So, I'm bisexual, and I have a few questions

[18Gingasoldier]

Hi!
I’ve known since late 2013 that I was bisexual, and the next year I felt attracted to someone of the same sex as me. However, I never really tried to ask her on a date, though. She did not return the feelings, and I know since 2016 that homosexual acts are wrong.

With that said, two months ago I went to Guadalajara, and felt attracted to someone of the same sex again. She’s a waitress in a restaurant, and I felt we kinda felt attracted to each other, I could see in her body language. But then I realized that I felt “manly” thinking about having a romantic relationship with her, which I assumed was bad, since we’re both of the same sex and it’s not fair that I get that feeling (I assume I get that feeling because I’m taller than her).

I have followed the Church’s teachings since last year, but I wonder if I would be sinning if I ever get into a romantic same-sex relationship. My idea is that we would not be having sex or stimulate each other, but it would be kinda like a platonic friendship, except with romantic feelings that will never go too far to be considered sexual.

I’d like to say is that my mom is not really open to the idea that I’m bisexual. My father is more accepting if I ever come out as bisexual, but even I’m not sure what she would think if she finds out I’m bisexual. She knows that I said to my friends that I liked a girl back in 2014, and she looked disappointed and sad, but I later told her that it was a rumour. She tells me I can trust her in anything, and yet I can’t tell her I’m bisexual because of the reaction I might get from her.

Also, last year someone who was a lesbian (now bisexual like me) confessed that she liked me, and long story short, it didn’t go so well, since I only saw her as a friend and nothing else (I did a couple of bad things too, though). She masturbated thinking about me, but she has apologized for doing that ever since. Still, she can be overly jealous and desperate, and she also tried to convince me by using male pronouns for herself, and dressing like a boy would do. I haven’t talked to her since January of this year, my mom told me to block her off my FB.

So, in summary, I’m asking this:

1. If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?
2. What do you think about the “manly” feeling I felt? Maybe same-sex attracted Catholics may know what I’m talking about when feeling “manly” or “girly” (which I have also felt when I like someone of the opposite sex).
3. Since my mom will most likely think I’m a failure for liking both boys AND girls, how can I trust her when her opinion on LGBT people is probably negative, especially because of the lesbian who wanted me as her girlfriend?
4. How can I properly reject any boy/girl that wishes to be my boy/girlfriend?
5. What can I do when any boy/girl that I reject insists on going out with me? Should I talk to them, get away, get help, etc.?

 

[TeenCatholicGuy]

Hi!
I’ve known since late 2013 that I was bisexual, and the next year I felt attracted to someone of the same sex as me. However, I never really tried to ask her on a date, though. She did not return the feelings, and I know since 2016 that homosexual acts are wrong.

With that said, two months ago I went to Guadalajara, and felt attracted to someone of the same sex again. She’s a waitress in a restaurant, and I felt we kinda felt attracted to each other, I could see in her body language. But then I realized that I felt “manly” thinking about having a romantic relationship with her, which I assumed was bad, since we’re both of the same sex and it’s not fair that I get that feeling (I assume I get that feeling because I’m taller than her).

I have followed the Church’s teachings since last year, but I wonder if I would be sinning if I ever get into a romantic same-sex relationship. My idea is that we would not be having sex or stimulate each other, but it would be kinda like a platonic friendship, except with romantic feelings that will never go too far to be considered sexual.

I’d like to say is that my mom is not really open to the idea that I’m bisexual. My father is more accepting if I ever come out as bisexual, but even I’m not sure what she would think if she finds out I’m bisexual. She knows that I said to my friends that I liked a girl back in 2014, and she looked disappointed and sad, but I later told her that it was a rumour. She tells me I can trust her in anything, and yet I can’t tell her I’m bisexual because of the reaction I might get from her.

Also, last year someone who was a lesbian (now bisexual like me) confessed that she liked me, and long story short, it didn’t go so well, since I only saw her as a friend and nothing else (I did a couple of bad things too, though). She masturbated thinking about me, but she has apologized for doing that ever since. Still, she can be overly jealous and desperate, and she also tried to convince me by using male pronouns for herself, and dressing like a boy would do. I haven’t talked to her since January of this year, my mom told me to block her off my FB.

So, in summary, I’m asking this:

1. If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?
2. What do you think about the “manly” feeling I felt? Maybe same-sex attracted Catholics may know what I’m talking about when feeling “manly” or “girly” (which I have also felt when I like someone of the opposite sex).
3. Since my mom will most likely think I’m a failure for liking both boys AND girls, how can I trust her when her opinion on LGBT people is probably negative, especially because of the lesbian who wanted me as her girlfriend?
4. How can I properly reject any boy/girl that wishes to be my boy/girlfriend?
5. What can I do when any boy/girl that I reject insists on going out with me? Should I talk to them, get away, get help, etc.?

I’ll try to be quick before the Conservative, anti-gay Trump Supporters get here.

1. From my understanding, the Church Condemns all Homosexual acts and relationships.

Because of how specific you are getting, I strongly recommend you talk to a Priest that you know and pose these questions to him.

This site is mainly Conservative, so any minute now, I expect that many will be yelling at you about your orientation.

I am more then willing to talk with you more via PMs, but I doubt we would be able to have a proper discussion here as I can already imagine the hateful replies you may get.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?

Honest question: How is this different from just having a good friend of the same sex? I.e., what would you be doing with this person that you wouldn’t be doing with a close female friend?

 

[mVitus]

18Gingasoldier, in an intensely personal situation like yours, asking a priest truly is the best course of action. Depending, you might also see if there’s a local chapter of Courage or other support group for those with SSA. You are in my prayers,

@Teen, from my experience people are generally charitable towards those with SSA. I can recall a bisexual poster who, while her arguments in favor of abortion and against Catholoc sexual teaching were attacked, was not personally insuled due to her orientation so far as I saw.

 

[pianistclare]

I’ll try to be quick before the Conservative, anti-gay Trump Supporters get here.

1. From my understanding, the Church Condemns all Homosexual acts and relationships.

Because of how specific you are getting, I strongly recommend you talk to a Priest that you know and pose these questions to him.

This site is mainly Conservative, so any minute now, I expect that many will be yelling at you about your orientation.

I am more then willing to talk with you more via PMs, but I doubt we would be able to have a proper discussion here as I can already imagine the hateful replies you may get.

Thank you fro attempting to answer your question, but your own personal “attack” on the attitudes of people here is going to work against you in the long run . Just sayin’. Answer the post, but don’t go after people who haven’t said a thing yet. There are plenty of liberals here, no worries. There will be both sides of any equation. At any rate, that’s not within your control.

Your imagination ? Wow.
How do you “imagine” this was helpful?
A person wants to be inline with the church and you’re telling her there’s no use in asking how to do it. Great.

 

[Memaw]

Honest question: How is this different from just having a good friend of the same sex? I.e., what would you be doing with this person that you wouldn’t be doing with a close female friend?

Originally Posted by 18Gingasoldier View Post
If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?

Ginga, your playing with fire and I think you KNOW that. And I am saying that with LOVE not Hate Talk to a priest ASAP. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Crusaderbear]

I’ll try to be quick before the Conservative, anti-gay Trump Supporters get here.

1. From my understanding, the Church Condemns all Homosexual acts and relationships.

This site is mainly Conservative, so any minute now, I expect that many will be yelling at you about your orientation.

I am more then willing to talk with you more via PMs, but I doubt we would be able to have a proper discussion here as I can already imagine the hateful replies you may get.

You seem to have some serious anger issues. I feel sorry that any 15 year old could be so troubled. I will pray you can work through your issues.

For the OP…talk to your priest. I’ll pray for your well being.

 

[Irishmom2]

I’ll try to be quick before the Conservative, anti-gay Trump Supporters get here.

1. From my understanding, the Church Condemns all Homosexual acts and relationships.

Because of how specific you are getting, I strongly recommend you talk to a Priest that you know and pose these questions to him.

This site is mainly Conservative, so any minute now, I expect that many will be yelling at you about your orientation.

I am more then willing to talk with you more via PMs, but I doubt we would be able to have a proper discussion here as I can already imagine the hateful replies you may get.

This is not the world news forum. YOU are the one that brought Trump’s name up for no reason at all.

Your answer 1) is the same answer most people will give if they are practicing Catholics. I guess that makes you mainly Conservative too.

Your attitude towards everyone is more hateful than anyone else’s I have seen in quite a while. While you pat yourself on the back for being so “smart” you need to learn something about tact and humility.

 

[thephilosopher6]

If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?

No, the Church does not condone homosexual relations in anyway. Being in a romantic relationship with someone always inclines those persons to sexual acts.

Those with homosexual orientation are welcome with open arms into the Church and they are not to be mistreated or discriminated against in anyway.

Now, this being said, all of us are called to chastity. That includes those with same sex attractions. Many with SSA should do their best to remain celibate, although in your case, you are attracted to both sexes. Thus, being in a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex would be completely fine. The problems begin when you enter into same sex romantic relationships.

 

[Dorothy]

Originally Posted by 18Gingasoldier View Post
If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?

Ginga, your playing with fire and I think you KNOW that. And I am saying that with LOVE not Hate Talk to a priest ASAP. God Bless, Memaw

Amen!

 

[St_Francis]

Married people make a decision to cut off any additional romantic involvements in their lives and most married people manage. It doesn’t mean they magically never feel a romantic attraction again, it just means they have a higher prioroty.

You too have a higher priority: loving God and remaining/becoming pure and chaste for the love of the One Who died on the cross for you. Stay on the right path for His sake, offer up your sufferings to Him, and become a saint of purity and chastity!

Now that may sound tough, and it does involve an almost physical tearing away from “the world,” but if you draw closer to God and rely on His help, it can be done.

I too would recommend you dicuss this with a good priest, esp to get help with your prayer life and spiritual reading, each of whih will help a lot.

 

[Lea101]

I’m so so so sorry that you are in this situation.

If you want to reject someone, simply say “I’m not interested in you”. It sounds rude but when you tiptoe around, you might unintentionally lead someone on. If they keep insisting, tell them you feel uncomfortable that your boundaries are not being respected. Usually most people will back away but if you are unfortunate, please seek help.

As for the manly feeling. I’m not sure why but I’m guessing it’s just a reaction you get when you are attracted to someone to have a ‘complementary fit’. I notice that I feel a little masculine when I’m with uber feminine people and feminine when I’m with really masculine people. I don’t really think much about it because I’m not attracted to them. In your case, you have probably been exposed to romantic or sexual relationships so it’s just a reaction I guess. So when you think of a relationship, you might “take the role” of his/her partner and hence you feel that way. The feeling itself isn’t sinful but it would do you good if you refrain from situations or thoughts that will lead you to sin, even when it comes to heterosexual relationships

 

[CatholicSpirit]

The biggest part of many LBGT’s problems are that they unite themselves with other people who are similar in the wrong setting. There is a program called COURAGE where people go in the Catholic Church. If I were you, I would go to confession and be honest about being drawn towards people of the same sex. It may be possible that you need to date a more “feminine” type of guy and see how that goes. That might be what you are looking for and you might not realize it. Look into your past of boys/men you have dated and try to p(name removed by moderator)oint your likes and dislikes. That might guide you to finding the right guy.

The bible says horrible things about homosexuality, the further back you go, the worse it gets. When you commit sexual sin, it doesn’t break your connection with God, it just harms that relationship. It’s good that you have at least accepted that you have an unorthodox gender and classified yourself, but remember, you are bigger than your gender, it doesn’t “own you.” Everyone questions their sexuality these days, and I’m not going to throw stones at you for doing that. But, I would go back to what most young girls do and fantasize about what your Prince Charming would be like with a dream wedding. Find out when that stopped, decide if you want kids someday and know a woman can’t give you one. Is it still worth it? Do you want to watch everyone you know between 30-40 having babies and you just sit there smooching with a girl? That’s a sad fate to me.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

No, the Church does not condone homosexual relations in anyway. Being in a romantic relationship with someone always inclines those persons to sexual acts.

But if this was the case, then wouldn’t even an opposite-sex relationship be a near occasion for sin, and best avoided, since the Church does not condone ANY sexual acts other than between husband and wife? Do you favor arranged marriage, then or, at least strict courtships with not even kissing allowed until marriage?

If you want to reject someone, simply say “I’m not interested in you”. It sounds rude but when you tiptoe around, you might unintentionally lead someone on. If they keep insisting, tell them you feel uncomfortable that your boundaries are not being respected. Usually most people will back away but if you are unfortunate, please seek help.

This problem exists regardless of one’s sexual identity and I agree that a simple NO should suffice. I also suggest NOT attempting to explain the NO. Especially if the reason is “I am attracted to you, but my Church teaches I cannot date those of the same sex”. As some in the LGBT community may feel they have some kind of responsibility to make sure you are “true to yourself” by dating them, if the only reason you are rejecting their advances is due to a religious reason.

Some may even equate rejection of a sexual advance with rejection of them as people, much as some men think women have a duty to have sex with them unless there is some big reason not to and “I’m just not into you” is not one of them.

I doubt that is the case for the vast majority but I can think of at least one case of a teenage boy repeatedly sexually harassing another boy, and when the victim reacted violently, the dominant narrative among LGBT activists was “innocent gay victim attacked for no reason by hateful homophobe”. And it did appear the school officials were afraid to discipline the gay boy out of fear they’d be accused of being anti-gay.

As for the uncharitable assumptions by another poster that those on CAF are “hateful”, so far I don’t see any hateful statements here. Granted many are vocal in expressing their opposition for the political “gay agenda” but that is different from their attitudes toward individuals who are gay or bisexual.

 

[exnihilo]

1. If I enter a romantic same sex relationship, and we both agree to not do any sexual acts but be together, would that be alright?

What exactly is a romantic same sex relationship?

I don’t think there is a problem with having a relationship with members of the same sex any more than having a relationship with members of the opposite sex. If either is likely to be a near occasion of sin then you should distance yourself from the particular relationship. Any relationship should observe prudential limits depending on your state in life.

I’ll try to be quick before the Conservative, anti-gay Trump Supporters get here.

1. From my understanding, the Church Condemns all Homosexual acts and relationships.

Because of how specific you are getting, I strongly recommend you talk to a Priest that you know and pose these questions to him.

This site is mainly Conservative, so any minute now, I expect that many will be yelling at you about your orientation.

I am more then willing to talk with you more via PMs, but I doubt we would be able to have a proper discussion here as I can already imagine the hateful replies you may get.

Your lack of charity is clear enough. The failure of your prediction to come true makes questionable your judgment.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

What exactly is a romantic same sex relationship?

I assume the OP is thinking of doing the same things with a woman that she would do with a man she is “dating” but not actually planning on having sex with. Going out on “dates” together, having long chats (or long texting exchanges) on the phone, perhaps even engaging in nonsexual touch such as hugging or even non-passionate kissing.

While this seems problematic, and I hope a Catholic can explain why that is true, I must admit I personally find it hard to really state “gay dating is a sin because it COULD lead to sexual acts” without also deeming that heterosexual dating is a sin, too.

Indeed, many Christians DO find “dating” to be a near occasion of sin and support “courtship” instead, and some models of courtship come very close to arranged marriage by actively discouraging not only physical but emotional intimacy as well. The ideal is often to “dispassionately determine if this person is a worthy spouse” and to only allow oneself to become emotionally attached once they determine the person is worthy, though many will allow for this to start at engagement, as opposed to, say, many Indian cultures that expect the couple to fall in love AFTER the wedding.

Indeed, there are “side B” bloggers who do not support sexual acts between the same sex, but do support “romantic friendship” or even “celibate gay partnership” though I believe most would apply that not to young people “coming out” now, but to those who were in long-term partnerships and who have repented and decided to stop the sex, but not actually separate from their partner. Similar to how a man and woman in an “irregular” marriage would choose to “live as brother and sister”.

I would think, though that if the OP is called to discern marriage, then dating women even in a “chaste” way is a waste of time, because the Church does NOT teach that anyone ha a vocation to same sex marriage.

 

[pianistclare]

OP:
I strongly suggest you watch the video: The Desire of the Everlasting Hills:

everlastinghills.org/movie/

It’s a candid look at what Catholics with SSA go through, and how they live now their lives through the lens of what the Church teaches. It is excellent. About an hour…please watch it.
There’s much to think about.
I’ll pray for you.

 

[LPS]

Married people make a decision to cut off any additional romantic involvements in their lives and most married people manage. It doesn’t mean they magically never feel a romantic attraction again, it just means they have a higher prioroty.

You too have a higher priority: loving God and remaining/becoming pure and chaste for the love of the One Who died on the cross for you. Stay on the right path for His sake, offer up your sufferings to Him, and become a saint of purity and chastity!

Now that may sound tough, and it does involve an almost physical tearing away from “the world,” but if you draw closer to God and rely on His help, it can be done.

I too would recommend you dicuss this with a good priest, esp to get help with your prayer life and spiritual reading, each of whih will help a lot.

Terrific reply

 

[Sy_Noe]

No, the Church does not condone homosexual relations in anyway. Being in a romantic relationship with someone always inclines those persons to sexual acts.

Those with homosexual orientation are welcome with open arms into the Church and they are not to be mistreated or discriminated against in anyway.

Now, this being said, all of us are called to chastity. That includes those with same sex attractions. Many with SSA should do their best to remain celibate, although in your case, you are attracted to both sexes. Thus, being in a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex would be completely fine. The problems begin when you enter into same sex romantic relationships.

You apparently are unfamiliar then with terms such as heteroromantic asexuals, homoromantic asexuals and biromantic asexuals. There is more to romance than jumping into bed for sex with someone. So no, romantic feelings or a romantic relationship does not necessarily always incline persons to sexual acts.

 

[JRS_88]

This is not the world news forum. YOU are the one that brought Trump’s name up for no reason at all.

Your answer 1) is the same answer most people will give if they are practicing Catholics. I guess that makes you mainly Conservative too.

Your attitude towards everyone is more hateful than anyone else’s I have seen in quite a while. While you pat yourself on the back for being so “smart” you need to learn something about tact and humility.

My feelings exactly!