So I went on a date this weekend...help!

  • Thread starter Thread starter February
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February said:
Judging from one date, he would be somebody I could be friends with. By mid-date, I wasn’t really “feeling it”, and didn’t think I could stare into his eyes and talk forever. Yes, he has some qualities I look for, and we had a lot in common, but there were also things I didn’t like. I experienced this several years ago with a couple other guys I met online; I politely ended it after one date with one, and two dates with another.

Like I said before, I’ve become attracted to others over time because of their personalities, not necessarily because they were physically attractive. It’s more difficult with blind dates, when the obvious goal is an eventual relationship and there is more pressure. I couldn’t imagine myself kissing him, if that’s a sign. I’m really not a superficial person (in fact, guys that are really into their looks are a turn off to me); I just think there has to be some spark there.

To answer another question, he is a practicing Catholic, though he said that he doesn’t follow “all the rules” of the church.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, either. He seems like a sweet person.
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I’d say just say no, and get it over with.
You dont do this person a favor by meeting them again if you already have a feeling that you can’t fall for them.
I’ve been in your situation a few times… know the feeling of not wanna dissapoint anyone, but hey, what would you prefer if you were him?
 
Looks are a bonus not a necessity. Dating & marrying for looks is like buying a St.Bernard Puppy because its small and cute. In a relatively small amount of time you and yours will be old just like your puppy will be a giant slobber & poop factory. There is only one way I know around that fact, and it’s not likely the better alternative of the two.
 
I just think its seldom only about looks… There is something about attractiveness chemically, where two people who meet each other can pretty fast say if they could ever fall for the other person. Both due to speech, looks, way of moving and smell…

I think the OP talks about physical attractiveness but she might mean that there is a chemical repulsiveness to her about this other person…
 
If job interviews are mere formalities after the first few minutes (first impressions), then why should a date be any different?

🤷

Just askin’.
 
It isn’t so much about the looks as it is about the disparity between you two. Are you much more attractive than he is?

I’ve devised a perfectly mathematical formula for gauging human attractiveness. If your potential mate is more than two points below you for female or 1/2 point for male then the relationship will not work out.

So either get an impartial friend to judge you two or you can post your pictures here and I will be happy to assist.
 
In my case I try and give it 2 or three dates because I think nerves can play into a lot and you have to really give a person a chance. Who wants to be judged on just one meeting. If you don’t feel anything at all at least by date three then I’d say call it quits. A good guy deserves a chance to shine. So do you by the way. 👍
 
February said:
To answer another question, he is a practicing Catholic, though he said that he doesn’t follow “all the rules” of the church.

.
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Deal killer right there - even if he is Brad Pitt, deal killer.
 
Castello said:
Deal killer right there - even if he is Brad Pitt, deal killer.
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Actually I would think it’s a case of being honest with others and themselves. When a person CLAIMS they are faithful follower of all things good and holy I get suspicious.
 
February said:
Judging from one date, he would be somebody I could be friends with. By mid-date, I wasn’t really “feeling it”, and didn’t think I could stare into his eyes and talk forever. Yes, he has some qualities I look for, and we had a lot in common, but there were also things I didn’t like. I experienced this several years ago with a couple other guys I met online; I politely ended it after one date with one, and two dates with another.

Like I said before, I’ve become attracted to others over time because of their personalities, not necessarily because they were physically attractive. It’s more difficult with blind dates, when the obvious goal is an eventual relationship and there is more pressure.** I couldn’t imagine myself kissing him, if that’s a sign**. I’m really not a superficial person (in fact, guys that are really into their looks are a turn off to me); I just think there has to be some spark there.

To answer another question, he is a practicing Catholic, though he said that he doesn’t follow “all the rules” of the church.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, either. He seems like a sweet person.
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I think you know what you need to do, February. If the zing isn’t there, it isn’t there.

Ending it soon is kinder than stringing him along for two or three more dates.

Luna
 
If you do go on a second date, ask him more about the whole “I don’t follow all of the Churches teachings” thing so you can decide on whether or not he’s the kind of devout man you would wish to start a relationship with.
 
How about this… If your best friend called you and gave you this scenario, what advice would you give her?
Do that. Then you know it’s what YOU think is right.
 
I dated a woman I met online for 2 years, and I did this because I wasn’t initially attracted to her physically, but wanted to see if I could be comfortable with her. She is a fantastic Catholic, and I liked this very much. Also, I know she’d make a great wife. What happened was that she fell in love with me and I never was able to feel the same. I hurt her. So what I’m saying is that don’t give it too much time.

Also, it took two years because we lived in different countries and traveling is very expensive. We met five times, for a total of about 30 days.
 
SamH said:
Maybe your problem will be solved when he doesn’t call you.
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It’s hard to tell online what this comment means, but if it’s meant to be a negative comment about me it’s not necessary. I was very polite and friendly on our date; I said before that he seems like a great guy. There was just little “spark” for me.

He did a follow up call and a follow up email, by the way. I told him that he is a great person, but I would have to think about a second date. I also mentioned that it was difficult because it was my first date after a relationship ended last year, and he understood because he’s experienced the same thing.

I have had this situation happen to me in reverse (a few times), and I hate hurting anybody, so I just wasn’t sure what to say or to give it another chance. So we’ll see; if not, we both move on.
 
SamH said:
Actually I would think it’s a case of being honest with others and themselves. When a person CLAIMS they are faithful follower of all things good and holy I get suspicious.
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If they claim to be sinless, sure that would be BS. If they claim that they accept all the Church’s teachings, well, people do (albeit it may be a struggle to understand let alone accept some). Accepting a teaching that, say, lying is wrong, is a different thing entirely to saying you’ve never sinned by lying in your life.
 
:angel1:

-Are you sorry for him, February?

Ah, February! I was thinking that I read that physical attraction never last, one’s heart count, and if you find you could not love him you must tell him right away, and was convinced that even if you hurt him now better than later, and this is good for him, otherwise you will hurt him more.

Do you love him yet, February?😊
 
LilyM said:
Hmm … calling someone a troll doesn’t sound very charitable, even less so when it’s how you describe someone you claim to love. He is a child of God and sounds like a very loving man, which makes him beautiful and the total opposite of a troll.
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Dear Lily,

Please take no offense…I said I had asked God for a troll, but I did not say I got one…😊… thinking about my wonderful husband makes me begin to smile from the inside first, and is truly a gift from my most generous heavenly Father…
 
NHeath said:
Dear Lily,

Please take no offense…I said I had asked God for a troll, but I did not say I got one…😊… thinking about my wonderful husband makes me begin to smile from the inside first, and is truly a gift from my most generous heavenly Father…
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You called him ‘my troll’ - you wouldn’t say ‘my Skoda’ if you actually had a Ferrari 🤷
 
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