SO... I Went to a Party Tonight And

[St_Aloysius]

One of my friends from school had his b-day party tonight. (He’s 14. Most of us are already past him, but you couldn’t tell by looking.) It was awesome. We hung out, played Guitar Hero, blasted some music, had cake, ran around his neighborhood–all the essentials.

But I noticed something that really got to me. There were five or six guys and three girls. (That’s not it.) And the guys kept saying things or doing things that were pretty tacky in my mind. Keep in mind that all of them are Christians in name (two–one girl and one guy–are Catholic). Like, they would sit in each other’s laps, make suggestive jokes (being an eighth grader, I’m more than used to sexual remarks and humor, but it was different, especially having the girls there joining in), and the girls were… well, all over each other. If that makes sense. I felt like they were performing for us and trying to make it look natural.

I’m lucky to have two or three awesome Christian friends that were there that were able to have fun without really sinking to this level.

Chastity isn’t my strongest area by any stretch of the imagination, but I hate this kind of thing and steered clear of it. I see the potential in girls to be like Mary, to be strong like her and so in love with God, and so I can’t stand when they give in and give up like that. It makes me wonder where they’re headed.

I had fun. We all did. But I… I don’t know. I feel like I needed to rant. It was all so hypocritical. I mean, in a lot of ways, it’s the same at school. I could mention that I believe in evolution in science class and the same guy checking out the girl in front of me could go ape (no pun intended ) and start ranting on about how it’s all lies. But outside of school, it’s different. There are no bounderies, and I feel like I saw a side of one of my really good friends (Riley) that I’ve never seen before. I was sad that she of all people was getting into this. She’s meant for so much better.

Anyway, do you have any thoughts on this sort of thing? Any similar experiences?

 

[consumedconvert]

One of my friends from school had his b-day party tonight. (He’s 14. Most of us are already past him, but you couldn’t tell by looking.) It was awesome. We hung out, played Guitar Hero, blasted some music, had cake, ran around his neighborhood–all the essentials.

But I noticed something that really got to me. There were five or six guys and three girls. (That’s not it.) And the guys kept saying things or doing things that were pretty tacky in my mind. Keep in mind that all of them are Christians in name (two–one girl and one guy–are Catholic). Like, they would sit in each other’s laps, make suggestive jokes (being an eighth grader, I’m more than used to sexual remarks and humor, but it was different, especially having the girls there joining in), and the girls were… well, all over each other. If that makes sense. I felt like they were performing for us and trying to make it look natural.

I’m lucky to have two or three awesome Christian friends that were there that were able to have fun without really sinking to this level.

Chastity isn’t my strongest area by any stretch of the imagination, but I hate this kind of thing and steered clear of it. I see the potential in girls to be like Mary, to be strong like her and so in love with God, and so I can’t stand when they give in and give up like that. It makes me wonder where they’re headed.

I had fun. We all did. But I… I don’t know. I feel like I needed to rant. It was all so hypocritical. I mean, in a lot of ways, it’s the same at school. I could mention that I believe in evolution in science class and the same guy checking out the girl in front of me could go ape (no pun intended ) and start ranting on about how it’s all lies. But outside of school, it’s different. There are no bounderies, and I feel like I saw a side of one of my really good friends (Riley) that I’ve never seen before. I was sad that she of all people was getting into this. She’s meant for so much better.

Anyway, do you have any thoughts on this sort of thing? Any similar experiences?

I had many similar experiences when I was your age. I went to a Baptist school (this was way before I was Catholic). There were a lot and I mean a LOT of people who behaved like your friends. They’d be praised up and down by the teachers, principal, and parents; but I knew they were hypocrits, at least sometimes. It disturbed me, deeply, but they never seemed to be bothered by it.

My best friend started becoming one of these people around tenth grade. We were like brothers, but from that point on we really started drifting apart. We still keep in touch, but we’re not nearly the friends we were; and that’s OK.

I think it’s very good that you’re disturbed. And I can also completely sympathize with you that your bothered about your young female friend. Yeah, I’ve been through that, too.

jr. high and hs are some of the toughest stages in your life. For me, I had a hard time fitting in at my school because so many, even of the hardcore “religious” crowd, acted that way. I was really put off by that. To tell you the truth, now that I’m in my mid twenties, married with a newborn son I wouldn’t go back for anything! You have a whole lot of good stuff ahead of you. I married someone I didn’t meet till college, and my new best friend and the people I hang out with I never knew until well after college. And the best part is, they are morally responsible Catholics who share my views and beliefs–not hypocrits.

(it’s a lot easier to find morally responsible, fun Catholics when your an adult, by the way.)

So, all that to say, I feel your pain, bro. Sounds like you’ve got a good heart and a well-formed conscience. Don’t lose it. And, don’t despair, your greatest days are ahead.

 

[puzzleannie]

you need new friends and a new take on the meaning of “fun”, simulated sex is not it, pal. people your age should be thinking about soccer and b-ball, band practice, school has to fit in there someplace, and forming your own identity, identifying and developing your gifts, talents, and dreams, focusing on discerning your vocation in life, and working on the most important skill set of this stage in life: friendship. If you can be a good friend you will not be, someday, a good marriage candidate.

 

[chevalier]

St_Aloysius, I’ve had similar experience and haven’t always emerged clean from it, so to say, to my regret. At any rate, there’s a reason I don’t go to clubs any more. I’d say pray for them all and especially for that friend you mention by name. Prayer is often underrated. Our Mother says in the Fatima message that there’s no problem She wouldn’t be able to solve if one asked her through the rosary. I look to that with hope on some occasions involving people I care for.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Where were the chaperones, at least the birthday boy’s parents, while this was happening? In my house, when we had parties- and we did have parties- my husband and I would “patrol” in your age group, every so often. We were in another room for the party, but we did bring in certain refreshments, replenish, and we did this every 20 to 30 minutes, unannounced and at random. We also turned lights back on if anybody flicked them out, sat in between couples who looked as if they were having way too much fun and started conversations (girls that age should watch the smeared make-up, it’s a dead giveaway).

You are right, it is tacky, sinful and downright hypocritical. It is good that you recognize it. I can’t give you a lot of tips on how to handle it, because I can see where it’d be a problem of being “uncool” although you did your best to avoid it. But I would advise you to look for parties where there are real grown-ups, not siblings of the party giver, in the very nearby vicinity, and if such a thing happens again, fake getting sick and need to go home.

 

[Goth_Catholic]

My former best friend became pregnant and miscarried the beginning of our freshmen year. Hard times, probably one of the reasons we drifted apart. She adapted a lifestyle I wasn’t and still am not into.

There was a time months ago when I could have and almost did become like her. My fiance was and probably still is a controller. He tried to hold my love for him ransom in order to convince me to do things against my better judgement, and I did do some things. But thankfully only in words. I will never compromise my chasity for love **ever **again. It’s not worth it. I loved him, yes. I wanted to marry him. And in truth, I know he loved me, but sex is controlling. The man, rather, the boy I loved was an addict, and it clouded and overpowered his love for me. He wanted more then I was willing to give and for that I lost something dear to me, but I retained something that means so much more.