So I met this girl

[nickybr38]

Update time.

I got an E-mail, expressing thanks &c. for my E-mail, following up on our conversation, relaying interest in coming to more events in the Cincinnati area, and inviting me to a Corpus Christi procession in her town. Unfortunately, the procession falls on a Saturday evening, and, as organist for a local parish, I am tied down on Saturday night.

I may try to call in a favour with an old friend and see if he can’t substitute for me, but otherwise I’m hosed.

Nevertheless, I suppose the E-mail itself is good news.

YAY! Even if you can’t go just be entirely honest and tell her why before suggesting a different thing to do at a different date so she knows you have continued interest.

 

[PrayerShark]

I think you should go whether or not your friend can fill in. I don’t think your parish will mind missing the organ for an evening if they know its for a good cause. Heck, if I was your priest, I’d say what the hell are you doing here!?!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Remember that many girls, especially the “worthwhile” ones, love piano and organ music.

My "line’ when I met my wife involved my new piano and asking if she wanted to come hear it.

I’m all for mixing women and music!

Alan

 

[PrayerShark]

That must have been a LONG time ago. I don’t think pick-up lines work anymore.

What did you say? You’re the Forte in my Piano?

 

[HumbledCatholic]

Update:

Did in fact get to meet her again, and the whole family. Wonderful bunch, had a great time. Will see her again at one of these Solemn Masses coming up!

Thank you all for your help and support!

 

[EnchantedEve]

(and now is where I find out if any of my real-life friends are on CA, because they’ve all heard far too much about this)

I was at a swing dance with, well, my traditional Catholic youth group (we’re the youngins of an Una Voce chapter), and a couple of extremely persistent friends pestered me until I asked a girl to dance (friends, what are they good for, eh?). She was from our group, but from a little outside our local area, so I’d never met her. Nevertheless, as it seemed to me we hit it off nicely (we are of the same age, lots of good conversation, shared interests, of course we agree on first things, she’s rather pretty, and she danced with me all evening, something no girl I’ve ever met has done ), and I had the best time I’ve had in a long time.

Needless to say, I am interested in more of the same. But there is a catch:

I am from outside the traditional-Catholic world in many ways. I am the only Trad in my family, and that family is small. I was educated in schools, and generally had a very even- but light-handed upbringing. This girl, on the other hand, is from a large, traditional-Catholic clan (you know the sort). Homeschooled, huge family, even a farm, as I understand it.

I have no idea about the protocol in such situations. If the proper protocol involves having contact with the family, they are an hour away and I have never met them and would not know them on sight. At present, the only contact information I’ve got is the family E-mail address, which can be slightly awkward.

I sent a very prosaic E-mail to this family address, expressing my pleasure at having met her (and her sister, who was there), and I extended an invitation to some forthcoming Solemn High Masses in the area. I can think of nothing else which is appropriate, given my means of communication, and it almost seems to me that the ball is out of my court.

Part of me wonders if I was just being tolerated (do girls do that?) and imagining that she’d taken a liking to me at all. But all the same, I hate just waiting here for something to (or not to) happen.

Advices?

Being the patriarch of a young, traditional Catholic family, I would be delighted if a traditional, respectful young man asked to spend ime with my daughter. If you see her again at Mass, I would try to request to write to her. If that goes well, than I would approach the father and request to spend time with her under her parents’ supervision, in their own home. Then, take their lead from there! This to me sounds like it may have promise!

 

[lutherlic]

Update:

Did in fact get to meet her again, and the whole family. Wonderful bunch, had a great time. Will see her again at one of these Solemn Masses coming up!

Thank you all for your help and support!

That’s good news Humbled! Best of luck, but be sure to keep your hopes in check.

 

[musicality]

Update:

Did in fact get to meet her again, and the whole family. Wonderful bunch, had a great time. Will see her again at one of these Solemn Masses coming up!

Thank you all for your help and support!

Hope all goes well!

 

[HumbledCatholic]

Things seem to be going very well. I’ve been seeing a lot of this girl, various Masses, some dances, even took her to the opera and helped out with farmwork for a day. We’ve struck up a great friendship and have the world in common. Also found out that she’s intending to go to my college either in the fall or in the spring. In addition, my family and I have been invited to dinner by her family.

So, at the first, glory to God.

At the second, what am I supposed to be doing?? If it is not God’s will for this to work out, so be it, but what I on no accounts want to happen is for me to screw this up!

What will she be expecting of me? Should we “meta-date” and talk about what is going on? Oy yoy yoy!!

 

[Alexander_Smith]

Humbled,

By your account it sounds like you stumbled over a jewel of a girl!

I hope things work out!

VC

I agree! Go for it. It could be what God wants for you. You never know.

 

[DL82]

What will she be expecting of me? Should we “meta-date” and talk about what is going on? Oy yoy yoy!!

Never heard of ‘meta-dating’ before. I guess there are times when, as a couple, you want to step outside the protocol of ‘dating’ and talk about what’s going on at a deeper level, but to me that would be something much further down the line, i.e. when you reach a stage when you’re thinking about marriage and you want to be sure she’s on the same page before putting yourself on the line.

Sounds to me like you’re over-thinking things. (Not to worry, I do that too.) Sometimes you need to just go with it, just enjoy being in this girl’s company, getting to know her, her family, her friends, her likes, dislikes, hopes, fears and dreams. Don’t treat this like a strategy game with marriage as the victory prize.

 

[musicality]

Things seem to be going very well. I’ve been seeing a lot of this girl, various Masses, some dances, even took her to the opera and helped out with farmwork for a day. We’ve struck up a great friendship and have the world in common. Also found out that she’s intending to go to my college either in the fall or in the spring. In addition, my family and I have been invited to dinner by her family.

So, at the first, glory to God.

At the second, what am I supposed to be doing?? If it is not God’s will for this to work out, so be it, but what I on no accounts want to happen is for me to screw this up!

What will she be expecting of me? ** Should we “meta-date” and talk about what is going on?** Oy yoy yoy!!

Why not just date? You have a pretty unique opportunity in that you are both from the same area and will be going to the same college.

BTW, just make sure you take everything one step at a time. In my personal experience, I start letting things go downhill when I start to ask (and try to answer in my head) to many “what-if” questions.

Good to hear an update!

 

[Nolipajoli]

Things seem to be going very well. I’ve been seeing a lot of this girl, various Masses, some dances, even took her to the opera and helped out with farmwork for a day. We’ve struck up a great friendship and have the world in common. Also found out that she’s intending to go to my college either in the fall or in the spring. In addition, my family and I have been invited to dinner by her family.

So, at the first, glory to God.

At the second, what am I supposed to be doing?? If it is not God’s will for this to work out, so be it, but what I on no accounts want to happen is for me to screw this up!

What will she be expecting of me? Should we “meta-date” and talk about what is going on? Oy yoy yoy!!

I don’t think you need to “meta-date” at this point. I’m sure she is well aware of what’s going on, and bringing it all out in the open can take half the fun out of it. Also, those kinds of conversations tend to push things to a level of commitment it doesn’t sound like you two need right now. Especially if she is about to begin college, a major life step, trying to define a relationship right now could be too much pressure.
On the other hand, there are those girls who are in a constant state of panic until they are in a settled relationship, and can’t WAIT to have “the talk”. However, if she is one of those, she will be giving you plenty of hints, or perhaps even initiating a conversation herself.
Anyway, the important thing is to enjoy your time with her and don’t over-analyze everything. You’ll be fine!

 

[Kamonian_Wax]

Dude, you’re doing amazing. Keep it up, I see nothing other than God’s will for you by courting her.

 

[HumbledCatholic]

OK, I suppose I’m a little bashful but, nonetheless, if I want real advice, I suppose I have to give a real update. So here’s my heart in a post:

Since very shortly after we met, this girl and I have been talking at great depth about a very many important things - the practice of the Faith, politics, family life, including family size, the education of children, and even the use of birth control and NFP. We see eye to eye on nearly everything of importance, and we have discussed where each of us is on the path to discernment (both of us are discerning a call to marriage, with no great pulls in any other direction).

Even on some less important things we are very near one another; we have a very many shared interests, and the interests we do not share are nevertheless interesting to the other! Just to give an example, we have been trading books back and forth at an alarming rate!

She is also the most beautiful girl I have ever met: foremost in her willful conformity of her life to God’s will (which in one of our conversations we determined was the essence of beauty), in the way she bears herself (gently and confidently, always so very modest), in her personality (so very mild, but with good humour and some fight in her), in her aspect (understated yet strong), and especially in her great sensitivity towards and attunement to God’s Creation, which I assume has been cultivated by her years of farmwork. Just being outside reminds me of her!

She brings out the best in me, even when she is far away, and even in things which have nothing to do with her. I find the fruits of knowing her in my good works, in my prayer life, and in my relationships with others. I find myself a humbler, more grateful, more prayerful, more charitable man of God than I was before I met her.

I’m still discerning, of course, and probably will be for some time, but I can’t ignore these things, nor the apparent hand of Providence in our meeting. Any thoughts? Am I just ‘infatuated’ (the nice way of saying ‘stupified’), or do these things have substance?

 

[Consecrated]

OK, I suppose I’m a little bashful but, nonetheless, if I want real advice, I suppose I have to give a real update. So here’s my heart in a post:

Since very shortly after we met, this girl and I have been talking at great depth about a very many important things - the practice of the Faith, politics, family life, including family size, the education of children, and even the use of birth control and NFP. We see eye to eye on nearly everything of importance, and we have discussed where each of us is on the path to discernment (both of us are discerning a call to marriage, with no great pulls in any other direction).

Even on some less important things we are very near one another; we have a very many shared interests, and the interests we do not share are nevertheless interesting to the other! Just to give an example, we have been trading books back and forth at an alarming rate!

She is also the most beautiful girl I have ever met: foremost in her willful conformity of her life to God’s will (which in one of our conversations we determined was the essence of beauty), in the way she bears herself (gently and confidently, always so very modest), in her personality (so very mild, but with good humour and some fight in her), in her aspect (understated yet strong), and especially in her great sensitivity towards and attunement to God’s Creation, which I assume has been cultivated by her years of farmwork. Just being outside reminds me of her!

She brings out the best in me, even when she is far away, and even in things which have nothing to do with her. I find the fruits of knowing her in my good works, in my prayer life, and in my relationships with others. **I find myself a humbler, more grateful, more prayerful, more charitable man of God than I was before I met her. **

I’m still discerning, of course, and probably will be for some time, but I can’t ignore these things, nor the apparent hand of Providence in our meeting. Any thoughts? Am I just ‘infatuated’ (the nice way of saying ‘stupified’), or do these things have substance?

This is lovely. The part I bolded tells you everything you need to know. There’s nothing wrong or “infatuated” about being in love.

But I have to know… what in the world is “meta-dating”???

 

[HumbledCatholic]

“Meta-dating” is an example of my habitual application of the prefix “meta-” to mean thinking about what you are doing as you do it.

Metaconversation is conversing about the conversation you are having.

Metapraying is thinking about praying as you pray. This is a danger I have found in my spiritual life, that I am often not really praying, but rather am thinking, “I am now praying” as I pray.

Metadating is, in the context of a date, to discuss the nature of these dates we’ve been having, and where the relationship is going/where each party stands. The only reason it is of real import to me is that a girl led me on for a good six months, and then told me that she had no feelings for me in all that time, and had lately got to feeling a little badly about letting me expend so much time, money, and effort on her. As such, now I am a little hesitant to invest myself freely without knowing what is going on.

 

[EnchantedEve]

“Meta-dating” is an example of my habitual application of the prefix “meta-” to mean thinking about what you are doing as you do it.

Metaconversation is conversing about the conversation you are having.

Metapraying is thinking about praying as you pray. This is a danger I have found in my spiritual life, that I am often not really praying, but rather am thinking, “I am now praying” as I pray.

Metadating is, in the context of a date, to discuss the nature of these dates we’ve been having, and where the relationship is going/where each party stands. The only reason it is of real import to me is that a girl led me on for a good six months, and then told me that she had no feelings for me in all that time, and had lately got to feeling a little badly about letting me expend so much time, money, and effort on her. As such, now I am a little hesitant to invest myself freely without knowing what is going on.

Aha! So this is why you are being so cautious!

Just remember: “Wisdom is the heritage of the Lord, mightly and sweetly doth She order all things…” Be wise and prudent, and simply follow the flow of the winding river which is life. Do not analyze too much, lest the mind create objects of concern which are not so. Hold fast to your foundation, which is the Church, and be wise, and remember “…after all these things do the Gentiles seek for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (St. Matthew 6:32-34)

 

[Consecrated]

“Meta-dating” is an example of my habitual application of the prefix “meta-” to mean thinking about what you are doing as you do it.

Ahhh I see. i think.

Metaconversation is conversing about the conversation you are having.

Metapraying is thinking about praying as you pray. This is a danger I have found in my spiritual life, that I am often not really praying, but rather am thinking, “I am now praying” as I pray.

Metadating is, in the context of a date, to discuss the nature of these dates we’ve been having, and where the relationship is going/where each party stands. The only reason it is of real import to me is that a girl led me on for a good six months, and then told me that she had no feelings for me in all that time, and had lately got to feeling a little badly about letting me expend so much time, money, and effort on her. As such, now I am a little hesitant to invest myself freely without knowing what is going on.

All very understandable. I hope you find the right time/place for this conversation… the Holy Spirit can help you there.

 

[DL82]

If I notice, while posting on this thread, that the reason I post on these threads is mostly to pose questions that are of personal relevance to me and not to actually advise the OP, and if I further notice that I am getting off topic, and that I am wasting important time by posting, does that mean I’m meta-posting?