So is there an answer to "When you're older you'll realize I was right"?

[EasterJoy]

Thanks. I think she really is trying to listen. I just…it seems like we get into this trap so easily, where my attempts to set mature limits and be an adult only cause her to judge me more immature. And I’m not entirely sure how to escape that.

Sometimes, a son has to teach his mother. Just like the other direction, it takes a lot of patient perseverance for a message to get through. Your relationship will grow from how you go about this long work…just as it did when you were learning her boundaries.

 

[DarkLight]

Sometimes, a son has to teach his mother. Just like the other direction, it takes a lot of patient perseverance for a message to get through. Your relationship will grow from how you go about this long work…just as it did when you were learning her boundaries.

(Quick note - daughter, not son.)

I think I understand. Though that has been difficult, especially as we also don’t always agree on who gets to set what boundary - which leads to even more frustration as there’s situations where not everyone’s boundaries can be simultaneously respected as they are.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

And I was surrounded by people who claimed to want to help those who needed help.

How many of those people have actual training in recognizing abuse situation, dealing with confrontational situation under pressure, self defense, disarming those with weapons, CPR, first aid, etc. and train daily?

At the end of the day, the problem wasn’t that they didn’t want to help those who needed help. It was that they had such blinders on that too many people who needed help were instead judged guilty.

Happens all the time by too many people. I witnessed a car accident two weekends ago (some kid texting while driving slamming full speed into the car in front of him). Guess how many people simply drove right by the accident without stopping? All but one. I’ll let you guess who that was.

As it relates to the issue at hand: One cannot expect to be able to help others if they can’t help themselves first. Which explains why so many people don’t help others…they don’t have control of their own lives, and will often complain and blame it on others. How in the world can they expect to take control of a situation that involves others?

 

[EasterJoy]

(Quick note - daughter, not son.)

I think I understand. Though that has been difficult, especially as we also don’t always agree on who gets to set what boundary - which leads to even more frustration as there’s situations where not everyone’s boundaries can be simultaneously respected as they are.

Mother-daughter is usually worse than mother-son, just as father-son is worse than father-daughter. The ways the child chooses to differ can be seen (and felt) as criticisms of the parent. Yet most women fear the day they look in the mirror and see their mother looking back at them!

You are not alone. Lots of mothers take it personally when their daughters make their own choices. Getting ready for our wedding felt like one continual “oh-you-don’t-want-that” from my mom to me, and I had lived away from home for years! My mom was very easy to get along with, but if you think about it, it doesn’t get more ridiculous than telling someone over 25 that you know what she wants better than she does!!

Hang in there, and have a sense of humor about it. Get used to the idea that she’ll always grouse when you make your own decisions, and yet she will live when you make your own decisions, anyway. (If you get depressed about your situation, watch re-runs of “Everybody Loves Raymond”!)