So do I have to "confess" all motivations or not?

[Kathrin]

A while ago I asked here if it was lying if I didn’t tell all the motivations for an action, or something like that.
I remember that at least somebody said it would be hardly possible to always tell all motivations.
Somebody else I think thought commended me that I later did “confess” to the person I thought I may have “lied” to.

So what if it is something that is a little embarrassing that you don’t want to say. So it is kind of intentional.
For example (this is the current example that bothers me): I said that I wanted to wear a specific t-shirt so I wanted to iron it (and my Dad had to explain the new iron to me ). I like to wear it to work tomorrow too, among other things because the color makes my arms and face look tan. I didn’t say this to my Dad though because it was embarrassing. I just said it was one of the better t-shirts I had (it is a running “joke” between us that I have a lot of old things) and that it was nice and white. Which is true. I didn’t mention the part about the tan because it was embarrassing.

So was I lying? I waited for an opportunity tonight to mention it to my Dad but it would have been kind of weird to just say it. Do I have to “confess” this to my Dad still?

Kathrin

 

[rpp]

A while ago I asked here if it was lying if I didn’t tell all the motivations for an action, or something like that.
I remember that at least somebody said it would be hardly possible to always tell all motivations.
Somebody else I think thought commended me that I later did “confess” to the person I thought I may have “lied” to.

So what if it is something that is a little embarrassing that you don’t want to say. So it is kind of intentional.
For example (this is the current example that bothers me): I said that I wanted to wear a specific t-shirt so I wanted to iron it (and my Dad had to explain the new iron to me ). I like to wear it to work tomorrow too, among other things because the color makes my arms and face look tan. I didn’t say this to my Dad though because it was embarrassing. I just said it was one of the better t-shirts I had (it is a running “joke” between us that I have a lot of old things) and that it was nice and white. Which is true. I didn’t mention the part about the tan because it was embarrassing.

So was I lying? I waited for an opportunity tonight to mention it to my Dad but it would have been kind of weird to just say it. Do I have to “confess” this to my Dad still?

Kathrin

No, you committed no sin. We are not required to reveal the “why” behind our actions at all, especially something like choosing which clothes you wear. Goodness, if women had to explain why they are wearing a particular outfit to their parents/husband/children every time they got dressed, nothing would ever get done!

Even simply saying “I would like to wear this” is not required beyond what it needed to accomplish a task, in your case, ironing the shirt.

May God continue to bless you and grant you His peace.

 

[Kathrin]

Thank you rpp.

 

[Kathrin]

I just had another example I nearly started to totally embarrass myself… or maybe it’s not embarrassing, but anyway…

So I wanted to ask my Dad if the US Open was on on TV, and since we’re in Switzerland I asked it this way: “Is Federer playing today?”
Now I am not particularly interested in him even though I like him.
I may have been more interested in whohe was playing AGAINST.
Now do I have to confess this to my Dad, because I asked about a specific player even though I am not specifically interested in him?

I know this is a small thing.
My Dad is probably not even thinking anything. And later we talked about tennis shortly and I even SAID “I don’t necessarily help Federer”. But I didn’t say that I asked him the first time with other thoughts on my mind.

Someone please tell me before I go crazy was that dishonest, to ask “Is Federer playing?” just because I know my Dad would be most interested in him, while really I may be more interested in another player?
(Actually I am not that interested in tennis at all. I sometimes like to see who is playing and where they’re from)

Is this totally scrupulously crazy to think about this?
Should I go up to my Dad and make a confession about something ridiculous like this, or not?

Or is it not so ridiculous, was I really being dishonest?

Kathrin

 

[SMHW]

Before I answer your question, let me give a general response.

We tend to think that lying and telling the truth are required by the commandment that says, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor”. But lying and failing to give information can just as often be a sin against the commandment, “You shall not steal.” This happens if you are keeping truth from someone who has a right to it. Now a parent does have a certain amount of rights to know what a minor child thinks. But even minors needed tell adults all of their thoughts and feelings. (And minors would do well to keep many of their negative thoughts about parents to themselves.)

Most likely your father has no particular need to know why you’d want to watch tennis or why you like a given t-shirt more than another. Those reasons are your “property”, not his so you are free to share as much or as little as you like… In general, I think women often feel the compulsion to give far more information than they ought. If you want to use your father’s TV or your father’s iron you should just ask. If he’s asking for reasons before he says, “Yes,” then perhaps it’s he who is not phrasing his requests literally. Perhaps he’s really wanting assurance that you can properly use an iron or he’s wondering if you will be interfering with his plans to watch television.

 

[Kathrin]

I was already embarrassed of having even asked… But now I am nevertheless glad for your answer as I really like that about stealing and whose information something is… thanks SMHW!