Sister shacking up PART2

[SilenceISgolden]

I wrote about an issue with my sister and the fact that she is shacking up & wanting to host a b-day party at her house earlier this week. SHE DECIDED TO HOST IT SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN HER HOME!

The issue has now changed. My mom has banned HIM from the house. My sister and kids are welcome but HE is not. Which extends to everyday which includes Thanksgiving and Christmas which my mom traditionally hosts. It seems like this is going too far. Don’t we love the sinner and hate the sin? I understand not going to her house but it seems like this goes too far. There are still younger siblings at home (tweens) and she feels she is protecting them from it. But My sister plans to marry this guy, he isn’t going any where soon!

So what is your advice? Call mom and try to reason with her(goodluck)? Or is she right? Is it ok to exclude her/him?

 

[Marsha_Adams]

How long before she marries him? Why the delay? She may plan on marrying him, but does he plan on marrying her (he may say it, but does he mean it)? I seem to remember something about why buy the cow if the milk is free?

Your mother is absolutely right, there must be no question in anyone’s mind, (your sister’s, her boyfriend, your younger syblings) that this behavior is wrong and your mother does not condone.

Let’s put it this way, suppose instead of breaking the adultery commandment, they had broken the murder commandment, should mom still wink at it and say, “oh, well. these things happen. You are stilling coming by for Christmas aren’t you?”

Tough love, is often the deepest love there is. And your Mom is being heroic in showing tough love when it would be OH SO EASY to just say, oh well these days everybody’s doing it.

 

[Brendan]

I’d have to say that your mom is right on the mark. That’s exactly what I would do in her place.

Sure we are called to love him, and yes, even dine with him. But when we dine with a sinner, we are required to act as Christ did and let them know how much we despise their sin.

Is it really appropriate to have a Thanksgiving dinner be a lecture to your sisters ‘friend’?

Is that fair to the other guests?

And that would be something your mother (and you) are required to do as a Christian.

Loving the Sinner means letting them know, how much you HATE the sin.

 

[SilenceISgolden]

WOW! OK it’s funny how sometimes we just need to be recalibrated! She is still married, so she can’t remarry yet. This is the tip of the iceburg with her. I’m just trying to understand how we reconcile this with the other siblings including myself who are sinners. I’m not doing anything as blatant as her. But what about the brother who won’t go to church anymore and the other who won’t have his son baptised. I’m trying to understand where the line is?? I do believe a part of it is my sisters desire to throw it in my moms face (long dramatic history).

Thanks for the responses, my sister and I are reading them all.

 

[AmberDale]

She’s not divorced and living with another man?

Then I say your mother is making the right decision. She can’t condone that at all, I wouldn’t. She absolutely cannot approve of your sister (who is married) living with another guy. Your tween siblings aren’t ignorant, they know what’s going on. Good for your mom for sticking to her guns.

Hopefully your sister can get her divorce/annulment. But in my meantime I would say she needs to have him live in another location until they are legally/spirtually married.

 

[YinYangMom]

WOW! OK it’s funny how sometimes we just need to be recalibrated! She is still married, so she can’t remarry yet. This is the tip of the iceburg with her.

Before I read the part about her still being married I was going to suggest your mom not take out against the boyfriend that which the daughter is guilty of. Meaning, your sister chooses to live with the boyfriend. It’s not like the boyfriend has her held captive or anything, so in light of it being your sister’s willful choice to break the commandment I’m not so sure it would be kosher to let her join the family for thanksgiving but not the boyfriend. If he isn’t welcome, neither should she be - they are behaving as ONE unit.

However, knowing now that she’s also still married, that makes it even more clear to me she shouldn’t be allowed in the home either. Talk about a double whammy! Your mom is already over extending herself by allowing your sister to be a part of the holidays as an example to your siblings. You and she may want to consider counting her blessings and just enjoy the time she’s being given as it is.

I’m just trying to understand how we reconcile this with the other siblings including myself who are sinners.

It’s not your concern to reconcile your sister’s consequences or yours with anyone else in the family. That is your parents’ obligation and theirs alone. Each sibling has their own unique attributes and weaknesses. Wise parents read the signs and adjust accordingly. There really shouldn’t be a one-punishment-fits-all approach in a loving, nurturing home. Trust in your parents to apply the appropriate disciplinary actions necessary for each unique member of the household.

I’m not doing anything as blatant as her. But what about the brother who won’t go to church anymore and the other who won’t have his son baptised. I’m trying to understand where the line is??

Hopefully you are supporting your mom and giving her the gift of not having to discipline you or worry over your soul. You are obviously concerned about the welfare of your family, that is good.
Your mom is being put in a difficult position by your sister and your brother. She is carrying her cross the best she can. Help her carry that cross by not adding to the burden and perhaps by making it clear to your brother and sister that you cannot and will not, in good conscience, side with them against your mother on matters of their spiritual upbringing.

You both need to give your mom a really big hug this Thanksgiving day. Your sister needs to apologize for putting your mom in the position of having to exclude her boyfriend, and she needs to sincerely let your mom know that she will reconsider the decision to live in sin. If she can’t reconsider that position then she can at least promise your mom not to expect the boyfriend to any future family gatherings. She owes your mother the respect she deserves as keeper of your younger siblings’ souls.