So frustrated with my parish!

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MaryAnne77

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I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.
 
Hmm, without knowing what you need to discuss (and it doesn’t really matter), would a deacon be able to counsel you spiritually?

Do you have your priest’s email address? Can you shoot him an email requesting a meeting and why?

We have two priests and no deacons at my parish. I requested a meeting with my pastor, but it was for a committee. It took a little over a month to be able to meet with him. On the spiritual side of things, I sent an email to our parochial vicar and requested a quick chat. It took a week or two to get in to see him.

I don’t know how common or uncommon your situation is though. Sorry you’re so frustrated.
 
That is a huge number of families. My church has about 100 families, and the priest very very busy. 5000 is too many to have any hope of the priest being able to meet with people much - I have no idea how he can hear all the confessions that are necessary.

I’d say a lot of the day to day work must be delegated to the people the secretaries mentioned. The poor priest is probably just a sacrament dispenser.
 
MaryAnne77 said:
I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.
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As I used to tell my children, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

There are other priests in the diocese. If you aren’t too isolated, I’d go to a different parish and see if you can get one of those priests.

A priest should always come as a servant to those under his pastoral care. That’s his primary duty. Unfortunately, many priests haven’t been taught that. They view their priesthood as a job, and they are the CEO of their parish, running meetings, chairing committees, etc. Sacraments, souls, etc., are what they do when they’re not doing the other stuff. Don’t know if this fits your parish priest, but it sounds like it might be.

Pray for him, and offer sacrifice, that he may be given God’s grace to fulfill his obligation and save souls. As the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen used to say, if souls are not saved, nothing is saved.
 
That’s really sad! We have a pretty big parish as well but two priests. They balance each other out really well - one kind of is the adminstrator and the other his assistant, but both are very pastoral and I believe they try to make time for anyone who asks. If I could I would talk to a priest every day - so in the meantime I pray for vocations so we have lots more in the future!

However, I agree with the above - I would try to contact the priest directly - after Mass for a moment - send an email - ask for his voice mail, etc. and maybe give him an idea of what it is you need to talk about and why you need to speak to him directly. Then say a prayer about it. Good luck.

Priests are very busy but I like to think that even the most busy haven’t forgotten why they became a priest in the first place. Maybe you will be the “nudge” that this one needs as a reminder?
 
I definitely wouldn’t say he has more important things to do than meet with you. Helping those in the parish is the whole reason he is there. But he does, no doubt, have other things to do.

I can understand your frustration, though. If you have a good deacon, it could very well be beneficial to meet with him. Or you could do as poster another suggested and try to locate a less busy priest at a nearby parish. Or you could show up for Confession and, once you have the priest’s undivided attention, ask him if he would be available at a later point to meet with you for a longer period of time.
 
Joe_5859 said:
I definitely wouldn’t say he has more important things to do than meet with you. Helping those in the parish is the whole reason he is there. But he does, no doubt, have other things to do.

I can understand your frustration, though. If you have a good deacon, it could very well be beneficial to meet with him. Or you could do as poster another suggested and try to locate a less busy priest at a nearby parish. Or you could show up for Confession and, once you have the priest’s undivided attention, ask him if he would be available at a later point to meet with you for a longer period of time.
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Those are good ideas. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I don’t know any of the deacons personally (there are 8) but I am sure they are sufficient for my needs. The confession idea is also good, and what the secretary had suggested to me.
 
Scoobyshme said:
As I used to tell my children, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

There are other priests in the diocese. If you aren’t too isolated, I’d go to a different parish and see if you can get one of those priests.

A priest should always come as a servant to those under his pastoral care. That’s his primary duty. Unfortunately, many priests haven’t been taught that. They view their priesthood as a job, and they are the CEO of their parish, running meetings, chairing committees, etc. Sacraments, souls, etc., are what they do when they’re not doing the other stuff. Don’t know if this fits your parish priest, but it sounds like it might be.

Pray for him, and offer sacrifice, that he may be given God’s grace to fulfill his obligation and save souls. As the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen used to say, if souls are not saved, nothing is saved.
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You are correct. His official title in our church is “administrator.” He is a big time fundraiser and go-getter. I will be praying for him - he is extremely busy.

Interestingly, he’s been in our parish for just short of two years, and I have never ONCE met him aside from a brief handshake. He stands outside of Mass for a few minutes and greets parishoners in a receiving-line style (so no time for chatting.) This is not to disparage him. This is just to point out that he is extremely busy. It is unfortunate that we cannot have personal relationships with priests.

No wonder so few young boys are interested in the priesthood - when they do not have any one-on-one interaction with their own pastors it is hard to get excited about the calling!
 
MaryAnne77 said:
I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.
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I can only commiserate with you, my friend. The parish I grew up in had five full-time priests to serve a flock of roughly a thousand families. I’d never heard of an itinerant priest. My grandmother would send me to the rectory after school with medals or rosaries to get blessed, or a question to get answered, and there’d always be a priest available. There was no appointment necessary. 🙂

But that was 40 years ago.

The parish we belong to now has three full-time priests and one priest who comes to say the Spanish-language mass on Sundays. These three men serve, according to the diocesan website, 2,800 families, in addition to the souls at new mission that is supposed to become its own parish within the next five years. The last time my husband and I needed to see a priest we had to vet our issue/questions through the parish secretary, who determined that we truly did need a priest and who then made an appointment a week out that was slated to last no more than 30 minutes.

The times they have changed, my friend. And sadly, I think what you’re experiencing is typical - not right, but typical - in many parishes.
 
If I call my parish with a question, a priest is immediately called to the phone. And it’s a very large parish.
I’d suggest calling other parishes, or you could go online to “Ask-a-Franciscan.com” You will get a response within a week.
There really shouldn’t be any red tape involved in getting counseling or appointments with priests. God bless you.
 
If the policy is to refer people to the Deacons, then I would suspect that they are very used to listening and advising people in tough situations or questions in faith. If you meet with one and it doesn’t answer your questions, at least you could then tell the priest that you tried it, and it wasn’t what you were seeking.
 
I think that with the current shortage of priests we’ve reached a point where priests simply aren’t available for everything we’d like. In my parish you could probably get an appointment for a one-time session with the priest, but if you’re looking for something ongoing like spiritual direction, he is not available. You’ll be referred to other people on the staff.

When it comes to the sacraments, a layperson can’t substitute for the priest. But for many other functions, a layperson is qualified and available. And in the case of the OP, there’s also the option of talking with a deacon.
 
my advice is to call the parish office and tell the receptionist you need to speak to a priest about an “urgent pastoral matter” this precises wording, and that a deacon cannot help you with the matter. They may assume that means something to do with confession, but so what, do not offer any further explanation. Ask your message to be passed on to the pastor today and leave all your contact information–first and last name, the fact that you are a parishioner, email, all phone #s. and be available at those places. Nothing more frustrating than the priest wasting 20 min to reach somebody who has their phone off and does not look at their email.

Of course, this should genuinely be a matter that needs the priest. It is very true that parishes lucky enough to have deacons routinely assign responsibilities at least for initial interviews with people who call for sacramental needs etc. to them. They can cover a lot of ground for which the priest is not absolutely necessary, and prepare you for a more productive meeting with the pastor if it is required.

It is almost universally more productive for a parishioner to contact the priest by email so you can spell out your concern, give relevant details, think out what you need to say, and let him contact you when he has time to answer. Of course if it really is matter for confession, simply say that fact without the details.

If your concern is something routinely handled by other staff members, deacons, DRE etc. it is going to be the best use of your time to briefly state the nature of the concern–marriage prep, sacramental prep, CCD, infant baptism, etc–to the secretary and ask her who you should be talking to. It just wastes time if the priest gets a message with a name and a number, no idea what it is about or why it is urgent, just to find out he has to refer you to another staff member after all.
 
Another Option:

When you go to Confession, let the priest know you will have a question at the end of your confession. They are open to giving spiritual direction and advice during and after Confession, especially if asked for.🙂
 
MaryAnne77 said:
You are correct. His official title in our church is “administrator.” He is a big time fundraiser and go-getter. I will be praying for him - he is extremely busy.

Interestingly, he’s been in our parish for just short of two years, and I have never ONCE met him aside from a brief handshake. He stands outside of Mass for a few minutes and greets parishoners in a receiving-line style (so no time for chatting.) This is not to disparage him. This is just to point out that he is extremely busy. It is unfortunate that we cannot have personal relationships with priests.

No wonder so few young boys are interested in the priesthood - when they do not have any one-on-one interaction with their own pastors it is hard to get excited about the calling!
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Well, in my humble opinion, Satan drags more priests to hell with the simple tactic of making them “busy” apart from their real job, than any other thing he does. I can see it now. “Well, Lord, I didn’t have time to save souls through the ministry of the priesthood and the Sacraments. I was BUSY! I had committees and meetings and a lot of other things going on that I thought were more important than souls.” I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. He needs LOTS of prayer!
 
MaryAnne77 said:
I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.
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Be understanding. Yes, priests should be available to their flock, but not on your whim. He could be attending to other people in his flock. You don’t know what tasks and responsibilities the Bishop may have placed on him to keep him so busy all the time. Why not speak with the Deacon?

Also, this is a good sign that you should pray for more vocations.
 
MaryAnne77 said:
I called my parish this morning because I would like to talk to my priest about a few issues I’ve been having - I really need some spiritual guidance. The receptionist told me that the priest isn’t typically available for private meetings, but that I could meet with a deacon or lay minister-counselor next week after she checks with the schedule book. Is this normal? I thought priests were supposed to be available to their flock. She said that if I really needed to speak with the priest, I could come to confession on Saturday between 3:00-3:45 and speak with him for a few minutes in the confessional. Given, we are a large parish with over 5,000 families and we only have one permanent parish priest (there are a few others who come and fill in for Mass as needed.)

I am very confused. Would speaking with a deacon be okay? I really wanted to talk to the priest, but I know he probably has more important things to do. I don’t want to cause a fuss or a hassle.
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This is a hard situation. But with 5000 families there are lots of people who have spiritual issues. And you don’t have a pastor.

Since your priest is not a pastor it could mean several things. It may be that he’s in the “waiting period” that is common today. In my diocese priests are usually given a year period as administrators to see if they are a good fit for a parish before being named pastor. Or it could also be that the priest actually has another diocesan or religious order job. (In my large parish the priest-administrator’s first job is teacher at the seminary.)

Deacons are ordained clergy so they are available to help with many spiritual guidance issues. They can’t administer all the same sacraments that a priest can but they are supposed to be community servants who free up the priest so he can do things like prepare homilies, preside at funeral masses (not always at your parish), and administer the Last Rites to the dying.

The receptionist is only doing her job. She’s trying to do triage. Priests get so many calls and requests for meetings that they really can’t respond to everyone and hope to give full attention. They have a tough time fitting in the people who are dying and/or in danger of dying.

With eight deacons (this is also like my parish) there is probably at least one deacon who has some expertise in the areas in which you need assistance. The deacon will refer you to the priest if if he cannot help you. (And you’d probably get to see the priest more quickly than if you made an appointment to see him directly.)
 
I would also suggest making the nature of your need as clear as possible without risking your privacy. The secretary might not realize the serious and immediate nature of whatever problem is plaguing you.
 
MaryAnne77 said:
You are correct. His official title in our church is “administrator.” He is a big time fundraiser and go-getter. I will be praying for him - he is extremely busy.
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The fact that he’s listed as “administrator” rather than “pastor” could be the issue. His assignment might only be to oversee the administration of the parish. Perhaps he has another role/position in the diocese as well…
 
NewEnglandPries said:
The fact that he’s listed as “administrator” rather than “pastor” could be the issue. His assignment might only be to oversee the administration of the parish. Perhaps he has another role/position in the diocese as well…
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If a priest is not a diocesan priest but belongs to an order, such as Jesuit, a bishop can still assign him a parish. But the priest would be called an “administrator” and serve in the role of a pastor, but would not be called a “pastor.” That’s how it is in my diocese. I know one parish “administrator” who has been pastoring a parish for 15 years, without the title.
 
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