Skeptical (Engineer) husband going through RCIA cannot get behind Catholicism. Need advice

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I would get some CD’s by protestant converts… also, expose him to early church fathers. The historical aspect might be attractive to him, like the First apology of Justin Martyr.

He doesn’t understand Mass.

youtube.com/watch?v=P1FaPtqC7Og
 
  1. Apparently, it’s rare to have a priest that’s inspiring. I’m lucky to have one that is. I’ve heard through the grapevine that a lot of people have left other parishes for ours.
As a convert, this is a weird concept because there is the expectation that a preacher will be somewhat charismatic, interesting, has “gravitas”, etc.

In Catholicism, the attitude is totally different. There just isn’t this expectation - which is just odd to me…coming from a Protestant background. I still struggle with it because Catholicism forces me to think in ways that go against how I was taught.

Catholicism isn’t just a religion, but also a culture. There are a lot of cultural differences that Cradle Catholics won’t pick up on.

For instance, I love the CAF thread about why aren’t there coat racks at a Catholic church. This might sound like a “stupid” question to a Cradle Catholic, but I can assure you that coat racks are normal in Protestant churches and a lot of newbies (to the Catholic church) think that it’s weird that Catholics are okay with wearing their coats into the Sanctuary. It really some of these cultural things that take a long time to adapt to. (I’m okay wearing my coat into the sanctuary these days! I get it.)
  1. I can see why he’d complain about the Eucharist because in most Protestant churches, you don’t have it every week. It isn’t a central focus. Some places do it once a month or once a quarter or on special occasions. For Protestants, there are cultural and theological reasons why “it’s just a wafer”.
  2. Good luck! Be patient. Sometimes, it takes a few times going to RCIA before someone actually wants to complete the conversion process.
 
Also, I agree that your husband doesn’t understand Mass. Honestly, I’d take him to a Jewish service on Friday night and show him where the Mass comes from. (Or find one on YouTube). A lot of the elements of a Jewish service are present in the Mass and at the end of the service, they break the bread for the beginning of Shabbat (the Sabbath).

You can fill in what’s different and what’s the same. However, it’s a way for him to see how Catholicism came out of the Jewish tradition. (And we took a lot from the Jews…)

It’s important for him (and us as Catholics) to understand this history and the basis for Catholic tradition. The Mass didn’t come out of nowhere. Catholicism/Christianity is the fulfillment of the Old Testament. Jesus was a Jew. His disciples were Jewish. They worshiped as Jews.

I find that Catholic services have more in common with Jewish worship services than a lot of Protestant services. (I came from a low church background, so I get that there are Protestant denominations that are more closer to ‘Catholic’. However, that was not my experience and can only speak to my experiences.)

So, even though I struggle with the Catholic Mass, I know where it comes from and why we do what we do and why it’s important. (Again, habits/expectations die hard!)

Also, our parish bulletin has been doing a series on why we do what we do at Mass. I think it’s kind of sad that it’s needed, but I love that it’s been included for everyone to read and learn about the Mass.
 
You already have a lot of good advise. I was agnostic for the first 47 years of my life (though not an engineer), I was skeptical of religion in general. So the first hurdle I came to (after being prompted by the Holy Spirit to attend church) was; is Christianity even true? So in some ways I started out on a lower step on the ladder than your husband. Once I started to believe in Christianity and read a lot on the history of Christianity and the early Church Fathers, I was led to the Catholic Church.

Like others have said, I don’t go to Mass to entertained by a great choir or rousing sermon, I go for the sacred; the Body and Blood of our Savior Jesus Christ. Through the Mass, we enter into a sacred rite that has been performed in the Church for two thousand years!

We follow Jesus’ command; “Do this in memory of me of me” as we consume his Body and Blood in the Holy Eucharist. Jesus told his disciples, “Amen. amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:53-54)

A few books that I enjoyed while coming into the Catholic faith were: **'Rome Sweet Home" by Scott Hahn, “Catholic and Christian” by Alan Schreck, “Four Witnesses” by Rod Bennett. **I also consumed many books on the History of the Catholic Church and the early Church Fathers.
 
Kal2012 said:
Also, I agree that your husband doesn’t understand Mass. Honestly, I’d take him to a Jewish service on Friday night and show him where the Mass comes from.
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Oooh, excellent idea. Sabbath in the synagogue, other times in the synagogue, Passover seder, etc, all great ways to look at the Mass and its elements.
 
Our Lady of Hope has RCIA on YouTube–try topics from that parish

The Journey Home episodes may help–Alex Jones, Tim Staples, many others

When Only One Converts by Lynn Nordhagen–this one’s mostly to help you walk this path faithfully.

Jesus and the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist by Brant Pitre–this one’s to help you both understand the Mass more fully.
If i have a disclaimer, it’s that I am not trying to be unkind, because I am in a mixed marriage, myself.

See, the temptation is to miss a Sunday here, a Holy Day there, to keep the peace. Because it makes your husband happier, and with less tension in the home and marriage, you are happier, right? This has to be better, surely?

Don’t do it. Your husband married a Catholic woman, this was no surprise. If you want, change parishes, but do not leave the Church Jesus built for one started by a handful of well meaning but misguided, sinful men in the last 500 years.

Recognize the feelings for what they are: the normal desire of a wife to keep peace with a husband, and a poorly catechized Catholic’s lack of understanding of the wealth and beauty of the Church she has been left. The best way to help your family is to fall in love–with Jesus, and His bride, the Church. Learn all you can, and be faithful to them.

Also–invest in The Catholic Home by Meredith Gould, and build family traditions with your husband for your family. Build the domestic church–pray together, for each other, for your child, for unity in your home and in the body of Christ.

You married a Protestant. It was no surprise. It’s fortunate you are if your husband will embrace the similarities and even attend Mass with you, please don’t be disappointed now because the unity of faith you want hasn’t been there the whole time.
 
I am a graduate engineer and all I can say is if you one doesn’t believe in God and the One Holy Catholic Church it because they aren’t using logic or have done enough investigation. 🙂

I also have attended other denominations church services with my wife and can appreciate the singing, emotion and fellowship, but knowing Christ is more than that of course. Second of all, when Jesus tells us to eat his flesh and drink his blood many people left Him because they weren’t able to act on faith. So in other words sometimes we need to follow the rules He established even if we don’t understand them in their entirety.

What I recommend you suggest to your husband is study the history of Christianity since the beginning and contemplate Jesus’ promise to Peter. It might help to find another CC close to where you live and see if it is more “energetic” or go to the youth masses. Paz!
 
Catolico65 said:
I am a graduate engineer and all I can say is if you one doesn’t believe in God and the One Holy Catholic Church it because they aren’t using logic or have done enough investigation. 🙂
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Study is a wonderful thing, but it’s not enough. In point of fact, anyone who so chooses could defend any number of religious systems given enough study. If, on the one hand, we’ll admit a person can’t “feel” their way into all of revealed truth, I think it’s only fair to admit they can’t “think” their way into it either. Courses of study can be just as much a matter of begging the question as can be emotional investigation.

The Catholic Church takes in a more complete view of things: heart plus mind as moved by the Grace of God being cooperated with. Loving our spouse daily, suffering in gratitude, deep devotion, and a beautiful, smiling spirit can be just as potent a witness of evidence as can be the most complex tome of philosophical examination.
 
TXCrdleCatholic said:
He thinks that Jesus/God does not care what church you go to or if you even go to church, only that you are a good person and help others and spread the word about Jesus. He thinks that church is meant to spiritually feed us weekly and that we go to learn about how to be better Christians, not to just eat a wafer.
… He says it’s all in how you interpret those sections and he thinks Catholics do that just for backup to their Mass traditions.
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THIS is the crux of the matter, not Eucharistic doctrine per se. The real issue separating Protestants from Catholics is the question of authority. Are all interpretations created equal?

Does your husband believe that God has empowered him to authoritatively interpret the true meaning of scripture? (In our terms, does he think he’s the pope?) If so, how does he explain that even a cursory knowledge of the early church would show that neither the apostles nor their early successors interpreted Jesus’ words this way. Did no one understand Jesus’ message until now? Does that make him (or whoever came up with the interpretation he agrees with) a prophet?

Or is everyone equally qualified to interpret Jesus’ words on his own? Surely he can see then that God’s revelation of himself must be hopelessly confused, to the point of meaninglessness, since so many wildly opposed interpretations are out there. That can’t be right–so either there actually was no divine revelation, or there was one–and only one denomination of the lot can be completely in the right (on the points of controversy).

If he can follow this line of reasoning, then it becomes a matter of figuring out how God wanted his revelation to be transmitted, how historically it actually was transmitted, and therefore which arguments even *can *be true, and which cannot be. I’m confident that anybody who grasps these truths will shortly thereafter come to grasp the truth in Newman’s famous quote, “to be deep in history is to cease to be Protestant.”
 
I have a mixed marriage. I go to mass on Saturday night and go to “services” with my family on Sunday. I recently reverted back to the Catholic church, after having raised my family protestant.

Your situation does not sound too hopeful in regard to your husband.

Here is a conversion story of Scott Hahn.

youtube.com/watch?v=jKdaU0snPRY

I don’t think it will work to push him. Just love him, and be humble… win him by your life.

Dave
 
I honestly think the best thing you can do is focus on your own faith and relationship with God through the Catholic Church and let him see how much peace and joy it gives you. In the end he may never convert but by reflecting the love of God he may be able to come to God in his own way, or maybe his own way will become your way.
 
To convince your husband that “Jesus Christ is truly present in the Holy Eucharist” is a matter of faith. We must realize that we don’t have the power to convert. Jesus Christ alone converts. He is the one who give us the gift of faith. We can do everything in our power and still fail, but we can by witness show the way to converstion by Evangelizing. I don’t know of your personal conversion experience but being born as a cradle Catholic is no guarantee that you or any of us is truly converted, I have seen too many that weren’t. The fact that he was a Baptist and not introduced to Jesus Christ is surprizing. This is one of their strong beliefs. It is also ours, but we are not very good at proclaiming the Good News, but we are getting better. The Good News is that Jesus Christ is God-man and Redeemer, Our Saviour. If we accept Him for who He is and repent, and open ourselves up to Him, we are converted, it is very personal. We must have this encounter. An engineer is intellectual, and there is an inherted disadvantage to this as far as faith is concerned. We as humans inherit a lot of pride, especially intellectual pride. Jesus give grace to the humble and resists the proud. I am not accusing your husband of intellectual pride, but because of original sin it has its effects on all of us. If you can, speak of Jesus Christ as a person in history, expose him if you can to some Christian witnessing about Christ read about peoples personal encounters with Christ. Sew the seeds of faith, and pray. Rationalizing with him might bring to the door of faith but an encounter with Christ will carry him over the threshold. It may even advance you in your faith. God bless you and guide you in your desires and efforts.
 
It is hard to change someone’s mind after they have been taught a certain doctrine for years. But if there is a doctrine that I feel is biblical and hstorical, it is the real presence.

Here are the Bible verses:

John 6:26-71, Matthew 26:17-29 and Matthew 28:20, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:14-20, 1 Corinthians 10:14-17, 11:23-34

Now historically, you should recommend he read the “First Apology of Justin Martyr”.
ccel.org/ccel/richardson/fathers.x.ii.iii.html

This was was written around the year 150. To give you an idea of the value of this early writing… Polycarp who was a disciple of the Apostle John, was still alive. That means one generation removed from the Apostles. Read the whole thing, but especially Chapters 65, 66, 67

I’m sorry, but for those who like to take the Bible literally, why they don’t want to take Christ literally here is a mystery. Take the plain meaning of the Scripture and believe it in faith.

Actually, it is not a mystery. It is because of Sola Fide. They cannot accept that we can “do” anything that can have any spiritual effect. That the body and blood of Christ is salvific. “he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.”

Blessings.
 
Everyone, your answers are amazing! Thank you for your continued responses and support. It sounds like I have a lot of work to do on myself and my own prayer life so that I can be a good example to him. We do go to Mass, but obviously just showing up isn’t enough. I need to learn more and pray A LOT more. I have such great information here, again thank you to everyone for responding.
 
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