Skeptical (Engineer) husband going through RCIA cannot get behind Catholicism. Need advice

[TXCrdleCatholic]

Good morning! I joined this forum hoping I could find some advice and support regarding our situation. I am a 28 year old cradle Catholic married to a 28 year old non-Catholic, needless to say I am not the terribly well versed in the why’s of the Catholic church but I have gone to Mass my whole life and am trying to educate myself more as my husband goes through RCIA.

My husband was raised in Church of Christ (the no instruments version) in high school but towards the end of HS started attending a Baptist church with some of his friends because that’s where he felt more aligned. He did not attend church after HS except for occasionally when he went home and attended CoC. He isn’t drawn towards any one denomination at this time.
I mention in the title that he is an engineer because I feel that is an important detail to note about him. He needs sound logic and reasons and explanations and doesn’t place any real value on tradition or ‘just because that’s what we’ve always done’ explanations. He doesn’t get anything out of the Catholic Mass, but goes for me most of the time.

He promised me when we got married that he would go through RCIA and give it a try, but made no promises that he’d convert. I don’t want him to convert just for me, but I really want our family (we have a 1 year old son) to have the same belief system and raise our children with a solid belief foundation. The RCIA at our particular church is very dry and just seems to go through the motions of this is what Catholics do, this is what we do during Mass, etc. and he’s not getting much out of it. I recently connected him with someone in our diocese who works with young people much like himself to answer the questions he has that he’s not getting answered in RCIA.

His main frustration is that people go to Mass to get their card punched and that Mass does not spiritually feed the people. You don’t leave Mass any closer to God and you don’t have much to think about as far as what you can do during the next days/weeks to be a better Christian. He’s comparing this to a non-denominational church, for example, where the entire service is dedicated to thinking about and implementing how to be better Christians. I honestly agree with him here… Priests are not taught to be good speakers or to inspire the congregation, it is apparently not an important part of being a priest and you’re just lucky if you end up with a priest that’s like that. That is not the case for us.
The hard part for me, personally, is that I enjoy these other churches too but I’m left feeling like I didn’t go to church (eh, I guess punch my card…) that weekend. Like I said, I’m a cradle Catholic myself and I go because that’s what I was raised to do and what ‘feels right’ for me. I could never see myself not being Catholic, but I do enjoy the actual services of other churches more than I do the Mass. Does that make me a bad Catholic?

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist) and he literally sees no point in that. He asks (not being condescending) ‘who cares if you eat the wafer and consume Jesus, why does it even matter if it’s a wafer or bread or really JC?’. He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church, only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus. He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.
He’s been given all of the normal explanations about where to find in the bible that Jesus said ‘do this in remembrance of Me’ etc. but he just doesn’t buy that Jesus was commanding us to literally do that ever week and he places no value on it. He says it’s all in how you interpret those sections and he thinks Catholics do that just for backup to their Mass traditions.

Anyway, I do not plan to push him to convert (not that he’d do that if I tried) but I’m feeling a little helpless here. He has such hard and skeptical questions and I never have good answers. Even if I go look them up, he ends up with an ever harder more skeptical question. He’s not being rude or condescending during these talks, he just isn’t the kind of person that could ever go off of a gut feeling or ‘blind faith’ as he calls it because he’s just not wired that way.

I am to the point where I think we just need to switch off going to Mass one weekend and a church he likes the next. Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine? Surely they have… I feel like I’m doomed to have a split household on this issue and it breaks my heart. I so badly want our family as a whole to be connected in ONE church, going to Mass together, doing small groups and joining clubs and just being a part of the congregation as a whole. I think that’s an important part of being more than a once-a-week church attender.

Please offer advice if you have it. Thanks!

 

[Denise1957]

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist) and he literally sees no point in that. He asks (not being condescending) ‘who cares if you eat the wafer and consume Jesus, why does it even matter if it’s a wafer or bread or really JC?’. He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church, only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus. He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.

Hello, and welcome!

I’d like to address this one point of your post, because it’s an important issue. I think that your husband is correct about the Mass being centered around the Eucharist. I’m not sure that I can properly explain why it’s so important that we receive Holy Eucharist, but I’ll try.

Jesus himself said that if we do not eat of His body and drink if His blood, then we will not have life in us. He meant this literally, and the early Christians believed this wholeheartedly. The Mass from the beginning was centered around the Holy Eucharist.

One of my favorite conversion stories is about a former Pentacostal preacher named Alex Jones. He explains it better than I can. He converted to Catholicism after he studied the early Church fathers, and came to the conclusion that the early Church was centered around the Eucharist; it was not centered around good preaching or the moving of the Holy Spirit.

So he, his wife, and a large part of his former congregation converted with him. Here’s his story on youtube. At about the 11:00 minute mark is when he begins talking about how he began reading about the early Church fathers who wrote on the importance of Holy Eucharist (so that he could give a presentation at his church on the subject). He’s a vibrant speaker, and uses humor and humility to get his point across:

youtube.com/watch?v=mxDumU0TSrY

 

[hazcompat]

Engineer’s are readers. For the mass I recommmend:

Blessed Fulton J. Sheen

CALVARY AND THE MASS
…

Hence the Mass is to us the crowning act of Christian worship. A pulpit in which the words of our Lord are repeated does not unite us to Him; a choir in which sweet sentiments are sung brings us no closer to His Cross than to His garments. A temple without an altar of sacrifice is non-existent among primitive peoples, and is meaningless among Christians. And so in the Catholic Church the , and not the pulpit or the choir or the organ, is the center of worship, for there is re-enacted the memorial of His
Passion. Its value does not depend on him who says it, or on him who hears it; it depends on Him who is the One High Priest and Victim, Jesus Christ our Lord. With Him we are united, in spite of our nothingness; in a certain sense, we lose our individuality for the time being; we unite our intellect and our will, our heart and our soul, our body and our blood, so intimately with Christ, that the Heavenly Father sees not so much us with our imperfection, but rather sees us , the Beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. The Mass is for that reason the greatest event in the history of mankind; the only Holy Act which keeps the wrath of God from a sinful world, because it holds the Cross between heaven and earth, thus renewing that decisive moment when our sad and tragic humanity journeyed suddenly forth to the fullness of supernatural life.

ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/CALMASS.TXT

Peace

 

[TomFromMD]

His main frustration is that people go to Mass to get their card punched and that Mass does not spiritually feed the people. You don’t leave Mass any closer to God and you don’t have much to think about as far as what you can do during the next days/weeks to be a better Christian.

I could go to a Mass with no homily at all and feel spiritually fed, in large part because of the following -

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist) and he literally sees no point in that.

Of course, Jesus himself told us to do this. To receive him. It shouldn’t be “just eating a wafer”. It should be preparing yourself to receive Jesus, and then being with him in a special way. The Mass is a beautiful thing.

About every Mass, we:

1. Admit our failings to God and ask for forgiveness
2. Give glory to God in the Gloria
3. Remind ourselves of the basics, via the creed
4. Hear from the Word of God in the readings. Generally, these are the same reading you get in any Catholic church in the world. You could go on a trip, go to mass at 3 different Churches, come home, and have heard the exact same readings as everyone else.
5. Get some reflections. Maybe your priest sucks at this, but it’s only one point in the Mass, and by no means the most important. If it is very important to you, Church shop. That’s how we ended up at our current Parish.
6. Recite a prayer, as given to us by Jesus through the Gospel (the Our Father)
7. Be present to the last supper, and the crucifixion
8. Receive Jesus in the Eucharist, as he commanded.

I don’t know how good your RCIA is, but a good one will walk through every minute detail of the Mass, describing what is being said, where it came from, etc. The confiteor (which unfortunately, my priest doesn’t use much) is about 900 years old. The Agnus Dei is at least 1400 years old. The Gloria and Kyrie are something like 1700 years old, if not older. And of course, the Our Father is coming on 2000. If your RCIA isn’t going into this much, there are books and videos that do. In a Catholic Mass, you’re taking part in a history of worship that can’t be matched by any modern service.

I hope you both come to find the beauty of the Mass that I love so much.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Are there other parishes in your area or are you pretty much limited to just one? If there’s a parish with a good program for young adults it may fit your husband’s interests more. Or perhaps there’s a university near you with a good campus ministry program.

 

[Cricket2]

My father was an engineer and a very logic oriented person. I still work on explaining my Faith to him and trying to get past the logical wall he puts up. At least he does believe in God and asks more questions than he used too.

Sometimes discussing other people’s experiences can work, especially if they “don’t make sense”. That is your husband can’t explain what is described logically. Now finding those stories can be difficult, but worth a try.

I share my own near death experience with people. It occurred when I was 4, and had no prior knowledge or teaching about God. This is when I learned that God existed and it changed everything about me including how I viewed my own family.

Perhaps similar documented stories could help your husband. Also simply try reading a single verse or two in Scripture everyday. Do this together, and promise to take just 5 minutes to sit in silence afterwards. Then simply share what thoughts came to your mind about that scripture only. Don’t debate if it’s right or wrong, just share what you experienced.

This is just a way to start experiencing Scripture and God’s speaking to you each in His own way. It may take some time for your husband and you to become good at doing this but one day I can tell you for sure, you will experience something very unusual or almost unbelievable through the Grace of God.

I think you husband, like my father, needs to feel a more personal relationship with God that transcends any denominational experience in Church. In the mean time keep going to Mass and listen carefully. Try to hear what God is saying instead of paying attention to how the Priest is saying it, or if you like the music etc. Listen to God, not your desire to be inspired.

 

[Kount_C]

Go to youtube look up Catholic Mass from a protestant perspective. It is a talk given by
Mike Cumbie, a Catholic evangelist and former evangelical preacher.
If he will watch it with you that is Good news.

 

[Loving_disciple]

I didn’t read through the whole post so forgive me for that. I will answer the part about the Eucharist Jesus said his body and blood are what gives us life and if we don’t take the Eucharist we do not have life in us. Basically we are animated corpses without the Eucharist which is life.

We do it so that we are alive and can be a part of God

 

[ccmcmg]

I recently connected him with someone in our diocese who works with young people much like himself to answer the questions he has that he’s not getting answered in RCIA.

His main frustration is that people go to Mass to get their card punched and that Mass does not spiritually feed the people. You don’t leave Mass any closer to God and you don’t have much to think about as far as what you can do during the next days/weeks to be a better Christian.

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist) and he literally sees no point in that. He asks (not being condescending) ‘who cares if you eat the wafer and consume Jesus, why does it even matter if it’s a wafer or bread or really JC?’. He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church, only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus. He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.
He’s been given all of the normal explanations about where to find in the bible that Jesus said ‘do this in remembrance of Me’ etc. but he just doesn’t buy that Jesus was commanding us to literally do that ever week and he places no value on it. He says it’s all in how you interpret those sections and he thinks Catholics do that just for backup to their Mass traditions.

Anyway, I do not plan to push him to convert (not that he’d do that if I tried) but I’m feeling a little helpless here. He has such hard and skeptical questions and I never have good answers. Even if I go look them up, he ends up with an ever harder more skeptical question. He’s not being rude or condescending during these talks, he just isn’t the kind of person that could ever go off of a gut feeling or ‘blind faith’ as he calls it because he’s just not wired that way.

I am to the point where I think we just need to switch off going to Mass one weekend and a church he likes the next. Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine? Surely they have… I feel like I’m doomed to have a split household on this issue and it breaks my heart. I so badly want our family as a whole to be connected in ONE church, going to Mass together, doing small groups and joining clubs and just being a part of the congregation as a whole. I think that’s an important part of being more than a once-a-week church attender.

Please offer advice if you have it. Thanks!

I am blessed with a civil engineer husband, and a son who is becoming one. Luckily, my husband was raised Catholic, and isn’t quite as analytical as some are.

Some points I’d like to make:
First, as a Catholic, we are obligated to attend Mass every single Holy Day of Obligation, which includes Sunday (or Saturday evening). Perhaps on the weekends you attend his service, you could also attend yours, even if alone?

Mass isn’t a social event, or a movie, or an inspirational talk. At the non-Catholic services I’ve attended, it’s all about the preacher, or the songs. For me, Catholic Mass is all about God. Sometimes we are blessed to have great speakers as priests, but even my favorite priests that I’ve heard on the radio, Father John Riccardo and Father Larry Richards, surely lay an egg once in awhile, or don’t reach each and every person in the pews. The focus of the Mass isn’t the homily; it’s Jesus Christ. The entire ‘hour’ is spent focused on Him. I’ve been to some VERY inspiring services, with super dynamic preachers, and songs, and all sorts of ‘inspiration’. Yes, I’ve learned things and ‘felt better’ afterwards. However, I felt like I attended what we had in HS, called “Youth Rallies”. I didn’t feel spiritually fed, not like in the sense of our Mass.

I think once you become Catholic, and start to understand Catholicism, you don’t look at it as ‘eating a wafer’. Of course, we know it’s the Body and Blood of our Savior Jesus Christ, but that’s hard to explain to a non-Catholic who disagrees with that. I feel spiritually fed when I pray the Mass, from the opening hymn or antiphon, to the closing prayers, from the Our Father to the Gloria, from the Agnus Dei to the readings, and everything in between. But mostly, I am physically AND spiritually fed by the Eucharist. When I relive what Jesus did for us, and then how He offers it to us, in His own BODY, PHYSICALLY, and then realize that His Body is IN ME, not just in my heart, not just in my mind, but in my weak human sinful body…WOW. Christ is literally touching my lips, just the same as a kiss from my husband or loved one. He’s inside of me!

You’ve been given a great blessing, and challenge, to help you yourself grow in the Faith that Jesus gave to us. Encourage him in RCIA. If he is doing it because he loves you, let him! That light will dawn on him one day and BOOM, he might even be more devout than many of us cradle Catholics. Ask him to respect the Church that you belong to, and that you MUST attend weekly. Find out why you attend weekly and explain it to him. Keep praying. Keep growing.

If he wants dynamic Catholics, listen to some Scott Hahn, Larry Richards, and others. Lighthouse Catholic Media and Catholicity have free downloads. The Conversion of Scott Hahn is a great one to listen to.

God bless you and your family. Let us know how you’re doing, and I’m excited to hear more.
Christina

 

[AndyP2010]

1st : Don’t stop going to Mass weekly even if that means your going by yourself. It won’t make things better.

2nd : Get a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can use it to look up the answers to his questions.

3rd : Get a copy of Consuming the Word by Scott Hahn - it will explain a lot about the sacrifice of the Mass in a way he will get as an engineer. It will also show that the early disciples of Jesus (ie people who knew him during his life understood that the “do this” in remembrance was to be done weekly)

4th : Get or barrow a copy of Catholicism DVD series by Father Robert Barron sit and watch it together. This is better than a lot of RCIA programs.

Your husband is right about the Mass is mainly about the Eucharist. Ask him if he really thinks that if the Eucharist, really is the body blood soul and divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ, that Catholics take into their bodies then why would anyone settle for a wafer of bread or anything else for that matter?

I come from a mixed family. My father was baptist his whole life. I rarely saw him in church after my first communion. (I was the last of 6 kids) He never converted but he gave my mother his full support in raising us catholic. That made all of the difference for us. If I might suggest one other thing. Your husband probably has a strong regard for the Bible. Sit down together some time before mass each week and read them together and discuss them. This will help with the Liturgy of the Word part of the Mass and might add something to your priest’s homilies.

 

[NorthTexan88]

Howdy. Like your husband, I also grew up in the church of Christ and am very familiar with the southern baptist church. Feel free to PM me and I would love to give you advice!

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

Engineer’s are readers. For the mass I recommmend:

Blessed Fulton J. Sheen

CALVARY AND THE MASS
…

Hence the Mass is to us the crowning act of Christian worship. A pulpit in which the words of our Lord are repeated does not unite us to Him; a choir in which sweet sentiments are sung brings us no closer to His Cross than to His garments. A temple without an altar of sacrifice is non-existent among primitive peoples, and is meaningless among Christians. And so in the Catholic Church the , and not the pulpit or the choir or the organ, is the center of worship, for there is re-enacted the memorial of His
Passion. Its value does not depend on him who says it, or on him who hears it; it depends on Him who is the One High Priest and Victim, Jesus Christ our Lord. With Him we are united, in spite of our nothingness; in a certain sense, we lose our individuality for the time being; we unite our intellect and our will, our heart and our soul, our body and our blood, so intimately with Christ, that the Heavenly Father sees not so much us with our imperfection, but rather sees us , the Beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. The Mass is for that reason the greatest event in the history of mankind; the only Holy Act which keeps the wrath of God from a sinful world, because it holds the Cross between heaven and earth, thus renewing that decisive moment when our sad and tragic humanity journeyed suddenly forth to the fullness of supernatural life.

ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/CALMASS.TXT

Peace

Fulton J Sheen I think is a spot on choice!

 

[tawny]

Praying for you and your husband.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Keep coming here to CAF and learning about the Faith yourself. If your husband is willing, have him join as well - we’ll be just as happy to answer his questions.

Don’t start the alternating-church pattern - that will undermine your Catholic Faith and not yield that much in terms of benefit - I understand why you think it would be a good idea, but there are better ways to accomplish those goals of unity and so on that you desire.

There is a book and CD by Jeff Cavins, called I’m Not Being Fed, which comes to mind. I haven’t read it myself because I haven’t felt the need - though maybe I should just to be familiar. At any rate, it does seem to connect with some people - see forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=65569 I have a revert friend who could relate to it and she also during her re-adjustment to being a practicing Catholic, went through a time of disliking seeing others receive the Eucharist in a “fast-food drive-up” manner as she described it. (She was actually wanting more reverence, like having Communion rails back in churches - I think it’d be cool if they brought them back myself - but I digress.)

As for your husband being an engineer, and having a logical mind, that’s something that can work for or against him. I dated a guy kind of like that many years ago, fallen-away when I met him, and he’d nitpick about Catholic things. It irritated me, I’ll be honest - but I could also tell he was just trying to satisfy his skeptical brain lobe. I think a person has to go through their own spiritual process of discernment and ask himself or herself - why am I resistant to this - are my reasons based on genuine curiosity or on fear of commitment?

There are also great Catholic thinkers that might be appealing to him, spirituality styles from Benedictine to Jesuit to Carmelite, Franciscan, Dominican, and “much, much more.” And there are good media such as Fr. Barron’s Catholicism series being produced, there’s EWTN, many many sources.

A word of caution, though - one shouldn’t make or break a conversion decision based on any kind of personal preference, because in the end it really does come down to faith and a willingness to surrender and to know that there are always going to be stumbling blocks if we let them be stumbling blocks. But if used properly, some of the things I mentioned above may help with the biggest stumbling blocks.

Honestly, if your husband finds too many stumbling blocks, he should wait and pray about it and not convert too hastily and then bow out. At least that’s my opinion. Talking to a priest is a recommendation. I’ve seen too many dropout converts lately and it makes me sad.

 

[JM3]

Father John A. Hardon, S.J. Archives

Archives Index

therealpresence.org/archives/archives.htm

Communion of Saints: St. Robert Bellarmine on the Mystical Body of Christ

therealpresence.org/archives/Eccelesiology/Eccelesiology_001.htm

The Mercy of God

therealpresence.org/archives/Divine_Mercy/Divine_Mercy_001.htm

Conversion from Sin

therealpresence.org/archives/Sin/Sin_002.htm

The Eucharist as Communion Sacrament

therealpresence.org/archives/Sacraments/Sacraments_010.htm

The Holy Eucharist as Sacrifice Sacrament

therealpresence.org/archives/Sacraments/Sacraments_014.htm

Prayer and the Grace of God

therealpresence.org/archives/Prayer/Prayer_003.htm

Why Should We Pray?

therealpresence.org/archives/Prayer/Prayer_064.htm

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

His main frustration is that people go to Mass to get their card punched and that Mass does not spiritually feed the people. You don’t leave Mass any closer to God and you don’t have much to think about as far as what you can do during the next days/weeks to be a better Christian. He’s comparing this to a non-denominational church, for example, where the entire service is dedicated to thinking about and implementing how to be better Christians. I honestly agree with him here… Priests are not taught to be good speakers or to inspire the congregation, it is apparently not an important part of being a priest and you’re just lucky if you end up with a priest that’s like that. That is not the case for us.

You said your husband needs logical answers; however, I’m afraid he is going to need more than this because his first frustration is not based on logic but an assumption which pigeon holes every catholic into one convenient category for him and that is we only go because we have a card that needs punching. Obviously to him we cannot be going because we are spiritually fed since he has already ruled this possibility out in his head. Unfortunately you’re not dealing with a problem of logic but one of biased opinion. You not being aware of why you go to Mass is also not going to help this biased opinion.

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist) and he literally sees no point in that. He asks (not being condescending) ‘who cares if you eat the wafer and consume Jesus, why does it even matter if it’s a wafer or bread or really JC?’. He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church, only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus. He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.
He’s been given all of the normal explanations about where to find in the bible that Jesus said ‘do this in remembrance of Me’ etc. but he just doesn’t buy that Jesus was commanding us to literally do that ever week and he places no value on it. He says it’s all in how you interpret those sections and he thinks Catholics do that just for backup to their Mass traditions.

Your husband is right in believing the Mass is centered around the Eucharist, so this is good. His reasoning though that the Eucharist is no big deal is obviously not logical since Christ said in order for us to live we must drink His blood and eat His flesh and that He is the bread of Heaven and of life. Any service that does not have a valid Eucharist is clearly leaving you spiritual malnourished which is probably why he has been left chasing feelings rather than faith. When it comes down to it sure a sermon is going to be able to tell you how to be a better Christian; however, without that little wafer which is Christ Himself, you’re not going to be able to carry out these resolution consistently because as Christ said; “without me you can do nothing!” Heck with your husbands reasoning you could have approached the wise men on their way to meet Christ and say “hey it’s silly to go to that manger just to see that little baby. I mean what could he possibly do for you that a good sermon and some talk about brotherly love couldn’t do?” I know the answer! That little baby can confer grace!

Anyway, I do not plan to push him to convert (not that he’d do that if I tried) but I’m feeling a little helpless here. He has such hard and skeptical questions and I never have good answers. Even if I go look them up, he ends up with an ever harder more skeptical question. He’s not being rude or condescending during these talks, he just isn’t the kind of person that could ever go off of a gut feeling or ‘blind faith’ as he calls it because he’s just not wired that way.

To be honest your husband is not going off of logic either. In any case you have no power over his conversion. The best thing you can do is pray for him and do your best to be the best Catholic you can be.

I am to the point where I think we just need to switch off going to Mass one weekend and a church he likes the next. Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine? Surely they have… I feel like I’m doomed to have a split household on this issue and it breaks my heart. I so badly want our family as a whole to be connected in ONE church, going to Mass together, doing small groups and joining clubs and just being a part of the congregation as a whole. I think that’s an important part of being more than a once-a-week church attender.

Alternating Churches is the worst thing you can do since this will give the wrong impression that both services are equal in their worship when they are not. You have the Catholic faith and the Eucharist. You have the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ and therefore you cannot be indifferent to how Christ is worshiped. Your husbands approach is interesting since if Christ doesn’t care what Church we belong to then he should have any problem going to your Church. Yet your husband knows this cannot be the right attitude but is using this weak argument as an excuse to defend his position. Your husband has a biased opinion against the Church which has probably become habitual due to his upbringing. I know it might not be feasible but if it is you should try searching for an FSSP parish and have your husband speak to a FSSP priest. In my experience with them they are extremely knowledgable in the faith and if this is truly a problem of logic as your husband claims it to be then they will be able to set him straight or at least hopefully get him to admit its about something more than logic.

 

[1ke]

but I really want our family (we have a 1 year old son) to have the same belief system and raise our children with a solid belief foundation.

Did you marry hoping he would change? Because the way to have a family with unified beliefs is to marry another practicing Catholic. Marrying a CoC/non-practicing generic Christian isn’t really the means to that end. I am not trying to be harsh, although I’m sure I’ll get accused of it. My point is that you may have to change your expectations and be satisfied with him as he is. He may not convert, ever. If you weren’t prepared to accept that, I think you owe your husband an explanation and resolve to respect him as he is. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh. But this is a problem inside of you, not with him. You have created an expectation he cannot meet, and that is unfair to him.

The RCIA at our particular church is very dry and just seems to go through the motions of this is what Catholics do, this is what we do during Mass, etc. and he’s not getting much out of it.

I am sorry to hear that.

I recently connected him with someone in our diocese who works with young people much like himself to answer the questions he has that he’s not getting answered in RCIA.

I can also recommend Peter Kreeft and Frank Sheed. Two excellent and deep authors.

His main frustration is that people go to Mass to get their card punched and that Mass does not spiritually feed the people.

This is an opinion. He is treating it as a fact.

You don’t leave Mass any closer to God and you don’t have much to think about as far as what you can do during the next days/weeks to be a better Christian.

Perhaps he doesn’t. That does not mean he can project his experience onto all of us. I spent plenty enough time in protestant churches of various flavors to assure you, that is a two way street.

He’s comparing this to a non-denominational church, for example, where the entire service is dedicated to thinking about and implementing how to be better Christians.

Which is what the Liturgy of the Hours, Eucharistic Adoration, Bible Study, the Rosary, the KCs, the soup kitchen, the prolife ministry, and the XYZ group are for.

Mass is for something different.

I honestly agree with him here… Priests are not taught to be good speakers or to inspire the congregation, it is apparently not an important part of being a priest and you’re just lucky if you end up with a priest that’s like that. That is not the case for us.

I think you’ve bought into a false argument, that Mass is for your entertainment.

The hard part for me, personally, is that I enjoy these other churches too but I’m left feeling like I didn’t go to church (eh, I guess punch my card…) that weekend.

If you did not attend Mass in addition to going to these other Churches then you did fail to “go to Church” and you need to go to confession. If you think that going to Mass is “punching your card” then perhaps you need to study up more on the Mass.

Like I said, I’m a cradle Catholic myself and I go because that’s what I was raised to do and what ‘feels right’ for me. I could never see myself not being Catholic, but I do enjoy the actual services of other churches more than I do the Mass. Does that make me a bad Catholic?

It doesn’t make you a bad Catholic, it makes you an uneducated Catholic. B/C if you really understood the Mass, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Perhaps Scott Hahn’s book The Lamb’s Supper would be helpful.

In fact, I think all of Scott Hahn’s books would be helpful.

My husband has come to the conclusion that the entire Mass is centered around consuming Jesus (the Eucharist)

Well, he got that right.

and he literally sees no point in that.

Wow.

Then he really needs to read the Lamb’s Supper.

And study the Bible-- cuz it’s in there in spades.

He asks (not being condescending) ‘who cares if you eat the wafer and consume Jesus, why does it even matter if it’s a wafer or bread or really JC?’. He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church

Yeah, it’s going to take a while for him to come to understand the Church.

only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus.

Except that’s not what Jesus himself taught.

 

[1ke]

He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.

“eating a wafer” is highly disrespectful and he should refain from ever using that term. We receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ-- the greatest honor and privilege there is.

I am to the point where I think we just need to switch off going to Mass one weekend and a church he likes the next.

You have an obligation to attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation. If you go to a non-Catholic service with your husband, that is fine, but you must still attend Mass at another time.

I feel like I’m doomed to have a split household on this issue and it breaks my heart.

I am sorry that you may have to come to terms with the fact that he may not change or convert. You need to find a way to make peace with your husband being a non-Catholic. If your husband senses dissatisfaction from you, he may dig in his heals even more. Ultimately, he may never come to the fullness of the faith. I hope he does, but you must be realistic that he may not.

Please offer advice if you have it. Thanks!

Spend as much time as you can in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. Pray to St. Monica. And, be patient.

 

[felsguy]

Remember that conversion is not the result of intellectual discovery and assent. It is the result of the gift of faith, a gift which God gives according to His schedule. It may well be that now is simply not the time according to God’s plan for your husband. If so, no amount of discussion, reading material, “proof’,” etc will make much of a difference, at least, not in the positive sense. Your patient prayer and continuing good example may be the best way for you at this time to “help prepare a fertile soil for when God decides to plant the seed.”

 

[Wildkit]

I ask myself this question as I would like to think I am logical, but why do all these miracles only happen in this one church? I don’t mean the healing from cancer or some other personal event, but like we see such as the incorrupt Saints in the Church, Fatima, Eurcharistic miracles such as in Lanciano, Italy. I simply ask this plain question,…….is someone trying to tell me something?