So I Have a Problem

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spec110

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As much as I want to stop having sex, I always give in to the temptation. I really want to make a change but I get weak around the opposite sex. šŸ˜¦ I need help.
 
spec110 said:
As much as I want to stop having sex, I always give in to the temptation. I really want to make a change but I get weak around the opposite sex. šŸ˜¦ I need help.
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I am not a psychologist and this is not an attempt at diagnosis, but when I hear someone say "I want toā€¦ [but] I always give inā€¦ " this suggests to me that this person may be laboring under an addiction and may be helped by the same sorts of aids that can help people with other kinds of addictions, such as alcoholism. Many alcoholics who might feel overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to remain sober forever are able to do successfully by just taking things one day at a time, or even one minute at a time during times of great temptation. You may be able to do the same by just committing yourself to be chaste for today only, without worrying about tomorrow until tomorrow.

The support of others who are successfully dealing with the same struggles you are (and who also need your support) can also help. The Church of St. Peter in the Loop, in Chicago offers such a support group for men struggling to live chaste lives.
Chaste Living:
A Support Group for Men Struggling with Chastity
Mondays: 5:10 ā€“ 6:00 pm
St. Clare Auditorium (basement of St. Peterā€™s Church)

Many people, especially men, struggle with living chaste lives. Our culture seems to say why worry about it, itā€™s normal, or it does not really hurt anyone. However, somewhere inside we have a sense that what we give into is not right - whether it is ā€œharmlessā€ pornography, countless second glances or something more serious. For some, there is a sense that other people have become objects of their desires. For others it is the shame of hiding, daring not to tell others, especially those they love, what they are really doing when no one is looking. Some are aware that they have lost their freedom and they are also aware at some level that they do not want to be engaged in that behavior, but are unable to stop, pull away or resist continuing down the same path.

If you see yourself in this struggle you should know that there is hope. Change is possible! There are others who struggle with these same issues and are finding the strength to change their lives. It is not easy and it is not automatic - but there are things you can do to find freedom and live a chaste life. You are invited to a weekly meeting of men who are willing to share some of their experiences and how they are working on making a change in their lives. Please be assured the meeting is anonymous and confidential.

Questions: Fr. Paul Gallagher (312)628-1252 or e-mail: frpaul.stpeter@yahoo.com.
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This may not be near where you live, and as this a meeting for men this will not be for you if you are a woman, but you might want to contact Fr. Paul Gallagher. He may be able to help you better than some of us who possibly do not live with the same struggle you do to the extent you do, or do not have his experience counseling persons such as yourself.

Finally, Iā€™ll offer some basic advice youā€™ve doubtless heard before: Avoid situations where you know you will be strongly tempted and where you know from experience that you have given in to temptation before. Obviously you will not avoid being tempted everywhere, but some situations, such as a singles bar, may be more sexually charged than other places such as the Post Office. Also go to confession frequently, every time you give in. It may be embarrasing to keep confessing the same sins, but it will help. Father Corapi once spoke of a situation where a penitent expressed frustration at confessing the same sins every time, he thought he wasnā€™t making progress with them. Fr. Corapi answered, ā€œWhat do you want, new sins?ā€

God bless you,

Leopard.
 
There are a number of options
  1. do not date
  2. date only in groups or in chaperoned dates
  3. date only other Catholics agree to remain chaste until marriage
    ā€”ask them before you go out with them.
I think you should fast from spending time with the opposite sex. And, in the time, grow closer to Christ and the Blessed Mother.

Also, talk to a priest you admire. He will be able to recommend spiritual reading and, if you need it, psychological help.

pureloveclub.org/purity.htm
 
spec110 said:
As much as I want to stop having sex, I always give in to the temptation. I really want to make a change but I get weak around the opposite sex. šŸ˜¦ I need help.
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stay away from the opposite sex until you develop the maturity and self control to handle these temptations. If you are that immature, you are also to immature for sex, since only married persons are entitled to exercise this gift, and someone who cannot control the sex drive does not have the discipline and maturity required for marriage.
 
Look up the writings and talks by Christopher West. He has done a wonderful job with explaining John Paulā€™s Theology of the Body.
 
spec110 said:
Thank you all for your insight! I will TRY to make a change! šŸ™‚
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Sexual sins are so overwhelming sometimes because the sexual drive is so strong. God loves babies!

Stupid Adam and Eve who twisted it all up for us. :mad:

Persevere!
 
As a pp stated, start with making it through one day at a time. I too was like you, after about the fourth month and a lot of prayer, God helped me to no longer desire sex in a context other than what it was meant for. Those first four months were no picnic, but the depth of relationships with those of the opposite sex when one sees beyond the sexual is way better than all the sex in the world. When youā€™re participating in premarital sex, you really are not experiencing true intimacy with the other and they arenā€™t knowing you for who you truly are.

Commit yourself to be a permanent adorer at the closest adoration chapel in your area. Donā€™t just commit to visiting the Lord for an hour of your choosing, contact the coordinator and sign up for an hour. That accountability to others (those who you replace in the chapel) will help you to keep focus. There is nothing worse than seriously sinning and entering adoration the next day knowing that you failed our Lord and dug that nail in deeper into his hands and feet. A few times doing this (sinning and having to got to my committed hour the next day) was enough self imposed spiritual torture to keep me on the straight and narrow. Will temptation be there? Yes, but the more time you give to God the more strength He will give you to resist that temptation.
 
TIME said:
ooh, Marie, Great quote! Mind if I copy it for my pocket quotes?šŸ‘
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Thatā€™s cool. I think that the idea is basically a summary of all that we are taught about our Lord, give to Him and there will be nothing that you truly lack.
 
gmarie21 said:
Thatā€™s cool. I think that the idea is basically a summary of all that we are taught about our Lord, give to Him and there will be nothing that you truly lack.
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Here is the quote from James 4:7-8 ā€œSo submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds.ā€šŸ‘
 
A friend of mine said this in our menā€™s group, in regards to sexual temptation:

ā€œI decided that if I want to sin, then Iā€™ll sin. But if I want to choose God, then Iā€™ll choose God and I wonā€™t sin.ā€

He went on to say that what he meant was that he should want to choose God all the time and thatā€™s simply what he needed to do. Because if he wasnā€™t choosing God, then he was choosing sin. Since he didnā€™t want to choose sin, he made the effort to pray and choose God each time he felt tempted.

In Christ,
Rand
 
Approach this positively. Increase your prayer life. Go to mass daily and confession as often as possible. Many saints have said if you do not pray, you will hot gain heaven.
Deacon Ed B
 
you are indeed fortunate. you are engaged in a glorious fight. the beauty of women is legendary. from the fallen angels to king david, all have been tested. even the Nazarene was tempted.

for us, this means that everything we do adds or detracts to our spiritual strength.

in some cases marriage actually adds to the problem by enslaving us to our lust.

this war, and it is a war, is not won in a single action, but rather by small precise exercises. setbacks are always a part of wars. knowingly, win the majority of battles to ultimately win the war.

my prayers are with you, much luck.
 
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