So...I actually did it!

[Lexee15]

As you all know, in November of 2007 I received my Decree of Nullity, which I thank God for:bowdown2: !!! I had decided that if I received the decree I was going to put my profile up on Ave Maria Singles and on Catholic Match.

It took me awhile to work up the courage to do it, then, finally, in February of this year I did it:clapping: . I’ve corresponded with a few gentlemen and now there’s one in particular that I’m corresponding exclusively with. We’ve been corresponding, first by email and now phone calls, since early April. He wants to meet me now, needless to say I’m very nervous.

Here’s my dilemma, the sites recommend that when meeting and getting to know the people you correspond with you should be surrounded by people you know…friends, family, etc. This way the person can see who you really are and how you interact with these people and vice versa. In my case I’m 3000 miles from my family and closest friends, so being around the people that could give him insight into who I am would be very difficult.

Now, if I visited him I don’t think that would be a problem since his family lives near him. Also, what, if anything, would I do about my ds? Would it be appropriate just to introduce him to ds and everything else we do would not include ds? Since he lives in DC I doubt that we would see each other very often, so would it be that big a deal if ds met him?

If it were to work out then I would make a trip to Cali and ask him to meet me there so that he could hang out with me while I’m amongst my friends and family.

What do you all think? Any comments, suggestions, advice, etc., are greatly appreciated.

 

[rpp]

Having been in this position myself, I can speak from experience.

I have met other ladies on Catholic singles sites several times. In fact, I have met 5 different ladies on a total of 9 out-of-town face-to-face meetings. Here are the rules I follow.

Without going into excruiciating detail here is the underlying consideration. If the person turns out not to be the person you think he is (or you are not who he thinks you are), you may need an escape route.

That means separate a rental car for the traveler and, of course, the person who travels stays in a hotel.

Personally, I think the man should be the one who travels first. He rents a car, he stays in a hotel. He does not use your spare bedroom!!! He should pay all his own travel expenses.

If possible, meet him at the airport; this will allow you to meet him when he is a bit tired from travel and you may see something that you never could on the phone.

Help him with directions to the hotel, but do not go there! Agree on a place meet, a restaurant or some other public place, and spend some time together.

Personally, as the guy, I expect to pay for everything.

When ladies came to visit me, I always paid their travel expenses including airfare and hotel. (Basically, I am the kind of guy who believes a woman should bring her wallet or touch a door handle on a date.) As none of these were first time meetings, we decided she did not need to rent a car.

If you end up traveling together, separate hotel rooms, of course. No two-bedroom suites, separate rooms!

Now these are not things to obsess over. Enjoy yourself!

And I hope all goes well!

 

[kage_ar]

I’d get sitter for DS, and not introduce at the first meeting.

Even if your bestest friends are not there, you have some friends who will come if he decides to visit you. If nothing else, arrange the meeting durin a Parish event so you can meet him around your Parish family.

If you go to visit him/his family, take someone along with you. They can fly from CA and meet you there, but, bring along a friend (they can be there to watch your little man).

 

[StratusRose]

Good for you, girlfriend! I met my DH on catholicsingles.com. I wouldn’t bring a new man around your son unless it was getting serious. And I mean really serious. Sometimes kiddos get attached to mom’s new sig other and when it doesn’t work out it can upset them.

 

[Chovy]

I have no advice but I’m really happy for you. You have been through so much and I really wish you the best.

 

[ks60]

Please don’t introduce any man to your son unless the realtionship gets serious. Your son could be very confused by meeting men who will not become part of his life.

Your safety comes first when you meet any new man, like the others said. I don’t know how I would feel about introducing first dates to people I know. It could be the only time anyone I know met him, so why bother. Now, if your friends have uncomfortable feelings about any man you bring around, listen to them.

I’m not sure I want to get back into dating, but you sound like you’re looking forward to it. Have fun!

 

[Lexee15]

Having been in this position myself, I can speak from experience.

I have met other ladies on Catholic singles sites several times. In fact, I have met 5 different ladies on a total of 9 out-of-town face-to-face meetings. Here are the rules I follow.

Without going into excruiciating detail here is the underlying consideration. If the person turns out not to be the person you think he is (or you are not who he thinks you are), you may need an escape route. Good idea, I hadn’t thought about an escape plan:thumbsup:.

That means separate a rental car for the traveler and, of course, the person who travels stays in a hotel.Of course he would stay somewhere other than with me, he is very aware of that, I didn’ even have to tell him. He also mentioned renting a car, so I’m pretty sure he understands that I would not be driving him around. I live just outside the city and he mentioned staying with a friend that lives in the city, so I suggested that we could meet in the city so that he didn’t have to drive out to the burbs to pick me up…although, a “real” date would mean he should pick me up…but then where’s my escape route…uh oh, I’m thinking too much again:blush:.

Personally, I think the man should be the one who travels first. He rents a car, he stays in a hotel. He does not use your spare bedroom!!! He should pay all his own travel expenses.

If possible, meet him at the airport; this will allow you to meet him when he is a bit tired from travel and you may see something that you never could on the phone.I was wondering if this was appropriate or not…sounds like it would be ok to do…so I will if I can.

Help him with directions to the hotel, but do not go there! Agree on a place meet, a restaurant or some other public place, and spend some time together.

Personally, as the guy, I expect to pay for everything.

When ladies came to visit me, I always paid their travel expenses including airfare and hotel. (Basically, I am the kind of guy who believes a woman should bring her wallet or touch a door handle on a date.) As none of these were first time meetings, we decided she did not need to rent a car.Wow, that’s great that you paid for their travel expenses!!! I hadn’t thought of him paying for my expenses…although, he did mention flying me out to see him and meet his family, so I think that means that he would pay…maybe?

If you end up traveling together, separate hotel rooms, of course. No two-bedroom suites, separate rooms!

Now these are not things to obsess over. Enjoy yourself!

And I hope all goes well!

Thank you for your help!!!

 

[Lexee15]

I’d get sitter for DS, and not introduce at the first meeting.

Even if your bestest friends are not there, you have some friends who will come if he decides to visit you. If nothing else, arrange the meeting durin a Parish event so you can meet him around your Parish family.

If you go to visit him/his family, take someone along with you. They can fly from CA and meet you there, but, bring along a friend (they can be there to watch your little man).

Thanks for the advice kage:thumbsup:. I just thought since at this time we’re only friends it might be ok to introduce him, ds being 3 will only see him as a “man” and nothing more. I didn’t think that ds should spend time with him/us unless/until it’s very serious, then spending time together would be appropriate.

I was thinking of a bbq or get together with some of the friends I have made here might be appropriate, most of those people I’ve met through my parish, some are families and some are single which would be a good mix, what do ya think?

I hadn’t thought of bringing someone along when I visit him, that’s a very good idea:thumbsup:, that way I can bring my little man yet not have him with me when we do stuff.

 

[Lexee15]

Good for you, girlfriend! I met my DH on catholicsingles.com. I wouldn’t bring a new man around your son unless it was getting serious. And I mean really serious. Sometimes kiddos get attached to mom’s new sig other and when it doesn’t work out it can upset them.

Wow!!! That’s great that you met your dh online…I was very nervous when I did it because all you hear are the horror stories. I’m really happy to hear about an online relationship that went well:thumbsup:. I’ve also heard of other great stories on both AMS and CM which gave me lots of hope. Thanks for sharing!!!

 

[Lexee15]

I have no advice but I’m really happy for you. You have been through so much and I really wish you the best.

Thank you so much Chovy!!! It has taken a lot and a long time for me to open myself up again. After much prayer I realized this would be the best way for me to “put myself out there.” I’m not quite finished with all my healing, I do think that I’m almost there though and meeting new people will help with the rest of my healing…with God, of course, as part of everything I do.

 

[Lexee15]

Please don’t introduce any man to your son unless the relationship gets serious. Your son could be very confused by meeting men who will not become part of his life.

Your safety comes first when you meet any new man, like the others said. I don’t know how I would feel about introducing first dates to people I know. It could be the only time anyone I know met him, so why bother. Now, if your friends have uncomfortable feelings about any man you bring around, listen to them.

I’m not sure I want to get back into dating, but you sound like you’re looking forward to it. Have fun!

Good advice, thanks:thumbsup:. Yeah, I’m not sure about this whole meeting friends and family when I haven’t even met him…but this online stuff is backwards, you get to know each other then you meet, so bringing him around the other people really isn’t that weird…oh I don’t know:shrug:. We’ll see what happens, I’ll keep you all posted.

Oh…and did I mention he’s 29:bigyikes: ? I’m not too old for him am I ?

 

[BamaRider]

rpp had this to say-

have met other ladies on Catholic singles sites several times. In fact, I have met 5 different ladies on a total of 9 out-of-town face-to-face meetings. Here are the rules I follow.

Dang brother you get around.

Have ya had any horror stories in all that you’d wanna share?

I know, I like to watch Rikki Lake too.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Congrats to you, Lexee!

I met my DH using the precursor to Internet dating, the personal ad in the newspaper. So a few tips.

Yes, he should be the one to travel first. If possible, I’d suggest a day trip, where he flies in and then back out that evening. He rents his own car, or uses public transportation. I would not suggest an event like Taste of Chicago, but a parish carnival, local event like Naperville Rib Fest or a trip to Six Flags might be good. Mall walking is good, too, or one of the museums. Vernon Hills is nice and has sentimental value for me. A public place is always best for the first face-to-face.

Yes, DS should be with a sitter for the event.

Even though you might expect a man to pay for the event, bring enough money anyway, and your own transportation.

 

[kage_ar]

You know, I cannot think of a single situation where a cookout is a BAD idea (Using my non-southern people speech decoder ring, I take by “a BBQ” you mean a cookout )

 

[rpp]

rpp had this to say-

Dang brother you get around.

Have ya had any horror stories in all that you’d wanna share?

I know, I like to watch Rikki Lake too.

I think I will mention this one.

Early on at our first meeting over dinner, the lady dropped this gem into the conversation, “My psychiatrist just adjusted my medication so I am a little wacky right now.” She went on to reveal that she had schizophrenia and said that her doctor had been trying for years to convince her she had a personality disorder, but that it was really her doctor who was crazy. :whacky:

On the whole, I have met some very nice ladies. While none of them were matches, I remain friends with many of them.

 

[rpp]

Lexee,

I would agree with the suggestions about not introducing your little one to the guy at first. However, I think one should consider that he meet your son early on, or at least if things are getting serious.

When a person marries another who already has a child, it is a package deal. That is there must be a bond of love and affection, or at least genuine respect, between the step-parent and the child. This will take time to develop, yet it is very important.

 

[Lexee15]

I think I will mention this one.

Early on at our first meeting over dinner, the lady dropped this gem into the conversation, “My psychiatrist just adjusted my medication so I am a little wacky right now.” She went on to reveal that she had schizophrenia and said that her doctor had been trying for years to convince her she had a personality disorder, but that it was really her doctor who was crazy. :whacky:

On the whole, I have met some very nice ladies. While none of them were matches, I remain friends with many of them.

:bigyikes: …wow, I hope I won’t have to deal with something like this!!! That must have been crazy, no pun intended, to find out. So, did you see her again?

 

[rpp]

:bigyikes: …wow, I hope I won’t have to deal with something like this!!! That must have been crazy, no pun intended, to find out. So, did you see her again?

See her again?

You are kidding, right?

There were a few other things that happened after I got home that pretty much convinced me that I should not remain in contact with her.

 

[BamaRider]

There were a few other things that happened after I got home that pretty much convinced me that I should not remain in contact with her.

Like finding a rabbit on your stove??

I’ve been happily married a looooong time so I’m outta touch on this kinda stuff. But I’m thinking if I’m gonna meet somebody for the first time I’m goin there, that way if I need to ease out I can bolt! If she comes* here*, and she’s a dud, she might wanna hang around.

 

[Lexee15]

Lexee,

I would agree with the suggestions about not introducing your little one to the guy at first. However, I think one should consider that he meet your son early on, or at least if things are getting serious.

When a person marries another who already has a child, it is a package deal. That is there must be a bond of love and affection, or at least genuine respect, between the step-parent and the child. This will take time to develop, yet it is very important.

Well, looks like it’s unanimous, I won’t introduce ds when we first meet. If it starts to turn serious then I’ll introduce them to see how they get along and if there is genuine love and affection:thumbsup:.

Luckily, as he and I talk we seem to be on the same page about things, we’re both interested in something serious, we’re both looking for our spouse so there shouldn’t be any lallygagging once we meet. His intention is that if we hit it off then it would turn into something serious, which is what I want…a definite moving forward and intention of marriage.

So, if we do hit it off then it wouldn’t be long after that when ds would be part of the picture. I would like to know right away, early in the relationship if he and ds have a connection and that he truly cares about ds, I would hate to waste a lot of time on someone who doesn’t care about him .