So Disgusted With Married Daughter

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sherran

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My daughter just walked out on her wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids. 14 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son. She is having an affair with a real dirtbag who is a wife beater, drunk, and very possesive. She has now turned on her dad and I and her sisters because we confronted her with her behavior and lies. Her husband does not know about the affair yet. She has no morals now and cares about nothing that was important to her. We are all crushed…My question is how do I pray? I want to pray for her to come back to her family but I was told to pray for strength for all of us. I don’t want that, I want her to come back to her family. I see so many divorces and how it ruins the kids and I know many families that are more religious than I and have prayed for divorces not to happen and they still have. Actually, I am afraid to pray and trust God that he will bring her back. I know that sounds horrible but 15 years ago I prayed so hard for my mother and dad to patch things up and it never did. I am still bitter towards my mother for pulling our family apart and now my daughter is doing almost exactly what my mother did. Where is God and what is he trying to teach me? Divorce is a sin. why won’t God help me bring my daughter around? Why did he not help bring my mother back to her family? I have tried to see the positive and make something good but there is nothing. Divorce never brings anything good. Please help me understand, and how and what to pray for. Do novenas work? My daughter needs help now. I need to guide her.
 
I’m so sorry your family is going through this right now. Divorce is so painful for everybody involved.

I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t pray for your daughter to do the right thing and return to her family. That’s what you should be praying for. You did the right thing by praying for your mom and dad’s marriage to reconcile, but you have to remember that no matter how hard we pray for some things, God won’t make people do what they should be doing. He will always answer our prayers by giving that person (s) the GRACE to do the right thing and it’s completely left up to that person to accept that Grace or not. So rest assured that God did answer your prayers and I know this time around He will too. But along with praying for your daughters marriage, also pray for God to give you and your family the Grace to heal and accept whatever does happen.

And don’t ever give up praying for your daughter, even if she doesn’t go back to her husband and it seems your prayers weren’t heard. It may take years and years for her to answer God’s call in her life. Don’t ever give up on her!
 
I’m sorry that this is happening to your family. I agree, pray for strength for all of you, and pray that you can be a good source of support for your daughter’s family.

It’s so hard to pray around someone’s free will, but God lets us all practice free will. Please try to give your daughter to God, which will be a challenge for you. I tend to give things to God, then take them back when it doesn’t seem like He is doing things the way I want them to be. It works so much better when I let Him take over. And it’s OK to pray that your daughter return to a moral lifestyle. But it’s her choice to make that change.
 
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really am trying so hard to put my trust in God. I need to get rid of my fear that she will not come back and continue to live in sin. I have 2 other family matters that I prayed so hard for God to take care of, and help me with, and they did not seem to get answered in a religious way and now I have a real problem believing and trusting. I can only continue to pray and hope. Thank you again for your support.
 
Praying for your family.

Why do you think that your daughter would leave a wonderful husband to have an affair with a wife beater and a drunk? Is she an alcoholic herself? Does she suffer from low self esteem due to previous abuse? It is rather baffling that someone would leave a loving husband for someone so wretched. Perhaps trying to understand exactly what your daughter is struggling with would give you a better clue on what you can do to give her some real help.
 
sherran said:
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really am trying so hard to put my trust in God. I need to get rid of my fear that she will not come back and continue to live in sin. I have 2 other family matters that I prayed so hard for God to take care of, and help me with, and they did not seem to get answered in a religious way and now I have a real problem believing and trusting. I can only continue to pray and hope. Thank you again for your support.
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I believe it was St. Augustine’s mother who prayed 33 years for him. Although my situation isn’t exactly the same, I too am having difficulty praying for my daughter. I will keep you in my prayers.
Kathy
 
Why does God allow divorce/Why does He not bring people back together? FREE WILL! We all have free will, God does NOT ‘force’ us to do His Will! We all have a CHOICE! And we can make the right choice and follow God, or we are free to make our own mistakes and turn away from Him…That’s NOT His fault, it’s our own…So, don’t blame God for not ‘forcing’ your daughter back with her husband, but DO keep praying for her, and be there to pick up the pieces when her new boyfriend turns out to be not as great as she thinks right now he is, and when her husband may decide he doesn’t want her back, and she realises what she has thrown away…Just be there for her, pray for her and hopefully she will think about what she’s doing to herself and her family…in the end though, it is her own free will to live her life as she wishes…no matter how you feel about that, and however unwise and destructive it may be…God will be there for her, He will not abandon her, but she needs to freely accept His Will as her own…and THAT…may take a while! In the meantime, deep breath…and keep praying!!!

Anna x
 
I have tried to figure out why.She is the oldest of 4 daughters, I did not work, we have always been a close loving family, my husband and I went to church with kids on Sun and raised the girls to respect others. She has always had a tendency to live a little wild side. She has been with her husband from 10th grade. She got pregnant after graduation,and we told her not to get married unless she wanted to.(they already had planned a wedding) The baby was born in May and they got married in June.She now feels she has never made her own decisions and nobody is going to tell her what to do. Her husband has always been a dedicated husband and father and she says she does not need 2 dads. She now is being totally controlled by this dirtbag. He is preying on her weakness now. I am so scared for her as he is no good. The people that know him say on a scale of 1-10 he is a zero.How scary is that?? She has a good job, she used to run a daycare,and used to teach cathesim at church. Help me pray and do the right thing for her. 33 years is a little long to wait. That is the part of praying I don’t understand.
 
Sherran: My heart goes out to you. I suffer your pain. Our daughter after 25 years of marriage and attendance at Mass every week, left her husband and children for a dear friend of the family. I find I can’t condone what she has done and truly don’t want him or her in my house. They have collectively hurt so many people and consequently, now, for the first time in our family, people are avoiding other members of the family, etc. We communicate by e-mail and have met once, but I find we have nothing in common with her. With Easter approaching, I find myself shunning her children and ex because the children have placed blame, in my mind, on the wrong people which causes the merry-go-round of hurt feelings to swirl!
When I told a priest that I was fighting through trying to forgive her as Jesus would, and he told me to continue to pray, but, along with what others have said, she has a free will and I should go on with my life. I hope you haven’t accepted any guilt for your daughter’s actions. We all raise our children as best as we are able. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out the way we would like it to. I have put my daughter in God’s hands. It’s up to Him.
God bless you!
 
dulcissima said:
Praying for your family.

Why do you think that your daughter would leave a wonderful husband to have an affair with a wife beater and a drunk? Is she an alcoholic herself? Does she suffer from low self esteem due to previous abuse? It is rather baffling that someone would leave a loving husband for someone so wretched. Perhaps trying to understand exactly what your daughter is struggling with would give you a better clue on what you can do to give her some real help.
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It seems to me that if the posters child was a son, most of us would not worry about his self esteem. We would say he was a dirt bag, plain and simple. Women seem to get a pass because society, whether it admits it or not, views women as more emotionally fragile then men. This is unfair. Women are as capable of being needlessly stupid as men. Now that I got that out of the way…😛

Something else that I have noticed, people with low self esteem and people with arrogant, narcisstic traits tend to make the same bad decisions just for different reasons. This woman could have low self esteem, or she could be a narcisst that can’t see beyond her own wants.🤷

I’ve seen people do amazingly stupid things for sex and attraction.😦
 
sherran,

I am praying for you and your daughter. Something else that would probably be helpful is making little mortifications for your daughter’s conversion. This way, God could pour out more grace.

You could fast from your favorite thing until she comes around. Offer up every little suffering for her conversion and return to her family.

Like a pp said, St. Monica had to pray for St. Augustine for 33 years. This is also a test for you. It’s a bit of a Dark Night. So, keep praying even though you aren’t seeing what you want to see.

If you give up on praying now, your daughter will not receive the graces she needs to make the right decision. Granted, it may not happen quickly or before worse decisions are made. But, a deathbed conversion is still a conversion. There is ALWAYS hope.
 
Oh, I am so thankful for finding this site. You ALL have helped me and given me so many different ways to look at things. I am going to quit smoking today. That is something I thought about doing and offering to God for her, but then I felt like I might be bribing God and thought it would be wrong.I feel all of your pain that everyone going through similar situations. It is just so hard to watch someone you love destroy themselves and so many around them. I will keep on praying and try to do what God wants and not what my emotions tell me. I will come back daily to these replys and reread to keep me on the right track. Thank you all
 
I will keep your situation in my prayers.

As far as knowing what to pray for and being upset because God hasn’t answered your prayers please remember that God does answer prayers it’s just not always the answer went want and not always in the time frame that we want.

Since you have experience, just think of how much comfort and help you can be to your grandchildren. Focus on them!!! They’re the innocent ones in these – and probably your SIL. Your daughter has made choices and hopefully she will recognize those were bad choices and she will come back to your family. But that will be up to her, you ultimately have no control over the decisions that she makes.

Blessings to you and your family,

Paula
 
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