Smoking in front of children?

[Truly_Beloved]

However, is it YOUR PLACE to tell me not to smoke around them…again, NO!!! Trust me…we hear it enough as is, having snide/condescending remarks about how we should or should not behave thrown our way isn’t going to do one positive thing.

Of course it’s not my place to tell a stranger not to smoke around their children, but if it’s my brother smoking around my niece, I believe I have every right to gently redirect him outside. I have never made a rude or condescending comment to anyone personally. I may have stated my opinion on a public forum , but I don’t think I’ve attacked anyone. I apologize if I have, though! (Here I go… Gonna re-read the thread, to make sure I dish out apologies, if necessary. )

You want to help??? Offer to pay for 1 smoker’s smoking cessation program…medications included, I think you’ll be enlightened.

Been there, done that. Unfortunately, the two men in my life who smoke (Dad and little brother) either don’t “believe” in these kinds of programs or don’t have the “time” to do it. Besides, if it’s financial enlightenment you’re referring to, doesn’t it cost more to smoke than to quit? That’s what my dad and brother say all the time, that it’s more expensive to feed the habit than give it up.

 

[Kathrynn3]

True, it is cheaper to “kick the habit” than to continue to smoke, if only I could figure out how to come up with the lump sum of $170 for Chantix, $53 for the Nicoderm and we’ll go with free support classes from the American Heart Association excluding gas (because I live in the boonies LOL)…so that’s $223 in one shot (studies have proven that for higher success multiple cessation aids are required ) versus my $3.45 per pack, which I can stretch to last a day and a half to 2 days. I supposed that’s how we justify it

I’m not saying it’s an attractive habit (the wrinkles around the mouth are so NOT pretty, and the smell YUCK), and I’m not saying it’s cheap. However, it does have its “benefits” to those of us that partake…otherwise we wouldn’t do it. For me…it’s stress relief. Yes, I know there are WAY healthier alternatives but this is the sad truth, it’s relaxing for me.

I have a law to propose…how about a law that mandates these health insurance companies pay all costs for smoking cessation programs…medicine included! It’s got to be cheaper than treating cancer, asthma, COPD, emphysema, bronchiolitis, prematurity etc etc in both smokers and those effected by second-hand smoke,

As for whom ever it was that mentioned their SIL smoking while pregnant to have a smaller baby…I am a L&D nurse, I see this all the time, and especially as a smoker, it just sickens me. I quit with all 3 of my pregnancies, and I only smoke outside or in my detached garage.

Also FYI: I never smoke in public I sit in the smoking sections when we go out without the children (only because it’s not right to take a non-smoking spot) but I do NOT smoke while there.

I hate that I have this addiction, but to those of you that minimize the pull/power that a nicotine addiction has, you clearly have no experience to base that opinion on.

Truly Beloved- I do believe I owe you an apology, I think I mistook your tone (for lack of a better word).
I"m sorry if I offended you I was reading with my 3 rug-rats climbing all over me!

 

[KCtheMommy]

True, it is cheaper to “kick the habit” than to continue to smoke, if only I could figure out how to come up with the lump sum of $170 for Chantix, $53 for the Nicoderm and we’ll go with free support classes from the American Heart Association excluding gas (because I live in the boonies LOL)…so that’s $223 in one shot (studies have proven that for higher success multiple cessation aids are required ) versus my $3.45 per pack, which I can stretch to last a day and a half to 2 days. I supposed that’s how we justify it

I’m not saying it’s an attractive habit (the wrinkles around the mouth are so NOT pretty, and the smell YUCK), and I’m not saying it’s cheap. However, it does have its “benefits” to those of us that partake…otherwise we wouldn’t do it. For me…it’s stress relief. Yes, I know there are WAY healthier alternatives but this is the sad truth, it’s relaxing for me.

I have a law to propose…how about a law that mandates these health insurance companies pay all costs for smoking cessation programs…medicine included! It’s got to be cheaper than treating cancer, asthma, COPD, emphysema, bronchiolitis, prematurity etc etc in both smokers and those effected by second-hand smoke,

As for whom ever it was that mentioned their SIL smoking while pregnant to have a smaller baby…I am a L&D nurse, I see this all the time, and especially as a smoker, it just sickens me. I quit with all 3 of my pregnancies, and I only smoke outside or in my detached garage.

Also FYI: I never smoke in public I sit in the smoking sections when we go out without the children (only because it’s not right to take a non-smoking spot) but I do NOT smoke while there.

I hate that I have this addiction, but to those of you that minimize the pull/power that a nicotine addiction has, you clearly have no experience to base that opinion on.

Truly Beloved- I do believe I owe you an apology, I think I mistook your tone (for lack of a better word).
I"m sorry if I offended you I was reading with my 3 rug-rats climbing all over me!

Kathryn, I had a very successful quit using Zyban/Wellbutrin.

My insurance covers it completely, maybe check into it? If you want, gotta say, if you are not really ready to quit it isn’t happening – this I KNOW.

 

[kentuckyliz]

This is a really interesting conversation! I’d like to say four things.

1. Smoking is more addictive than heroin. Let that fact sink in.
2. Scoldy comments from strangers aren’t going to educate or motivate a person to quit. Save the comments for people with whom you have a relationship–they care about your opinion and you might actually have an impact.
3. Parents not smoking around children isn’t just about second hand smoke in enclosed spaces. It’s not good enough to say I smoke outside and shoo them away so they don’t get near my smoke, and to beg them never to smoke. You are making the behavior legitimate with your actions. If you set up yourself as a hypocrite in this area, is your child someday going to decide not to listen to you on this and all other issues? What if they think you’re full of it about chastity, and religion, and … so, if you want to maintain the legitimacy of your authority and teaching, just quit! Unless you think it’s OK for your kids to grow up to be smokers, because after all, mom and/or dad did (the excuse and the behavior continues yet another generation).
4. OK I have a far more ambitious personal opinion: I think tobacco products (smoking/chew) should be illegal. Think about it. If it weren’t currently legal, the FDA would never approve these products. So, why is tobacco legal? Tradition? Is that a good enough reason? I know this desire of mine is totally a “pipe dream” ha ha, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

 

[ronnette]

kentuckyliz, unless you’ve attended medical school and residency as either an allergy/pulmonary specialist, or an addictions psychiatrist, I’m just going to have to at your previous post. I’m rather relieved that puritan types haven’t managed to ban every personal choice under the sun, yet, to be honest…and this is coming from me, a former smoker who quit eight years ago, without manipulating government policy to foist my decisions onto anyone else against their consent.

 

[pnewton]

. I’m rather relieved that puritan types haven’t managed to ban every personal choice under the sun, yet, to be honest…

It’s kind of scary, isn’t it. I wonder if we will enter this “Brave New World” in my life. In the last 100 years the level of government intrusion has expanded exponentially. Remember this warning when a freedom near and dear to you is threatened. If you do not protect the freedom of others, you do not deserve the freedom you are destined to lose.

 

[NoxSineStellae]

I don’t think the comparisons to drinking or eating poorly are apt - I’ve never been walking in public and had someone spit alcohol into my mouth, or shove fries and red meat down my throat. I have had people blow their smoke directly into my face, resulting in having to run to the bathroom to vomit - many people really are that sensitive to the chemicals.

I have absolutely no problem with people smoking. I don’t get upset (a little sick, but I keep my mouth shut) when other people smell like smoke around me. I do have a problem with people who force me to smoke. Smokers rights infringe on the rights of nonsmokers when the non-smokers are forced to breathe it in.

I’ve tried covering up my nose and mouth while walking past - and not making a big deal of it, just covering up like I needed to cough. After two times of having their lit butts and curse words tossed at me, I gave that up, take a deep breath, and pray very hard I’ll be able to finish my business without becoming sick.

 

[kentuckyliz]

kentuckyliz, unless you’ve attended medical school and residency as either an allergy/pulmonary specialist, or an addictions psychiatrist, I’m just going to have to at your previous post. I’m rather relieved that puritan types haven’t managed to ban every personal choice under the sun, yet, to be honest…and this is coming from me, a former smoker who quit eight years ago, without manipulating government policy to foist my decisions onto anyone else against their consent.

Well, the smoking is more addictive than heroin comes from my oncologist, who did attend medical school, and has a worldwide reputation–people come from all over the world to see him. He does research and has patents and has revolutionized testing, scanning, and treatment procedures in his specialty. So I guess he might know something about the subject.

I don’t think we should ban every personal choice under the sun. The government does regulate a lot of “personal choices” for your own safety and protection: seatbelt laws, helmet laws, driving age, food and drug safety, consumer protection…yikes, this is interfering with your personal choice and the free market! (taken to the laissez faire extreme)

I am an American by choice so I’m all about freedom.

And I quit on my own too, no counseling or patches or gum or government policies.

However, the smokers inflict their health care costs on the government to a large extent, so yeah, government and taxpayers have something to say about it. The people making the “personal choice” aren’t assuming all the risks and costs of that choice.

So, if tobacco were not already legal by mere tradition, under what rationale do you think the FDA would approve it?

Seems to me consumers get mad when dangerous products are unleashed on the market.

So don’t trash me for having an idle wish that tobacco weren’t legal. In fact, more than that…I wish that we had no clue how to use it, and that it were just a weed in the wild that no one knew or cared about.

Should personal choice be so extreme as to permit legal use of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, other drugs?

 

[eliza3b]

I know quite a few parents who socially smoke and it doesn’t bother me at all. I think there should be a time and place for smoking in one’s life if that’s the choice that one makes, akin to having a drink and playing cards, or any other activity that is relaxing. Do I think it’s in poor taste to smoke in front of children? Yes, but I also don’t believe it should be illegal and I furthermore don’t think it’s akin to child abuse. As a few posters pointed out, equating passive smoke to child abuse minimizes truly physical and dangerous child abuse.

In full disclosure, I have smoked on and off in my adult life. I do not smoke in front of my children, but I also don’t encourage my children to be obnoxiously anti-smoking as well. I grew up in the 70s and most of my adult relatives smoked, including my dad and my beloved grand parents. In our world, smoking was something that adults did. It was considered very rude for a child to admonish an adult for their behavior. And I still think it is, regardless of politically correct causes.

I remember working in NYC in the 1980s and little by little private offices and workplaces banned smoking. Then all of a sudden, you have clusters of people hanging outside on the sidewalks smoking. Honestly, I found that more annoying than having a designated place indoors for smokers to congregate. There’s nothing worse than being brushed by a smoker’s cigarette while you’re trying to pass them on a busy sidewalk. That happened to me a few times.

For those who have never smoked, nor been in the grip of an incidious addiction, it’s very easy to act all righteous. But smokers need some compassion too. Just as I would never approach an obese person and tell them to stop eating so much and exercise more, I would never approach a smoker and tell them to stop smoking. They already know that they should.

 

[pnewton]

I don’t think the comparisons to drinking or eating poorly are apt -

They aren’t apt as you are using them, but they were apt as they were used. Namely, parents teaching children to overeat or drink. Does the government have the right to regulate how many calories a parent can feed their child? We have the duty to protect the children, right? How many obese women wished they were not exposed to over-eating as a child? These questions correspond one-to-one to points made about smoking.

 

[jman507]

The smoke that the smoker breathes goes through the filter. The secondhand smoke is unfiltered.

The smoke may be gram for gram worse, but given the dilution with the ambient air a non-smoker is not going to come close to the same amount of grams of smoke compared to the smoker given the same environment. That could render the worse smoke significantly moot. Just given the proportion, I’d say a bar with lots of smokers smoking is vastly different situation than a person smoking an occasional cigarette from the perspective of a gram of smoke/liter of air.

Other aspects of consideration would be the context of the other person. A younger person will probably not be able to handle the same amount as an older person. A sicker person may not either. A person that has asmtha should not have smoke around. I say it is possible a person could recieve second hand smoke, but not have it be statistically significant to cause harm to the other it causes morbitity. Where that exact point is I would believe differs from person to person on a specturm.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**I truly want to believe that every parent in the world truly has their child’s best interests at heart. But it’s simply not true. So, to the smokers who DO smoke around their children (and around people in general with no regard to their health or even feelings on the issue) will you ever regret it? And, if it is something you admit could be a source of regret in the future, why not stop now? I don’t mean stop smoking (although that would be great) I mean stop smoking in front of/around others who do not. Especially your own children.

I have an aunt who refused to butt out around her own two kids. Nothing but allergies and asthma/respiratory problems for them both. It’s so sad.

My mom smoked when I was a kid. She regrets it to this day but, in her defense, she didn’t know any better. No one, including doctors, ever told her to stop or that it could be harmful. I don’t hold it against her because she wasn’t informed. Today’s parents are.

Yes addictions are terrible. I applaud anyone who has been able to quit smoking. It is such a challenge. But addictions are never an excuse for bad behavior. Smokers have to admit that what they do affects others directly. If you smoke near me in an enclosed space (or upwind) I will have that smoke in my lungs. I can’t exactly just stop breathing. So even if you don’t buy into all of the “propaganda” that it IS harmful to yourself and others, please respect my right to avoid what I believe is…

Can you imagine if you were sitting next to a person at a restaurant and they kept splattering their soup on you as they ate? That would be extremely rude, right? So why is it ok to spread your smoke around? And yes, you could move away from the messy eater, but would you? More than likely they would be asked to move or leave by the restaurant for disturbing your pleasant experience…

malia**

 

[aurora77]

**I truly want to believe that every parent in the world truly has their child’s best interests at heart. But it’s simply not true. **

Unfortunately,you’re right. But, the question becomes, who defines what is a given child’s best interest? Everyone knows that smoking isn’t good for a person, but it’s nothing compared to some things some parents do to their children.

I’m not trying to pick on you, Malia, btw. I completely agree, I don’t think parents should be smoking around their kids. Everyone I know who smoked, had parents who smoked too. We can talk about peer pressure, but kids really learn their habits from mom and dad.

 

[kage_ar]

Doing some research on the ratio of asthma and allergies in children today compared with decades ago (when smoking was far more common and socially acceptable) does show an interesting trend. Some digging around might be an interesting way to pass some time.

That aside, I know no smokers who will hold a baby while smoking or blow smoke in some stranger’s face. There are some ignorant and rude people in this world, some of them smoke. That is sad, and if someone is blowing smoke at your table in a restaurant, by all means - ask to be moved to the non-smoking section OR spend your money at smoke-free restaurants.

 

[jmcrae]

The decision to quit smoking has to come from within. As someone above pointed out, it is an extremely powerful addiction, and if you started smoking before the age of 25, it’s going to be that much more difficult to quit, since habits developed before age 25 tend to be “for life.”

The best way to quit any bad habit is to replace it with a good habit that supplies the same benefit, whether that’s stress relief, something to do with your hands when you’re bored, a bit of pick-me-up when you’re tired, or whatever it may be.

Some things you can do to begin with might include, taking a drink of water; writing or doodling in a little notebook; chewing a piece of sugarless gum; or going for a walk around the block. You can probably think of lots of other ideas, too - but if you don’t replace your bad habit with something good, it will be even more difficult to break the bad habit. It’s not enough to say, “I will quit smoking.” You have to say, “Instead of smoking, I will …” and then make a concentrated effort to remind yourself of your promise to yourself.

Another aspect, too, is to forgive yourself and just continue on with your program when you’re standing there wondering how that lit cigarette got into your hand, instead of beating yourself up, or declaring that the project is “impossible.” Nothing is impossible - some things are just more difficult.

I quit smoking in February of 1992, after smoking for ten years.

 

[jman507]

One other point I think Kentuckyliz brought up, sometimes it’s not going to do any good to bring it up. You should really save it for a relationship where you think it can influence the other. Chances are whether or not a person is open to the criticisms or not, the person has probably heard it over and over again that smoking is bad for you. Chances are they’ve noticed the health effects. A stray comment may not be the deciding factor on them quiting, or at least lessening the amount a person will do it near other people who are more vulnerable to it.

Look at it this way we’ve had plenty of threads here of antidotes of people giving stray comments to people with large families telling them they can stop having kids. Another favorite may be, “you know how that happens?” The people making the comment may full well buy into the idea of overpopulation. Eco-warriors may take it to the point they even sterilize themselves. What exactly do those comments accomplish by well meaning people? It seems the trend is it just irritates the person hearing the comment. People get defensive and can get emotional to the point where any well intention reasoning is worthless. Head over to the apologetics forum. Once people start telling people they are going to hell, any legitimate argument that the person makes is thrown out of consideration. You might make them spiteful and continue on in defiance, regardless of if they were just that close to starting to quit. Besides if you make the other person mad, they are probably going to be itching to get another cigarette to calm some nerves.

Just to bring back up the main point. Be careful if and how you bring up the subject.

 

[Kathrynn3]

Kathryn, I had a very successful quit using Zyban/Wellbutrin.

My insurance covers it completely, maybe check into it? If you want, gotta say, if you are not really ready to quit it isn’t happening – this I KNOW.

I’ve checked into it…my insurance will cover wellbutrin for treatment of depression but NOT for smoking cessation, and as you know, the way it is taken for the two is VERY different I’ll get there…eventually. I’ve been smoking for 15years… I’ve got a long way to go, but if I can convince my hubby to be my quitting buddy, I think I can really be a quitter for good. The temptation is just too much for me with him smoking all the time.

And for the record…I agree with every one that says people that blow smoke all around (or ESPECIALLY in others faces) are rude…that is extraordinarily rude and disgusting…even when done to a smoker!

 

[KCtheMommy]

I’ve checked into it…my insurance will cover wellbutrin for treatment of depression but NOT for smoking cessation, and as you know, the way it is taken for the two is VERY different I’ll get there…eventually. I’ve been smoking for 15years… I’ve got a long way to go, but if I can convince my hubby to be my quitting buddy, I think I can really be a quitter for good. The temptation is just too much for me with him smoking all the time.

And for the record…I agree with every one that says people that blow smoke all around (or ESPECIALLY in others faces) are rude…that is extraordinarily rude and disgusting…even when done to a smoker!

Well you are a nurse right? So maybe your fav doctor can write it as "for depression " but just we’ll know … (wink wink wink )

I know it’s moot if the Dh doesn’t quit too. My DH will quit on the ship during deployment, and if I am smoking when he comes home he’s back at it. If I quit and he comes back from a detachment smoking, it’s hard to stay quit too. It’s partly disgusting to smell the smoke, partly insane desire to smoke too. Boy do WE know how hard it is to quit when your spouse doesn’t!

Like I said the craving is huge for me right now.

Actually though, on Wellbutrin I did quit even while DH smoked, believe it or not. I didn’t have a choice, it got to the point of not even thinking of it, and when I went to do it out of habit it would be barf-o-rama! It worked so well I couldn’t believe it! Hopefully I can stay off them now, but we’ll see.

It’s funny about how rude it is when people blow smoke on you – even as a smoker. I am so careful about other people when I do smoke. But on the flip side of that coin – if I am outside, smoking in a perfectly LEGAL place to smoke, and I am OBVIOUSLY trying to avoid blowing smoke on anyone: people acting like they are choking or dying is so . Yet on the other side of THAT coin, when I do quit, I DO choke on other people’s smoke. I notice it’s BAD when I quit. I try not to cough when people are rightfully smoking in an outdoor smoking section and act self-righteous…yet I can’t help it. I have an aunt who makes a big show outdoors and waves her hand around and gripes and moans abotu how rude people are…uhm YOU ARE OUTSIDE WALKING PAST A SMOKING SECTION – GET OVER IT! It’s funny though, she didn’t seem to care about smoking her little lungs out through the 70’s and 80’s in front of me and her own two boys…LOL in the house, and in the car, and in a box, and on a fox…LOL

 

[whatevergirl]

Hmmm…smoking in front of kids can be both good and bad. Bad in the way that second hand smoke can hurt our children. I don’t equate it to eating junk food–although that is an unhealthy message to send our kids–smoking in front of kids can literally hurt them directly. That being said…I witnessed my father smoke 3 packs of cigarettes daily as a little girl–and he died from lung cancer by the time I was nine. So…the moral for me was to never smoke. Now, my sister smokes, so for her…she saw our dad do it, and thought–if he can do it, so can I. I also think when we do destructive things around our kids–they have a tendency of picking up the very same habit as the adult.

So, I have mixed feelings. I do not smoke. My husband smokes on occasion, but outside…and away from the kids. It still bothers the kids that he smokes even if it’s only 2 cigarettes per month…I have asked him to stop, but ultimately, he needs to do it for him.

I think there are a myriad of bad things we can do in front of our kids that send bad messages–but if you smoke in front of your kids…just know they are inhaling the smoke, too…so there is more direct exposure to your own habit.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

Truly Beloved- I do believe I owe you an apology, I think I mistook your tone (for lack of a better word).
I"m sorry if I offended you

Nah, no offense taken. When I’m insulted, I make it clear that my feelings were hurt. And besides, when we’re dealing with written material, misinterpretations are unavoidable sometimes!

Welcome to the forums, by the way!