Sitting with militant athiest at wedding - what to do?

  • Thread starter Thread starter aligill82
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
pianistclare said:
There are always “no-shows” Look around for an empty chair, perhaps near someone you know, a mutual friend. Pick up your appetizer and move.
Nobody cares after the initial 5 minutes where anyone is sitting. If it “throws” the servers, simply explain what you put as a preference for the entrée and say (apologetically of course) that you elected to move from the assigned seat. No worries. It happens.
Click to expand...
👍
 
Ignatius said:
If they try to pick a fight or make inappropriate remarks, just say “I came to celebrate the wedding of my friends. If you’d like to discuss this matter at a more appropriate time, get in touch with me and we can chat about it then.”
Click to expand...
This, except I’d leave out the part about offering for them to get in touch with me later!😃
 
Ignatius said:
If they try to pick a fight or make inappropriate remarks, just say “I came to celebrate the wedding of my friends. If you’d like to discuss this matter at a more appropriate time, get in touch with me and we can chat about it then.”
Click to expand...
That’s very similar to what I’ve used in the past. I was the MoH in a wedding last year, and one of the other bridesmaids really resented that the honor went to me. The worst part was that she deliberately tried to make sure that everyone-the whole wedding party, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, the caterers, you name it, knew she hated me. It was humiliating for me and very upsetting for my best friend. The night of the bachelorette party, when the bride left for a few minutes and this girl started in again, I told her through gritted teeth in front of the other bridesmaids: “If you care at all about how special getting married is to ‘Jane’ and how she wants to remember it for the rest of her life, you will come outside with me right now and we can hash out all of these issues you have one by one, or you’ll just shut up”. (Some non-CAF friendly language was sprinkled in) She turned bright red and her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t come outside with me and she never said so much as a peep to or about me again.

I’m hoping for a similar outcome for the OP. If she acts inappropriately when she is supposed to be celebrating her friends’ marriage, call her on it and make her feel embarrassed for being so disrespectful not only towards you and the other guests, but towards the couple.
 
aligill82 said:
I am going to be attending a wedding in a few weeks and have recently found out I will be seated at the reception with someone who is a militant athiest. To be clear, I have no problem with individuals who choose to be athiests. This person however has personally attacked my faith in the past. I’d like some feedback on how to respond should this person make extreme or persistent inappropriate remarks. Out of consideration of the bride and groom it’s my goal to try to ignore any comments or remarks. Is there a point though where it would be appropriate to say something? I just know my character and I’m going to have a hard time not saying anything if previous behavior repeats itself.
Click to expand...
If it were me, I would read books about talking to atheists (author Trent Horn comes to mind) and pray that God would put us together, if that is His will. Then I would pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance on what to say.
 
It’s unlikely that anything would be said. Only the most boorish of people will choose a wedding as the appropriate occasion to attack another person’s beliefs.

If anything comes up, just tell them that you generally stick to the rule of not discussing sex, religion, or politics at social gatherings. It’s a pretty widely accepted social custom and almost anyone would back off at that point.

But, to be fair, you’re probably worrying over nothing. Just relax and have a great time.
 
If Xantippe’s suggestions don’t work, you could also try looking this person in the eye (if they get aggressive or obnoxious) and saying nothing at all.
 
I would say, I am here to celebrate so and so wedding, what about you? And if they persist just tell them that this neither the time or place for this discussion and then focus your attention on the bride and groom and ignore him.
 
To be honest with you, I think this thread is pretty much self-explanatory. If we minus all the negative hatred and exasperation for those who don’t get it, what are you left with? A frank but kind comment saying that you are here to enjoy the wedding, at first. But after this, I honestly think that there is room, almost a duty to, go and speak to that person for the sake of compassion. Not everything is about winning an argument and maybe they need to see this - they keep running over the same old stuff because they are crying out for someone to simply listen! Why don’t you, after the wedding ceremony, take them over a drink and have a simple chat that doesn’t get into religious talk and maybe this act of sympathy will help them to see what being a Christian is all about - kindness and listening?! Even if they do give you a momentary ear-bleed, does it matter, just listen to their point and then respond in kindness. - ask how they are! Anyone would think that to be a Christian is to be in little tea-parties with lots of other Christians who all laugh when you laugh and agree with everything you say. Christianity is a narrow path and Christ approaches sometimes at the most inconvenient times. Otherwise, what is Christianity but an egoistic little club for those in-the-know? So sarcasm (:rolleyes:) and jokes aside, and to the crux of the matter:

Who is Christ to you?

🙂
 
Won’t there be other people at the table? Surely enough safe conversation can be generated to keep ungracious arguments at bay. Perhaps the occasion itself will inspire him towards more charitable behavior – even militant atheists aren’t villains, out to disrupt peace of mind at any occasion.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I suppose the apostles all fit that definition, huh?
Click to expand...
The scene:

Peter’s niece, a sweet young lady, is getting married to a nice guy. While they’ve both heard about this friend of her uncle’s who, it seems, might be the Messiah, they haven’t met the guy personally, and aren’t quite sure what they think about him. Both the bride and groom are, naturally, Jewish.

Weddings in that part of the world being what they are, Peter, his various siblings (apostolic and not), and all their friends are there for the party, too.

Option A: Peter et all can wish the bride and groom all the happiness in this world and the next, and have a pleasant time, thus demonstrating courtesy and respect, two rather basic principles of etiquette.

Option B: Peter et all can use this opportunity to inform everyone at their table that the food’s nice enough, but it’s too bad the couple’s going to Hell. They then proceed to spend the evening pestering the bride’s mother (who, poor woman, is trying to ensure that all 250 guests have sufficient food and wine at the time), the bride’s father (who’s trying to keep an eye on those young cousins who seem to be conducting a drinking game consisting of “who can chug this vat of wine fastest”), and the rabbi (thus starting a screaming argument, as the Rabbi is absolutely, 100%, dead-certain that Christ isn’t the Messiah and so he and Andrew are bellowing at one another about obscure Talmudic references at the tops of their voices) about how the lot of them are bound for a very warm destination. By the end of the evening, both families have miraculously united as one in their utter loathing for the jackasses who have spoiled Sarah and Reuben’s nice wedding, and have vowed never to invite them to anything again.

I’m thinking that Option A is going to allow for the possibility that a fruitful conversation may occur at some point in the future, while Option B is likely to ensure that Peter et all don’t ever hear from that couple again.

“Truth with charity”–not with just plain rudeness. And it is rude to harangue others about one’s beliefs, especially at a time when it a) will do no good at all, and b) will probably cause harm.

What’s the point of all this? The point is that yes, one wants to convert and save souls. Rudeness and unkindness rarely does so, and using a wedding as one’s soapbox, whatever one’s belief, is both rude and unkind. I mean, I suppose we could go back to a time and place when it was acceptable to burn alive those who don’t believe as we do, but I hardly think that led to a genuine conversion of hearts.
 
UbiCaritas said:
The scene:

Peter’s niece, a sweet young lady, is getting married to a nice guy. While they’ve both heard about this friend of her uncle’s who, it seems, might be the Messiah, they haven’t met the guy personally, and aren’t quite sure what they think about him. Both the bride and groom are, naturally, Jewish.

Weddings in that part of the world being what they are, Peter, his various siblings (apostolic and not), and all their friends are there for the party, too.

Option A: Peter et all can wish the bride and groom all the happiness in this world and the next, and have a pleasant time, thus demonstrating courtesy and respect, two rather basic principles of etiquette.

Option B: Peter et all can use this opportunity to inform everyone at their table that the food’s nice enough, but it’s too bad the couple’s going to Hell. They then proceed to spend the evening pestering the bride’s mother (who, poor woman, is trying to ensure that all 250 guests have sufficient food and wine at the time), the bride’s father (who’s trying to keep an eye on those young cousins who seem to be conducting a drinking game consisting of “who can chug this vat of wine fastest”), and the rabbi (thus starting a screaming argument, as the Rabbi is absolutely, 100%, dead-certain that Christ isn’t the Messiah and so he and Andrew are bellowing at one another about obscure Talmudic references at the tops of their voices) about how the lot of them are bound for a very warm destination. By the end of the evening, both families have miraculously united as one in their utter loathing for the jackasses who have spoiled Sarah and Reuben’s nice wedding, and have vowed never to invite them to anything again.

I’m thinking that Option A is going to allow for the possibility that a fruitful conversation may occur at some point in the future, while Option B is likely to ensure that Peter et all don’t ever hear from that couple again.

“Truth with charity”–not with just plain rudeness. And it is rude to harangue others about one’s beliefs, especially at a time when it a) will do no good at all, and b) will probably cause harm.

What’s the point of all this? The point is that yes, one wants to convert and save souls. Rudeness and unkindness rarely does so, and using a wedding as one’s soapbox, whatever one’s belief, is both rude and unkind. I mean, I suppose we could go back to a time and place when it was acceptable to burn alive those who don’t believe as we do, but I hardly think that led to a genuine conversion of hearts.
Click to expand...
Exactly! Although God might pick the time and the place. But an opportunity from God I don’t think would be one which has to be forced and most likely wouldn’t come from a proud motivation to impose one’s beliefs at an inopportune time. Simple acts of kindness can speak volumes. Of course, this write-up above has the extreme ending of a comedy movie, but it makes a valid point! 👍🙂 However, this doesn’t rule out being kind, especially for God’s sake. And Jesus certainly made an impact with His miracle of turning water into wine at the seemingly busy Wedding Feast at Cana. So He might be asking for acts of love on His behalf, if so, what is there to worry about?!
 
UbiCaritas said:
The scene:

Peter’s niece, a sweet young lady, is getting married to a nice guy. While they’ve both heard about this friend of her uncle’s who, it seems, might be the Messiah, they haven’t met the guy personally, and aren’t quite sure what they think about him. Both the bride and groom are, naturally, Jewish.

Weddings in that part of the world being what they are, Peter, his various siblings (apostolic and not), and all their friends are there for the party, too.

Option A: Peter et all can wish the bride and groom all the happiness in this world and the next, and have a pleasant time, thus demonstrating courtesy and respect, two rather basic principles of etiquette.

Option B: Peter et all can use this opportunity to inform everyone at their table that the food’s nice enough, but it’s too bad the couple’s going to Hell. They then proceed to spend the evening pestering the bride’s mother (who, poor woman, is trying to ensure that all 250 guests have sufficient food and wine at the time), the bride’s father (who’s trying to keep an eye on those young cousins who seem to be conducting a drinking game consisting of “who can chug this vat of wine fastest”), and the rabbi (thus starting a screaming argument, as the Rabbi is absolutely, 100%, dead-certain that Christ isn’t the Messiah and so he and Andrew are bellowing at one another about obscure Talmudic references at the tops of their voices) about how the lot of them are bound for a very warm destination. By the end of the evening, both families have miraculously united as one in their utter loathing for the jackasses who have spoiled Sarah and Reuben’s nice wedding, and have vowed never to invite them to anything again.

I’m thinking that Option A is going to allow for the possibility that a fruitful conversation may occur at some point in the future, while Option B is likely to ensure that Peter et all don’t ever hear from that couple again.

“Truth with charity”–not with just plain rudeness. And it is rude to harangue others about one’s beliefs, especially at a time when it a) will do no good at all, and b) will probably cause harm.

What’s the point of all this? The point is that yes, one wants to convert and save souls. Rudeness and unkindness rarely does so, and using a wedding as one’s soapbox, whatever one’s belief, is both rude and unkind. I mean, I suppose we could go back to a time and place when it was acceptable to burn alive those who don’t believe as we do, but I hardly think that led to a genuine conversion of hearts.
Click to expand...
Are we talking before or after the passion?

I don’t think your example works. I also think there is more than a or b. I think there is some sort of responsibility to help bring the Gospel to all.

Peter, and Paul died for their “rudeness.” And it worked.
Is Peter there as Pope? As the Vicar of Christ on earth? That would make a HUGE difference.
 
It’s a wedding reception.
Hopefully there will be no awkward moments. Really.
If there are, **get up and move. ** The offending person will get the hint, and honestly who cares?
It’s not anyone’s responsibility to convert people at social events.
It’s also not a place to bash people with your beliefs either.
Have fun at the wedding and stop fretting over something that might not even happen.
It’s a time for rejoicing.
Do that.
Rinse.
Repeat.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top