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I have been really struggling lately. I am getting the feeling that the Church as I learned of it the first time I considered becoming a nun, reading about it from the books of the saints and their revelations, does not exist. I have been trying so hard to become a good Catholic, trying to go to Latin mass (because the priest near us breaks the rules often during the mass), wanting to attend adoration but the closest adoration is an hour away (along with Latin mass), trying to find likeminded individuals near me (have found none) I’ve been trying to find answers in regards to my concerns, but have found none. One of my greatest anxieties is that the saints would accept a Church in this condition, that the founders of certain religious orders would accept what has become of their order.

Whenever I attend an OF mass, I feel within me such sadness I can’t describe. It’s difficult to speak to Jesus when those around me are speaking and giving responses. It’s difficult to hear God within the inner chambers of my heart, in the stillness and silence, when there is loud thumping guitars and drums and belted out songs. There is so much noise pollution already, do we really need the mass tainted as well?

Sorry if I offended anyone, I really think I’m falling into depression and just needed to vent. I layed in my bed for three hours staring at the wall today. It’s a new low for me.

I feel so spiritually desolate that my faith is almost non existent now.
 
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Hi @CatholicKat I sympathies with you, what the Catholic Church is going through, that doesn’t mean Jesus is not present in the Eucharist no,His is the same ,sure all the Saints would still pray and remain in the Church eg Mother Theresa ,she prayed and also worked for the Lord to save many souls, both who are Physically and Spiritually sick and low.What you have to do is have a personal relationship with Jesus,talk to Him from your heart,share everything,once you begin,you can experience the noise around you will be low and the voice of Jesus will be louder.We should not judge the Pope rather pray for him offer a rosary that he may be faithful to the teaching of the Gospels.

Remember that Jesus Himself has established the Catholic Church in MT 16:16-18 and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. Have you been to any retreat at least once a year?i would suggest you find a Spiritual Father as a adviser ,a pious and prudent Catholic Priest who has God experience in his life.Pray for Godly repentance and be faithful.God Bless

2 Corinthians 11:4 For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you submit to it readily enough.

2 Corinthians 4:3-12 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For we do not proclaim ourselves; we proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord and ourselves as your slaves for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.7 But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies. 11 For while we live, we are always being given up to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Revelation 3:11-13 I am coming soon; hold fast to what you have, so that no one may seize your crown. 12 If you conquer, I will make you a pillar in the temple of my God; you will never go out of it. I will write on you the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem that comes down from my God out of heaven, and my own new name. 13 Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

Jude 20 But you, beloved, build yourselves up on your most holy faith; pray in the Holy Spirit; 21 keep yourselves in the love of God; look forward to the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to[n] eternal life.
 
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@catholickat

Joshua 1:5 No one shall be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous; for you shall put this people in possession of the land that I swore to their ancestors to give them. 7 Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to act in accordance with all the law that my servant Moses commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, so that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth; you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall be successful. 9 I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
God Bless

Have you read this Book

 
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I know that many people have some preferences and concerns about the Mass, but the OF Mass is not exactly a new invention. It has been around for over 50 years now, so this is not a recent change, nor is it a “tainting” of the Mass.

Your reaction of laying in bed for three hours staring at the wall and falling into depression seems extreme, to be honest, and it suggests that you actually have something else going on beyond whatever concerns you have with a Church in which many people are continuing to worship regularly and find Jesus, whether they are attending an OF with guitars or an OF with Gregorian chant or an EF. Jesus in the Real Presence is present at ALL of those Masses, so there is no reason to be depressed or lose hope like you describe. I could understand if you simply thought one form of Mass was too noisy or you didn’t like the music or it wasn’t to your taste for some other reason, but you’re going way beyond that.

Please consider seeing a mental health counselor so you can get to the bottom of what is going on that is making you feel this way.
 
I notice this article is over 4 years old! Who knows the thoughts of the author now in
January of 2018?
 
Sorry if I offended anyone, I really think I’m falling into depression and just needed to vent. I layed in my bed for three hours staring at the wall today. It’s a new low for me
This is the key statement which needs to be addressed…and it cannot be addressed in an Internet forum but by recourse to health care providers

Beyond that fundamental reality is a view of Church history that is not in touch with reality. Saint Benedict’s Rule was so essential, when it was formulated in the sixth century occidental Church to correct all the aberrations which he himself lists in his Rule. Saint Robert of Molesme, in turn, begins a reform of the Benedictines because there was urgent need of reform. The Cistercian reform will similarly see an urgent need of reform which yield Trappists

The friars movement of the twelfth century is the introduction of a new form of consecrated life, urgently needed in the Church, because of the shortfall and shortcomings of monasticism…and yet monasticism still exists and thrives in the 21st century. The need for new forms of consecrated life continued from that era down to our own. It will always be so

In the history of women’s consecrated life, it took centuries before, finally, the Church accepted women who were not cloistered but engaged in apostolic endeavors. Each Order, each Congregation, each Institute of Consecrated Life has been a response to a need, a lack, within the Church – across centuries

The life of Saint John of the Cross, held under arrest for the reforms being implemented show that the Church of the past is not something to look back at with rose coloured glasses but to see the enormous crises & challenges and shortfall in every age of the Church

Saints are not simply of the past

Blessed Pope Paul VI is responsible for & celebrated Mass & the sacraments according to the reforms that emerged from the ecumenical council

Pope Saint John Paul II never celebrated Mass using the vetus ordo after the reforms of the Council gave us the novus ordo

Saint Teresa of Calcutta left the Loretto Sisters to form a Congregation which could respond to needs that the Loretto Sisters were incapable of – using an entirely new form of Religious Habit divorced from the medieval garb of women’s Religious Life but that was inculturated to the the culture in which she would henceforth minister. Her new Congregation beautifully exemplifies Religious Life urgently in need of the reform & renewal

Saint Josemaria Escriva embraced the novus ordo as did the Blessed Alvaro del Portillo. In many ways, they were prophetically foreshadowing the direction of the Council for the Church

Blessed Michael Sopocko, Blessed Gabriele Allegra, Blessed Stanley Rother, & Blessed Jerzy Popieluszko were all priests who lived profoundly the reforms of Vatican II. Blessed Chiara Badano in her short life knew only the novus ordo & realised her sanctity in the context of one of the new ecclesial movements…the Focolare, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit to the Church after the reform of Vatican II. Blessed Óscar Romero was martyred in the act of offering the novus ordo Mass
 

Sorry if I offended anyone, I really think I’m falling into depression and just needed to vent. I layed in my bed for three hours staring at the wall today. It’s a new low for me.
Cognitive-behavioral techniques (CBT) have proved to be very effective for treating depression.
 
Your reaction of laying in bed for three hours staring at the wall and falling into depression seems extreme, to be honest, and it suggests that you actually have something else going on beyond whatever concerns you have with a Church
That was the reason I felt that way. It had been building up, all the things I had seen, all the irreverences during mass, the warmth Jesus stopped giving me (making me believe it was all placebo effect), I don’t really think it is depression so much anymore but a crisis of faith. What I wanted to build my life on now seems impossible. I go here looking for answers, but have received answers based on assumptions in a part of my post not really related to my concerns, as if I am not mentally fit to think what I think.

Can you imagine the frustration I am going through? It is an hour away to a reverent mass (I often go to the one near me but he often breaks the rubric rules so I really wish I didn’t) An hour away to adoration, no one willing to listen to my concerns. I don’t have a license, and no one in my household will take me because even though they are Catholic, they are mostly Catholic by name.
 
Unfortunately, the fact that you are seemingly not seeing your reaction as extreme makes me even more alarmed.

Again, please seek some mental health help.

I will pray for you as well.
 
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I have been really struggling lately. I am getting the feeling that the Church as I learned of it the first time I considered becoming a nun, reading about it from the books of the saints and their revelations, does not exist.
I have had this same thought, too (though I was discerning a vocation to the priesthood). Always remember that beneath all the novelty, indifference, ambiguity, and irreverence, the same Church - the Immaculate Bride of Our Lord Jesus Christ - is still there. The same Church that He purchased with His Precious Blood on the Cross. Her Dogmas and Traditions - the same ones that you have read about in the writings of the saints - are immutable, no matter what anyone says. Continue to read the writings of the saints. Listen to their spiritual advice. Make an intention to offer up reparations for the grievous offenses by which Our Lord is offended each day. Put yourself on the Cross with Our Lord in prayer, fasting, and penance, along with the many other Catholics who are silently enduring the current crisis. Draw strength from this, not discouragement. Our Lord desires your salvation and loves you beyond all measure. He created you for this time and place. He will give you all the graces you need if you remain faithful to Him and His Holy Mother. Do not be discouraged! Know that you are not alone in what you are dealing with.
trying to go to Latin mass (because the priest near us breaks the rules often during the mass), wanting to attend adoration but the closest adoration is an hour away (along with Latin mass), trying to find likeminded individuals near me (have found none) I’ve been trying to find answers in regards to my concerns, but have found none.
Continue to try to get to the Traditional Latin Mass as often as possible. When you cannot and must fulfill your obligations elsewhere, try praying the Rosary or praying along with your Traditional Missal during Mass. This may help to achieve the interior silence you long for. Since you can’t make it to adoration, set up a home altar and set aside quiet time for prayer. Our Lord knows that this is the best you can do for Him, since you are not able to drive to see Him the the Blessed Sacrament. During this time, focus on all the beautiful things about God, the Church, the Saints, and the Scriptures. Do not let any of your anxieties creep in and taint your meditation. The Church is in dire need of prayerful people. We must be among their rank if we ever wish to see the ship righted. Without spending much time in prayer, you can forget the idea of interior peace. Pray, pray, pray! Ask God to deliver you from discouragement. If you have not already done so, make an Act of Consecration to Our Lady using the method of St. Louis Marie de Monfort

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Whenever I attend an OF mass, I feel within me such sadness I can’t describe. It’s difficult to speak to Jesus when those around me are speaking and giving responses. It’s difficult to hear God within the inner chambers of my heart, in the stillness and silence, when there is loud thumping guitars and drums and belted out songs. There is so much noise pollution already, do we really need the mass tainted as well?
When you must attend the Novus Ordo, do what you can to foster interior silence, even if the noise around you is blaring. For me, this means sitting close to the back of the Church with my head bowed. I already mentioned that praying a rosary or reading from your Traditional Missal may help to foster this inner silence. Remember to form your intention before entering the church and that you have come to Mass to make fulfill your obligation to the living and true God. Do not trouble yourself with what is going on around you. Do not let yourself be angered. If necessary, make interior acts of reparation to Our Lord and Our Lady if you witness any atrocities. Do not be showy in your piety. Do not be rude or mean to the people around you. Smile. They are friendly people. Remember, above all else that Christ knows your heart. You are there out of love for Him. If, when the time for Holy Communion comes, you are not feeling disposed, remember - you don’t have to receive!
Sorry if I offended anyone, I really think I’m falling into depression and just needed to vent. I layed in my bed for three hours staring at the wall today. It’s a new low for me.

I feel so spiritually desolate that my faith is almost non existent now.
Do not be discouraged! That is a trick of Satan! You are not alone by any means in how you think or feel. Please, take heart! Though it is painful to be separated from the Traditional Mass, and from Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, remember that He would never put you in a situation without also giving you the grace to overcome! Now, more than ever remain close to Him in prayer. Consecrate yourself to His Mother, Our Queen, and never cease to call upon her intercession. Lastly, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR VOCATION. There are a number of flourishing Traditional women’s religious orders throughout the world. Contact their vocations directors!

Be assured of my prayers. Do not be discouraged. May God bless you and Our Lady keep you.
 
Placebo isn’t all that strong. They fail to effective, actual drugs in terms of effectiveness.
But, the thing is, you really are basing your faith on the bad actions of a fallible person. Priests screw up, all the time. Pray for them.
You say your priest is not following the rubrics. How, specifically?

You also say that your parents are only Catholic in name. Why do you say this? Is it because they prefer going to this mass than the one an hour away that is the Extraordinary form?
The Church has always been the Church. People screw up, we all do.
It is best to pray over this.
 
Hey, just remember that no matter how bad it is, it was probably worse during the period leading up to the Protestant Reformation (AKA Revolt). Scandal everywhere then. There is scandal now but nowhere near as much or widespread.

I go to the EF and I personally find it more edifying but I go to the OF sometimes as well. The OF nearest me has two huge screens and no hymnals so you have to follow along with the screens. They have sappy music and ask everyone to sit after communion instead of kneeling. I don’t go to it but if there was no other Mass to got to, you would see me at that OF parish every Sunday struggling through it. As long as the essential rubrics are followed, it’s still a Mass.
 
Actually, it says September 29, 2013. I don’t know where you got 2011.
 
On one hand you say you’re lonely, on the other hand you say you are having trouble tolerating people. Where is the love and forgiveness on your part? It is probably in that old church of people that you miss whom are probably now in Heaven. You are the newer folks “church” now. You need to be there for them. Open up some and serve folks and you’ll find the face of God and maybe his heart, too. Sorry if this offends you, since I’m speculating and you asked for a kick in the pants lol
 
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