Sister says I am exaggerating pain- I need to forgive her, but how?

[LSK]

sconea:

How can you forgive someone who refuses to admit they have done something wrong and refuse to repent?

Catholics do not believe that it is necessary for the person to be repentant in order for US to forgive them. Jesus said for us to be willing to forgive “7 times 70” - which Catholics believe means forever. The Bible also says that if someone strikes us we are to offer them our other cheek…so for Catholic Christians, it is not a requirement for the other person to even ADMIT THEY ARE WRONG…we are to forgive them.

 

[LynnieLew]

kamz:

I keep a daily journal and I write about my pain and in the past I’ve seen a therapitst and talked about my pain, yes, it helps to talk about it but not everyone can handle hearing about it, its not your fault and its not their fault, some people just are not cut out to listen to that and try not to be upset with her for that, you don’t know what is going on in her life, maybe she feels like becuase you have so much on your plate she can’t tell you about things in her life becuase “your in too much pain” some things are best not to share with our siblings, even my husband does grow old of my complaining, he says “honey, I know your in pain, and I feel just awful and you keep telling me, and its driving me crazy, what can I do” it gets frustrating for him, he would like to take it away and he can’t and if I go on about it he only feels worse and then we get irritated with eachother. So, you might want to look at seeing a therapist to talk to. Just an idea

You make a couple of good points. I actually do talk to someone about this. As a trained counselor I realized that I could really benefit to talking with someone who is objective.

I think the hardest part about this is that my sister and I have really been getting along lately, unlike so many years in our past. That and the feeling like people are talking behind my back. What a yucky feeling!

I have been listening to the advice given and I have been giving it a lot of thought. I think I will keep it (any discomfort) more to myself instead of to my family unless I feel they truly want to know, like my hubby.

It still smells that this had to happen at all.

 

[LynnieLew]

By the way, have I mentioned how much you all mean to me? Thank you!

 

[Asella]

I have suffered with pain for much of my life also. But I suffer from a mental disorder rather than a physical one. I relate to you because I know what it is like to have constant suffering. I have anxiety disorder, which causes me to be in a state of much nervousness a lot of the time, and it can cause trembling, vomiting, shortness of breath and worst of all, I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes and the feelings of dread and fear are so intense that I feel like I am about to die. My panic attacks can happen at any time or place, and friends and family get frustrated with me sometimes because if I get a panic attack it can ruin their good time. Because of my anxiety, I have limits on what I can and cannot do. People assume that since they are able to do certain things, such as flying on an airplane, that I should be able to do it also. I have been instructed to get on some medication, get professional help, or get over it. I’ve been on many medications, and I’m on one right now. I have had professional help. And it has helped me to a certain extent, but it never goes away completely. My advice is this: don’t discuss your pain with others because a lot of people have trouble sympathizing with other people’s pain. If they don’t suffer with the same illness, they don’t quite understand what it is like for you. But one thing I have learned from other people’s lack of understanding of my pain is to be more understanding when others are in pain. Use your sister’s actions as an example of how NOT to act when one of your friends or relative is suffering. There are many instances when my friends or relatives have suffered from something, and even though I did not understand their suffering, I did not assume their pain was less than what they said it was. This is what compassion is all about. Your sister is lacking compassion because she does not understand what you are going through. That’s just my 2 cents.

 

[kamz]

Lynnie, you can feel free to tell us how your feeling, when others are in the same boat as you, we do know how it is and I for one will understand and listen and I will pray for you.

I know that having 4 kids and having lots of pain is one of the most frustrating things in my life!!! I feel so mad at my body at times, I feel like my pain holds me back from enjoying the things going on in my children’s lives, (oh, we will have to wait kids and see how mommy feels this or that day and maybe we will do something fun or maybe we won’t) that is my whole life and I feel so ticked off that my kids are cheated because I don’t feel well!

My poor mom is 63 years young and she too feels so mad at her body, she would love to help me and my siblings so much more and watch the grandchildren more often but she just doesn’t have the stamina, her pain just robs her of her energy and it makes her so angry, she is angry with the pain that robs her of good times with her family and she has actually been depressed for the first time in her life, pain gets old real fast :yup:

So, don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to us, rant, complain, vent, get it all out and we will just hold you up in prayer. Your not alone and I don’t want you to feel like you are.

Your on my very growing prayer list

Have a great day!!!

 

[bapcathluth]

My dear mother suffered with arthritis, not the rheumatoid kind, for many years. I am afraid I wasn’t always compassionate. I really missed being able to go shopping and do things together because her knees hurt her. After her knee replacement surgery she didn’t keep up with her excercises. I used to nag her about that, and tell her to “work through her pain.” I had read many times that arthritis sufferers must keep moving in order to help. I wasn’t trying to be mean; it was just so hard to see such a young woman incapcitated and I felt helpless. I guess I thought my nagging could get her to get up and go swimming or something.

Anyway, my mom died from cancer a few years ago, and I still wish I could have gotten her to move while she was suffereing with the arthritis. I do wish I had been a better listener to her complaints. I wish I had had more empathy. To somebody who is healthy and without pain, it is very hard to understand what somebody else is going through, and very easy to be judgemental of that person.

I wish you the best with your illness. I hope there is a cure sometime soon. I also hope that you and your sister are able to make-up soon.

 

[Celeste88]

I’m so sorry to hear of your RA and your story is one I can relate to. I have fibromyalgia, OA, migraines and a bunch of other disorders. Presently,I’m not working and my daughter in law thinks I’m a hypochondriac and has poisoned my son’s mind with that mistaken notion.

I’m doing my best to ignore other people’s remarks and judgements. Only you know how sick you feel and what you can and can not do. You might want to find a good article on the internet on RA, print it out and give it to your sister. Another thing you can do is find a RA support group. I found a fibromyalgia chat room on AOL, I’m sure they have one for RA.

Yes, you should forgive her, but you’re also angry and hurt. Think how Jesus felt when he was brought before Pilate, yet He forgave those that crucified him…“for they know not what they do”

 

[Al_Masetti]

Tell her it’s quite alright. But that she should keep in mind, it’s heritary, so pretty soon, she too will understand.

Or just smile, suffer in patience and silence, take Aleve, and tell Jesus how much you love Him.

 

[Zooey]

****

By the way, one of my conditions is Fibromylagia and if your sis has it and still tells you to “get over” your pain then she does NOT have it very bad. Trust me.

Malia

Just want to add here, that as another fibromyalgia sufferer, I agree with this!!
A fibro person who tells you to “get over” your pain, has, IMHO, issues, & a very slight case of fibro.
You are in my prayers.