so discouraged

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Merrick

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My first communion is less than a week away. I’m going to go through with it because of my personal theology, spirituality, and I’m receiving confession frequently. I am excited about receiving the Sacrament but that is all. I am so discouraged. I’ve been here nearly a year and I miss my old Anglican liturgy. I still do not know the N.O. because it is so unpredictable. I will never get used to it.

And in my last RCIA class I was taught Jesus is from the substance of the father and that the Catholic Church originated the heliocentric theory of the solar system. Man, Galileo must be shocked. I’m just so upset and disillusioned by this whole process. I’ve been given the cold shoulder by people for knowing my stuff and haven’t been allowed to express any grief for leaving my Anglo-Catholicism or talk about things I miss – ad orientem masses, ancient hymns, and so on. All this way there has been subtle hostility. This church and most people there do not at all seem like Catholics. This is all so foreign like I walked right out of another era.

I am in so much grief and I know it shouldn’t be this way. I would never do this if it weren’t for my theology or spirituality. I am in mourning. I will miss my Anglican parish so much. I mourn the disintegration of the Anglican tradition. And I mourn the fact that the Catholicism I am seeing is nearly altogether unrecognizable to me.

I do have faith in the blessed sacrament and often spend hours in prayer in front of the tabernacle. But I already know this is going to be one long severe struggle. I will need a lot of faith and prayer.
 
Just so people know: I do not have any other options such as Anglican Use, Old Rite, Eastern Catholic, or even a “higher” N.O. service. This is just something I will have to endure until I can leave this place.
 
If your heart is not in it, then maybe you should wait.

As far as the Heliocentrism goes…I don’t think that is accurate.

It would be best to address your points one by one, but I’m sure someone will come along to do that. 🙂

Maybe you are just getting cold feet like a bride does right before her marriage, I don’t know.

I don’t have anything against Anglicans per se, but just think upon how they originated versus how the Catholic Church came into being.

You really should want this if you’re going to do it.
 
Merrick said:
My first communion is less than a week away. I’m going to go through with it because of my personal theology, spirituality, and I’m receiving confession frequently. I am excited about receiving the Sacrament but that is all. I am so discouraged. I’ve been here nearly a year and I miss my old Anglican liturgy. I still do not know the N.O. because it is so unpredictable. I will never get used to it.

And in my last RCIA class I was taught Jesus is from the substance of the father and that the Catholic Church originated the heliocentric theory of the solar system. Man, Galileo must be shocked. I’m just so upset and disillusioned by this whole process. I’ve been given the cold shoulder by people for knowing my stuff and haven’t been allowed to express any grief for leaving my Anglo-Catholicism or talk about things I miss – ad orientem masses, ancient hymns, and so on. All this way there has been subtle hostility. This church and most people there do not at all seem like Catholics. This is all so foreign like I walked right out of another era.

I am in so much grief and I know it shouldn’t be this way. I would never do this if it weren’t for my theology or spirituality. I am in mourning. I will miss my Anglican parish so much. I mourn the disintegration of the Anglican tradition. And I mourn the fact that the Catholicism I am seeing is nearly altogether unrecognizable to me.

I do have faith in the blessed sacrament and often spend hours in prayer in front of the tabernacle. But I already know this is going to be one long severe struggle. I will need a lot of faith and prayer.
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Don’t worry about Galileo. That is a dispute that has been put to rest. As far as getting used to the formal differences between Anglicanism and Catholicism, these things are merely externals and don’t matter, you just have to get used to them. After Vatican 2 ended, the Roman Catholic Church instituted many changes to the liturgy which were strange to all Roman Catholics, but in time we got used to them and now they seem quite normal. And naturally you miss all your old friends, why not try to make new friends in the parish you attend Mass at now. Perhaps later you can visit other parishes and see if you can find a better fit. But you know, I have been in dozens of parishes in my life and have always felt at home. Why, becuase I knew the Truth resided in the Catholic Church and Christ resided in the Blessed Sacrament and He forgave my sins in confession. And in the end it is the Truth that matters.

Linus2nd
 
I have never attempted RCIA (and am Episcopalian, too! 👍 ). Based on the subtle hostility, etc., it sounds like maybe you should consider going through RCIA at a Catholic parish that will be more understanding and welcoming.
 
We do not belong to our local Catholic parish. We tried it for 3 years and were so miserable that we now travel 40 miles each way to another diocese and another parish. This makes it difficult to get involved or serve. I tell myself, it’s not about me. It’s about God. He has blessed us in so many ways and our isolation has forced me to be more proactive in my own catechesis as well as my children’s. Maybe that is what I am meant to learn by being here. I too am looking to move and hopefully my new home will have a good Catholic church where we can take root. I hope you can find a way to feel accepted or are able to find a new parish. The good ones are out there.
 
Even though we’re cradle Catholics, my wife and I have been attending an Anglican Use parish of the Personal Ordinariate of the Chair of St. Peter since last September. We are quite taken with the liturgy, and I can understand your grief at having to leave that behind. It is incredibly moving. The Advent, Christmas, Lenten, Triduum, and Easter liturgies were the most beautiful and moving I’ve ever experienced. And it’s not just that they were new to me. Rather, It seems as if they are part of some sort of corporate memory of the Catholic Church. I look forward to the High Mass all week long. It is as though I’ve entered heaven. I, too, would grieve if it were no longer available to me.

Pope Benedict’s great desire was that the three forms of the Mass in the Latin Rite would mutually enrich each other. There is so much the Anglican Use has to share with both Ordinary and Extraordinary forms. And this will only happen if those who come from the Anglican background integrate into the other forms of the Mass, and if at least some Novus Ordo Catholics embrace the Anglican Use.

So rather than lament your inability to continue to attend the Anglican Use, consider offering up your pain as a sacrifice that God can use to bring that mutual enrichment about. Try to think of ways that, over time, you might be able to introduce your new Novus Ordo parish, or at least some of the parishioners who are more open to it, to some of the Anglican Patrimony.

For example, why don’t you have some prayer cards made up that have the Prayer of Humble Access on one side and the Prayer of Thanksgiving on the other. You can share them with fellow parishioners and encourage them to use them as they approach to receive Holy Communion and as they kneel in their pew after having just received.

After some time has passed, perhaps you could get permission from your pastor to have a priest who has faculties to say the Anglican Use Mass to come to your parish for a special occasion during the week to say Mass and give a lecture on the Ordinariates.

If you meet enough other Catholics who would be interested, you could petition your bishop for the establishment of a personal parish for the Anglican Use.

These are just some ideas. Perhaps they don’t make sense in your circumstances. But my point is that you have a great patrimony to share with the Catholic Church, and I, for one, think that you should focus on what you can bring to the Church, rather than what you’re leaving behind. The devil would just love it if he could make you so homesick that you never make the leap into the Church, or that if you do, that you will not persevere.

Think of all the immigrants who left homes and families to go to anther country to build a new life. They certainly felt keenly the pain of leaving the culture they grew up in and felt comfortable with. But they brought their culture with them and were as true to it as they could be. And in doing so, they enriched all they met in their new land.

Welcome to your new home!
 
Dear Merrick,

I replied to your post with a very lengthy response and then CAF signed me out.😦 Don’t you hate when that happens?

To recap: I am so sorry that you feel discouraged and that you sense an uncharitable attitude in the people in RCIA. I remember watching a show called The Journey Home on EWTN and a man who converted to Catholicism from Anglicanism was expressing his grief about how he would miss the Anglican Liturgy. You’re not alone in how you feel. I’m sure that the Liturgy is beautiful and all beauty comes form God. I understand that maybe you feel like you are at war with yourself, and those around you are not helping you.

When I feel alone or persecuted because of my faith, sometimes it helps me to think of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. All he wanted was someone to stay up and comfort him. His friends were so tired and grieved that they fell asleep – physically present but absent in heart. He was left alone to choose whether or not he would follow out his vocation and live his identity. He is with you, and you can be with him. Be present to him in prayer and be absolutely honest with him about everything you are feeling. Be with him in the Garden.

And, maybe this book will help you with adjusting to the Mass: amazon.com/Biblical-Walk-Through-Mass-Book/dp/1935940007
 
Hi Merrick,
I moved from a place where I went to a Byzantine Divine Liturgy to a place where the NO was ho-hum. That was hard for a long time–until things started improving in the diocese and we moved. Just don’t fall into an attitude of suspicion and worry, be calm and every time something bothers you, pray for whoever is doing it.

Maybe you don’t know Copernicus was a Catholic monk?

Welcome to CAF and welcome to the Church 😃 I’m sorry the people at your parish are being weird.
 
I’m a cradle Catholic who lapsed then came back to the church in my later years. During my time “away” from the church, I explored a lot of the world if you know what I mean, and returned through the prayers of my wife and the constant love from and mercy of God. What I realized after I returned to the Catholic church and began to feel an insatiable hunger to learn more about the church and our faith is that not all Catholics feel that way.

My wife and I liken faith to a wide pond where the initiates enter by walking into calm shallows. They are given certain concepts of what is our core beliefs (such as Reconciliation and Real Presence) and how we are expected to observe church doctrine (such as receiving the Sacraments via the priest or bishop) and some stop there only up to their “knees” in faith. Others dig deeper and soon find they need to learn how to swim if they want to and understand learn more. These might be people who attend weekly Scripture study and attend daily Mass when they have time. Then the “water” gets deep and a bit choppy; we need to have confidence in our Lord and trust that He will care for us. These might be the Catholics who feel the calling to lay ministries like sacrasant, Lector, Extraordinary Ministers of the Holy Eucharist, etc. They learn as much as they can about the need to help spread the Word of God not just in the form of the Real Presence but in Liturgy as well. They’re also the RCIA and CCD teachers who help with faith formation. Being on both teams at my parish, I can say we all have different approaches, abilities, and ways of expressing our faith; sometimes we’re not reaching the catechumens the way we should but we try our best with best intentions. Then there are those who dive beneath the surface of the choppy waters, risking it all to bring back even a tiny nugget of understanding that will help them understand the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ and they make the commitment to live as best they can as Jesus showed us how. They are the ones who go on retreats regularly, respond to calls in the middle of the night to help a new parishioner who just moved into the area, takes care of the elderly at the bus stop, or helps at the local soup kitchen. They die to themselves so they can gain Christ and they do it every single day.

The point is the Catholic church is filled with Catholics of all depths of faith and they express their love for God in as many ways as there are members (1.2 billion). Some we get along with and others…no so much. If we truly believe God dwells in every person, we are called to help everyone including Catholics we don’t get along with. The reason you may be at that particular parish may not be only for you; it might be for them. Perhaps God wants them to encounter your fresh outlook on faith just as much as He desires you to have more patience with them. Could it be? Pray on this and find out.

God Bless you!👍
 
Merrick said:
My first communion is less than a week away. I’m going to go through with it because of my personal theology, spirituality, and I’m receiving confession frequently. I am excited about receiving the Sacrament but that is all. I am so discouraged. I’ve been here nearly a year and I miss my old Anglican liturgy. I still do not know the N.O. because it is so unpredictable. I will never get used to it.

And in my last RCIA class I was taught Jesus is from the substance of the father and that the Catholic Church originated the heliocentric theory of the solar system. Man, Galileo must be shocked. I’m just so upset and disillusioned by this whole process. I’ve been given the cold shoulder by people for knowing my stuff and haven’t been allowed to express any grief for leaving my Anglo-Catholicism or talk about things I miss – ad orientem masses, ancient hymns, and so on. All this way there has been subtle hostility. This church and most people there do not at all seem like Catholics. This is all so foreign like I walked right out of another era.

I am in so much grief and I know it shouldn’t be this way. I would never do this if it weren’t for my theology or spirituality. I am in mourning. I will miss my Anglican parish so much. I mourn the disintegration of the Anglican tradition. And I mourn the fact that the Catholicism I am seeing is nearly altogether unrecognizable to me.

I do have faith in the blessed sacrament and often spend hours in prayer in front of the tabernacle. But I already know this is going to be one long severe struggle. I will need a lot of faith and prayer.
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How do you think the prisoner in the tabernacle must feel? He must be pleased with your visits under the circumstances.
 
You must have been at a high anglican church. I can understand your mourning. I grew up in an episcopal church - neither high nor low - and even though I hadn’t been a practicing episcopalian for many years, I knew I could not remain in the church and I was very sad. It was like the death of something I had been fond of my whole life that I knew would never be what it once was. I can’t put my finger on a word that captures the beauty of the anglican liturgy and I am glad there are ordinariates now, but they are few and it doesn’t help if there is not oneIin your area. I hope they will succeed.
I don’t know if you should continue or wait. I jumped in with both feet. Yes I have had my struggles, but as a Catholic I have been going to Mass since I converted 6 1/2 years ago. As an episcopalian, I stopped going to church at 18. Before I was confirmed in the episcopal Church I knew the Catholic church was the true Church with the fullness of the faith. I miss the altar rails, but I have the Real Presence and that means everything. Good luck!
 
zab said:
How do you think the prisoner in the tabernacle must feel? He must be pleased with your visits under the circumstances.
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That is true. I know He is there.

Thank you everyone for the encouragement.

As to externals, I must disagree that they don’t matter. The wrong forms can invalidate a sacrament. Others may be valid but a break with liturgical tradition thus cutting us off from the deep memory of Mother Church contained in her ancient liturgies developed over centuries.

Ultimately I am here to please Jesus. I pray and hope the west will remember again her liturgical history and wonderful treasures. We must claim again what is our own.
 
Do not lose heart. I can relate to a lot of the issues you have mentioned. I came from an Anglican parish with the most beautiful liturgy (and I still miss it on occasions - Benediction still doesn’t look ‘right’ without a priest in cope and numerous candles around the Blessed Sacrament).

I was lucky in that I had an Ordinariate priest to assist me in entering the Catholic Church. There are many who are dismissive of the knowledge we have gained from our time as Anglicans - I take heart that Blessed John Henry Newman was also ‘one of us’.

All the suggestions above are good and I would echo the advice to use the prayers you are familiar with at Mass. I often use the Collect for purity, the Prayer of Humble Access and the traditional language of the Anima Christi, from the Prayer Book.

At present I am only able to attend an Ordinariate Mass once a month and it is so uplifting. But the OF has come to have a nice easy familiar pattern too - everything takes some time to get used to. Maybe you could set aside a Sunday every month or for particular occasions to attend an Anglican Use parish or an EF Mass if you are able to travel?

It is worth obtaining a copy of the Customary of Our Lady of Walsingham (or equivalent) for the Daily Offices - this small amount of Anglican Patrimony within the home can make a huge difference and the familiarity is comforting.

The beautiful thing with the Catholic Church is knowing that you are part of a Church literally spread throughout the world and united under the Pope. You can attend Mass anywhere and know that you will be receiving the Holy Sacrament.

Do not despair, keep praying and know that others are praying for you too. Who knows, perhaps your knowledge of the liturgy may help to enrich your parish too.
 
Most disappointment is caused by our own unrealistic expectations.

-Tim-
 
Most disappointment is caused by our own unrealistic expectations.

We can admire the Anglican liturgy but have to remember the errors taught by the Anglican and Episcopalian Churches. Homosexual priests, ordination of women, contraception, murdering babies is a personal choice… Heliocentrism and mistakes about the the substance of Jesus, especially in light of the clarity of the Creed, seem academic.

I’ll take unpredictable liturgy over a Church which teaches that it is okay to murder children any day.

-Tim-
 
Its the devil trying to stop you from joining the True Church!

Pray and ask for guidance. Be determined! Like the poster mentioned above, think of all the bad things that are allowed in the Anglican faith!!! The Catholic faith is pure!
 
AngelusDomini said:
There are many who are dismissive of the knowledge we have gained from our time as Anglicans…
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And that is to their own detriment. As a cradle Catholic I have to admit that I have been greatly enriched by my association with this Anglican Use parish, and with the people in it who came into the Catholic Church two years ago.

I find that the parishioners who were part of the parish’s conversion to Catholicism are some of the most well-formed, knowledgeable, faithful, and committed Catholics I have ever met. They understand that they have found the Pearl of Great Price. They sold all they had to buy that plot of land where the treasure was buried. They are very much the embodiment of those parables about the Kingdom of God told by Jesus. Their perspective is very helpful to me, as a pretty well-formed cradle Catholic.

Cradle Catholics take a whole bunch of things for granted, without ever really delving into them. Things such as the role of the Blessed Mother and the saints, the Real Presence in the Eucharist, the role of the pope, confession and the other sacraments. It’s not so much that a committed cradle Catholic doesn’t really understand or study these things. Rather, it’s that by having received our belief in them from our parents, we don’t understand the obstacles that non-Catholics often have in accepting them, and the struggle they have to wage to come to belief in them. And as a result, we tend not to ask the same hard questions they ask. Questions that need to be answered if we are to truly understand.

People who have come to the same beliefs I grew up with, but through their own struggle to understand and believe, who left everything to “swim the Tiber”, as our pastor (and Cardinal Newman) did, definitely have a perspective to bring to the table. It is one that we cradle Catholics would do well to learn from if we want to be effective apostles and bring others into the Church.
 
TimothyH said:
Most disappointment is caused by our own unrealistic expectations.

We can admire the Anglican liturgy but have to remember the errors taught by the Anglican and Episcopalian Churches. Homosexual priests, ordination of women, contraception, murdering babies is a personal choice… Heliocentrism and mistakes about the the substance of Jesus, especially in light of the clarity of the Creed, seem academic.

I’ll take unpredictable liturgy over a Church which teaches that it is okay to murder children any day.

-Tim-
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Making heretical Arian statements about Jesus in a faith formation class is serious. My expectations are realistic. I understand the problems that infected Anglicanism. That is why poor faith formation or liturgy discourage me. This kind of lax attitude is what crept into Anglicanism so I wouldn’t be smug.

To the other posts, I am glad to hear about the Anglican Use and other Anglican to Catholic experiences. It is true that in many ways this is an advantage to me.
 
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