Small children masturbating

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PleasinChrist

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My daughter (age 4) has started to masturbate by rubbing up against the couch. My pediatrician says this is normal and developmentally appropriate, and that I should redirect her to a private place for this activity, but not shame her for doing it or tell her it’s dirty/bad. What I am reading on the internet is similar.

But I know masturbation is a sin according to the Church and I am not really sure what I should do. It’s uncomfortable for us when she does it out in the open, but obviously she only sees it as something that feels good. Should I tell her she’s being sinful? Should I just tell her to knock it off?

The last time she did it, I told her to stop right away and she said she hadn’t gotten to the “good part” yet.

I’m embarrassed and confused : (
 
4 year olds are capable of ‘the good part’???

I would certainly not allow my daughter to do that. She doesn’t have to know that it is a sexual thing, but I think I might approach it as a modesty issue, kinda like teaching my 5 yr old to keep her legs crossed when wearing a skirt or closing the door when she goes to the bathroom.
 
I don’t want to jump the gun…but i would look into it further as to WHY a FOUR year old is doing this. It is not normal 😦 did someone ( an adult) do something to her?. I will be praying for this poor baby.
 
Are you kidding me? No. She’s home with me all day. No one did anything inappropriate with her. She’s never been in a situation where that could happen. The only sitter she’s ever had is grandma.

My pediatrician and most advice on the internet says this is exceedingly common with toddlers and preschoolers. I’m just looking for advice from a Catholic perspective.
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
I don’t want to jump the gun…but i would look into it further as to WHY a FOUR year old is doing this. It is not normal 😦 did someone ( an adult) do something to her?. I will be praying for this poor baby.
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It actually is normal. I’m not saying it’s a behavior you want to encourage (as many 3-4 year old behaviors aren’t), but it is way normal and very common. Ask any pediatrician.
 
PleasinChrist said:
Are you kidding me? No. She’s home with me all day. No one did anything inappropriate with her. She’s never been in a situation where that could happen. The only sitter she’s ever had is grandma.

My pediatrician and most advice on the internet says this is exceedingly common with toddlers and preschoolers. I’m just looking for advice from a Catholic perspective.
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I would re-direct her as much as possible. Don’t let her get into this habit. When I was very little, I used to orgasm when climbing up poles. I didn’t know what it was, I called it my “flu feeling,” I guess because I felt weak??? I just knew I liked it. No one ever told me what I was doing, but they may not have known…And how can you tell kids not to climb poles? I was maybe 5 or 6?

And not very much later on, I figured out what it had been and how to make myself orgasm without climbing a pole. If you can re-direct her, break the habit, it would be good. Later on, you will need to explain that touching herself is a sin.
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
I don’t want to jump the gun…but i would look into it further as to WHY a FOUR year old is doing this. It is not normal 😦 did someone ( an adult) do something to her?. I will be praying for this poor baby.
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Definitely normal. To a toddler, every part of their body is something new to be discovered. Kids go through stages where they explore every other part of their bodies, they don’t understand that genitals are any different until they are told. And especially for a toddler who just now has access to her genitals (no more bulky diapers) it’s not surprising that they figure this out at around this age.
 
When one of my sons was around 4 years old he played with himself while watching TV. He was grabbing his member, pulling it and letting it snap back like a rubber band. I knew I had to stop him, but how without scarring him for the rest of his life.
So, I asked him why he was doing that. He answered “because it feels good”. Keeping a straight face, I told him that was not something one does in public, and he better not let his mama catch him doing that. I further told him that if he wanted to do that, he had to go to his room. He decided he wanted to watch TV more.
He never again did anything of the sort…at least not that his mother or I am aware of- and he is 47 today, and completely normal.
The fact is, is that children at 4 or 5 years old are innocent, and well before the age of consent and are not capable of committing a sin, according to Catholic teaching.
Although we love them and they are human and our flesh and blood, they react to physical stimulus in the same way an animal does. But they can be taught self-control, and it is imperative that parents do just that…in the same way they are taught not to touch things that are not theirs. It take time and patience, but as a parent it is your job…failure to teach these thing to your children not only is a sin, but you will be creating a monster (sometimes known as teenagers in the USA) for the future.
 
Normal for toddlers and young children. Redirect as much as possible.

There are all kinds of things we teach children to do or not to do to fit into society. We wash hands after using the toilet. We don’t pick our nose. We get dressed before we go outside. We don’t spit. We chew with our mouth closed.

We don’t generally tell children that “violations” of those rules are sinful. Kids just learn that following them are good manners and that bad manners tend to be frowned upon. In my opinion parents should treat masturbation by young children as a manners violation.

Later when they are older they can learn about sinfulness.
 
PleasinChrist said:
My daughter (age 4) has started to masturbate by rubbing up against the couch. My pediatrician says this is normal and developmentally appropriate, and that I should redirect her to a private place for this activity, but not shame her for doing it or tell her it’s dirty/bad. What I am reading on the internet is similar.

But I know masturbation is a sin according to the Church and I am not really sure what I should do. It’s uncomfortable for us when she does it out in the open, but obviously she only sees it as something that feels good. Should I tell her she’s being sinful? Should I just tell her to knock it off?

The last time she did it, I told her to stop right away and she said she hadn’t gotten to the “good part” yet.

I’m embarrassed and confused : (
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I am always shock and awe when I hear that people start doing this before puberty. I’m still rather skeptical that children actually masturbate. It seems to me that they might have similiar behaviors that adults might perceive as masturbation when its not.

Either way, I wouldn’t make a huge deal of it, and since she’s not at the age of reason yet, I don’t believe she’d be held to the same moral standards as someone past the age of reason. If you treat her above her mental development level when it comes to sin, than you’re bound to cause hang ups over complete misunderstandings and overgeneralizations about the wrongness of the action. She could in fact internal your excessive expression of disapproval to mere anxiety about the activity and develop sexual hang ups that do not ward again sin and are not good to cause in children.

I thus would take your doctor’s advise and redirect her, discourage her so that she doesn’t build up the habit that might become problematic when she’s older.
 
O.K. - I believe - that this is only a “sin” if it is sexual - your toddler doesn’t really have any idea about what “sexual” means right now - she’s just learning right from wrong now. You don’t want to give her some information about “this is bad because it’s a sin” - that will open a lot more questions than it will answer - and I agree - one of our cousins began doing this and the grand mother saw it and FREAKED - needless to say, even though it wasn’t ‘positive’ attention - it was attention and when mom found out that the same sexual hang ups were being thrown at her daughter as were at her (she wound up having feelings of guilt and shame about her sexuality - took a lot of counseling to get through- I don’t know of any mother that would want her daughter to get married and have feelings of shame about going to bed with her husband)- well there were some heated words exchanged (grandmother had been brought up with sex=shame - nothing that should ever be spoken about type of thing) -
Catholic or not Catholic, if your baby girl gets lots of attention with regards to this, she’ll associate doing this with attention and do it more often - I completely agree - ignore it or try to involve her in another activity - in my opinion one of the worst things a parent can do is instill a sense of shame into their child for doing something like this at this at this age-
Good Luck and God Bless
Rye

ps I would like to note that everything I’ve read on the subject - granted this consists of part of a child behaviour book and 4 articles - does confirm that toddlers can reach orgasm. I guess that makes sense since all of the parts are there.
 
could she have a yeast infection and its itchy? talk to your pediatrician.
 
Oh i know it’s normal for little kids to be curious. But don’t rule out sexual abuse either and i** know** it does happen. I’m sure with your case is nothing.
 
twoangels said:
I am always shock and awe when I hear that people start doing this before puberty. I’m still rather skeptical that children actually masturbate. It seems to me that they might have similiar behaviors that adults might perceive as masturbation when its not.

Either way, I wouldn’t make a huge deal of it, and since she’s not at the age of reason yet, I don’t believe she’d be held to the same moral standards as someone past the age of reason. If you treat her above her mental development level when it comes to sin, than you’re bound to cause hang ups over complete misunderstandings and overgeneralizations about the wrongness of the action. She could in fact internal your excessive expression of disapproval to mere anxiety about the activity and develop sexual hang ups that do not ward again sin and are not good to cause in children.

I thus would take your doctor’s advise and redirect her, discourage her so that she doesn’t build up the habit that might become problematic when she’s older.
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I can assure you that I did start masturbating long before puberty - by then it had become an entrenched practice. I didn’t fully recognize what I was doing, but I did it nonetheless. Of course during puberty I did it more. I had no guidance to tell me to stop and that it was wrong. I developed habits and fantasies that haunt me to this day, and I am 55 years old. Trust me, if a parent can re-direct a child and interfere with this when it starts, it’s a lot better for their future sexual life than letting it go on for years and develop a life of its own.
 
PleasinChrist said:
My pediatrician says this is normal and developmentally appropriate, and that I should redirect her to a private place for this activity, but not shame her for doing it or tell her it’s dirty/bad. What I am reading on the internet is similar.
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Find a “private place” for a small child to masturbate???1?! Developmentally appropriate? Uhh, okay… That is beyond repulsive, I can’t even believe anyone thinks that’s normal behavior for a 4 year old girl. I think I’m going to be sick. 😦
 
domandcarols said:
Find a “private place” for a small child to masturbate???1?! Developmentally appropriate? Uhh, okay… That is beyond repulsive, I can’t even believe anyone thinks that’s normal behavior for a 4 year old girl. I think I’m going to be sick. 😦
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But it is normal for a 4 year old. Obviously you have to try and gently discourage it but that is the case with many 4 year old behaviors. Young children explore their bodies. My 3 year old son is fascinated with his feet; it’s no different to them than other parts because they don’t know anything about sex. They explore themselves and discover that something feels good so they do it again. They don’t have any way to know that part of their body is different. So while you want to redirect them so that it doesn’t become a habit that continues past the age of reason when it can become sinful, there is nothing abnormal about a child exploring themselves that way.
 
domandcarols said:
Find a “private place” for a small child to masturbate???1?! Developmentally appropriate? Uhh, okay… That is beyond repulsive, I can’t even believe anyone thinks that’s normal behavior for a 4 year old girl. I think I’m going to be sick. 😦
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Do you have children?
 
I would simply re-direct. When my daughter is older (she is 3) I will GLADLY let my wife handle speaking with her if this behavior emerges. 🙂

The vast majority of pre-pubescent children do masturbate, starting at one age or another. It is a trial for most of us- more so for some than for others. The Church states that guilt can be mitigated by the raging hormones or force of habit acquired during adolescence. It is best for us to realize that God loves us and to do our best to live more pure lives, not to beat ourselves up- especially as adolescents.
 
domandcarols said:
Find a “private place” for a small child to masturbate???1?! Developmentally appropriate? Uhh, okay… That is beyond repulsive, I can’t even believe anyone thinks that’s normal behavior for a 4 year old girl. I think I’m going to be sick. 😦
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Just a tad dramatic, no? Are you trying out for a Broadway act?

I would agree with most of the others on this board that you should just try to re-direct.
 
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