God bless. You’re in my prayers.
 
God bless you for you concern. You should not have to worry about something like this. Your father is failing in his role, I am sorry to say. But, simply pray for your own holiness, for your sisters and just be there to love her. God will provide the opportunities for you to share His love with her. Just walk with Christ and be with Him at all times so that when He gives you the opportunity to share with her, you will be in the Holy Spirit, and He will guide you.
 
With all due respect for the religious aspects of this situation, stay out of it! This kind of sibling rivalry can do nothing but cause hate and discontent within a family!
If you really have a problem with it, do not bring it up with your parents; discuss this situation with a priest during Confession.
If you discuss this matter with your parents, right or wrong, you might get a reaction you will not like. Some parents do have feet of clay.
As for the person who faulted your father for giving permission to…Catholic morality aside, the parents in all likelihood are trying to control a situation that could easily get out of hand and be worse. That is no excuse for sinful behavior, but there it is.
As for the birth control pills, in most states a 16 year old does not need parental permission to get them.
 
Thank you all very much for helping me 🙂 You’re right, I have no position of authority over her. In fact, I am three years younger than her.

I will pray, and I will pray, and then I will pray some more. I have no relationship with her myself, but I really hope that she can find her relationship with God…
 
George_Stegmeir said:
With all due respect for the religious aspects of this situation, stay out of it!
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+1

Her salvation, and what she does to work on it, is between her, God, and her priest.
Your salvation, and what you do to work on it, is between you, God, and your priest.

Pray for her to grow in faith and love of the Lord, while you pray for yourself to grow in faith and love of the Lord.
 
I’m so sorry about this happening. In another time, it would have been inconceivable for a parent, a father to give permission for his young daughter to sleep around. What a sad, and frustrating, state of affairs. No wonder you come to the forum for support, and to vent! There probably isn’t much you will be able to do with your older sister, to convince her.

You are probably right that your sister is using the medication, not to control her period, but to avoid pregnancy, and it is a serious sin on her soul, as well.

If the circumstances were a bit different, there is more you could do, but in your particular set, I doubt you’ll be able to have much influence on her, as a younger sister.

Further, did you realize when a woman is in a physical, sexual relationship, her body also produces the hormone, oxytocin? It’s also produced during breastfeeding. This hormone facilitates bonding, so will help her feel even more “in love” and “happier!” So, even if the guy is Mr. Wrong, her emotions will tell her he’s Mr. Right. So, she will probably be saying how “in love” she feels on top of it all.

Even if there is nothing you can do about this, I would like you to keep this all in mind, for yourself, one day. In today’s culture, I think most of our young ladies, fall, before marriage. VERY few have the perseverence, strength, fortitude, faith, grace to resist this temptation, especially with all their peers doing this, especially if they lack faith.

So, even though it’s wrong, it will be tempting, at a future date, for YOU, to do exactly this same thing, especially if you don’t have a strong father figure with moral grounds to protect you. Watch her, learn from her. I doubt this will be a serious relationship,

I think it’ll probably last a time, that he won’t commit to her, because, especially if he’s getting the physical without marriage, and isn’t from a religious background, he would think he wouldn’t have to commit. To him, it probably might seem like the “best of both worlds”, having intimacy, without ANY responsibility whatsoever. She could also get pregnant, desite the contraception. It’s been also known to happen.

Young people, and even older ones, typically go from one person to another, in a form of “serial monogamy”. What can you do? Learn from her! Do NOT do the same thing as she does when your time comes.

Guys will also typically respect a woman less for giving him sex before marriage. Marriages where the couple wait for intimacy have a higher success rating. It also puts almost all the risks on her…of pregnancy. She could get a sexually-transmitted disease. Now, your time will be soon. Don’t you worry about that. It will be harder to stay strong in your overly permissive environment.

Promise yourself you will not have sexual relation till marriage, and that’s about all you can probably do in this case. Maybe, for your own information, you could read about all the advantages to waiting for intimacy.

One of the advantages is that you could give your future spouse your virginity. You wouldn’t have all this emotional baggage. Pope John Paul II said only two chaste people are capable of love. You would not have any sexually-transmitted diseases, no children, no unwanted pregnancies, and have had no abortions.
Good luck, and God bless!
 
Love her. Work on having a joyful relationship. You’re probably in a good position to be a role model and will help shape this young lady more than you know!

:hug1:

(I’m a big sister too! It used to be hair-raising.)
 
Hope_Philomena said:
Thank you all very much for helping me 🙂 You’re right, I have no position of authority over her. In fact, I am three years younger than her.

I will pray, and I will pray, and then I will pray some more. I have no relationship with her myself, but I really hope that she can find her relationship with God…
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Which means you are 13. I agree with others that you have no influence and no voice here as a younger sister and someone who hasn’t had your own period for long, you really can’t be dispensing advice.

Pray for your sister. And your parents. And pray that you yourself maintain your purity and stay chaste even within marriage (chaste means no unlawful sex; so spouses are chaste by being faithful).
 
It seems the answers here, in a sense all contradict one another, and yet they are all true. I commend you for seeking out truth and seeking God at your age.

I think you’ve already gotten great advice from others. So my addition, apart from saying read and re-read those answers is, read up on some of the young saints: Saint Dominic Salvi. Saint Maria Goretti. Read up on some of the virgin martyrs. Maybe others will have some good names to start with, as there are many of them.

We live in a world with a very twisted sense of sexuality. Stay close to these saints and ask their intercession for your sister, your father, and this whole world.

Strive for virtue yourself. “Preach always, and [only] if necessary, use words.” I have been surprised–shocked in fact–at realizing how much simply living as I do impacts people, without ever saying a word. I have watched a miraculous change in at least one person near me, when I have never said a word about his lifestyle.

So love her, pray for her, if you say anything, say it with love, and live your own life close to God.
 
Oh dear! The way your post read I assumed you were older. Missed that.

I stand by what I said. You can have a positive influence. Take good care of yourself!

:hug1:
 
SurlyMermaid said:
Oh dear! The way your post read I assumed you were older. Missed that.

I stand by what I said. You can have a positive influence. Take good care of yourself!

:hug1:
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Sorry for being misleading 😊 But thank you very much for your kind words and advice. 🙂
 
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