So frustrated and just...done

[ellam25]

Hi everyone I just need to rant, maybe get a little advice? Anyway my husband got a job an hour and a half away from where we live. We are trying so hard to move, because he needs this job and we have a baby come November. We have two small dogs, and because of them we are constantly being rejected for places that would be perfect for us within our price range. Its making me more and more upset everytime we are passed over. Not only that, our pomeranian is constantly getting sick and we are spending so much money on her. Im to the point where i just want to get rid of them even though I hate the idea of giving them to someone I dont know. Idk what to do but I am just so frustrated and feel so defeated. I have prayed for every place we have wanted and they dont seem to be working. I dont see why either. Ugh. Im just…done.

 

[Allegra]

If the dogs are AKC breeds, there could be a local breed rescue society that could help you find a good placement for your dogs.

 

[Regina7]

If the dogs are getting in the way of family harmony, the dogs need to go. Your husband, child and your living conditions are more important. My spouse had a 3-hour daily commute for years- it was not good for our marriage.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Do you have a family member of a close friend who could take your dogs for a while? I know that is a big thing to ask of someone, but it would be a compromise between giving them up and being rejected for places because of them.

 

[JD1789]

As the owner of a German Shepherd, finding a place to live was tough. I had the most success with Craigslist. Dogs are great but if you can’t find a place that accepts them, it would seem they need to find a home. I had begun to ask relatives if they were interested in temporarily caring for my dog in case there wasn’t a house I could move in to. Good luck! The day I started a St. Joseph Novena was the day I found my current house!

 

[ichabode]

If the dogs are getting in the way of family harmony, the dogs need to go. Your husband, child and your living conditions are more important. My spouse had a 3-hour daily commute for years- it was not good for our marriage.

This has happened to my family in the past. You should love your animal and care for it. You should do your best to try and find it a home or shelter that has a good success rate of having the dogs adopted, but you cannot put your dogs and animals above your family.

Your children will not understand, and they will cry. It will most likely even break your own heart and that of your husband, but you can and will learn to live with such pain. The stress of your marriage and housing etc come first. All else is way down on the list.

If you have to give up your dogs I would suggest including them in family prayers as night. I would also suggest to start a novena to St. Francis that you may find a suitable living place and keep your dogs.

God and family first. The animals are not your primary concern.

 

[EasterJoy]

This has happened to my family in the past. You should love your animal and care for it. You should do your best to try and find it a home or shelter that has a good success rate of having the dogs adopted, but you cannot put your dogs and animals above your family.

Your children will not understand, and they will cry. It will most likely even break your own heart and that of your husband, but you can and will learn to live with such pain. The stress of your marriage and housing etc come first. All else is way down on the list.

If you have to give up your dogs I would suggest including them in family prayers as night. I would also suggest to start a novena to St. Francis that you may find a suitable living place and keep your dogs.

God and family first. The animals are not your primary concern.

Yes, you have to explain to your children that you cannot find a place that will take the dogs, but because they are such nice dogs they will be sure to find a good home. It will be sad, but when the alternative is to make their dad spend three hours every day just getting to and from work, what choice is there?

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

If I may say something on behalf of your dogs: my husband and I both commuted three hours a day to work. We got used to it. We’d get up around 4:30 am and get ready to drive to the commuter train. We both had to get to work by eight o’clock. We had to get a certain train to make it by eight, since we did not drive downtown. Anyone who lived in Chicago and worked in the Loop had to allow a lot of time, especially in the winter. It is not unusual.

Also, you would be surprised how you may find someone to take your dogs. I would have been happy to take someone’s dogs if I didn’t have two of my own. Before I got puppy No 2, I was looking to see if anyone had a dog they didn’t want. That’s exactly what happened. My second dog was in a shelter since puppyhood, and someone adopted him but brought him back to the shelter after only 4 months.

 

[GLam8833]

I pray for so and so that
they will be able to find a
place to live w/ their two dogs,
O St. Joseph, please intercede
for this couple and find them a
home!!

Remember, O most chaste spouse of the Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that any who implored your
help and sought your intercession were left unassisted.
Full of confidence in your power, I fly unto you, and
beg your protection. despise not, O foster-father of the
Redeemer, my humble supplication but in your bounty
hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[Irishmom2]

ellam, it is okay to find your dogs a new home. You husband and children and your own well being are most important. Do not feel guilt about doing this. I know dog lovers will flame me for saying that, as they consider dogs members of their family, but sometimes, it has to be done. If it is keeping you from finding somewhere to go, then by all means, find them a new home.

When my mother-in-law went in the nursing home, we had to find a home for her dog. It filled my husband with stress and guilt for a long time before MIL even went in the home, that he would have to give the dog away. A woman that worked in a store nearby that MIL used to visit wanted the dog, and now has the dog. The dog now is better taken care of than MIL had done. It is happy and adjusted to its new owner and their other dog.

Sometimes, things work out well in the end, if only we are willing to let go.
I wish you all the best in finding a new place to live, closer to your husband job.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

As the owner of a German Shepherd, finding a place to live was tough. I had the most success with Craigslist. Dogs are great but if you can’t find a place that accepts them, it would seem they need to find a home. I had begun to ask relatives if they were interested in temporarily caring for my dog in case there wasn’t a house I could move in to. Good luck! The day I started a St. Joseph Novena was the day I found my current house!

Please don’t ever do this, at least not without a very thorough background check of the people you’re giving the dog to. Craigslist is NOTORIOUS for being flooded with people pretending to want a dog when in all reality they are just collecting them as bait dogs or for medical testing. And often, young couples and elderly people are paid to pretend to be the new owners just to get the dog. This has been a hot button issue for many years, but it is still going on.

 

[Convert_in_99]

If the dogs are getting in the way of family harmony, the dogs need to go. Your husband, child and your living conditions are more important. My spouse had a 3-hour daily commute for years- it was not good for our marriage.

I agree. And that from a huge dog lover. If you can’t find a happy home for them, find a no kill shelter for them to be in. You may have to drive a long ways to find one, but for peace of home and mind I think it would be worth it.

 

[OraLabora]

My spouse had a 3-hour daily commute for years- it was not good for our marriage.

I had a 3 hour commute for the last 5 out of my last 9 working years. We couldn’t move because my wife is a family doctor of long standing in our community (it will be 30 years next year), and there were no jobs in my field (IT) in our rural community.

Fortunately the marriage survived because we were empty nesters and she was very supportive, always sending me off with a nice healthy lunch every day and checking in with me by text throughout the day, and getting me good e-books to listen to in the car, but it took a toll on my health, especially with our brutal winter drives.

When I got laid off, I chose to retire instead of going back to commuting. It is truly soul-destroying.

 

[ProVobis]

If I may say something on behalf of your dogs: my husband and I both commuted three hours a day to work. We got used to it. We’d get up around 4:30 am and get ready to drive to the commuter train. We both had to get to work by eight o’clock. We had to get a certain train to make it by eight, since we did not drive downtown. Anyone who lived in Chicago and worked in the Loop had to allow a lot of time, especially in the winter. It is not unusual.

Also, you would be surprised how you may find someone to take your dogs. I would have been happy to take someone’s dogs if I didn’t have two of my own. Before I got puppy No 2, I was looking to see if anyone had a dog they didn’t want. That’s exactly what happened. My second dog was in a shelter since puppyhood, and someone adopted him but brought him back to the shelter after only 4 months.

I think Paws Chicago, a no-kill shelter, is good at handling these kinds of things. Of course, a Chicagoan (who is quick to fund shelters of all kinds) is a different breed altogether, and I mean that in a good way.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

I can thoroughly understand this. I had wondered what would happen to my two dogs if something happened to me. My daughter or sister don’t want them. My neighbors have their own dogs.

When I adopted Ezra last week, I realized that if something happened to me, our animal shelter (no-kill) would take both of them back. In fact that was in the contract. This place thoroughly investigates those who want to adopt dogs or cats. I also have another dog I adopted eight years ago. They are both Chihuahua mixes and they absolutely love me.

If you found a good no-kill shelter, and I don’t know where you live, you could make an appointment to surrender your animals. In Arizona we have several places that are no-kill.

Unfortunately the long commutes are sometimes part of the working world reality. It can be very wearing, stressful, irritating. I worked in the Loop most of the time, and there were times when I got home very late due to the snow. We could not afford to move closer to our jobs because living near the Loop would have been very expensive. If there were places to go downtown that weren’t expensive, I am sure everyone would have wanted to move there.

 

[1990Domer]

I have to agree with the other posters that family and shelter come before pets. My husband
also has a three hour daily commute because he didn’t want to uproot our son (autism spectrum) from the house and neighborhood he loves and from the few friends he has. It has been a horrible adjustment from his 15 minute commute. I no longer have a support system that can bail me out. It stinks. I agree with all those who say it stinks. It have hated life even since he took this job, but we are kind of stuck with fears of DH regressing if we made a major move.

Pets are great, but they are not the end all or be all of family life. Sadly, my sister thinks her pets should be treated as the equivalent of my son. Well, that doesn’t work too well at family get togethers. When dogs are present, it starts a chain of events that leads to a full blown asthma attack in my husband. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but I have always been grateful for places that did not allow pets. The house we bought we loved so much that we gutted all the carpeting, drapes, etc. because of their pets. Major expense and hassle, but we love it and will never allow another dog or cat in our house.

You will find in time that you made the correct decision. God luck and God bless.

 

[ProVobis]

I have to agree with the other posters that family and shelter come before pets.

Yes, but isn’t that something they should have thought of before they adopted a pet? People do lose jobs, income, among other things, and it is foolish to think over a 15 year period some adjustments in one’s life won’t be necessary. It is almost incumbent upon individuals to come up with some contingency plans in case the pet must be given up for one reason or another. And let’s not assume no-kill shelters will take pets in; there is only so much room available. Finding a good home for a pet isn’t easy either, especially when one considers food and vet costs associated with keeping one either. And then THAT person is stuck unable to move to some more luxurious apartment or whatever.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes, but isn’t that something they should have thought of before they adopted a pet? People do lose jobs, income, among other things, and it is foolish to think over a 15 year period some adjustments in one’s life won’t be necessary. It is almost incumbent upon individuals to come up with some contingency plans in case the pet must be given up for one reason or another. And let’s not assume no-kill shelters will take pets in; there is only so much room available. Finding a good home for a pet isn’t easy either, especially when one considers food and vet costs associated with keeping one either. And then THAT person is stuck unable to move to some more luxurious apartment or whatever.

The OP wasn’t heavily pregnant at that point, presumably, and her husband wasn’t working 1.5 hours away. Presumably there’s been a recent job loss and new job. Also, who knows how long they’ve had the dogs–it might be quite a while.

A lot has changed for this family.

Not sure where the “luxurious apartment” is coming from. Not from the OP, certainly–she just wants to cut down the 3 hour round trip commute so her husband will be able to see the baby on week nights, which is entirely reasonable.

People often don’t quite know what they’re getting into with pregnancy and new parenthood. To give a less fraught example than one with live animals, my husband and I had been married for three years when he finally got a real job and moved to the big city. We were eager to have a baby! I was also eager to pretty up our new apartment. So, we got a glass coffee table and an ornate standing floor lamp…Within about a year and a half, we had a baby and we realized the error of our ways and gave both the glass coffee table and the floor lamp away. Sure, we should have been able to figure out in advance that the two items were incompatible with having a crawly little baby or wobbly toddler at home, but our minds just weren’t thinking like that yet. So, mistakes were made.

 

[ProVobis]

People often don’t quite know what they’re getting into with pregnancy and new parenthood.

Yes, but this problem isn’t exclusively one of married people. Oftentimes singles and others are faced with evictions, sickness, loss of jobs, etc, that require losing one’s pet, amongst other things. The “mistake” IMO is not having contingency plans. And the responsible thing is NOT to just walk away. In fact many places regard these things as animal cruelty, punishable by jail sentences.

 

[Irishmom2]

And the responsible thing is NOT to just walk away. In fact many places regard these things as animal cruelty, punishable by jail sentences.

I think this is going off the deep end. No one is talking about abandoning animals. Finding them a home in a no kill shelter is not animal cruelty and not punishable by a jail sentence.

Please, show a little respect for the OP.