So confused-any help is appreciated:)

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Dragonfly5

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I know that there seems to be a rash of these threads here, and that this IS an obviously Catholic forum, but I really need some advice. I am a convert(around 4 years ago) who has left and returned to the faith many times. I was raised in a strict Church of Christ theology, left church altogether, was baptized in a non-denominational church and then before marriage joined RCIA and was confirmed in the Church that Easter. My husband(then fiancee) was a cradle Catholic who was baptized but grew up in an otherwise lapsed/non-practicing family. He began going to RCIA with me by his own desire shortly after I began and was also confirmed. We were married shortly after that and my two children have been baptized in the Church. After our son was born we stopped going to Mass for a while. He had colic, and I had severe postpartum depression. We were tight on cash, newly wedded, and dealing with the above and we decided to have him undergo a vasectomy. We knew it was against Church teaching but every Catholic we knew closely practiced some kind of birth control/contraception, and we were very much of the pick and choose variety at that time. By the time I regained “myself” and my sanity we started eventually going back to Mass, without Daddy. By then he decided that he “doesn’t believe in all that” Church teaching(contraception, reconciliation, etc.) and although he wanted our kids baptized he was only going to go on holidays and it was fine if I wanted to take the kids to church and oversee a Catholic upbringing(although he thinks I get a little too into things).

I tend to jump into things full force and when I have returned to the Church it is 100 percent…until scrupulosity sets in and I spend times between confession recounting my sins and worrying about hell. Not to mention feeling terrible as a person because I failed God so miserably. It’s difficult for me to understand the difference between Venial and Mortal sin so I tend to err on the side of caution and want to confess EVERYTHING as though it were Mortal. Fun, huh? 😊 My own family are not Catholic, my husband’s family tend to be more “cultural” than anything and I don’t really have any friends who are Catholic but I know that nobody I know is so anxious about this stuff! I’ve confessed the vasectomy, but my husband won’t even go to confession, nor does he regret it. When I lapse from the faith I tend to catch myself thinking or saying things like “Whew, no more babies for me-so much work”, but in reality it does make me a little wistful and sad, especially since my own little blessings are now growing up so fast. I always feel like I need to reconfess it. And the thought of my husband spending eternity in hell is unbearable for me. He’s so stubborn about religion I fear he will never change.

Anyway, my own guilt and my sadness over going to a church and facing the possiblility of my loved one not going to heaven has lead to my leaving the church quite a few times. I’ve attended many different Protestant services and enjoyed them, but for some reason ALWAYS start to miss Mass, even if I don’t have the fellowship and friendliness that I get at those services. I start to long for Mass and the Eucharist and everyone thinks I am nuts for bouncing around and it’s embarrassing. I need advice. I need stability for myself and my beautiful children. It’s so lonely going to Mass and not sharing that any longer with my wonderful husband. I know I am not alone because Jesus is there, but I so want us to share it as a family. Protestant churches are also generally more lax also, on things like contraception and I guess I haven’t really gotten over the fearfulness and guilt for myself and my hubby. It’s easier to have a “relationship” with God when you aren’t so anxiety ridden and fearful and guilty all the time. I’ve never lost my faith in God and I keep praying for clarity and strength but I need solid advice on how to handle this situation and come back into the Church, if that is where God means for us to be. Any help or prayers are so very appreciated. Thanks and God bless!
 
Dragonfly5 said:
I know that there seems to be a rash of these threads here, and that this IS an obviously Catholic forum, but I really need some advice. I am a convert(around 4 years ago) who has left and returned to the faith many times. I was raised in a strict Church of Christ theology, left church altogether, was baptized in a non-denominational church and then before marriage joined RCIA and was confirmed in the Church that Easter. My husband(then fiancee) was a cradle Catholic who was baptized but grew up in an otherwise lapsed/non-practicing family. He began going to RCIA with me by his own desire shortly after I began and was also confirmed. We were married shortly after that and my two children have been baptized in the Church. After our son was born we stopped going to Mass for a while. He had colic, and I had severe postpartum depression. We were tight on cash, newly wedded, and dealing with the above and we decided to have him undergo a vasectomy. We knew it was against Church teaching but every Catholic we knew closely practiced some kind of birth control/contraception, and we were very much of the pick and choose variety at that time. By the time I regained “myself” and my sanity we started eventually going back to Mass, without Daddy. By then he decided that he “doesn’t believe in all that” Church teaching(contraception, reconciliation, etc.) and although he wanted our kids baptized he was only going to go on holidays and it was fine if I wanted to take the kids to church and oversee a Catholic upbringing(although he thinks I get a little too into things).

I tend to jump into things full force and when I have returned to the Church it is 100 percent…until scrupulosity sets in and I spend times between confession recounting my sins and worrying about hell. Not to mention feeling terrible as a person because I failed God so miserably. It’s difficult for me to understand the difference between Venial and Mortal sin so I tend to err on the side of caution and want to confess EVERYTHING as though it were Mortal. Fun, huh? 😊 My own family are not Catholic, my husband’s family tend to be more “cultural” than anything and I don’t really have any friends who are Catholic but I know that nobody I know is so anxious about this stuff! I’ve confessed the vasectomy, but my husband won’t even go to confession, nor does he regret it. When I lapse from the faith I tend to catch myself thinking or saying things like “Whew, no more babies for me-so much work”, but in reality it does make me a little wistful and sad, especially since my own little blessings are now growing up so fast. I always feel like I need to reconfess it. And the thought of my husband spending eternity in hell is unbearable for me. He’s so stubborn about religion I fear he will never change.

Anyway, my own guilt and my sadness over going to a church and facing the possiblility of my loved one not going to heaven has lead to my leaving the church quite a few times. I’ve attended many different Protestant services and enjoyed them, but for some reason ALWAYS start to miss Mass, even if I don’t have the fellowship and friendliness that I get at those services. I start to long for Mass and the Eucharist and everyone thinks I am nuts for bouncing around and it’s embarrassing. I need advice. I need stability for myself and my beautiful children. It’s so lonely going to Mass and not sharing that any longer with my wonderful husband. I know I am not alone because Jesus is there, but I so want us to share it as a family. Protestant churches are also generally more lax also, on things like contraception and I guess I haven’t really gotten over the fearfulness and guilt for myself and my hubby. It’s easier to have a “relationship” with God when you aren’t so anxiety ridden and fearful and guilty all the time. I’ve never lost my faith in God and I keep praying for clarity and strength but I need solid advice on how to handle this situation and come back into the Church, if that is where God means for us to be. Any help or prayers are so very appreciated. Thanks and God bless!
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I’m not sure this is exactly the right section of CAF to have this. You might ask the moderators to move it to “Ask an Apologist”, or “Prayer intentions”, or “Spirituality”, but that is a minor detail at this point.

I am the Lay Director of RCIA for our parish, and I see what you are going through frequently. Missing your old church congregation or friends is not uncommon.

You say when you do something, you do it 100%. If that is the case, you need to focus on your own soul, and the souls of your children first. Hubby is a big boy, and can take care of his own.

My suggestion would be to get involved in some sort of ministry with your parish. Visit the home-bound, hep at the food pantry, or RCIA, there are lots of possibilities. Maybe even start a Rosary group.

Activities and devotions like this will help bolster your faith, and keep you focused on what you need to do.

Once you get your own faith under control, and on less shaky ground (church hopping), hubby will see, and hopefully, it will make an impact on him. Being an example of a good Christian, good Catholic, good Parent, speaks much more than words.

With regards to the vasectomy. You have confessed your part of it, so let it go. God has. It is up to your husband now.

I am sure you love your husband very much, but you can’t force him, or drag him to Jesus. Jesus will meet him wherever he is, whenever he calls on him. You need to be an example for him to see, and be inspired by.

We will pray for you.
 
twopekinguys said:
I’m not sure this is exactly the right section of CAF to have this. You might ask the moderators to move it to “Ask an Apologist”, or “Prayer intentions”, or “Spirituality”, but that is a minor detail at this point.

I am the Lay Director of RCIA for our parish, and I see what you are going through frequently. Missing your old church congregation or friends is not uncommon.

You say when you do something, you do it 100%. If that is the case, you need to focus on your own soul, and the souls of your children first. Hubby is a big boy, and can take care of his own.

My suggestion would be to get involved in some sort of ministry with your parish. Visit the home-bound, hep at the food pantry, or RCIA, there are lots of possibilities. Maybe even start a Rosary group.

Activities and devotions like this will help bolster your faith, and keep you focused on what you need to do.

Once you get your own faith under control, and on less shaky ground (church hopping), hubby will see, and hopefully, it will make an impact on him. Being an example of a good Christian, good Catholic, good Parent, speaks much more than words.

With regards to the vasectomy. You have confessed your part of it, so let it go. God has. It is up to your husband now.

I am sure you love your husband very much, but you can’t force him, or drag him to Jesus. Jesus will meet him wherever he is, whenever he calls on him. You need to be an example for him to see, and be inspired by.

We will pray for you.
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Oops:blush:, sorry, that makes sense. This is my first post. I will try to figure out how to get it moved. Thanks for breaking it down into steps…I know it’s a lot to try and decipher and make sense of, believe me. I’ve been searching for answers for a long time. Thanks for taking the time to answer:)
 
Dragonfly5 said:
Oops:blush:, sorry, that makes sense. This is my first post. I will try to figure out how to get it moved. Thanks for breaking it down into steps…I know it’s a lot to try and decipher and make sense of, believe me. I’ve been searching for answers for a long time. Thanks for taking the time to answer:)
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Trust me, putting a post in the wrong thread is the least of your worries at this point…😃

Just remember to pray, pray, pray. The Lord won’t lead you astray.
 
Haha…so very true.😉 Hopefully I can get this mess figured out and soon!
 
Do you pray the Rosary regularly? One of the things I love most about the Rosary is the way it works when I’m confused/upset/anxious/worried and can’t seem to shift gears away from focusing on my problem. The Rosary helps me focus on Jesus and leave my problem with God and I always come away less stressed and more comforted. I think the Rosary has a ton of bigger, long-term effects too, but the immediate comfort is a beautiful thing.
 
I haven’t prayed the rosary for a while, although I will make sure to do that more regularly as I need all the hope and guidance I can get right now in my faith. I think prayer needs to be a bigger part of the equation and I agree that it’s even more important during times of struggle. I need to learn to rely on God more and myself less.
 
Just wanted to pop in and thank everyone again for the suggestions. My kids and I went to daily Mass this evening and it was very nice. I felt home again:) I have a lot of work to do and will be taking all of the great advice here into my plans to rebuild our faith. Hopefully my dear hubby will eventally follow, but I cannot set that example for him OR my children without working on initiating myself and the kids permanently back into the Church and practicing the faith daily.
 
Dragonfly5 said:
Just wanted to pop in and thank everyone again for the suggestions. My kids and I went to daily Mass this evening and it was very nice. I felt home again:) I have a lot of work to do and will be taking all of the great advice here into my plans to rebuild our faith. Hopefully my dear hubby will eventally follow, but I cannot set that example for him OR my children without working on initiating myself and the kids permanently back into the Church and practicing the faith daily.
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we love you, Christ loves you, and may Mary enfold you in her arms. you have an army at your back. we are CATHOLIC. which means my dear sister. we do not walk alone. ever. Peace Grace an Prayers for you and yours. :signofcross: :grouphug:
 
Dragonfly5 said:
I know that there seems to be a rash of these threads here, and that this IS an obviously Catholic forum, but I really need some advice. I am a convert(around 4 years ago) who has left and returned to the faith many times. I was raised in a strict Church of Christ theology, left church altogether, was baptized in a non-denominational church and then before marriage joined RCIA and was confirmed in the Church that Easter. My husband(then fiancee) was a cradle Catholic who was baptized but grew up in an otherwise lapsed/non-practicing family. He began going to RCIA with me by his own desire shortly after I began and was also confirmed. We were married shortly after that and my two children have been baptized in the Church. After our son was born we stopped going to Mass for a while. He had colic, and I had severe postpartum depression. We were tight on cash, newly wedded, and dealing with the above and we decided to have him undergo a vasectomy. We knew it was against Church teaching but every Catholic we knew closely practiced some kind of birth control/contraception, and we were very much of the pick and choose variety at that time. By the time I regained “myself” and my sanity we started eventually going back to Mass, without Daddy. By then he decided that he “doesn’t believe in all that” Church teaching(contraception, reconciliation, etc.) and although he wanted our kids baptized he was only going to go on holidays and it was fine if I wanted to take the kids to church and oversee a Catholic upbringing(although he thinks I get a little too into things).

I tend to jump into things full force and when I have returned to the Church it is 100 percent…until scrupulosity sets in and I spend times between confession recounting my sins and worrying about hell. Not to mention feeling terrible as a person because I failed God so miserably. It’s difficult for me to understand the difference between Venial and Mortal sin so I tend to err on the side of caution and want to confess EVERYTHING as though it were Mortal. Fun, huh? 😊 My own family are not Catholic, my husband’s family tend to be more “cultural” than anything and I don’t really have any friends who are Catholic but I know that nobody I know is so anxious about this stuff! I’ve confessed the vasectomy, but my husband won’t even go to confession, nor does he regret it. When I lapse from the faith I tend to catch myself thinking or saying things like “Whew, no more babies for me-so much work”, but in reality it does make me a little wistful and sad, especially since my own little blessings are now growing up so fast. I always feel like I need to reconfess it. And the thought of my husband spending eternity in hell is unbearable for me. He’s so stubborn about religion I fear he will never change.

Anyway, my own guilt and my sadness over going to a church and facing the possiblility of my loved one not going to heaven has lead to my leaving the church quite a few times. I’ve attended many different Protestant services and enjoyed them, but for some reason ALWAYS start to miss Mass, even if I don’t have the fellowship and friendliness that I get at those services. I start to long for Mass and the Eucharist and everyone thinks I am nuts for bouncing around and it’s embarrassing. I need advice. I need stability for myself and my beautiful children. It’s so lonely going to Mass and not sharing that any longer with my wonderful husband. I know I am not alone because Jesus is there, but I so want us to share it as a family. Protestant churches are also generally more lax also, on things like contraception and I guess I haven’t really gotten over the fearfulness and guilt for myself and my hubby. It’s easier to have a “relationship” with God when you aren’t so anxiety ridden and fearful and guilty all the time. I’ve never lost my faith in God and I keep praying for clarity and strength but I need solid advice on how to handle this situation and come back into the Church, if that is where God means for us to be. Any help or prayers are so very appreciated. Thanks and God bless!
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Wow! I’ll pray for you. In regards to your husband? Do not fret! Look at St.Augustine and how is mother (St.Monica) prayed for him to SEE THE LIGHT! Guess what? It happened! God’s timing and reasoning is always perfect,so hang in there.👍
 
Prayer is most important but wanted to add a little more. Also to “keep your eye on the ball” sort of speak. Don’t skip mass, atleast go once weekly. Not just for you but as an example for your husband. Hopefully he will see how important it is and how it is to you. Also working on your moral life,try the utmost hardest on your weaknesses , defeat them. Also shows an example to your husband. We all fail time to time but keep in mind to “sin less”. In other words,try harder every day. God bless.
 
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