Situation involving two girls

[FeelingGuilty]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

 

[TrixieMcGee]

I am a lady and I know that I always refused to date more than one person at a time (it generally ends bad) or date someone who was dating someone else. Okay, well if you are dating multiple people here are some good ground rules.

1. Always stick to your plans you made first. If you make plans with one girl, do not cancel them to make plans with another.
2. No kissing or anything like that. It really sucks to be physical in anyway with more than one girl.
3. Do not give them the idea that you are exclusive at the moment. Also if things get serious at all, break it off with the other girl.

 

[FeelingGuilty]

I am a lady and I know that I always refused to date more than one person at a time (it generally ends bad) or date someone who was dating someone else.

That’s what I resolved to do, and yet I found myself in this situation again.

1. Always stick to your plans you made first. If you make plans with one girl, do not cancel them to make plans with another.

That’s a good rule. Sometimes it can be hard to do, though, if both of them simultaneously ask to do something on the same day.

1. No kissing or anything like that. It really sucks to be physical in anyway with more than one girl.

I’ve already kissed the first girl. But I don’t think she’s in a kissing mood, so this shouldn’t be too hard to do for the time being.

1. Do not give them the idea that you are exclusive at the moment. Also if things get serious at all, break it off with the other girl.

Now, this is a tricky one. When this happened before, I told one of the girls that I was seeing someone else, and she got mad, because she thought we were exclusive, even though I never told her it was exclusive.

Regardless, I think these are good rules to go by. Not easy, but good rules, nonetheless.

 

[TrixieMcGee]

That’s what I resolved to do, and yet I found myself in this situation again.

That’s a good rule. Sometimes it can be hard to do, though, if both of them simultaneously ask to do something on the same day.

I’ve already kissed the first girl. But I don’t think she’s in a kissing mood, so this shouldn’t be too hard to do for the time being.

Now, this is a tricky one. When this happened before, I told one of the girls that I was seeing someone else, and she got mad, because she thought we were exclusive, even though I never told her it was exclusive.

Regardless, I think these are good rules to go by. Not easy, but good rules, nonetheless.

Obviously you didn’t resolve to do it. If you really resolved to not date multiple people, break it off with one of them. You put yourself in this situation. You can get yourself out.

Even if both ask to do something the same day, then just stick with the plans you made first. It isn’t hard. Someone asked first. Stick to those plans. When the second asks, tell her you already have plans. Simple as that. It is a jerky thing to do to cancel with one girl to do something with another.

DON’T DON’T DON’T kiss either of the girls if you are dating both. It is leading them on that you are getting more serious with them, that you are exclusive, ect. ect. ect. It is a bad idea and a jerky thing to do. Just don’t do it. There is a choice in the matter and you are able to control what you do. Don’t kiss either of the girls if you are dating both.

You need to let them know it is not exclusive. If you don’t you are taking away their informed consent. You don’t mislead someone just because you think they may get mad. Yet another jerky thing to do. Either only date one at a time, or let them know you aren’t exclusive.

Remember it is not all about you, don’t be selfish, don’t use excuses, and don’t be a jerk. It shows a lack of maturity to not be open and honest, to not show self control, and to break plans with someone because “something better” came up.

 

[Groo]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

I wouldn’t feel guilty about dating multiple girls. As long as you aren’t lying to these girls I don’t see a problem. And you don’t need to openly tell any of them that you are dating others. Unless you are exclusive, it is really none of their business who you see or don’t see.

And if one girl finds out about another and gives you the cold shoulder, then consider it her loss. Plenty of fish in the sea. Take your time and find someone right for you.

 

[triumphguy]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

Are you married or single?

 

[onjac]

I wouldn’t feel guilty about dating multiple girls. As long as you aren’t lying to these girls I don’t see a problem. And you don’t need to openly tell any of them that you are dating others. Unless you are exclusive, it is really none of their business who you see or don’t see.

And if one girl finds out about another and gives you the cold shoulder, then consider it her loss. Plenty of fish in the sea. Take your time and find someone right for you.

I don’t agree. From my perspective, I would assume that a guy is exclusive unless I met him through a dating service or only went out on a few casual dates (like in a coffee shop or something) and nothing physical happened.

Like any normal human being, girls don’t like to be misled. It’s humiliating.

 

[Groo]

I don’t agree. From my perspective, I would assume that a guy is exclusive unless I met him through a dating service or only went out on a few casual dates (like in a coffee shop or something)

Then the problem would be in an erroneous assumption. Now if a guy is married and dates others, that is what I would call misleading. But a single guy meeting and dating different people isn’t doing anything that I would call misleading.

 

[FeelingGuilty]

Are you married or single?

I’m not married and have never been married. Give me some credit.

 

[Bill_Martin]

I don’t agree. From my perspective, I would assume that a guy is exclusive unless I met him through a dating service or only went out on a few casual dates (like in a coffee shop or something) and nothing physical happened.

Like any normal human being, girls don’t like to be misled. It’s humiliating.

I agree and think that most people would assume that the person they are dating is dating them exclusively, unless told otherwise.

 

[triumphguy]

I’m not married and have never been married. Give me some credit.

Just checking

 

[Dan_Daly]

“dating” as commonly practiced in the US and other western nations is really a very new (and destructive) thing historically speaking, and didn’t really come into it’s own till after spreading of the automobile throughout society.

There’s nothing wrong having some interest in more than one person at a time. A gentlemen could take lady A to a picnic on Saturday and Lady B to a concert on Sunday without being any kind of scoundrel. This was actually the norm before and “going steady” (exclusively dating one person) indicated a more serious relationship.

As another poster mentioned though, nobody, male or female, appreciates being deceived. Honesty is crucial.

I think there are more fundamental questions that you need to ask yourself and answer though. Why are you dating at all? Why are you dating these women in particular?

The reason for dating (or to use a better term courtship) is to discern a call to married life. If you’re not both ready for married life and considering it as a serious possiblity with the woman in question, then there is absolutely no reason to date her, and dating becomes and unnecessary occasion of sin for both of you.

Pax Christi

 

[RedSoxWife]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

One thing that strikes me about the wording in your post is that your wording it as if dating two girls at the same time (which apparently wasn’t something they were okay with from the outcome) is something that just happens to you. It doesn’t really work that way. You have a choice to make. You need to say no to someone or at least be courageous enough to tell both girls that you aren’t dating them exclusively.

 

[Irishmom2]

That’s what I resolved to do, and yet I found myself in this situation again.

No, you did not resolve if it happened again. And you don’t just find yourself in that position, you put yourself there. No one else, no t the first girl, not the second girl, but you.

That’s a good rule. Sometimes it can be hard to do, though, if both of them simultaneously ask to do something on the same day.
No, one of them had to ask first and if you said yes, then you should have told the second girl no. Unless by simultaneously you mean they were both standing in front of you at the exact same moment, both asking you out at the exact same time. Since that is highly unlikely, you got yourself in this predicament.

I’ve already kissed the first girl. But I don’t think she’s in a kissing mood, so this shouldn’t be too hard to do for the time being. For the time being. Oh, here you go being a victim of circumstance again?

Now, this is a tricky one. When this happened before, I told one of the girls that I was seeing someone else, and she got mad, because she thought we were exclusive, even though I never told her it was exclusive. And I am guessing you never said that you weren’t either.

Regardless, I think these are good rules to go by. Not easy, (Oh for Pete’s sake… Time to grow up and stop being a victim.)but good rules, nonetheless.

 

[Groo]

I don’t know if you have a group of male friends who you can talk to about relationship issues. If you do have some friends you can trust, I would recommend leaning on them. If not, you need to make some male friends. Until you find Mrs Right, women are going to come and go. The stability of a bunch of guys who will stick with you through thick and thin is invaluable.

And if you do get married, make the effort to stay close to your friends. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was losing touch with my friends after marriage. Friends can be an emotional support when times are tough, and then we can share the benefits with our wives.

 

[thewanderer]

My advice is, again, either choose one, and only one, to pursue for the time being, or tell them outright and explicitly that while you are interested in them, you are not ready for an exclusive relationship. Otherwise you will just cause more heartache to them both.

This is important, so whatever you do keep this in mind.

It is generally assumed that if you start displaying signs of romantic affection towards someone that you intend to/actually are dating them exlusively. If you allow youself to show such affection to more than one person at a time without* EXPLICITLY *telling them that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship You are deceiving them and essentially lying to them through omission. Just because you do not say any sentances which are untrue does not mean that you are off the hook. It is wrong to deceive others, whether through a direct lie or indirectly through ones actions. Just man up and either pick one of these two ladies exclusively or else warn them that even though you are interested in them you are not ready for an exclusive relationship yet. Whatever you do, do not deceive them, wether through direct lies or by omission.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

You “find yourself” in this situation again? As others have said, you didn’t “find yourself” in the situation, you are ALLOWING it to happen! Have you asked the previous girl if she’s interested in dating you NON EXCLUSIVELY? You should ask her. Tell her you have also met another girl and are going to go on a date with her. You don’t know what you want, except all of them at once, but you should at least be honest with them. Finding a girl who doesn’t care who else you’re dating shouldn’t be too hard, but she probably won’t be a very nice girl, since she’ll likely be “dating” more than one guy, besides you, too.

I think you want to eat your cake and have it too.

Why are you dating any of these girls? Just to have fun? Or are you discerning marriage? The longer I am alive, the more I think the dating model is really messed up.

 

[Cristiano]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

Maybe it is time that you take a break from dating and start to think of what should be important in your life. It looks like you are not capable of being alone and that is not a good sign.

 

[Irishmom2]

My advice is, again, either choose one, and only one, to pursue for the time being, or tell them outright and explicitly that while you are interested in them, you are not ready for an exclusive relationship. Otherwise you will just cause more heartache to them both.

This is important, so whatever you do keep this in mind.

It is generally assumed that if you start displaying signs of romantic affection towards someone that you intend to/actually are dating them exlusively. If you allow youself to show such affection to more than one person at a time without* EXPLICITLY *telling them that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship You are deceiving them and essentially lying to them through omission. Just because you do not say any sentances which are untrue does not mean that you are off the hook. It is wrong to deceive others, whether through a direct lie or indirectly through ones actions. Just man up and either pick one of these two ladies exclusively or else warn them that even though you are interested in them you are not ready for an exclusive relationship yet. Whatever you do, do not deceive them, wether through direct lies or by omission.

Excellent post!

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

I posted before about dating two girls and it ending badly. Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation again. I tried to keep seeing one of the two girls from the previous thread, but she’s been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I blew her off, and probably rightly so. So I started talking to a new girl. But then she contacted me again, and we’re likely going out again. I’m supposed to have a date with the new girl, too. So here I am again asking for some advice. Thank you.

Some thoughts - if I were a young lady and I saw you were dating another young woman, I would ask you to figure out that relationship before thinking about a relationship with me.

Seeing two girls at once isn’t respectful to the girl’s emotions. Trust me, we’re very emotional . It’s not fair to let a girl get emotionally attached to you without a committment to her.