Slight aversion to Men's Groups at Church

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JamalChristophr

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Is there anything wrong with that? As a guy, I feel I should want to be a part of a men’s group. Well, specifically, this group is a discussion group thing for a lenten series, I think it’s called “Conversion of Heart” Anyways, I prefer co ed groups if I do groups at all.

Sometimes, I think maybe I ought to be more into these “men’s groups” but I"m not. Are some men just more comfortable among men only? Why have them? I guess I have always been the kind of guy that likes the company of women. And I would think many women are the same, preferring the company of men.

Any thoughts on this? Maybe I’m missing out by not doing the men’s group thing, but I don’t think I am.
 
Some of us are more introverted than others, which is fine.
 
What do you mean exactly? That you feel more comfortable among men only?
 
Nothing wrong with it at all. We all have different preferences.
 
I think I always feel a little pressured to join the men’s group when I’m asked, etc.
 
I think there is a time and a place for both mixed and single sex groups.
 
This might seem strange, but I did not really have a father figure growing up so I didn’t really develop any close male bond like that. I wonder if sometimes that’s the reason I’m not really into men’s groups, like even Knights of Columbus, too. Don’t want to make that about them at all. Just that I’m not that into men’s groups, I guess. I don’t like talking about sports and junk like that, which is maybe out in left field, but I have a stereotype or preconception that we have to do stuff like that as men in a group. 🙂 I like playing sports but am bored to death by talking sports. (This topic is all over the place, probably.)
 
I am much more comfortable around women than men. I too am not big on men’s groups. I think part of it is because most “Men’s” groups I have experienced seem to cheesily play to “manly” stereotypes (love of sports, cars, criticizing wives, etc…) that I don’t really relate too.

I find myself having so little in common with the focus and problems experienced with others in the groups, that is awkward and uncomfortable for me. On the flip side, I could sit and talk with a group of women for hours.
 
I sometimes wonder how much I talk about very personal spiritual challenges at all. I generally keep my own counsel in many ways, perhaps, unless it would be with a spiritual director. I’m a bit of a lone wolf, which might be part of the reason.
 
AveOTheotokos said:
I am much more comfortable around women than men. I too am not big on men’s groups. I think part of it is because most “Men’s” groups I have experienced seem to cheesily play to “manly” stereotypes (love of sports, cars, criticizing wives, etc…) that I don’t really relate too.
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Yeah… those are not really “Men’s groups” from a Catholic perspective.

The Catholic men’s groups and men’s conferences I’m involved with deal with issues of pornography, lust, fatherhood, husbandry, effective communication (with our wives, kids), etc.

There are certain topics / sins that are much easier for a man to discuss with other men. Just like there are certain topics / sins women find easier to talk about with just women.

As someone said above, there is a time/place for both co-ed and single sex groups, depending on the topics discussed.

God bless
 
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Good post. I am a single guy and don’t have a problem with pornography. Obviously, the majority of men are married, so that commonality is lost.
 
It might be worth trying again if you get married and start having kids–you might have different needs at that point.

(Somewhat related: Years ago I was working as a teacher in Russia and my female colleagues would chat non-stop about their husbands and their gardens. I didn’t have either a husband or a garden, so I didn’t feel like socializing with them. I would have a lot more to say nowadays.)
 
JamalChristophr said:
Good post. I am a single guy and don’t have a problem with pornography. Obviously, the majority of men are married, so that commonality is lost.
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Even for single guys, a men’s group can be good to help them with Chasity.

Also, there are some subjects that can be discussed in a men’s group that women sometimes might mistakenly view as sexists because we men sometimes have a hard time using the right words to describe (esp in front of women).

So sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss these topics without fear of what a woman might think as we are trying to express and learn what Christ taught in regard to authentic masculinity.

So there are plenty of topics (esp at a Catholic Men’s Conference) that are good for single men. But you, I think you are right that most parish Men’s groups tend to be focused on married men.

God Bless.
 
phil19034 said:
Yeah… those are not really “Men’s groups” from a Catholic perspective.
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Unfortunately, this has not been my particular experience. The Catholic groups (men’s small groups, men’s sessions at retreats, KoC, etc…) that I have experienced generally all have the same formula that I find unrelatable:
  1. It often times seems that a group of men have to perform a ritual of chest thumping and declaration of their manliness before they can talk about their feelings: “I’m a man! Are you a man?! Yeah!!! We are men! We are tough!!! Okay… now that we have established that we are all tough manly men and not wimps in any way, it’s okay for us to talk about feelings a little bit…”
  2. Then they actually start talking about their subject for that discussion or issues they are having, etc…
  3. Then at the end it turns into a “Let’s close with more manly self proclamations of toughness and manliness, just to make sure no one is worried that we have lost our manliness because we opened up a little bit…”
phil19034 said:
The Catholic men’s groups and men’s conferences I’m involved with deal with issues of pornography, lust, fatherhood, husbandry, effective communication (with our wives, kids), etc.
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Discussions and groups I have been involved in address these topics as well. It’s not the content that generates the aversion, its the delivery method.
phil19034 said:
There are certain topics / sins that are much easier for a man to discuss with other men. Just like there are certain topics / sins women find easier to talk about with just women.

As someone said above, there is a time/place for both co-ed and single sex groups, depending on the topics discussed.
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I agree. I definitely see the benefits of these different group structures for most people.

My intent with sharing my experience was not to take away from their value, but rather to let @JamalChristophr that he is not alone in having some aversion to all men groups and finding them hard to relate too.

Again, it is not the subject matter covered, but rather the delivery method.
 
phil19034 said:
Also, there are some subjects that can be discussed in a men’s group that women sometimes might mistakenly view as sexists because we men sometimes have a hard time using the right words to describe (esp in front of women).

So sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss these topics without fear of what a woman might think as we are trying to express and learn what Christ taught in regard to authentic masculinity.
Click to expand...
What subjects are you referring to? I haven’t had this problem when talking with groups of women, though we just may have not discussed this kind of topic.
 
Sometimes women’s groups are more mothers groups as well. Any group where there is a majority in a different life stage will often be a tricky fit.
 
Well, I was planning to be in a group, but it’s a lenten topic based group. I guess they would have less time for “women talk” and would be much less likely to do it with men in the group. lol
 
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AveOTheotokos said:
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phil19034:
Also, there are some subjects that can be discussed in a men’s group that women sometimes might mistakenly view as sexists because we men sometimes have a hard time using the right words to describe (esp in front of women).

So sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss these topics without fear of what a woman might think as we are trying to express and learn what Christ taught in regard to authentic masculinity.
Click to expand...
What subjects are you referring to? I haven’t had this problem when talking with groups of women, though we just may have not discussed this kind of topic.
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Here are a few off the top of my head besides porn use / porn addiction.
  1. Masturbation
  2. Wandering eyes (subconsciously or consciously) staring at a woman’s cleavage or behind
  3. Fantasizing about sexual encounters from years or decades ago
  4. The willingness to die to protect your wife/family
  5. What it truly means for a man to be the head of the household
etc.
 
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