Sister shacking up

[SilenceISgolden]

My little sister is shacked up. One of her kids has a birthday coming up (7th b-day) and she plans to hold it at her new residence which is the new boyfriends house. My question is do I go? Do I bring my kids (all under 5)? She is currently not practicing her faith, is still married to husband #2 (in the church) and shacked up with prospective husband #3. She lives in another town so we do not interact much except holidays and birthdays and a stray phone call here and there. She is aware I disagree with her lifestyle. I’m trying to objectively determine if I’m sending the right message to my nephew by not attending or just giving her more fuel for the fire.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, I look forward to the responses.

 

[KCT]

It’s not your nephew’s fault. Go to the party. If your kids are all under 5, are they really going to know what the living situation is?
—KCT

 

[jmcrae]

It’s not your nephew’s fault. Go to the party. If your kids are all under 5, are they really going to know what the living situation is?
—KCT

Yes. They’re little - not stupid.

I don’t know what to suggest - this is a very tricky situation. I will keep the whole family in my prayers.

 

[puzzleannie]

well in similar situations in my own family I have sent a card and gift to the child, since it is not his fault about his parent’s poor choices, and make an occasion to invite him to something special with my kids at a neutral location as soon as possible. my relatives are in no doubt about my beliefs and why I would not bring my small children into such a situation, and equally, why I will not waste time remonstrating my relatives about their lifestyles. I am sorry but due to past experience I would not bring small children into such a casual live in situation since in my sad experience the men my female relatives pick for this purpose are lousy examples of humanity and no fit companion for children let alone adult women.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

I agree with Annie. Also, I think calling your nephew on the phone after his party, and asking about all his presents, would make him feel pretty special. I know that at 7 years old, I just loved getting my very own phone calls from people!

 

[Melissa2007]

I would go for your nephew. IF his life is going to be like this he is going to need you to be a stable person in his life.

 

[SilenceISgolden]

Thanks for the reponses so far. I think I should have asked what is the morally correct thing to do? If it were based simply on feelings I would go for sure. I love my nephew and he has such little stability in his life. I like for him to get a chance to see a family as a whole, to play with my son and husband and things like that. I am just struggling with the morality. Is it a sin to go to someone’s house that is living in sin?

 

[puzzleannie]

I am just struggling with the morality. Is it a sin to go to someone’s house that is living in sin?

if it were we would have to require a certificate from all our friends and aquaintances from their priest that they have been to confession. what if I am in a state of mortal sin, should I hang a black flag on my door to quarantine the house until I get to confession.

your question seemed to ask what others would do in a similar situation so I answered in that vein. I was considering the well-being of the children involved.

 

[jmcrae]

Thanks for the reponses so far. I think I should have asked what is the morally correct thing to do? If it were based simply on feelings I would go for sure. I love my nephew and he has such little stability in his life. I like for him to get a chance to see a family as a whole, to play with my son and husband and things like that. I am just struggling with the morality. Is it a sin to go to someone’s house that is living in sin?

Maybe you could invite your nephew to come for a sleep-over at your house, instead of going there for his birthday.

 

[SilenceISgolden]

puzzleannie - please accept my apology if I offended you. My intent was to rephrase the question incase someone had advise from a priest or some other insight on the morality of this issue.

I will be the first to stand on the soapbox and admit I am a sinner. I do however admit that fact and then go to confession. I feel the difference is she is saying to me and the rest of our practicing catholic family ‘screw you!!! I know what I am doing is wrong, I know it is a bad example to my children and all the other children in the family but I’m doing it anyway, get over it! And oh, would you like ice cream with your cake?’

My struggle is with my nephew and 2 nieces ( I’m both the girls godmother) and my own family. I struggle between what I ‘feel’ and what is actually ‘right’. I feel like I should go to the party, but is it right?

Thanks for letting me ramble. My husband and I are just kind of running in circles and offering up our rosary for a little light to be shed so we do the right thing.

 

[zagjames]

Well if they don’t live to far away, tell them and your children that you only have time to stop by for 5 minutes to drop off a present for the kid and say Happy Birthday to him and hi to everyone else. Make sure you have something to do so your kids don’t call you on it.

Then tell your nephew that he can come stay the night for a sleep over to make up for you not staying long.

Your situation seems difficult, but keep praying, and either you have to be honest with you sister, let your kids go inspite of better judgement or be a little creative.