So...I actually did it!

[Lexee15]

Like finding a rabbit on your stove??

I’ve been happily married a looooong time so I’m outta touch on this kinda stuff. But I’m thinking if I’m gonna meet somebody for the first time I’m goin there, that way if I need to ease out I can bolt! If she comes* here*, and she’s a dud, she might wanna hang around.

That’s messed up!!!

 

[rpp]

Like finding a rabbit on your stove??

uch:

Too close to the truth.

Yes something along those lines, not quite illegal, but rather disturbing and did result in me calling the authorities. Some things are best not described.

 

[BamaRider]

You had a lady come see ya, and had to call the cops on her? Daaaaaaaaaang.

Tawk about leavin folks hangin.

 

[rpp]

You had a lady come see ya, and had to call the cops on her? Daaaaaaaaaang.

Tawk about leavin folks hangin.

She did not come here in person. It was me who traveled to see her. And the device was sent through the mail. The bomb squad disposed of it. But it turned out to be benign, well, mostly. I suspect it bought her a couple of months of unwilling confinement in a hospital, but I do not know. (It was several flares taped together with fakes wires and a kitchen timer.)

 

[Lexee15]

She did not come here in person. It was me who traveled to see her. And the device was sent through the mail. The bomb squad disposed of it. But it turned out to be benign, well, mostly. I suspect it bought her a couple of months of unwilling confinement in a hospital, but I do not know. (It was several flares taped together with fakes wires and a kitchen timer.)

:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: Geez…what did you do that deserved a makeshift BOMB???:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes:

It’s funny now…but, I’m sure it was quite scary at the time…how did you get over it? And, most importantly, did you continue to meet ladies online after this “incident”?

 

[rpp]

:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: Geez…what did you do that deserved a makeshift BOMB???:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes:

It’s funny now…but, I’m sure it was quite scary at the time…how did you get over it? And, most importantly, did you continue to meet ladies online after this “incident”?

What did I do to deserve it? It was actually something that I did not do.

I did not kiss her.

So the punishment for not being attracted to her was harassment culminating in that little stunt. She most definitely was not being rational. I suspect her doc adjusted her medication again.

The lesson I learned from that experience is make sure the lady is not taking psychotropic drugs before I meet her. (I should have known something was amiss when she used words like “narcissistic” to describe her ex-.

 

[Viki63]

Luckily, as he and I talk we seem to be on the same page about things, we’re both interested in something serious, we’re both looking for our spouse so there shouldn’t be any lallygagging once we meet ( .

Dear Lexee,
Please do not rush into marriage too quickly. As adults you certainly know your minds much better than teenagers would, so should be able to make such a decision more quickly and rationally. But it takes awhile to get to know a person.

There are plenty of people who seem fine when you first meet them, but have personality disorders, troubles with the law, sexual hangups, addictions, and so on that don’t show up until later. I would give it at least six months, preferably a year.

And keep your eyes peeled for troublesome signs, such as: how he speaks about past wives, friends or parents, how he treats waiters, disabled people, pets, how he handles frustrations or emergencies.
I hope it works out for you.​

 

[Lexee15]

Dear Lexee,
Please do not rush into marriage too quickly. As adults you certainly know your minds much better than teenagers would, so should be able to make such a decision more quickly and rationally. But it takes awhile to get to know a person.

There are plenty of people who seem fine when you first meet them, but have personality disorders, troubles with the law, sexual hangups, addictions, and so on that don’t show up until later. I would give it at least six months, preferably a year.

And keep your eyes peeled for troublesome signs, such as: how he speaks about past wives, friends or parents, how he treats waiters, disabled people, pets, how he handles frustrations or emergencies.
I hope it works out for you.​

Thank you so much for the advice and will most certainly take all of that into consideration:thumbsup: .

What I meant by that comment is that we’re both at point where we realize that if we don’t “hit it off” there won’t be any “hangin around” too see if it works.

Also, if we do seem to be a match we have the same end goal, which is marriage. This is not a “dating” thing with no clear next step, there has to be a moving forward attitude giving plenty of time to each step that moves us to that goal…you know what I mean?

There are expectations, at least for me, if and when I decide to meet someone. One of them is that they are serious about the meeting because they are also looking for a commitment. I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I felt that they were ready and willing to do that…I’m not looking to make friends although, if things don’t work out I would still want to keep in touch as I have with other gentlemen that I’ve only corresponded with but never met.

I totally understand what you’re saying and believe me I, of all people, have to be extremely cautious because it’s not just about me…its about my child too. There’s no way I’d just marry anyone for the sake of being married :nope:. And I know all too well what it’s like to marry a complete and utter stranger , it’s like a bucket of ice cold water poured on you when you realize you didn’t know this person at all. So I’m doing things differently this time and more importantly I’m letting the Holy Spirit guide me through it all, all I can do is trust that He’ll give me what I need to find the one for me:thumbsup:.

 

[Lexee15]

Hi everyone, I have a question related to this same topic…so your (name removed by moderator)ut is greatly appreciated.

As the friendship I’ve developed with this gentleman progresses I’ve noticed some things that have begun to creep up, which I’m sure have to do with what I’ve been through.

Like I said in my op, we’re getting to know each other and building a friendship via phone and emails…we still haven’t met in person. What kind of expectations should we have at this point? He voluntarily removed his profile from CM. He said he wanted to get to know me and didn’t want anyone to be led on or feel bad if he was contacted and he didn’t respond positively. In other words, he’s not into talking to more than one girl at a time…which is great with me since I am/feel the same way.

After some time of corresponding with him I decided to make my profile “inactive” on CM, I didn’t remove my profile because I like reading the forums. Anyway, my question is what are the expectations with doing this…if any?

We’re in contact almost everyday and, unfortunately, when I don’t hear from him I begin to get anxious. Start wondering if he’s changed his mind, maybe he’s met someone new or rekindled something with an old flame, etc., etc.. I tell myself that it’s not a big deal and that there are no expectations that we have to be in contact every single day. I really feel that it has something to do with my own insecurities and practically non-existent self-worth/self-confidence.

I pray the Litany of Humility just about everyday and it does help, it puts things into perspective…that not everything revolves around me. I just don’t know how to deal with this, I had a feeling something like this would happen once there was potential for a relationship:blush:, I just don’t want to feel this way…much less make someone feel bad because of it.

Any suggestions on why I might be feeling this way and advice/suggestions on how to move past it so that it doesn’t affect any relationship I may have. I used to never be like this, insecure, jealous, anxious, etc. Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[KCtheMommy]

What did I do to deserve it? It was actually something that I did not do.

I did not kiss her.

So the punishment for not being attracted to her was harassment culminating in that little stunt. She most definitely was not being rational. I suspect her doc adjusted her medication again.

The lesson I learned from that experience is make sure the lady is not taking psychotropic drugs before I meet her. (I should have known something was amiss when she used words like “narcissistic” to describe her ex-.

For Goodness Gracious Sake –

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DID KISS HER??? (Of course flying back to Oregon with no strings attached)

Uh huh – it would have been an IED on your front porch…

This whole story is simultaneously frightening me, amusing me, and making me thank our Good Lord that I am married!

Lexee if your date mentions psychiatry or psychotropic meds – do us all a favor and BOLT!!!

 

[rpp]

Lexee if your date mentions psychiatry or psychotropic meds – do us all a favor and BOLT!!!

 

[rpp]

Hi everyone, I have a question related to this same topic…so your (name removed by moderator)ut is greatly appreciated.

As the friendship I’ve developed with this gentleman progresses I’ve noticed some things that have begun to creep up, which I’m sure have to do with what I’ve been through.

Like I said in my op, we’re getting to know each other and building a friendship via phone and emails…we still haven’t met in person. What kind of expectations should we have at this point? He voluntarily removed his profile from CM. He said he wanted to get to know me and didn’t want anyone to be led on or feel bad if he was contacted and he didn’t respond positively. In other words, he’s not into talking to more than one girl at a time…which is great with me since I am/feel the same way.

After some time of corresponding with him I decided to make my profile “inactive” on CM, I didn’t remove my profile because I like reading the forums. Anyway, my question is what are the expectations with doing this…if any?

We’re in contact almost everyday and, unfortunately, when I don’t hear from him I begin to get anxious. Start wondering if he’s changed his mind, maybe he’s met someone new or rekindled something with an old flame, etc., etc.. I tell myself that it’s not a big deal and that there are no expectations that we have to be in contact every single day. I really feel that it has something to do with my own insecurities and practically non-existent self-worth/self-confidence.

I pray the Litany of Humility just about everyday and it does help, it puts things into perspective…that not everything revolves around me. I just don’t know how to deal with this, I had a feeling something like this would happen once there was potential for a relationship:blush:, I just don’t want to feel this way…much less make someone feel bad because of it.

Any suggestions on why I might be feeling this way and advice/suggestions on how to move past it so that it doesn’t affect any relationship I may have. I used to never be like this, insecure, jealous, anxious, etc. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I think you are probably nervous that he does not like you or may be interested in someone else. That is because you have not quite made a connection yet.

The reality is he probably has a life. He has a job and commitments and cannot call everyday.

Even if he could, at this stage I am not certain that is healthy. One of you can get a bit burned out or develop some expectations that the other cannot meet.

All things inn moderation.

 

[Lexee15]

I think you are probably nervous that he does not like you or may be interested in someone else. That is because you have not quite made a connection yet.

The reality is he probably has a life. He has a job and commitments and cannot call everyday.

Even if he could, at this stage I am not certain that is healthy. One of you can get a bit burned out or develop some expectations that the other cannot meet.

All things inn moderation.

Of course he has a life…and I tell myself that because I know that it’s a fact. It still doesn’t stop all the other feelings and questions that go on in my head. Also, we don’t talk on the phone everyday, it’s a combination of phone conversations, emails, online chats and text messages. Sometimes as little as “just want to say hi” texts to a two hour phone conversation, I think our temperments have a lot to do with it too.

I really don’t think that we’re in constant correspondence, if it’s email it’s one every couple of days, if it’s a phone call it’ll be for a little while in the evening or we may chat instead. The texts aren’t conversations they’re just little messages and it’s usually once every couple of days. I don’t think we’ve burned each other out…at least not from my part. And you’re right, we haven’t actually made a full on connection yet.

 

[CarrieH]

how he treats waiters, disabled people, pets, -

And whether online dating or through other means, never trust anyone who is mean to animals, or whom animals don’t trust, esp your own pets if you have any. Animals have senses that we don’t, and your own pets will be wary of anyone who gives them a bad vibe. A close friend of mine was dating this major loser for awhile. She has a horse and took this guy down to the stable. Her horse not only disliked him on sight, he *snapped *at the guy! They finally broke up, much to the horse’s…and my own…relief!

 

[dulcissima]

Lexee, just curious, on his profile on CM, did he take the personality profile test and if so do you remember what his personality type was? I find those to be incredibly accurate.

 

[Lexee15]

Lexee, just curious, on his profile on CM, did he take the personality profile test and if so do you remember what his personality type was? I find those to be incredibly accurate.

Yes he did, he is a Sanguine/Phlegmatic (52%/48% I think) and I’m a Melancholic/Phlegmatic (58%/42%). We are diametrically opposed temperments, according to the explanations. However, if we can make a connection and understand each others temperments we would have the best of both worlds, especially when it came to family/children.

Why do you ask? I really liked the temperment test, I finally understood things about me that I had been clueless about. For example…I never would have thought of this, according to my results I have a perfectionist streak in me, nah who me? Well I wouldn’t have considered myself a perfectionist, but as I began to look at what I did and how I did it and what I expected I realized I am a perfectionist to a certain degree. Here’s an example, it can take me forever to write an email or post on this forum, I read and reread to make sure it makes sense, that I didn’t misspell anything, etc., in other words it has to be “perfect” most of the time anyway:blush: , that temperment test is extremely accurate.

There are things that I can identify that used to be me, but no longer are because I had been working on them to be a better person. So I would say that it really captures your essential, natural personality, but doesn’t have to define you…you can change the negative aspects of your temperment, I actually have. My natural tendency is to be a grudge holder and the test brought that up…I’ve worked very hard on not being that and I really do feel that I’ve overcome it for the most part. Interesting…very interesting .

 

[dulcissima]

Yes he did, he is a Sanguine/Phlegmatic (52%/48% I think) and I’m a Melancholic/Phlegmatic (58%/42%). We are diametrically opposed temperments, according to the explanations. However, if we can make a connection and understand each others temperments we would have the best of both worlds, especially when it came to family/children.

Why do you ask? I really liked the temperment test, I finally understood things about me that I had been clueless about. For example…I never would have thought of this, according to my results I have a perfectionist streak in me, nah who me? Well I wouldn’t have considered myself a perfectionist, but as I began to look at what I did and how I did it and what I expected I realized I am a perfectionist to a certain degree. Here’s an example, it can take me forever to write an email or post on this forum, I read and reread to make sure it makes sense, that I didn’t misspell anything, etc., in other words it has to be “perfect” most of the time anyway:blush: , that temperment test is extremely accurate.

There are things that I can identify that used to be me, but no longer are because I had been working on them to be a better person. So I would say that it really captures your essential, natural personality, but doesn’t have to define you…you can change the negative aspects of your temperment, I actually have. My natural tendency is to be a grudge holder and the test brought that up…I’ve worked very hard on not being that and I really do feel that I’ve overcome it for the most part. Interesting…very interesting .

Just making sure that he is not a choleric. From what I know about you these last couple of years, I would advise you to steer clear of that sort of a temperament. That’s the same advice I am taking myself. I’m a phlegmatic/melancholic (90%/10%). I think a sanguine is a good match for you.

I almost never carry a grudge, it is just not in my nature. I think I probably am more melancholic than my results indicate.

Oh, well, just saying good luck on meeting your friend.