Situation advice

[ishnianqueen]

Maybe PFG has a PFF (Pretty Fantastic Friend) that lil sis could meet?

How I WISH that were the case! We’re all in the same Catholic Campus Ministry, so the potentials all come from pretty much the same pool. My sister would already know any of PFG’s PFFs (haha) that would be worth it since faith is an important aspect to both of us. Does this mean that she has missed opportunities because of the blatant crush on another man that turned off suitors or caused her to not develop deeper friendships with other awesome guys? Perhaps. Quite likely, actually, because our CCM is unusual in the fact that there is a higher percentage of guys than girls that come.

I want to thank each and every one of you so very much for responding to this post. Everyone’s insight has been so helpful. It’s kind of nice to read that I’m not crazy. To be fair to lil’ sis, it hasn’t even been a week since she found out, so maybe once finals are done and another week passes she’ll be ok. Probably not, but I can hope. Obviously I’m still praying about it myself, but each post keeps affirming and cementing what I myself am feeling, and I thank you all for that. :grouphug: Awww, warm fuzzy feelings!!!

 

[ishnianqueen]

**
Thanks for the compliment. As a new mommy who’s life has become all about poopy diapers and what type of solid food to give my daughter next (two related subjects) it is nice to know that I can still help grown ups too.**

Hahaha, they are indeed related subjects. My younger brother is almost 10 years younger, and man changing his diaper was interesting sometimes. Note to self - do NOT give any diapered child green jello on St. Patrick’s Day, because you don’t want to see it the next. Maybe you do, I don’t know, you could be strange like that.

And yes, you can definitely still help. And what’s weird is that now I technically fall into that “grown up” category. Yeargh! Conversations are so different. Instead of talking about music and movies (though thankfully those still come up), it’s what kind of jobs we’re getting after graduation and who’s getting married and how many kids they want and theology and philosophy and then stupid o’clock. It almost makes me wish I were a kid still…and then I remember how much I wanted to be grown up when I was a kid, and it makes me laugh. You always want what you can’t have, and that seems to apply in this situation as well.

 

[ishnianqueen]

So. Since I last wrote, I talked about my sister and how I was concerned about her feelings, etc. etc. Well, after reading all the advice and searching my own heart and talking to my sister (who agreed that no matter what decision I made it would be the wrong one), I decided that I should go ahead and date Mr. PFG. Things with him are amazingly wonderful. However…my sister refuses to even look at me. At first, I was more understanding and kind of expected some mean comments and short tempers and such since it was such a sting. However, I expected things to start getting better after an initial storm. Instead, things have just gotten worse and worse. I went on a pilgrimage to Greece and Turkey with my Catholic Campus Ministry for 10 days and was cut off really from communication with anyone for that long. My sister had to drop me off beforehand and didn’t even give me a hug (well, I hugged her, she just refused to hug back). I thought that being away for 10 days would give her time to cool off and collect herself and start getting better. Nothing of the sort has happened and instead she won’t speak to me - if I’m lucky I’ll get yes or no - and mostly won’t even look at me - if she does I get the most horrid venom shot out of her eyes at my soul. As I write this, it’s been almost a month since PFG and I started dating, and therefore almost a month since my sister’s been on this awful downwards spiral. I tried to talk to her a little bit last night (I’ve been trying to at the very least make light conversation - no dice) and told her that while this is definitely hurting me much more in a temporal sense, her soul is being damaged so much more in an eternal sense. I got silence. I told her that I loved her, even though she doesn’t believe me, and I got a snort. She didn’t even glance up from her book.

I know I need to talk to her, but I can’t get her to engage. I keep praying for patience, wisdom, and understanding and for her heart to be softened, but I feel like it’s becoming harder than a diamond and much darker than one with each passing day. If she won’t talk back, I can’t do much, and I didn’t imagine in my wildest dreams she would ever act like this…:crying: :banghead: Any help is most appreciated…

 

[pumpkinbeast]

You’re doing everything right, with all your prayer and efforts, I think. It’s terrible that your sister won’t grow up… She’s stubborn. But new relationships sometimes do cause problems with old ones… I can already see that if I someday have more than about 3 children, my parents will be very displeased… I hope not, but… my guess is your relationship with Mr. PFG is going well, else you would be expressing a regret of getting together in the first place, but instead your entire concern is with your sister. Keep your heart open to her, ready to receive her if she repents. Don’t develop a grudge against her for her behavior. Keep praying!!! Sounds like she needs it.

 

[bear06]

So. Since I last wrote, I talked about my sister and how I was concerned about her feelings, etc. etc. Well, after reading all the advice and searching my own heart and talking to my sister (who agreed that no matter what decision I made it would be the wrong one), I decided that I should go ahead and date Mr. PFG. Things with him are amazingly wonderful. However…my sister refuses to even look at me. At first, I was more understanding and kind of expected some mean comments and short tempers and such since it was such a sting. However, I expected things to start getting better after an initial storm. Instead, things have just gotten worse and worse. I went on a pilgrimage to Greece and Turkey with my Catholic Campus Ministry for 10 days and was cut off really from communication with anyone for that long. My sister had to drop me off beforehand and didn’t even give me a hug (well, I hugged her, she just refused to hug back). I thought that being away for 10 days would give her time to cool off and collect herself and start getting better. Nothing of the sort has happened and instead she won’t speak to me - if I’m lucky I’ll get yes or no - and mostly won’t even look at me - if she does I get the most horrid venom shot out of her eyes at my soul. As I write this, it’s been almost a month since PFG and I started dating, and therefore almost a month since my sister’s been on this awful downwards spiral. I tried to talk to her a little bit last night (I’ve been trying to at the very least make light conversation - no dice) and told her that while this is definitely hurting me much more in a temporal sense, her soul is being damaged so much more in an eternal sense. I got silence. I told her that I loved her, even though she doesn’t believe me, and I got a snort. She didn’t even glance up from her book.

I know I need to talk to her, but I can’t get her to engage. I keep praying for patience, wisdom, and understanding and for her heart to be softened, but I feel like it’s becoming harder than a diamond and much darker than one with each passing day. If she won’t talk back, I can’t do much, and I didn’t imagine in my wildest dreams she would ever act like this…:crying: :banghead: Any help is most appreciated…

The more you let it bother you, the more she’s going to do it. It’s called emotional blackmail. Just act like nothing’s happened. She’ll eventually get over it. I wouldn’t make any comments like “get over it” or “you’re only thinking of yourself”. This might her more resolved. Just ignore the being obnoxious. She’ll eventually find her own way.

Why don’t you do a novena for her? If you think it’s an impossible situation, do the 54 day novena and just treat her like nothing’s happened.

She’s the baby of the family and being the baby I can tell you that it’s a hard thing not to get your way. Of course, I figured this out by the time I was 10. She seems to be taking a little longer.

If you feel that God wants you to take this path then you better take it with or without sister’s approval. That’s really what it boils down to.

 

[LaSalle]

Yeah … date him. I mean come on … you like him, he likes you. He never liked your sister … she had a crush on him …so?

Date him, try to be gentle with her. You give in to her and both you and the boy gets hurt, your sister gets spoilt and nobody gets to be in any relationship.

Just tell her to ‘Move on, Sister’ in a nice way. She’s got to deal with it and I’m sure it’ll be a matter of time before she does.

 

[ishnianqueen]

Praying so far is the only thing I can get really resolved in my head. A 54 day novena might not be a bad idea…

As for talking to her - comments like “get over yourself” are obviously out of the question (no matter how much i want to scream it at her sometimes ), but I’m conflicted as to how or if or when. Right now, I can’t get her to engage, but it’s possible that my mother can or another third party. Our CCM priest told me to just pray and keep being nice and she’ll come around, but one of our campus ministers (an advice guru, no lie, and from a family of 12 kids, so sibling issues are crazy) said that I have to force a talk out of her and prepare myself for a shower of abuse.

Either way, I’m hoping in the future she looks back on this and smacks her forehead, but for right now it’s absolutely awful.

 

[Teakafrog]

The more you let it bother you, the more she’s going to do it. It’s called emotional blackmail. Just act like nothing’s happened. She’ll eventually get over it. I wouldn’t make any comments like “get over it” or “you’re only thinking of yourself”. This might her more resolved. Just ignore the being obnoxious. She’ll eventually find her own way.

She will grow up eventually. Remember, you cannot change another person. She chooses how to behave, you can’t do anything about that. You are doing nothing wrong. The guy was obviously not interested in her, or he would have followed up on her very overt signs that she was interested in him. She has to learn that she will not get everything she wants in life. It’s called maturity. Keep doing what you’re doing. She is the one who will have to choose to stop pouting and acting childish. Soon she’ll find another guy to give her attention to.