Sloth (and self-loathing)

[Neithan]

Since becoming Catholic two years ago my self-esteem has dropped to near zero, a creeping despair has slowly overtaken me. My motivation for life has been almost entirely drained. I sense a severe depression is just around the corner if something doesn’t give, soon. I know that God gives us the grace to overcome any spiritual obstacles, but sloth makes the struggle against sin seem insurmountable, because suffering is unavoidable, where any kind of work is involved, and responding to God’s grace is a lot of work. My will is just plain weak.

How do I overcome sloth? I’m really starting to fear that I’ll just snooze my way into hell.

And damn all those ignorant atheists who think this religion is some warm fuzzy carebear cult. Life is hard, and Christ gives us its greatest challenge.

 

[HailMary]

According to St. John of the Cross, the natural reaction to a deepened spiritual life is exactly, or very similar to what you have described. It comes from the idea that prayer is calming your senses and not feeding your passions which is contrary to what your body and soul are used to. He called the first couple “stages” or periods the spiritual sweet tooth and it was like we were being breast fed sweet milk. But now that you are growing up, the milk has become bitter (for your own sake) and you are experiencing what an alcoholic or someone with an “addiction” would feel on a spiritual level. Do not judge your prayer but how you feel but rather what impact it has on your moral life.

This is covered in great detail in St. John of the Cross’ book, Dark Night of the Soul

Don’t leave your post

 

[quiet52]

Dear Neithan,
Your post hit a nerve with me – because I also experience sloth (physical and spiritual) and self-contempt far too often. I don’t have all the answers, because I have to work at this constantly. I think I tend to yield to this more readily when I isolate myself from others, which leads me to self-doubt, fear of failure, lack of trust, and sometimes just plain ol’ paralysis – and it spirals downward as I feed my emptiness with worldly things. What gets me out of this rut is reaching out – in prayer and communion with Jesus (although it’s not always easy to pray when my emotions aren’t cooperating) – and to others in various ways. Commitment rather than intention helps. Before committing to being involved in parish work, I had many intentions, but it’s hard to act on them.

In prayer, I need help praying with gratitude and with awe – so I have a few reminders around – the crucifix, a candle (Jesus is the light of the world), prayer cards, the bible, devotional books, a list of prayer intentions on my fridge door. The Internet has some sites that help me to slow down when I’m rushed – like Regnum Christi’s daily meditation on the mass readings. And I set small goals for myself – like attending weekday mass once or twice a week (usually not in my parish because of the mass times) – and I keep thanking God for that privilege of receiving Him while looking forward to attending.

As for the depression, I believe satan likes it when we’re depressed, and that he works hard at leading us to despair and away from God.

Turn on some inspirational Christian music (instrumental or vocal) when you’re busy in the home, or when driving. You might also seek medical help (medication) if your depression is severe.

Let’s pray for each other.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Prayer to St. Michael:
Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do though, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into Hell satan and the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls. Amen. (Pope Leo XIII)

 

[RobNY]

All this being said, the so-called, “dark night of the soul” and clinical depression are two distinct things-- if you suspect your condition may possibly, at all, be a medical problem, you need to seek medical help.

-Rob

P.S. Neithan… do you pray?

 

[Em_in_FL]

One thing that I’ve personally noticed with converts is that they come into the church on FIRE with love and excitement for the faith. Unfortunately, that FIRE is not something that can be easily maintained throughout your entire life. I’m not saying it should die out, by any means… but I am saying that it’s very hard to maintain that level.
Often times a convert will be on such a HIGH, and then sink very LOW… it’s oscillatory… and the level of the oscillation needs to be tempered.

You can maintain a very healthy love for the faith in moderation and equilibrium.
Do not fear this moderation… it can be in complete union with the faith! But it’s hard to expect the “conversion high” to stick around your entire life.

Seek the peace of the moderate faith. (I’m not saying moderate in your beliefs, I’m saying moderate in the way you FEEL the faith)… and it will always maintain you…

You will be in my prayers…

 

[ishnianqueen]

Thank you for posting this (and thank you responders). This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing for a while and I’m also trying to get out of this rut. I’ll pray for you and I hope that you’ve found yourself going in the right direction. I just ask that you pray for me as well.

 

[puzzleannie]

there is a spiritual “ailment” called I think anomie, I will look it up when I can turn on the lights, which is what you describe, sloth and not caring about it at all.

Tools Matter, and Thoughts Matter (in the spiritual life) are two books by Margaret Funk OSB which describe this condition (and other dangerous times in spiritual life) and how to combat them. in fact, this is one of the dangerous “thoughts” she mentions.

her advice is classic Catholic spiritual direction and very helpful, in fact, I would rank these as two necessary books for any Catholic trying to grow spiritually.

She makes the point to first deal with anything in the rest of your life that is damaging you–physical, mental etc. If you have symptoms of depression, for instance, or of physical problems like diabetes, that could be contributing, seek medical help immediately.

more classic spiritual direction, from rules of discernment by St. Ignatius and others, never make drastic changes in your prayer life, work life, vocation, career, purchasing, circumstances (where you life etc). when you are in this state of mind.

This is exactly when many people leave the priesthood, leave the Church, get a divorce, quit jobs, quit school, change majors, move across the country etc., and it is exactly the wrong thing to do, because you simply cannot make rational decisions in this frame of mind.

above all remain faithful to your prayer and sacramental life, it is vital to your spiritual, mental, emotional and even physical health, and it is your lifeline. do exactly what you have done, ask others to pray for you when you can’t pray.

It may help you and others to know that there is an army of people praying for you: older folks like MIL who prays in one way or another all day, and sometimes all night long, for those in her family and around the world who need prayer and cannot or will not pray for themselves. It includes shut-ins, nursing home patients, even Alzheimer patients, those undergoing severe medical trials, those who can’t do anything to help themselves or others, so offer up their sufferings as silent prayers. These are very powerful, and this intercession is in your behalf.

 

[mommyof4]

Neithan (and all others), someone suggested reading the Dark Night of the Soul. FYI, there is an online version of this here:

catholictreasury.info/JohnICN/Default.htm

This has been very helpful to me, too.

Also, even if you don’t “feel” anything, continue to stay close to God through the sacraments. Even if you don’t feel anything (feelings are so deceptive), you are keeping yourself closer to God this way. Also, even if spontaneous prayer is difficult, I would suggest scheduling time for prayer every day, even if you are just reciting some memorized prayers, etc. A priest once told me that God works much deeper than our emotions, and anytime we set aside to be in his presence, it allows Him to work within our souls.

God Bless,

 

[kquinn]

Perhaps a spiritual advisor would help (along with what PP have mentioned)?

 

[ishnianqueen]

Puzzleannie, thank you so much for the titles of those books. I think I’m going to search them out very, very, very soon!

 

[St_Gabriel]

How do I overcome sloth? I’m really starting to fear that I’ll just snooze my way into hell.

Don’t worry, God loves you! Try reading some biographies of the saints. available at you local public library!

 

[Neithan]

Perhaps a spiritual advisor would help (along with what PP have mentioned)?

Yes; that is exactly what I’m missing. I’m going to call my parish priest and hopefully schedule an appointment. He’s very busy though.

Thank you everyone for your comments, advice and prayers, which are very much appreciated. And of course I will pray for you too.

Leopard3:

I pray to God with every ounce of my soul to show me the path he wants me on. but my desire to just get up and “do” is near zero…

I know it. It’s scary; I wonder how I ever manage to even get out of bed on some days. I think there’s just some raw fear left at rock bottom.

I don’t think it’s some simple chemical depression (but I’ll make a doctor’s appointment anyway), because it really is my faith that creates this ‘problem’; the exhausting effort of habitually changing my whole way of thinking and living, constantly, it just seems to have spent my naturally low reserves of willpower.
You know that song "you’re so heavenly minded, you’re no earthly good"? Well that’s me. I’m so concerned about the ‘last things’ that I have no energy for the first things. Somehow I’m stagnating in the part where charity is supposed to come in and fuel things. The worst part is that I’m scandalising my non-catholic family, who have recently begun to make disparaging remarks about how my conversion seems to have adversely affected me.

ishnianqueen:

Puzzleannie, thank you so much for the titles of those books. I think I’m going to search them out very, very, very soon!

Ditto.