Sloth or Illness or Pride?

[WhyChasity]

Everything I do feels boring, uninteresting, unfulfilling.

Some back story: I went to the University of Akron two years ago, in their engineering program, and flunked out, basically for the same reasons I’ve been talking about (I really just stopped going to class). Last year I went to my local community college, taking classes that I might enjoy, but still failed, because I gave up going to class. I can’t go to the college this year, as they have me on probation. As a result, I’ve been working with my father full time. I’m terrible at labor work. I also only have two friends: one’s away at college, and the other works most of the week. I’m lonely as a result.

My father and I just got into a fight, beause I didn’t get up for work today (he’s a roofing contractor, and I’m his apprentice). I didn’t get up this morning because I collapsed last night into the temptation of pornography and masturbation, and stayed up all night as a result.

There are other reasons too. I hate the hot weather. The work is dull to me, although most activities have become dull to me. Eventually, these factors would have brought me to a mental breakdown, I think (I feel like I’m always on the edge).

He told me that I should move out of the house (I’m 21 years old). I’m not sure what to do. I don’t really find my life meaningful anymore, so I don’t really care about going to live on the streets. However, I’ve grown up in middle class suburban America, so I don’t know if I have the knowlege to survive (I’m think about grabbing some money and getting a bus to Philadelphia, since the Pope will be there this month).

I feel like I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place. Since I’ve “converted” (I was technically nominally Catholic before), I’ve become more and more aware that my comfortable lifestyle and my religion are not very complimentary. I read about the lives of the great Saints, and think that eventually I will have to completely reverse my own life, and act lime them, but I don’t know if I am able, and I’m even more terrified that I’m not willing to. I don’t want Jesus to be a distraction from life’s ills, nor do I want to follow the comfortable, go-with-the-flow Jesus that I grew up with. I want to take the Narrow path, but I’m afraid of it. My constant failure to resist pornography (and I’m not just talking about normal, heterosexual kind either) smashes my hopes of actaully being able to undertake this.

What do some of you who are more experienced with life think? I can go on and on, but I don’t want this post to be an opportunity towards self-pity. I’m not entirely sure if I’m suffering from a mental illness, or am just so lazy that I’ve developed depression (like the Desert Fathers write about). On one hand, I don’t want to deny if I’m I’ll, but on the other hand, I don’t want an illness to be an opportunity for self-pity and attention and pride.

I’ve also noticed that the sacrifical true love that Christ asks if us is repulsive to me, emotionally, yet I know and want to do and be able to love. As a sentimental person, this makes it extra difficult for me.

Also, I’m male. I’m not sure it that was clear in the post.

Thank you.

 

[Xantippe]

Everything I do feels boring, uninteresting, unfulfilling.

Some back story: I went to the University of Akron two years ago, in their engineering program, and flunked out, basically for the same reasons I’ve been talking about (I really just stopped going to class). Last year I went to my local community college, taking classes that I might enjoy, but still failed, because I gave up going to class. I can’t go to the college this year, as they have me on probation. As a result, I’ve been working with my father full time. I’m terrible at labor work. I also only have two friends: one’s away at college, and the other works most of the week. I’m lonely as a result.

My father and I just got into a fight, beause I didn’t get up for work today (he’s a roofing contractor, and I’m his apprentice). I didn’t get up this morning because I collapsed last night into the temptation of pornography and masturbation, and stayed up all night as a result.

There are other reasons too. I hate the hot weather. The work is dull to me, although most activities have become dull to me. Eventually, these factors would have brought me to a mental breakdown, I think (I feel like I’m always on the edge).

He told me that I should move out of the house (I’m 21 years old). I’m not sure what to do. I don’t really find my life meaningful anymore, so I don’t really care about going to live on the streets. However, I’ve grown up in middle class suburban America, so I don’t know if I have the knowlege to survive (I’m think about grabbing some money and getting a bus to Philadelphia, since the Pope will be there this month).

I feel like I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place. Since I’ve “converted” (I was technically nominally Catholic before), I’ve become more and more aware that my comfortable lifestyle and my religion are not very complimentary. I read about the lives of the great Saints, and think that eventually I will have to completely reverse my own life, and act lime them, but I don’t know if I am able, and I’m even more terrified that I’m not willing to. I don’t want Jesus to be a distraction from life’s ills, nor do I want to follow the comfortable, go-with-the-flow Jesus that I grew up with. I want to take the Narrow path, but I’m afraid of it. My constant failure to resist pornography (and I’m not just talking about normal, heterosexual kind either) smashes my hopes of actaully being able to undertake this.

What do some of you who are more experienced with life think? I can go on and on, but I don’t want this post to be an opportunity towards self-pity. I’m not entirely sure if I’m suffering from a mental illness, or am just so lazy that I’ve developed depression (like the Desert Fathers write about). On one hand, I don’t want to deny if I’m I’ll, but on the other hand, I don’t want an illness to be an opportunity for self-pity and attention and pride.

Also, I’m male. I’m not sure it that was clear in the post.

Thank you.

Depression is a mental illness.

I think you’re probably depressed and should immediately talk to a doctor about it. And make sure your dad understands depression–you might even need to have him come to an appointment so he understands that it’s not just a question of willpower.

Best wishes!

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

• there’s nothing wrong with being “comfortable” though it may be true that some contrasting qualities are intriguing and attracting you
• about the money idea make sure you “grab” it by ethical means!
• while you are in Philadelphia let your internet subscription lapse and only use a phone that doesn’t have pictures
• over the years have you had any wholesome hobbies or interests that you were told not to have. Maybe one of them could indirectly suggest a skill to develop

 

[WhyChasity]

Dear Xantippe,

Depression is a mental illness.

I think you’re probably depressed and should immediately talk to a doctor about it. And make sure your dad understands depression–you might even need to have him come to an appointment so he understands that it’s not just a question of willpower.

That is exactly what he and my mother think. They often dismiss the notion of depression with “everyone’s depressed,” etc. My father is a very stubborn man, though, I don’t think he will listen, especially to me.

I have grown up with that mentality, so I’m not sure of it is true or not, especially now that I’m actaully experiencing what might be depression.

Best wishes!

Thank you. God bless you in your endeavors.

 

[WhyChasity]

Dear Vic Taltrees,

• there’s nothing wrong with being “comfortable” though it may be true that some contrasting qualities are intriguing and attracting you

I think as though I should be at least sharing my comfort with those who are less comfortable.

• about the money idea make sure you “grab” it by ethical means!

I’m not the spending type, so I have a couple thousand dollars saved up over the years. I’m conflict as to whether I should donate this money to the less fortunate or not. I’m afraid though that I may need it one day.

• while you are in Philadelphia let your internet subscription lapse and only use a phone that doesn’t have pictures

Is this advice so that I cannot be tracked, if I were to run away (if “running away” can be an action a 21 year old can take)?

• over the years have you had any wholesome hobbies or interests that you were told not to have. Maybe one of them could indirectly suggest a skill to develop

One of the many conflicts between my parents and I is that I would like to study history, philosophy, theology, and/or especially languages. However, they usually reply with “what are you going to do with that?” I’m not trying to belittle them, because they make an excellent point: how am I going to feed myself? I guess I don’t like the current spirit of our culture, which encourages paying for a Career and then using the money to participate and distract oneself in the consumerism machine.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

Is this advice so that I cannot be tracked, if I were to run away (if “running away” can be an action a 21 year old can take)? …

What was in my mind was you keeping your mind safe in terms of media consumption. I hope your family and friends will be calm enough to take a kindly interest, if they want.

(In my young days - over 18 - they let us disappear for weeks simply because there wasn’t the telecommunications!)

I like languages and history myself. A method I have developed in my old age is, to read every history book in all the public libraries (plus a few very cheap second hand ones) and take notes from them as I go, referencing page numbers if appropriate.

If I was offered free board & lodging in a seminary for 7 years and guaranteed that I would not be asked to be a priest at the end of it (!), I would enrol this evening because I am getting intrigued by philosophy and theology myself. Perhaps in future years if you have got money for any course fees (if applicable), a class in one or both of these - maybe part time - could form part of your ambitions as well.

I supplement my reading from the internet. The better Wikipedia articles can suggest reasonably authoritative other sites to pursue a subject.

We owe it to ourselves to not have our “upper storey” (i.e brain-box) let too much “damp” in if you see what I mean

 

[midori]

You need a goal. If you don’t have the motivation/discipline to be a go-getter on your own, you need to put yourself in a situation where you have no choice, or find someone who can be that motivator for you.

If you’re all about the giving-up-comforts but want to keep to something intellectual, there are lots of students who take a few years off to teach English (or something else) abroad. Or take a few months to volunteer with an NGO or a faith-based charity, if you can spare the income.

Otherwise, you might consider whether a few years with the military will be able to help you tap what you need to find within yourself.

 

[GEddie]

I think the dropping-Internet thing was to avoid finding temptation so easily.

Strictly speaking, porn and the like are grave matter, so get thee to confession ASAP (although only a priest can tell you whether, and to what extent you are in sin).

If your purpose in going to PHL is His Holiness, you should be aware that it will be very difficult to get anywhere near him, for security reasons.

Before making any major life decisions such as military enlistment, get **a lot **of competent counsel. And, if possible, a spiritual director.

And for what it’s worth, there is nothing wrong with being comfortable. Our LORD was not exhausted, grieving or in pain his **entire **life.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA

 

[Vico]

Everything I do feels boring, uninteresting, unfulfilling.

… My constant failure to resist pornography (and I’m not just talking about normal, heterosexual kind either) smashes my hopes of actaully being able to undertake this…

If pornography use is tied to the computer, then the computer must be abandoned (or locked down by someone else) in order to avoid the near occasions of sin.

Frequent masturbation will lead to depression – addicts were found to have chronically low dopamine levels between sessions, there is also desensitization causing the classic addiction tolerance.

 

[WhyChasity]

Dear Vico,

If pornography use is tied to the computer, then the computer must be abandoned (or locked down by someone else) in order to avoid the near occasions of sin.

My problem is not that pornography leads to masturbation, its that masturbation leads to pornography.

Frequent masturbation will lead to depression – addicts were found to have chronically low dopamine levels between sessions, there is also desensitization causing the classic addiction tolerance.

I did not know this.

Thank you for your response.

 

[MaryT777]

Depression is a mental illness.

I think you’re probably depressed and should immediately talk to a doctor about it. And make sure your dad understands depression–you might even need to have him come to an appointment so he understands that it’s not just a question of willpower.

Best wishes!

I agree a trip to the doctor to might be in order for an evaluation.

God bless,

Mary.

 

[Xantippe]

That is exactly what he and my mother think. They often dismiss the notion of depression with “everyone’s depressed,” etc. My father is a very stubborn man, though, I don’t think he will listen, especially to me.

I have grown up with that mentality, so I’m not sure of it is true or not, especially now that I’m actaully experiencing what might be depression.

Well, it’s not.

Get a doctor’s visit (even if you don’t have insurance, you have cash money), ask for a depression evaluation (and maybe get a more general psych evaluation to make sure there’s not anything else going on–bipolar or OCD, for instance), and get a piece of paper and a course of treatment to share with your parents if you are going to live under their roof. Unfortunately for you, kicking you out of bed in the morning and getting you to work every day may be part of their share in your treatment. But, from your description, I think they’d probably approve of that, even if they don’t approve of you also going on medication and seeing a therapist, which may also be part of your treatment plan.

But, before you consider any other course of action involving money or moving out or whatever, get yourself to the doctor. Unfortunately, it’s very likely that your judgment is seriously impaired right now, so I would suggest not making any major moves without running it past a neutral and disinterested person (for instance a therapist or your pastor).

With regard to the less fortunate–right now, YOU are the less fortunate. If you haven’t previously done any charitable giving out of your income, go ahead and give away 10% of what you have to Caritas or St. Vincent de Paul or whomever. But, if you have been giving all along, don’t touch it. I guarantee you you are going to need that money very soon, especially if your parents kick you out.

Also, with regard to the less fortunate, if you are lying in bed not working, you are cheating them out of the percentage of your income that you would be able to give if you were working and had income. So, try to get yourself to work and plan to give a set percentage of your income every month going forward. (I mention 10% not because it’s “the law”–it’s not–but because it’s a substantial number but still doable for a young blue collar guy with no dependents and no major housing expenses. If you had the same income but were living on your own or had dependents, I wouldn’t encourage it.)

 

[Xantippe]

One of the many conflicts between my parents and I is that I would like to study history, philosophy, theology, and/or especially languages. However, they usually reply with “what are you going to do with that?” I’m not trying to belittle them, because they make an excellent point: how am I going to feed myself? I guess I don’t like the current spirit of our culture, which encourages paying for a Career and then using the money to participate and distract oneself in the consumerism machine.

It’s fine to enjoy and study those subjects. If you do a four-year degree in one of them, I would encourage you to do at least a business minor, though, or a concentration in some technical subject. Or, alternately, you can take one course at a time while working.

If you are genuinely gifted in any of those subjects, you can make a living at it (although it’s easier with subjects that are widely taught at the high school level). My husband teaches in one of those areas at the college level and manages to feed not just himself but a wife and three kids.

What I would not encourage you to do is to borrow heavily for a liberal arts major. With your background, however, it should be possible for you to put yourself through college with little or no debt. Also, colleges have counseling services.

 

[Xantippe]

Also, just because it can’t be said too often, we don’t borrow for graduate degrees in the humanities or research science.

If you’re good, they’ll give you money to study.

 

[GLam8833]

God uses the most unusual people to do
His Work, so you are in GOOD COMPANY,
obviously He led you here to the CAForums!
As to the pornography, it is a venial sin(but I
would hold off taking communion until it
stabilizes) to be masturbating, JUST make
up your mind to do away with that sometime
in the near future!!(I suspect that there is a
ROOT problem w/ your self image causing
this addiction). You never mentioned if
you attended mass regularly or say the rosary
on a daily basis(I would recommend BOTH),
You are in my prayers, Why Chasity, my Bro.
in Christ!!!

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is w/ you,
blessed are you among women,
blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

 

[WhyChasity]

God uses the most unusual people to do
His Work, so you are in GOOD COMPANY,
obviously He led you here to the CAForums
As to the pornography, it is a venial sin(but I
would hold off taking communion until it
stabilizes) to be masturbating, JUST make
up your mind to do away with that sometime
in the near future!!(I suspect that there is a
ROOT problem w/ your self image causing
this addiction). You never mentioned if
you attended mass regularly or say the rosary
on a daily basis(I would recommend BOTH),
You are in my prayers, Why Chasity, my Bro.
in Christ!!!

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is w/ you,
blessed are you among women,
blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

I guess I should present more detail on the masturbation habit. I have been masturbating since I was 8-10 (I actaully discovered as a toddler that pressing myself against a cabinet while teaching for something was pleasurable, but I didn’t understand it at the time), but it wasn’t until I was 11 where I found teen girls modeling underwear online. I’ve been trapped since, but I didn’t discover how trapped I was until two years ago where I tried to stop: not for religious reasons (I was poorly catechized and didn’t know what I was doing was wrong), but because I didn’t want to be with a girl I liked with the habit. I stopped for a month, and then picked up the habit again, only with it being more “addictive.” I shortly later seriously contemplated being a serious Christian, and have been falling to break the habit ever since.

I do think the habit is tied to the situation I wrote in the beginning though.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[WhyChasity]

OK, so I talked with my doctor, and she gave me numbers for two psychologists. They both seem to be secular though; would speaking with one of them be worthwhile?

Also, regarding those who spoke about anti-depressents: I personally don’t want to take such things at all. I’ve seen an acquaintance of mine spend two years sleeping on those things (this is a hyperbole). I am willing to be convinced otherwise though.

Thank you.

 

[Viki63]

OK, so I talked with my doctor, and she gave me numbers for two psychologists. They both seem to be secular though; would speaking with one of them be worthwhile?

Also, regarding those who spoke about anti-depressents: I personally don’t want to take such things at all. I’ve seen an acquaintance of mine spend two years sleeping on those things (this is a hyperbole). I am willing to be convinced otherwise though.

Thank you.

I would recommend talking with one of the psychologists, as they may be able to help you with your feelings.

As a registered nurse, I would suggest you take whatever advice your doctor gives you about an antidepressant. The most common side effects are sleepiness ( which can be mitigated by taking it at bedtime), weight gain (for which 30 minutes of exercise a day can help) and decreased sexual desire. Your doctor might start you out on a low dose and increase it slowly. Explain to him your concerns.

Being bored and listless is not normal at your age, you are missing out on the excitement of growing up and taking charge of your life. Please continue with your plan, and get into the swing of getting up at the same time every morning, and saying a Rosary every day.
God bless.

.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

1. Psychologists. I think they may be able to give interesting hints on some aspects of what you going through. The less you expect of them the more genuinely useful they could be. You may wish to give very little mention of your religion and specifically sexual matters as those may not be strong areas for them.
2. “Antidepressants”. (May it be noted I am not giving health care advice.) In my untutored observation, for some people some supplements have helped alleviate depression a little. So sometimes have some medicines not “classified” as “antidepressants”. In addition, some ofthe out-of-fashion varieties of antdepressant help some people rather than the in-fashion ones.

Keep the juries out!

 

[GLam8833]

I guess I should present more detail on the masturbation habit. I have been masturbating since I was 8-10 (I actaully discovered as a toddler that pressing myself against a cabinet while teaching for something was pleasurable, but I didn’t understand it at the time), but it wasn’t until I was 11 where I found teen girls modeling underwear online. I’ve been trapped since, but I didn’t discover how trapped I was until two years ago where I tried to stop: not for religious reasons (I was poorly catechized and didn’t know what I was doing was wrong), but because I didn’t want to be with a girl I liked with the habit. I stopped for a month, and then picked up the habit again, only with it being more “addictive.” I shortly later seriously contemplated being a serious Christian, and have been falling to break the habit ever since.

I do think the habit is tied to the situation I wrote in the beginning though.

Thank you for your prayers.

Our bodies are NOT MADE for immorality,
but for the Lord and the Lord is the BEST
FIT for the body!! 1 Cor. 6:13