Sister out of control with mom in nursing home

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m_crane

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This is a long series of recent events, so I will try to put them succinctly and in the order they happened:
Sister leaves husband, moves in to rental puts children in Catholic school at my Moms request, my Mom pays tuition.
Sister sz teacher no good takes kids out of school.
Sister(w 3 children) moves in with boyfriend(also w 3 children). I tell sister I/m not happy she move in w boyfriend. Sister not speak to me for almost 2 years. I get report of Sister fighting w bf and his daughter. Sister also drinking from her children on occasions when I see them. Sister is arrested for domestic violence against Boyfriend.Sister gets probation with next time jail and loss of her nursing license. Boyfriend lets sister move back in but sz she must find another home. I find out from BF that Sister is drinking and has violent temper especially against BF’s daughter. Sister lives with BF 2 years. September2009,Sister kicks and breaks BF daughter’s laptop. BF comes to my husbands office asking for help. My husband tells BF throw Sister out. BF takes sister things to our mothers house, thows her out.
Moms house is very small and brother and his 3 teenage children live there already.8 days later,the pressure of 3 extra children and sister causes Mom to fall down basement and break her hip. Brother tells Sister she must leave, she refuses. Brother tries to phyically make sister leave after her drinking and verbal abuse. Sister tries to have brother arrested.
Two weeks later Sister rents brand new house in same neighborhood at 1500.00 per month when other houses rent for much less. Sister tells Mom in nursing home with broken hip and severe high blood pressue that she doesn’t have enough money to pay the rent and bills.
Sisters x-husband goes to jail.( Sisters first child has different father he is missing drug addict. No child support from either dad.) but Sister makes good money as an RN only works 2-12 hour shifts a week. Sister bought new couch and flat screem tv for rental(she had all her old furniture sofas but wanted new stuff )
Mom after 2 weeks starts to go down hill in nursing home, both mentally and phycially. Mom gives sister bank card to take money out.Sister helps herself to Moms credit card as well with a 10,000.00 credit limit. Sister files complaint against nursing home of neglect sz she wants Mom out of Nursing home and home with her. I intercede and tell NH that I find no evidence of neglect. That day I also find out that Sister’s daughter, age 13 is not in school because she has to see sibling off to school in the morning. Sister sz she plans to send daughter to cyber school because Sister doesn’t like middle school in neighborhood . Daughter 13 has learning disabilities and has not been in school now 8 weeks in session. Sister sz she needs grandmom to move in w her to take care of her children. Mom has serious recovery problems. I tell Sister no way is Mom going home with her. I ask sister for medical, bank and credit card she took. She throws Moms wallet to floor (the cards not in there) and storms out of nursing home. Mom goes to hospital for further evaluation. I report Moms credit card stolen. Sister still has bank card.

That brings it up to date but what next? Try to get Mom to give me power of attorney? Call child protective services? file a restaining order against my sister? What do I do? Will my sisters children be taken away if I do anything?I have tried to help them but they are so far gone, the 7 year old still is in diapers The 13 year old is into Satan worship and sz she has homsexual friends who are having sex. She is very depressed… Or will they help her get help?
Years ago Sister put Mom into bankruptcy by using her credit card to buy things and pay my sister debts. She did drugs with her first child’s father.
My sister successfully destoyed her x husbands career and helped to get him put in jail. She did many illegal and immoral things in that marriage. She tried to purchase a gun during the divorce. . I am terrifed of what she will do to me and my family if I cross her and I know she will know it is me if i call Child protective…
 
m_crane said:
That brings it up to date but what next? Try to get Mom to give me power of attorney? Call child protective services? file a restaining order against my sister? What do I do? Will my sisters children be taken away if I do anything?I have tried to help them but they are so far gone, the 7 year old still is in diapers The 13 year old is into Satan worship and sz she has homsexual friends who are having sex. She is very depressed… Or will they help her get help?
Years ago Sister put Mom into bankruptcy by using her credit card to buy things and pay my sister debts. She did drugs with her first child’s father.
My sister successfully destoyed her x husbands career and helped to get him put in jail. She did many illegal and immoral things in that marriage. She tried to purchase a gun during the divorce. . I am terrifed of what she will do to me and my family if I cross her and I know she will know it is me if i call Child protective…
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Do all of the above. Those kids need to be protected. A 7 year old in diapers is a sign of abuse and neglect. Call child protect services right away.
Mom is a victim of what is called financial abuse–this is a crime committed against the elderly, most often. She needs you to protect her, and becoming her POA is just one way.
Do not talk with your sister, do not let her drag you into arguments, do not let her in your home, near you, near your family, or your mother. Cut her off. Change the locks on your doors, get a security system for your home, buy a handgun (I know it’s controversal, but the statistics about being people being harmed by their own guns are twisted and spun out of control). And if sister gives you any hint of possible harm committed against you, your family, or anyone associated with you, get a restraining order right away.
I’ll pray for you. My husband and I had to deal with his mentally ill, very vindictive ex wife with a history of violence. There were many things we had to do–biggest thing of all is to document. Keep a diary, hold onto any recorded phone messages/voice mails she leaves for you, keep all emails. Be prepared to go to court.
 
first document everything
then call the bank and report theft
then get a restraining order against her. pls note. this will not protect you, it merely gives them one more thing to charge her with WHEN she violates it.

call child protective services right away. a 7 year old in diapers???
(if i had that mom i would be a satanist too… obviously she feels God wont be of any help)

tell the hospital staff that under NO circumstances is sister to be left alone with mom. and then get that restraining order.

make sure you lock all yoru doors and windows. that everyone in your house knows not to let your sister in the house under ANY conditions. and change all the locks too…
make sure everyone in the house has a cell phone, carries it at all times, and is trained to call 911 and say “there is a restraining order against _____ and she is outside trying to break in”

praying for you
 
Does anyone know what child protective services will do ? How long will it take them to take action? Will they definately take the children? I would really like to hear from someone who has had to call child protective services. I,m worried that the children could end up separated and alone and I’ll never see them again.
The children are all taught to lie on their mothers behalf. They have already been through this a couple times before with the police. They lied to protect their mom.
My sister is very clever at hiding the truth. I afraid she will outwit them, and then come after me in some way.She can appear very sane and she can tell lies that sound very convincing. Authorities never seem to check out her stories they just believe her. One time she stole her husbands car out of the parking lot while he was in the rehab, and took it to a car dealer and sold it even though her name was not on the registration and took the money. She is flirtatious with men and seems to even be able to convince even women that she is the poor victim.
 
A 7 y/o in diapers is not necessarily indicative of child abuse or neglect. I wouldn’t report that. The child may just have physical development problems beyond Sister’s control. And satan worship isn’t something for the state to handle. But the drugs and out of control behaviors are reasons to call child protective services. I would definitely talk to Mom about power of attorney, so Sister can’t take advantage of her. If you’re really concerned about the children’s immediate safety you could report Sister to the police for theft. That might get her arrested if you have enough proof and then she couldn’t do anything to you or to her children or to Mom.
 
I think the OP would have mentioned if the 7 year old was special needs, disabled, or had some sort of problem that makes it so that he has to wear diapers. The impression I was given was that the mother is neglecting the child. The 13 year old seems to have some behavioral problems that have caused the child to explore satanism. That’s a pretty young age to be doing that…

Any way, to the OP about the calling child protective services, I’m not sure what would happen, as I’ve only experienced that second hand–a friend who had to report. Whatever it is they have to do, they will do their best to make sure that it is in the children’s best interests. They need to be removed from the home. If there is current drug use, alcoholism, abuse…something needs to be done right away.
 
if mom is still in the nursing home, the local ombudsmans office would have juristiction. Call them and tell them that your mom is the victim of financial abuse. They will have to investigate.
 
I have verified the alcohol use with other people who have been in her company for any length time. They verify that she mostly drinks vodka every evening. Her beer drinking boyfriend say her drink too much. As for the 7 year old, I know of no developmental problems, but seen what appear to be severe emotional problems. I’ve noticed she wets herself when she is angry . almost seems as though she is trying to retaliate by do this when she doesn’t get exactly what she wants when she wants it. She becomes very angry whenever there is any conflict. I try to calm and please her but it doesn’t work. She goes on a tirade, she bites, kicks, breaks things, cries, screams,wets herself and hypervenilates.

An interesting thing the 7 year old did last weekend was, pack a suitcase and go with a friend for the weekend without telling her mother. She told the babysitter ( a 17 year old cousin) that her mom said it was OK. MY sister did not have any phone number to contact her the whole weekend she only found out from babysitter where she was. My Sister made no attempt to go and get her. The family that took her for the weekend live 20 miles away in the sister’s x-boyfriend’s neighborhood. And don’t even ask me why the family did’t contact my sister, I can’t imagine taking someone’s child for the weekend without first speaking directly to the parent .

The babysitter (my niece from another sibling) told me that the 13 year old begged her to take her to Target to go shop lifting. The 13 Year old said shes done it before and its fun.

This is just an example of the regular goings on in the household, I am going to call CPS today, I plan to start by reporting the 13 not in school and telling them about the excessive absentees is prevoius school years. That should be enough for now.
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I am very grateful for your kind concern.
 
M crane–please keep us updated on this difficult situation, if you can. Remember, our prayers and thoughts are with you, your family, and those little children.
 
I finally did call Child protective Service (phila) to report the 13 year old not attending school. The voice on the other end of the line was so indifferent, I felt like I was bothering her. She had no regard for my own personal safety and was annoyed by my questions. She offered no information about how they would proceed with the investigation. She practically hung up on me. I pray that they will now do the right thing for my neices and nephew, I hope I didn’t make things worse by reporting to an incompetent institution.

I especially thank you for your prayers and also your concern. I will keep you posted.
 
fabricdragon said:
get a restraining order against her. pls note. this will not protect you, it merely gives them one more thing to charge her with WHEN she violates it.
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This will also prevent her from being able to legally purchase a firearm.
 
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