Sister's Baby-daddy smokes pot

[kolyacarn]

Hi guys,
I need some advice

There’s a lot to it but Ill tell as much as I can,
my sister got pregnant by her boyfriend 2 years ago, my family is very catholic but in hopes to foster the family and support them as a couple, my parents allowed the boyfriend to move in with her (She lives at home, rent free). This is one of the things I wasn’t sure they did right, seeing as how they are still not married. It seems like they are condoning an illicit relationship. idk if they thought the pros of supporting their grandchild would outweigh the cons,
At this point they just had another baby, she’s beautiful. My parents are still allowing this cohabitation trusting that one day my sister and the boyfriend will be ready to get married.
So here it is,
The sister is coming back to her faith and trying to grow in holiness, the boyfriend is not. He’s not catholic, even anti-Catholic. He gets drunk often, he smokes pot often, my entire family is on him to stop, and he has made promises to stop but still does it. He has encouraged my sister to get drunk as well (I don’t know how much she contributes to the illicit behavior, I trust her that she is trying to do better, but it seems he is making it impossible for her)
I do not trust this guy watching my sisters kids while he’s drunk, he just sits there and plays video games and even neglects to feed them.
My family has been convinced that he does more good than bad, because when he’s sober he does take good care of the kids.
We have 6 other siblings who adore the babies and pay more attention to them than he does, still I know that every child needs a father… Does it mean even a bad one?

Also, I do not live at home anymore, I only visit twice a year so I have to take my parents word on everything and cannot be there to monitor the guys behavior or be a good influence for my sister. They seem to think “everythings under control”

This past visit, they were both drunk when I arrived. I shouted and argued with my family the next morning that this is unacceptable way to be raising two children. I said that they are going to just keep having children, and more than my family will be able to take care of, He is never going to grow up, at least not in this environment, and neither my sister or mom are fit to be parenting this way. I was very harsh I wanted to call social services, I know it might tear the family apart, but I cannot see the good in this boyfriend being part of my family. He seems to have worked himself a comfortable spot and does not want to leave or grow up. My sister kicks him out everytime he smokes pot, but the problem is he says sorry and promises to change, and my sister forgives him and lets him back in.
Even my mom wants him gone, and being the home owner she could certainly exercise her authority and keep him out. But she doesn’t want to go against my sister if she is willing to forgive him. She keeps telling me to trust her, and that she is praying and trusting God.

I just don’t know. My dad seems to have given up as well. It seems no one wants to be the bad guy…

Should I call social services or the police? Tell them the situation? What else could I do? Just keep praying? It seems things are closer to a tipping point than they have been before.
Is this even my battle to fight now that I am moved out?
I’m not sure if my parents are right and have put their trust in prayer and God, (Things look ready to change/boyfriends behavior is less tolerated than it was), or if my parents have gone complacent and are in denial.

I just want to know what God expects of a good catholic in this kind of circumstance. I would be totally willing to pull the trigger against the boyfriend, or even my own mother for the sake of the family.
My mom has 8 kids, 6 of them still live at home, my older sister suffers from depression, my younger from bi-polar disorder, even my mom has had psychotic episodes in the past and screamed “I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!” although those were few extreme incidences and the rest of the time she is a very devoted and loving mother who sacrifices everything for us. But she seems to be addicted to children, and wants the house full of as many as possible, I think even more than she is able to handle, I don’t know if she’d realize it though.

What do I do? How does God work through these kinds of situations?
The idea of waiting around and doing nothing makes me feel empty and depressed, like I wasn’t brave enough to do what needed to be done, for my family. What kind of a man does that makes me feel like

Thank you

 

[mommy_k]

I have no advice, but just wanted to add that if he us smoking pot in the house, the kids are getting high from the second hand smoke. That seems very serious to me. I would think a court would take children away from parents like that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi guys,
I need some advice

There’s a lot to it but Ill tell as much as I can,
my sister got pregnant by her boyfriend 2 years ago, my family is very catholic but in hopes to foster the family and support them as a couple, my parents allowed the boyfriend to move in with her (She lives at home, rent free). This is one of the things I wasn’t sure they did right, seeing as how they are still not married. It seems like they are condoning an illicit relationship. idk if they thought the pros of supporting their grandchild would outweigh the cons,
At this point they just had another baby, she’s beautiful. My parents are still allowing this cohabitation trusting that one day my sister and the boyfriend will be ready to get married.
So here it is,
The sister is coming back to her faith and trying to grow in holiness, the boyfriend is not. He’s not catholic, even anti-Catholic. He gets drunk often, he smokes pot often, my entire family is on him to stop, and he has made promises to stop but still does it. He has encouraged my sister to get drunk as well (I don’t know how much she contributes to the illicit behavior, I trust her that she is trying to do better, but it seems he is making it impossible for her)
I do not trust this guy watching my sisters kids while he’s drunk, he just sits there and plays video games and even neglects to feed them.
My family has been convinced that he does more good than bad, because when he’s sober he does take good care of the kids.
We have 6 other siblings who adore the babies and pay more attention to them than he does, still I know that every child needs a father… Does it mean even a bad one?

Also, I do not live at home anymore, I only visit twice a year so I have to take my parents word on everything and cannot be there to monitor the guys behavior or be a good influence for my sister. They seem to think “everythings under control”

This past visit, they were both drunk when I arrived. I shouted and argued with my family the next morning that this is unacceptable way to be raising two children. I said that they are going to just keep having children, and more than my family will be able to take care of, He is never going to grow up, at least not in this environment, and neither my sister or mom are fit to be parenting this way. I was very harsh I wanted to call social services, I know it might tear the family apart, but I cannot see the good in this boyfriend being part of my family. He seems to have worked himself a comfortable spot and does not want to leave or grow up. My sister kicks him out everytime he smokes pot, but the problem is he says sorry and promises to change, and my sister forgives him and lets him back in.
Even my mom wants him gone, and being the home owner she could certainly exercise her authority and keep him out. But she doesn’t want to go against my sister if she is willing to forgive him. She keeps telling me to trust her, and that she is praying and trusting God.

I just don’t know. My dad seems to have given up as well. It seems no one wants to be the bad guy…

Should I call social services or the police? Tell them the situation? What else could I do? Just keep praying? It seems things are closer to a tipping point than they have been before.
Is this even my battle to fight now that I am moved out?
I’m not sure if my parents are right and have put their trust in prayer and God, (Things look ready to change/boyfriends behavior is less tolerated than it was), or if my parents have gone complacent and are in denial.

I just want to know what God expects of a good catholic in this kind of circumstance. I would be totally willing to pull the trigger against the boyfriend, or even my own mother for the sake of the family.
My mom has 8 kids, 6 of them still live at home, my older sister suffers from depression, my younger from bi-polar disorder, even my mom has had psychotic episodes in the past and screamed “I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!” although those were few extreme incidences and the rest of the time she is a very devoted and loving mother who sacrifices everything for us. But she seems to be addicted to children, and wants the house full of as many as possible, I think even more than she is able to handle, I don’t know if she’d realize it though.

What do I do? How does God work through these kinds of situations?
The idea of waiting around and doing nothing makes me feel empty and depressed, like I wasn’t brave enough to do what needed to be done, for my family. What kind of a man does that makes me feel like

Thank you

Welcome!

I don’t really have an answer for you. I’m not a pot proponent. Far from it. In fact I think it is quite horrible. It should be criminal. But I will submit this observation. Out of all you described, the pot is pretty far down on the list of bad things here…

For the sake of the kids I think social services should be called.

 

[UbiCaritas]

One potential issue with reporting this mess to the police is that, depending entirely on the laws of that particular area, they might be able to confiscate the house from your parents as being associated with drug use. Admittedly, this is a worst-case scenario, but it’s worth looking into before making a final decision as to how to proceed.

 

[WT1]

I have no advice, but just wanted to add that if he us smoking pot in the house, the kids are getting high from the second hand smoke. That seems very serious to me. I would think a court would take children away from parents like that.

My wife is a school teacher and sees some pretty bad neglect in that capacity. What she has been told is that there are such bad situations that involve physical abuse it is highly unlikely the police bat an eye at this.

If the kids have a clean home, food, clothes and not being physically abused they aren’t going to take them. I doubt the grandparents would allow them to go into foster care anyway. Now they can turn the guy in for drug charges, but we are talking a minor offense and there will be court cost to boot.

The sister just needs to dump him, boot him out and sue for child support and also ask for mandatory drug testing if he is going to have any custody. That is pretty much the only solution.

 

[mommy_k]

Then my experience with the judicial system is different than yours unfortunately.

I have nothing against child protective services getting involved if need be. When I have had contact with them myself, they asked me what I saw and when I saw it. They asked me if I saw marks or bruises on the children in question as well. I was mostly concerned that this brother was not the best person to call, as visiting twice a year he was not involved enough to give evidence. He was not even clear in his post if the pot smoking was in front of the children, perhaps he doesn’t even know himself.

I could be wrong though, just my take on it I guess.

I had no advice, only that this is not good for the children. I would personally try to convince my sister that she needs to take action to get the bf help via counseling or rehab, and on the right track of being a responsible parent. Otherwise the future and health of the children may be compromised due to the enviornment. I would suggest a time frame for this to occur or he can reside elsewhere.

Change will not occur with the bf unless he has strong motivation to do so. Right now he has no reason to change.

 

[mommy_k]

My wife is a school teacher and sees some pretty bad neglect in that capacity. What she has been told is that there are such bad situations that involve physical abuse it is highly unlikely the police bat an eye at this.

If the kids have a clean home, food, clothes and not being physically abused they aren’t going to take them. I doubt the grandparents would allow them to go into foster care anyway. Now they can turn the guy in for drug charges, but we are talking a minor offense and there will be court cost to boot.

The sister just needs to dump him, boot him out and sue for child support and also ask for mandatory drug testing if he is going to have any custody. That is pretty much the only solution.

Yes.

 

[AdamP88]

I would say don’t call child services unless you believe the children are in immediate danger. My idea would be that calling the authorities on your family would be an absolute last resort.