So I went on a date this weekend...help!

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February

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I went on a date with someone that I met on an online dating site. From our phone conversations, it seemed like we had a lot in common. He seems like a sweet, romantic person, and we share some similar interests.

The problem? In his pictures he looked like an average, attractive guy. In person, I wasn’t really attracted to him. I couldn’t picture him being the person I’d potentially be in a relationship with and marry. I’m not the type of person who has dated only “hot”, attractive men, but I think physical attraction is important. He did say I was very pretty and he is attracted to me.

So what should I do? Go on another date with him and then decide? He’s such a nice, sweet person, and I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. (I really hate that part of dating; been on both sides of it). Although I look young, I am getting older (31) and feel like my pool of potential spouses is dwindling. What if I’m missing out on a great guy? On the other hand, I don’t know if I’d be more attracted to him on a second date. Advice?
 
I’d give it a little time. One date, you really cannot tell anything from that. If you feel only platonic interest after a few dates, be up front with him.
 
February said:
I went on a date with someone that I met on an online dating site. From our phone conversations, it seemed like we had a lot in common. He seems like a sweet, romantic person, and we share some similar interests.

The problem? In his pictures he looked like an average, attractive guy. In person, I wasn’t really attracted to him. I couldn’t picture him being the person I’d potentially be in a relationship with and marry. I’m not the type of person who has dated only “hot”, attractive men, but I think physical attraction is important. He did say I was very pretty and he is attracted to me.

So what should I do? Go on another date with him and then decide? He’s such a nice, sweet person, and I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. (I really hate that part of dating; been on both sides of it). Although I look young, I am getting older (31) and feel like my pool of potential spouses is dwindling. What if I’m missing out on a great guy? On the other hand, I don’t know if I’d be more attracted to him on a second date. Advice?
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Give it one or two more dates. If the sparks aren’t there, the decent thing would be to politely tell the man you need to move on.

Luna
 
This is just my opinion, but if this guy has a lot of the things you seek in a mate, then I don’t think you should toss that aside because of lack of physical attraction.
The person I am with now is probably one of the least attractive men I have dated ever (not to say he is some 3 on a scale of 10. Maybe a 5 or 6) but that doesn’t matter to me because he has everything I am looking for: Good morals, values, wealth, status, he is respectful and about family, is Catholic, our personalities mesh well, etc.

And anyway, a 2nd or 3rd date wouldn’t hurt. If you see you have more things in common and actually grow to really like him, then great! Aren’t you glad you gave him a second chance? And if not, then it was only another few dates you gave him then moved on, no big deal.
Good luck!
 
You could lose a man who is the best possible person God could bring into your life by throwing him over for initial attraction that will fade anyway. What matters is the quality of the person and this is what a person grows to love in marriage. Attraction tends to fade in the reality of marriage, while genuine love and appreciation grows.
 
February said:
I went on a date with someone that I met on an online dating site. From our phone conversations, it seemed like we had a lot in common. He seems like a sweet, romantic person, and we share some similar interests.

The problem? In his pictures he looked like an average, attractive guy. In person, I wasn’t really attracted to him. I couldn’t picture him being the person I’d potentially be in a relationship with and marry. I’m not the type of person who has dated only “hot”, attractive men, but I think physical attraction is important. He did say I was very pretty and he is attracted to me.

So what should I do? Go on another date with him and then decide? He’s such a nice, sweet person, and I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. (I really hate that part of dating; been on both sides of it). Although I look young, I am getting older (31) and feel like my pool of potential spouses is dwindling. What if I’m missing out on a great guy? On the other hand, I don’t know if I’d be more attracted to him on a second date. Advice?
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My mom always says “If you get along really well with somebody that’s friendship. If you are really attracted to somebody that’s lust. If you could sit forever staring into their eyes and talk forever, now that’s where love starts!”
 
Think about Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Also consider, phsical attraction is what attracts other women to your guy, and sometimes our guys are weak when it comes to attention. They try, but sometimes their ego’s get in the way. I prayed for a troll, just as long as he loved me and would never leave me.

My prayers were answered, this is my 3rd marriage, and its lasted 24 years. My first two husbands were attractive, but God was not in their life. My troll helped me through my annulment and we have been very blessed.

Also, what if you got a terrible parasite in your eyes, or lost your vision, would he still love you if you were blind? Then his appearance would not matter, only his hugs, love, and loyalty. Odd thought, but I constantly bring it up with my single friends who use matchmaking services.

Good luck.
 
There are many beutiful looking guys and ladys you could never ever live with and some much less good looking with whom living togheter is an enreaching experience.
If you really must be deeply attracted to somebody I tell you that for sure phisical attraction fade away. So if you are going to be togheter for a person mainly for physical attraction for sure you are going to be in a very difficult position in about no more then 3 years after being togheter.
I don’t say phisical attraction is not important but I say that you should be attracted by something that goes behond phisical and also rational.
women, unfortunately I experienced by myself (before becoming christian I have maried twice, now I am on my third but first religious mariage) tend to detest a man for the same reason they were attracted by him :eek:. He is indipendent - it is because he is too indipendent, he is cultivated- he is too cultivated- he is sportive- he does too much sport and so on.
I guess the most important thing is when you love a person but you don’t know why. At least at the end you don’t have too many arguments to hate him either. 👍

So give him more chances, but not too many since he could suffer if at the end you decide not to see him again, and if you start liking him for no reason, that is a good sign.🙂
 
NHeath said:
Think about Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Also consider, phsical attraction is what attracts other women to your guy, and sometimes our guys are weak when it comes to attention. They try, but sometimes their ego’s get in the way. I prayed for a troll, just as long as he loved me and would never leave me.

My prayers were answered, this is my 3rd marriage, and its lasted 24 years. My first two husbands were attractive, but God was not in their life. My troll helped me through my annulment and we have been very blessed.

Also, what if you got a terrible parasite in your eyes, or lost your vision, would he still love you if you were blind? Then his appearance would not matter, only his hugs, love, and loyalty. Odd thought, but I constantly bring it up with my single friends who use matchmaking services.

Good luck.
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Hmm … calling someone a troll doesn’t sound very charitable, even less so when it’s how you describe someone you claim to love. He is a child of God and sounds like a very loving man, which makes him beautiful and the total opposite of a troll.
 
The biggest love of my life was someone I was SO not attracted to when we first met. Physically, he was the opposite of what I find most attractive about a man. But we became friends and spent time together socially, though not dating. Before I knew it, wham! I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
I say give it some time. Pray. This may be your “The One.”
God bless!
 
People change over time as well. The guy you dump this guy for might look hot now, but could be balding and fat in another 5 years, and a complete waste of space.

Yes, I do agree with you that physical attraction does need to play into it somehow, but it shouldn’t be an overriding factor. It’s one of the reasons our society is so screwed up as it is. It’s a consumerism attitude. People often marry for the wrong reasons. Better to drive the Ford Focus that’s perfect for you than to go out and buy a Corvette that may give you nothing but problems down the road.
 
FullOfThought said:
My mom always says “If you get along really well with somebody that’s friendship. If you are really attracted to somebody that’s lust. If you could sit forever staring into their eyes and talk forever, now that’s where love starts!”
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Judging from one date, he would be somebody I could be friends with. By mid-date, I wasn’t really “feeling it”, and didn’t think I could stare into his eyes and talk forever. Yes, he has some qualities I look for, and we had a lot in common, but there were also things I didn’t like. I experienced this several years ago with a couple other guys I met online; I politely ended it after one date with one, and two dates with another.

Like I said before, I’ve become attracted to others over time because of their personalities, not necessarily because they were physically attractive. It’s more difficult with blind dates, when the obvious goal is an eventual relationship and there is more pressure. I couldn’t imagine myself kissing him, if that’s a sign. I’m really not a superficial person (in fact, guys that are really into their looks are a turn off to me); I just think there has to be some spark there.

To answer another question, he is a practicing Catholic, though he said that he doesn’t follow “all the rules” of the church.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, either. He seems like a sweet person.
 
I agree with everyone else. Give it time! I’m of the camp that love develops over time and I pretty much don’t believe in love at first sight (although it is a nice idea). He may become more attractive to you as you get to know him and his character.
 
Everyone brought up great advice so far, but I just wanted to add…

Would you want someone to give you a second date if the roles were reversed?
Code: 
I think one date is not enough, unless you really knew for certain this person was not a match for you.  It sounds like you don't know that yet. 

There was a guy I once dated that I was not so much physically attracted to him as I was to his good quality of character.  By the end of the first date, I found that it wasn't so much that I was not attracted to him physically, but that those physical attributes about him that *are * attractive didn't stand out at first.  I got to thinking he is quite cute.  :)
Sometimes it takes time to get to know someone and get used to who they are- the whole package…, the way they look, sound, act… etc. I think first date jitters can effect the way a person shines- which only really happens when one is comfortable with the other… which can take time.
 
takes a deep breath

YESYESYESYESYESYES give him a second date!

You may notice that I feel strongly about this. 😛

Lemme tell you a story.

Six months ago, I was in a similar situation. I’d been emailing and then talking on the phone with a guy I met on a Catholic singles’ website for around two months. We’d hit it off very well; similar values, similar personalities, same odd sense of humor, very similar interests, he’s a guy who’s devoted to his faith and his family, etc. He drove five hours to go on a date with me.

Well, it wasn’t the most awkward date ever. I think that award went to the guy who I also met on a Catholic singles’ website and who wanted to talk in nothing but innuendo once we did meet. Ew. To the tenth power. I digress.

In retrospect, this date was pretty awkward, at least from my perspective. He was very shy, though a perfect gentleman. I was tense and exhausted. Not a good combination. He asked me if he could take me out again in a couple of weeks. I said I had to check my schedule and would get back to him.

I got home (stopping en route, of course, for a pint of Haagen-Daas coffee ice cream), and called the friend who’d encouraged me to get onto the website in the first place and who was waiting with bated breath for me to tell her how the date went.

After I told her about the date, she (who has been happily for forty years), listened to what I had to say, and encouraged (read: nagged lovingly) me to go out with him once again. Just once. Imagine how terrified he was. Etc. I, more to get her off my back than anything else, agreed.

We’ve been dating ever since, and he’s, well…he’s wonderful. :o There was no physical attraction–at least on my part–at first. That’ll come if it’s supposed to, believe me. For me, it was a very good thing that it took a while to develop. I got to know this wonderful man as a good friend before I knew him as someone who is courting me, and that meant that I learned to love him as much more than a crush. Learn to know him before you worry about how he looks. If you come to love him for the qualities that are more a part of him than his appearance is, you’ll find him attractive as well.
 
UbiCaritas said:
takes a deep breath

YESYESYESYESYESYES give him a second date!

You may notice that I feel strongly about this. 😛

Lemme tell you a story.

Six months ago, I was in a similar situation. I’d been emailing and then talking on the phone with a guy I met on a Catholic singles’ website for around two months. We’d hit it off very well; similar values, similar personalities, same odd sense of humor, very similar interests, he’s a guy who’s devoted to his faith and his family, etc. He drove five hours to go on a date with me.

Well, it wasn’t the most awkward date ever. I think that award went to the guy who I also met on a Catholic singles’ website and who wanted to talk in nothing but innuendo once we did meet. Ew. To the tenth power. I digress.

In retrospect, this date was pretty awkward, at least from my perspective. He was very shy, though a perfect gentleman. I was tense and exhausted. Not a good combination. He asked me if he could take me out again in a couple of weeks. I said I had to check my schedule and would get back to him.

I got home (stopping en route, of course, for a pint of Haagen-Daas coffee ice cream), and called the friend who’d encouraged me to get onto the website in the first place and who was waiting with bated breath for me to tell her how the date went.

After I told her about the date, she (who has been happily for forty years), listened to what I had to say, and encouraged (read: nagged lovingly) me to go out with him once again. Just once. Imagine how terrified he was. Etc. I, more to get her off my back than anything else, agreed.

We’ve been dating ever since, and he’s, well…he’s wonderful. :o There was no physical attraction–at least on my part–at first. That’ll come if it’s supposed to, believe me. For me, it was a very good thing that it took a while to develop. I got to know this wonderful man as a good friend before I knew him as someone who is courting me, and that meant that I learned to love him as much more than a crush. Learn to know him before you worry about how he looks. If you come to love him for the qualities that are more a part of him than his appearance is, you’ll find him attractive as well.
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Sweet story. The part about the Haagen Daas ice cream made me :lol:
 
SeekNFind said:
Sweet story. The part about the Haagen Daas ice cream made me :lol:
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Well, what else is a girl supposed to eat when she’s sure that she’s just met Mr. Wrong #472? Chocolate’s great, but Haagen Daas coffee ice cream is the best. stuff. on. earth. and therefore must be reserved only for really horrible days lest I balloon up to the size of the Hindenberg. 😛

Come to think of it, I believe I’ve had the stuff all of once since that first date…guess he’s really something special. 😃
 
UbiCaritas said:
Well, what else is a girl supposed to eat when she’s sure that she’s just met Mr. Wrong #472? Chocolate’s great, but Haagen Daas coffee ice cream is the best. stuff. on. earth. and therefore must be reserved only for really horrible days lest I balloon up to the size of the Hindenberg. 😛

Come to think of it, I believe I’ve had the stuff all of once since that first date…guess he’s really something special. 😃
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Oh, dang, you had to bring up the coffee Haagen Daas…

😛

That’s me drooling…
 
👍 give him a second date!

I had a pretty interesting experience when I tried a Catholic dating site. The first man I met seemed lovely when we were in correspondence and on the phone (if a little intense)
When I met him there was absolutley no spark and the most off-putting thing is that I actually saw his face fall when he met me:( On the face of it, sounded really hopeful because we had so many shared interests and the ‘date’ we’d planned was something we’d both enjoy just with friends, or even by ourselves anyway.

It was a hot day, so on the way to meet him, I called in at the shop and bought a couple of bottles of iced water. I knew he’d driven over and I thought it was a nice gesture. I offered him a bottle and didn’t even make eye contact - just ‘no thanks’ which left me clutching 2 bottles, feeling like a moron! He was very devout and very intelligent - or so he kept telling me but I felt judged, analysed and found wanting throughout. I was trying to keep an open mind and just enjoy the day, but before the end of the date, when we had lunch, we were laughing about airport security checks and I told him about a time I was pulled over for every check. His repsonse: “maybe they were just pulling over everyone who looked a bit rough”:eek: I knew I wasn’t looking my best…meybe something to do with the fact that it was the hottest day in years; I hadn’t slept much looking forward to meeting him and we’d just walked about 6 miles?

To add insult to injury, he turned round on the way back to his car and announced he could find his own way back and I could go!!!

Back at work on the Monday, I found an e-mail from him thanking me for a lovely day and planning the perfect date! He wished me a great time on my forthcoming holiday and it was an alltogether charming e-mail. I read it in utter disbelief and hit delete;)

THAT, my friend, is a bad date! Your sounds fine, except there was no chemistry. Even if there never is - and he will realise this too - you might just end up really good friends. Have you any other single Catholic friends? Has he? Do you have a really good Catholic male friend that you sometimes get the male perspective from?

Just because you met him on a dating site, that doesn’t mean you have to end up married. 31 is nothing - you are a whippersnapper:D Don’t write yourself off because some of the most beautiful and intelligent women I know married ‘late’ in their late 30s and 40s.

I’m off out on a date tonight with a 31 year old and I’m 40 :eek: He’s lovely and already a great friend and while at the moment I don’t think WOW! when I see him, I have to say he’s growing on me and after driving all my friends nuts by asking them advice, I’ve decided just to see how it goes.

:thumbsup:If i can do it - so can you
 
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