D
duskyjewel
Guest
Jay2,
First of all, the co-sleeping issue has been resolved. The children ARE in their own room. Her husband is LEAVING her at night to go sleep WITH THE CHILDREN!!! This is the problem she is seeking to address. And your assertion that he feels “sold out,” as if fathers would never choose to co-sleep and it is something forced upon them by mothers who don’t care about their needs is particularly offensive. My DH was a little nervous at first, with all the silly stuff you hear about rolling over on the baby (undrugged and non-obese parents NEVER do this), but once we tried it, there was no going back for him. He loves little ones snuggling up to him for security and waking up to snuffly little babies between us. When he got deployed to Korea alone for a year, he actually had trouble falling asleep without a child next to him, because he had grown so used to it. He missed it. In most co-sleeping families, this is a joint decision.
Your suggestion that co-sleeping couples have sex in the same bed where their children are sleeping is really sick. My DH and I have never done that, nor do the vast majority of co-sleeping couples. (I have read of some seriously disturbed “it’s all natural” hippie-types who will, but that is such a tiny minority of the people who practice co-sleeping. I think it’s sick, and personally, don’t see how anyone is even able to get aroused while their children are sleeping next to them.) This comment of yours proves just how hostile you are to people who parent differently from you, that you would even believe that people are doing this. That would be sexual abuse. It’s not that hard to move a sleeping child for a little while, or to just go be intimate somewhere else. THAT is what the vast majority of co-sleeping couples do.
Your next comment about children being across the hall is no different from them sleeping in the same bed as their parents proves you have read none of the science that supports co-sleeping. Dr. William Sears and Dr. James McKenna have identified an “entrainment” process that actually helps babies learn how to re-start their breathing after normal infant apnea spells and how to keep breathing all night. Their research suggests that for some susceptible babies, co-sleeping may actually help prevent SIDS. Then there is the attachment function of co-sleeping. Children’s need for closeness does not suddenly go away when the sun goes down. Small children have a right to expect that their parents will meet their needs even though it is the middle of the night. Those of us who choose co-sleeping have decided that the best way to do that is to share the security and emotional closeness of sharing sleep. People do this in different styles and for different durations, depending on their own temperaments and their children’s personalities and needs. It’s all about respecting the NEEDS of the child and what we see as the best way to meet them. We have much social and sleep research that backs up our choice. The fact is, if you read Dr. McKenna’s sleep studies, co-sleeping is TOTALLY different from separate sleep.
Co-sleepers do set “terms” for their children to be in their bed. They are just different terms than you would use, obviously. Yet another post that just attacks co-sleeping and does not attempt to help the OP in any way.
And hey, kittery, I hadn’t considered that the problem might just be as simple as familiarity with the old mattress! I read that in someone else’s post and went, “Duh!” Even though my DH and really love our king size pillow top, it did take an adjustment period to get used to. Even though we had really wanted out of our old bed and needed the bigger one… that familiarity can be hard to work through.